GF's brother has no direction in life and just beat up mom

[JS80]

Originally posted by: Taejin

Originally posted by: astroidea
I'll start with a little background on this guy.

He is 17 yrs old, with relatively traditional korean parents(strict, intensely focused on academics). School doesn't seem to be his thing, and he shows very little motivation in taking any kind of personal responsibility.

He spends most of his time playing video games and watching anime. He does attempt to put in effort into easier classes, however he pretty much gives up on the rest of the classes, and thus failing them. He rarely helps out around the house.

His conflict with his parents' academic expectations has led to this uphill battle with his parents for years, and as he progressed through his teens, he has increasingly rebelled his parents' desperate attempts to uphold any sort of standard or discipline on him. In result, the tension and anger between his parents, and especially him, has grown to catastrophic proportions.

He has vented this anger by punching holes in walls, running away from home for a week at a time, smashing my GF's laptop screen, and last night, when he was told to get off the computer at 4AM by his mother, he severely beat her on the face that resulted in a severely bruised and swollen eye, and a large gash on the forehead that required a trip to the emergency room. He then subsequently ran away from home.

The very next day, he returned, and without a word or apology, went up to his room, locked the door, and refused to talk.

His parents does not want to get the law enforcement involved as he is a decent kid otherwise(not on drugs, doesn't lie or cheat, steal, and relatively friendly to most people).
They are, in fact, absolutely shocked that their son is capable of an act of this magnitude.

At this point, they hope to just accomplish two things with their son. First, they hope to prevent another from becoming seriously injured again, especially considering when he has not shown any remorse for his actions as of yet. Secondly, they hope to find a way to get their son to wake up into reality, to start taking charge of his life by ensuring he has a plan to develop his career path, or at least to become independent.

He does not seem like he would appreciate any type of professional help.
His parents also does not entertain the idea of sending him to the military.

What do you guys think are the best options to deal with this situation?

Is there any type of therapy that does not heavily depend on the cooperation of the patient?

He's not your brother. You're not even related to him. I would avoid getting directly involved.

That's right America. You are not the world police. You shouldn't help others in need. None of your business.

 

[Ns1]

Originally posted by: Baked
Change the door locks. Channel/fireball him if he gets near the house.

Fixed

 

[swbsam]

Originally posted by: AMDZen

Originally posted by: Capt Caveman

Originally posted by: AMDZen

Originally posted by: Citrix
i know for a fact that if i ever laid a hand on my mom my dad would have beat the living shit out of me, and i would have been thrown out of the house period. that kind of disrespect needs a hard and fast response.

honestly i think your gf dad is a pussy. the son walkes all over the parents because nothing is going to happen to him. he feels safe so he can and does get away with this kind of crap.

I agree with you mostly, however the dad probably never used violence before because of the laws around it. This suprises me even more since asian parents I know have stopped hitting there kids now because of the legislation, and most of them are calling authorities now instead. That makes the dad even more of a pussy since he didn't do that either.

Although after hitting his mom, the dad would of had reason to retaliate and just say he was defending his wife. Before this incident however, the parents probably never hit him and now its too late, at least I think it is. Like someone else said, now he would just retaliate even further. The only option was to call the cops, and if its not too late its still the best option.

Wait, do you know the parents? Maybe, they just are the nonviolent type and it has nothing to do with the law. Or they're smaller than the son. Gosh, your assumptions are pathetic. And no, it's not too late to call the cops.

Assumptions yes, but I don't feel they are pathetic. I did say "probably" and "i think this" to clarify that I am just giving my opinion. If the parents are non-violent then they should of called the cops, and probably needed to do it before now. The fact that the parents haven't done anything leens evidence to some of the assumptions. Just as Citrix said, the dad is a pussy.

Are you asian? Not justifying anything, but some asians are big on "shame" - they do NOT want outsiders to know what's going on.. They wouldn't go to the police, it's just not part of the culture. Rebellion is also not part of the culture, so the dad isn't a pussy, it's just behavior far removed from what he knows. My parents did the same thing - they would scream/beat/ fight with me and, if i persisted, they'd fall apart because they didn't know what else to do.

Of course, i never hit anyone. that's criminal/antisocial/dangerous behavior and action is surely called for.... The parents probably won't do anything, hopefully the kid's violence will spill over to school so that the authorities are called in... But let's pray that there are no guns in his house.

 

[BoomerD]

THIS may be the best and only solution to the problem.

it worked SOOOO well in Vietnam...:roll:

 

[Kev]

Originally posted by: oldsmoboat
If my son hit my wife, I'd kick his ass, consequences be dammed.
I'd call the cops and have him arrested. While he was in jail, I'd take the door off his room and take his video game system. If he has a computer, I'd move it to the kitchen or living room. When he was released (I wouldn't bail him out) I'd sit him down and tell him the rules. I'd let him know that if he didn't follow the rules I'd take him down and help him file for emancipation then I'd kick him out of the house.
When he grows up he can get his GED on his own, college on his own.

FTW.

 

[AlienCraft]

They're in this country, get the law involved.
Obviously the "traditional" methods aren't working.

 

[yllus]

Originally posted by: BoomerD
THIS may be the best and only solution to the problem.

it worked SOOOO well in Vietnam...:roll:

Depends how you view the photo.

From the (admittedly not in-depth) reading I've done on it, the prisoner was allegedly part of a spy platoon that targeted police officers and their families for assassination. The man wielding the gun happens to be the national police chief. At the time the photo was taken ('68), the Tet Offensive had begun and the outer concentric rings of Saigon were being tested.

So a full-blown war is happening right in your city, which you're losing, and you have a member of an assassination squad that's targeting your subordinates and their families brought to you. What would you do?

 

[MaxDepth]

If he looks like this, I would call the cops now.

That being said, there is never a reason to beat on a woman. I don't think he will respond to a beat down on himself, so I think the only thing to do is ask that he be barred from the house when is 18 and a psyche evaluation now. Maybe he is lacking the right chemicals in his system to make him right, the right mental state (therapy need?) or he is simply an animal. Once you discount the first two, it makes it much easier to harden your heart if the last explanation is the answer.

I'm sorry you and your Gfs parents have to experience this.

 

[AlienCraft]

Originally posted by: BoomerD
You'll probably lose the GF, but you should call the cops and have him jailed for assault and battery. The parents don't have to press charges in a situation like this...it can come under the guise of domestic abuse.

If the kid is willing to beat up his mom, what's next, stabbing her because she won't buy him the latest, greatest gizmo/game/cell phone/ whatever?

I don't so much look for him to go off on someone else, (allthought it's certainly possible) because he's comfortable with his mom's size and abilities, and knows she can't/won't fight back, whereas someone else presents an unknown to him...

If nothing else, getting arrested and into the juvenile court system could force him into counseling. I really doubt that he's gonna go voluntarily...

"Now <insert common Korean name>, you be a good boy and go to counseling for mommy." I just don't see that going very well...

<---I'm with him.

 

[sutahz]

"His parents also does not entertain the idea of sending him to the military."
Then his parents really don't care. If they have let their son get to this point he's either a rotten soul or they have failed to raise him properly.
No computer, no TV. Homework and books are his entertainment. Required to do dishes, laundry and clean the bathroom he uses. A weekly letter thanking the parents for raising and protecting him w/ an apology to his mother. If he recieves an allowance that has to stop.
Will the parents follow this 'harsh' recommendation? Not in 100yrs.

 

[imported_Imp]

Is this "brother" a pussy outside of the home or does he also wail on strangers who will beat/murder him? From the sounds of it, I'm going to guess no.

Tire iron sounds good.

Oh, just want to add. These parents sound like the types that praise their serial killer children about how they are such good boys/girls even after conviction.

 

[Geekbabe]

The parents need to go on to see the family doctor,the school also needs to get involved.This
kid imho,needs to be taken via amubulance to the closest ER and pink papered in order
to ensure he gets a proper psych evaulation..he's clearly displayed that he's a danger to others.

 

[Deleted member 4644]

Originally posted by: kranky
After giving this some thought, my recommendation would be to tell him to move out. No sense trying to change him. I would just calmly say, "I wish I didn't have to do this, but you will have to move out of the house. Violence in our home cannot and will not be tolerated. We love you, but you can't live here any more." If the kid pleads and begs for a second chance, the answer is still no. People like that must understand there is a line which they cannot cross.

That meets all the parents' criteria - no police, prevents another incident, and will wake the kid up to reality.

It's not the best solution, but it's the one which satisfies their requirements.

/concur

 

[Jugernot]

Originally posted by: jpeyton
Time to get his ass put in the slammer, so he can make friends with pinky and the guy who always drops the soap. Ohhh and move out.

FIXED

 

[DangerAardvark]

If someone beat up my mom, I'd be so mad that I'd pay for Karate lessons for her.

 

[Q]

Uh, juvie?

 

[Gooberlx2]

Originally posted by: Deleted member 4644

Originally posted by: kranky
After giving this some thought, my recommendation would be to tell him to move out. No sense trying to change him. I would just calmly say, "I wish I didn't have to do this, but you will have to move out of the house. Violence in our home cannot and will not be tolerated. We love you, but you can't live here any more." If the kid pleads and begs for a second chance, the answer is still no. People like that must understand there is a line which they cannot cross.

That meets all the parents' criteria - no police, prevents another incident, and will wake the kid up to reality.

It's not the best solution, but it's the one which satisfies their requirements.

/concur

Agreed....in fact, I feel it is the best solution.

 

[ThePresence]

Originally posted by: Gooberlx2

Originally posted by: Deleted member 4644

Originally posted by: kranky
After giving this some thought, my recommendation would be to tell him to move out. No sense trying to change him. I would just calmly say, "I wish I didn't have to do this, but you will have to move out of the house. Violence in our home cannot and will not be tolerated. We love you, but you can't live here any more." If the kid pleads and begs for a second chance, the answer is still no. People like that must understand there is a line which they cannot cross.

That meets all the parents' criteria - no police, prevents another incident, and will wake the kid up to reality.

It's not the best solution, but it's the one which satisfies their requirements.

/concur

Agreed....in fact, I feel it is the best solution.

The problem with this approach is that it puts the kid out on the street without getting him the help he obviously needs. Now I realize that the safety of the family is the larger concern, but it is possible to get him out of the house and into a facility that will help him, if necessary. I obviously don't know these parents at all and I can be very wrong here, but I suspect that part of the reason the don't want to involve the police is because of social issues in the community. They will have to get past that if they want to help their son.

 

[WaTaGuMp]

You give me directions and gas money and this kid will never hit another female ever again.

 

[iskim86]

i have korean parents, and they really try hard to be hated. I'm now 21 so my mom doesn't beat me anymore. when I was little i was beaten and verbally abused everyday. i would come home from school, but I would've rather stayed out

 

[BoomerD]

Originally posted by: yllus

Originally posted by: BoomerD
THIS may be the best and only solution to the problem.

it worked SOOOO well in Vietnam...:roll:

Depends how you view the photo.

From the (admittedly not in-depth) reading I've done on it, the prisoner was allegedly part of a spy platoon that targeted police officers and their families for assassination. The man wielding the gun happens to be the national police chief. At the time the photo was taken ('68), the Tet Offensive had begun and the outer concentric rings of Saigon were being tested.

So a full-blown war is happening right in your city, which you're losing, and you have a member of an assassination squad that's targeting your subordinates and their families brought to you. What would you do?

I'm old enough to remember when it happened, and was in Vietnam about 2 years after that pic was taken...I agree with you about the motive for the C.O.P. to execute the guy, and don't disagree on the reasoning.

Just pointing out how well it ended up working in the long run...

(after Saigon fell, the Communists executed THOUSANDS upon THOUSANDS of people...political re-education ya know...)

 

[TehMac]

Originally posted by: yllus

Originally posted by: BoomerD
THIS may be the best and only solution to the problem.

it worked SOOOO well in Vietnam...:roll:

Depends how you view the photo.

From the (admittedly not in-depth) reading I've done on it, the prisoner was allegedly part of a spy platoon that targeted police officers and their families for assassination. The man wielding the gun happens to be the national police chief. At the time the photo was taken ('68), the Tet Offensive had begun and the outer concentric rings of Saigon were being tested.

So a full-blown war is happening right in your city, which you're losing, and you have a member of an assassination squad that's targeting your subordinates and their families brought to you. What would you do?

I don't know, BoomerD, I know you served in Vietnam, or claimed to have, but trying to open up closed wounds is not the best thing to do.

 

[narzy]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
He sounds like he's mentally ill..he needs some help and fast
first it's Mom,next he'll be opening fire on strangers somewhere.

QFT, please please get him some help...please.

 

[ConstipatedVigilante]

They should cut him off - just food and a place to stay. No money for movies, computer, anything besides school. Then he'll have to get a job and learn a little responsibility.

 

[potato28]

Ship him off to the army.