Girlfriend in her first week of college. 3 Year relationship.

[mattjbak]

I met my current girlfriend as a senior in highschool while she was a freshman. The relationship developed, and we decided to keep it going. So far we have lived through 3 years 6 hours apart (more than it seems). This year, she's off to college, UCSB (Santa Barbara). She's a fairly innocent girl in some aspects... she has drank twice, both times with me. Each time she was a completely different person to the point where I just wanted to be sober and take care of her. Now she's expressing a big time desire to go out and drink. It's the first night and she's already out and drunk (could tell by the incoherent call). I think it might just be a curiousity thing, but it worries me a bit, mainly because I don't really know that person she becomes while drunk. My freshman year I kept it cool on the partying because she was uncomfortable, but the situation that is developing is that she expects me to just deal with it.

EDIT: to clarify, we spent countless weekends with her up here or me down there, and all the summers together, along with that last year of high school.

I don't know what to think here, am I crazy? I really am looking for serious insight into this from people's experiences. Flame if you must, but I don't think I'm being too irrational, as I really love this girl.

 

[letdown427]

You won't like what you're about to hear.

 

[getbush]

Give her some room and let her make those decisions. IF she turns out to be a raging alcoholic party animal like a lot of girls I know, then it wasn't meant to be.

 

[dug777]

Originally posted by: mattjbak
I met my current girlfriend as a senior in highschool while she was a freshman. The relationship developed, and we decided to keep it going. So far we have lived through 3 years 6 hours apart (more than it seems). This year, she's off to college, UCSB (Santa Barbara). She's a fairly innocent girl in some aspects... she has drank twice, both times with me. Each time she was a completely different person to the point where I just wanted to be sober and take care of her. Now she's expressing a big time desire to go out and drink. It's the first night and she's already out and drunk (could tell by the incoherent call). I think it might just be a curiousity thing, but it worries me a bit, mainly because I don't really know that person she becomes while drunk. My freshman year I kept it cool on the partying because she was uncomfortable, but the situation that is developing is that she expects me to just deal with it.

I don't know what to think here, am I crazy? I really am looking for serious insight into this from people's experiences. Flame if you must, but I don't think I'm being too irrational, as I really love this girl.

o rly?

 

[Ryan]

If you've been "dating" for 3 years, and you live 6 hours apart - you're not dating.

 

[mattjbak]

I realize that, but the situation isn't as bad as it sounds. We are really close, and now just live 1 hour away. I guess the next couple weeks will show if it's curiosity or a trend. If it's a trend I well... to type it is to think it and I don't want to.

 

[Chrono]

It's difficult. I don't know what to tell you. Goodluck.

 

[mattjbak]

Originally posted by: Ryan
If you've been "dating" for 3 years, and you live 6 hours apart - you're not dating.

It's not how it sounds. Summers are together, countless weekends. We've made a huge effort to make it work. Everything from cars, trains, etc... We're as dating as you can get. I should have mentioned that summers were spent in our hometown.

 

[kami333]

You need a beer

 

[mattjbak]

Originally posted by: kami333
You need a beer

Yes, but i'm 21 and know my limits

 

[letdown427]

Originally posted by: mattjbak
So far we have lived through 3 years 6 hours apart

So wait, you have been apart for 3 years and 6 hours? Oh, you've lived 6 hours apart for the last 3 years? How did that work exactly? Did you maybe go back to see her every weekend or something?

I'm presuming you've pretty much gone through college now, and you've kept the partying down for her sake? And now, she's off to college, and will be partying like some kind of wild party crazed creature of darkness?

<Chappelle>You got jacked, bitch.</Chappelle>

EDIT for your updates:

Well, best of luck to you then, if it's now going to be closer, it could work, who knows. Why not go out partying with her if she's only an hour away?

 

[mattjbak]

Originally posted by: letdown427

Originally posted by: mattjbak
So far we have lived through 3 years 6 hours apart

So wait, you have been apart for 3 years and 6 hours? Oh, you've lived 6 hours apart for the last 3 years? How did that work exactly? Did you maybe go back to see her every weekend or something?

I'm presuming you've pretty much gone through college now, and you've kept the partying down for her sake? And now, she's off to college, and will be partying like some kind of wild party crazed creature of darkness?

<Chappelle>You got jacked, bitch.</Chappelle>

I didn't have a dead social life at college, but I definitely toned things down for her. I really don't think she's going crazy partying, but we'll see. And yes, a lot of weekends were spent with me going down or her coming up. We also had all of that last year of high school.

EDIT:

Originally posted by: letdown427

EDIT for your updates:

Well, best of luck to you then, if it's now going to be closer, it could work, who knows. Why not go out partying with her if she's only an hour away?

I have school. 8 am tommorow morning... this morning that is.

 

[Skunkwourk]

as a UCSB alumni, I'd have to agree with what getbush said. IV really brings out the wildside in people, and sometimes they never go back.

 

[mattjbak]

Originally posted by: Eghck
as a UCSB alumni, I'd have to agree with what getbush said. IV really brings out the wildside in people, and sometimes they never go back.

I know all about IV, it would just be so sad for this to be thrown away for mindless partying.

 

[I Saw OJ]

She is already getting her bone on with other guys. Get out now.

 

[Skunkwourk]

Originally posted by: mattjbak

Originally posted by: Eghck
as a UCSB alumni, I'd have to agree with what getbush said. IV really brings out the wildside in people, and sometimes they never go back.

I know all about IV, it would just be so sad for this to be thrown away for mindless partying.

Unfortunately you have to see that as a possibility. I certainly let loose there. Met a girl my first quarter, 6 months later we broke up and I just went wild for the next 2 years. Im not saying it will happen for sure, but its not out of the ordinary.

 

[Eeezee]

Why do you even care about her drinking? You should be asking yourself a different question

Why are you dating someone who lives 6 hours away? Worse yet, why have you continued to date her while you go to college? Believe me, you can find much better ass at your university. From the way you make it sound, she's drinking fairly heavily. In fact, on the whole, she doesn't sound that great

1) She felt uncomfortable when you went partying
2) She expects you to just deal with her partying when you were nice and gave up several years worth of parties for her
3) She's drunk on a monday night as a freshman, which just screams "alcoholic"
4) She knows you don't like it and she doesn't care
5) College freshman dating high school sophomore is creepy and stupid. Sorry, it just is, and you should have realized it back then. I know that it's not much of an age difference, but it's still creepy that you're almost a man and going to college when she's still a developing little high school girl

It sounds like you let this girl screw with your life and now you're going to have to regret it. Leave her and find a college hotty closer to your age while you still can. Go out and have some fun, don't put up with the freshman teenage bullcrap when you can get much better.

If she's really that much different after she drinks a little, then it's highly probable that some guy is going to take advantage of her, or perish the thought, she's going to take advantage of some guy in her drunken stupor. Get out while you can before the going gets too tough.

 

[mattjbak]

Well, update: She's back to the room. She ran into a guy friend of ours from high school, and had a few drinks over there. I think it was all pretty harmless and that she's just curious. I would update in a week or so, but I'm sure no one will care. If it ends with her going boozecrazy, I'll be sure to post a hate thread. Until then, it's time to sleep for 5 hours.

 

[mattjbak]

Originally posted by: Eeezee

5) College freshman dating high school sophomore is creepy and stupid. Sorry, it just is, and you should have realized it back then. I know that it's not much of an age difference, but it's still creepy that you're almost a man and going to college when she's still a developing little high school girl
gets too tough.

It may seem that way, but back then and with the right person, the situation is fine. She's a grounded and mature girl, that's why this new interest worries me. To be honest she's taught me a lot about life, and it would be painful after all of this time to see that she's just like everyone else.

EDIT: should have mentioned.... we went to the same high school, in the same city... Lived about 10 miles away from each other.

 

[Zugzwang152]

Originally posted by: mattjbak
Well, update: She's back to the room. She ran into a guy friend of ours from high school, and had a few drinks over there. I think it was all pretty harmless and that she's just curious. I would update in a week or so, but I'm sure no one will care. If it ends with her going boozecrazy, I'll be sure to post a hate thread. Until then, it's time to sleep for 5 hours.

You damn well better update. This could be the one that turns out okay, or you could end up being ridiculed like countless others before you. Either way, I feel for you

 

[mattjbak]

Originally posted by: Zugzwang152
You damn well better update. This could be the one that turns out okay, or you could end up being ridiculed like countless others before you. Either way, I feel for you

Alright, well I'll keep the updates coming... and for those who don't understand why I dated her under those circumstances (small age difference, distance), I guess it's hard to see without actually experiencing it, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

 

[Balt]

College is where many people have to learn to make their own decisions, and she's going to have to make hers. She may decide to be a party animal, just like a lot of other people do. If she does, you either will have to learn to live with it, get used to being upset about it all the time, or move on. You can't make her decisions for her.

College is a big transitional period for a lot of people, things are not going to stay exactly the same between the two of you. Get used to it.

 

[n7]

Good luck to you man.

It sounds like you've been a damn good bf, & now she's not treating you the same way...

 

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: letdown427
You won't like what you're about to hear.

Heh.. Up to this point it's been pretty mild in this thread. However, I think the OP could very well be in for a rude awakening over the next couple of years (or months, or weeks).

 

[mattjbak]

Originally posted by: Balt
College is where many people have to learn to make their own decisions, and she's going to have to make hers. She may decide to be a party animal, just like a lot of other people do. If she does, you either will have to learn to live with it, get used to being upset about it all the time, or move on. You can't make her decisions for her.

College is a big transitional period for a lot of people, things are not going to stay exactly the same between the two of you. Get used to it.

At what point did I say I'm making the decision for her? Realize I sat in while she went out tonight. I didn't whine or complain...