GF's brother has no direction in life and just beat up mom

[yhelothar]

I'll start with a little background on this guy.

He is 17 yrs old, with relatively traditional korean parents(strict, intensely focused on academics). School doesn't seem to be his thing, and he shows very little motivation in taking any kind of personal responsibility.

He spends most of his time playing video games and watching anime. He does attempt to put in effort into easier classes, however he pretty much gives up on the rest of the classes, and thus failing them. He rarely helps out around the house.

His conflict with his parents' academic expectations has led to this uphill battle with his parents for years, and as he progressed through his teens, he has increasingly rebelled his parents' desperate attempts to uphold any sort of standard or discipline on him. In result, the tension and anger between his parents, and especially him, has grown to catastrophic proportions.

He has vented this anger by punching holes in walls, running away from home for a week at a time, smashing my GF's laptop screen, and last night, when he was told to get off the computer at 4AM by his mother, he severely beat her on the face that resulted in a severely bruised and swollen eye, and a large gash on the forehead that required a trip to the emergency room. He then subsequently ran away from home.

The very next day, he returned, and without a word or apology, went up to his room, locked the door, and refused to talk.

His parents does not want to get the law enforcement involved as he is a decent kid otherwise(not on drugs, doesn't lie or cheat, steal, and relatively friendly to most people).
They are, in fact, absolutely shocked that their son is capable of an act of this magnitude.

At this point, they hope to just accomplish two things with their son. First, they hope to prevent another from becoming seriously injured again, especially considering when he has not shown any remorse for his actions as of yet. Secondly, they hope to find a way to get their son to wake up into reality, to start taking charge of his life by ensuring he has a plan to develop his career path, or at least to become independent.

He does not seem like he would appreciate any type of professional help.
His parents also does not entertain the idea of sending him to the military.

What do you guys think are the best options to deal with this situation?

Is there any type of therapy that does not heavily depend on the cooperation of the patient?

 

[DoubleROFL]

Wow, does he suffer from any mental conditions?

 

[jpeyton]

Time to get a job and move out.

 

[Alistar7]

Is there any type of therapy that does not heavily depend on the cooperation of the patient?

The military.....

 

[Atomic Playboy]

Get the law involved. As soon as he is violent towards a family member, the law needs to be involved. If he is capable of hitting his mother in the face, imagine what he could do to a complete stranger. He's not going to agree to therapy, so the only way you are going to get him in a therapy program is to have him committed, and you aren't going to be able to do that without getting the law involved. It's a hard decision, but better to do it now than after he shoots up a classroom. Seriously. Because if he doesn't show remorse after attacking his family, he will not think twice about harming innocent people around him. You have a responsibilty to act on this. Believe me, it is for the best, both for him, and society as a whole.

 

[George P Burdell]

A bit too late to start proper parenting, but as they say in these here parts, nate is better than lever.

Options I can think of:
1. Spank the bastard (er... maybe it's 10 years too late for this).
2. Compel him to attend individual counseling by himself AND group counseling with the entire family. A good psychologist can help bring clarity to the confused teenage mind. If he refuses, call the cops and let him cool his heels in a cell for a day or two.
3. Wait till he turns 18, then legally disown.

 

[Omegachi]

i think something is wrong with him, i think you should do the family a favor by reporting this to the authorities. today he punches his mom, tomorrow he stabs your gf.

 

[olds]

If my son hit my wife, I'd kick his ass, consequences be dammed.
I'd call the cops and have him arrested. While he was in jail, I'd take the door off his room and take his video game system. If he has a computer, I'd move it to the kitchen or living room. When he was released (I wouldn't bail him out) I'd sit him down and tell him the rules. I'd let him know that if he didn't follow the rules I'd take him down and help him file for emancipation then I'd kick him out of the house.
When he grows up he can get his GED on his own, college on his own.

 

[George P Burdell]

Originally posted by: oldsmoboat
If my son hit my wife, I'd kick his ass, consequences be dammed.
I'd call the cops and have him arrested. While he was in jail, I'd take the door off his room and take his video game system. If he has a computer, I'd move it to the kitchen or living room. When he was released (I wouldn't bail him out) I'd sit him down and tell him the rules. I'd let him know that if he didn't follow the rules I'd take him down and help him file for emancipation then I'd kick him out of the house.
When he grows up he can get his GED on his own, college on his own.

That kind of parenting would have done the kid some good, had it been implemented at a younger age. Now, I think it's too late.

 

[LeetViet]

Originally posted by: DoubleROFL
Wow, does he suffer from any mental conditions?

Sounds like he does.

I'm not defending his actions but I don't think anyone knows their direction in life at 17.

 

[olds]

Originally posted by: George P Burdell

Originally posted by: oldsmoboat
If my son hit my wife, I'd kick his ass, consequences be dammed.
I'd call the cops and have him arrested. While he was in jail, I'd take the door off his room and take his video game system. If he has a computer, I'd move it to the kitchen or living room. When he was released (I wouldn't bail him out) I'd sit him down and tell him the rules. I'd let him know that if he didn't follow the rules I'd take him down and help him file for emancipation then I'd kick him out of the house.
When he grows up he can get his GED on his own, college on his own.

That kind of parenting would have done the kid some good, had it been implemented at a younger age. Now, I think it's too late.

Yes and now it's time to protect the rest of the family members.

 

[Captante]

Originally posted by: oldsmoboat

Originally posted by: George P Burdell

Originally posted by: oldsmoboat
If my son hit my wife, I'd kick his ass, consequences be dammed.
I'd call the cops and have him arrested. While he was in jail, I'd take the door off his room and take his video game system. If he has a computer, I'd move it to the kitchen or living room. When he was released (I wouldn't bail him out) I'd sit him down and tell him the rules. I'd let him know that if he didn't follow the rules I'd take him down and help him file for emancipation then I'd kick him out of the house.
When he grows up he can get his GED on his own, college on his own.

That kind of parenting would have done the kid some good, had it been implemented at a younger age. Now, I think it's too late.

Yes and now it's time to protect the rest of the family members.

:thumbsup:

 

[Geekbabe]

He sounds like he's mentally ill..he needs some help and fast
first it's Mom,next he'll be opening fire on strangers somewhere.

 

[dennilfloss]

Originally posted by: Atomic Playboy
Get the law involved. As soon as he is violent towards a family member, the law needs to be involved. If he is capable of hitting his mother in the face, imagine what he could do to a complete stranger. He's not going to agree to therapy, so the only way you are going to get him in a therapy program is to have him committed, and you aren't going to be able to do that without getting the law involved. It's a hard decision, but better to do it now than after he shoots up a classroom. Seriously. Because if he doesn't show remorse after attacking his family, he will not think twice about harming innocent people around him. You have a responsibilty to act on this. Believe me, it is for the best, both for him, and society as a whole.

Sounds like he's a ticking time bomb. Better act now than have him become the latest school shooter later on.

 

[Throckmorton]

Who's going to take responsibility after he kills somebody?

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
He sounds like he's mentally ill..he needs some help and fast
first it's Mom,next he'll be opening fire on strangers somewhere.

my thoughts too.

 

[Mursilis]

Originally posted by: Captante

Originally posted by: oldsmoboat

Originally posted by: George P Burdell

Originally posted by: oldsmoboat
If my son hit my wife, I'd kick his ass, consequences be dammed.
I'd call the cops and have him arrested. While he was in jail, I'd take the door off his room and take his video game system. If he has a computer, I'd move it to the kitchen or living room. When he was released (I wouldn't bail him out) I'd sit him down and tell him the rules. I'd let him know that if he didn't follow the rules I'd take him down and help him file for emancipation then I'd kick him out of the house.
When he grows up he can get his GED on his own, college on his own.

That kind of parenting would have done the kid some good, had it been implemented at a younger age. Now, I think it's too late.

Yes and now it's time to protect the rest of the family members.

:thumbsup:

x2
Sounds like it's already too late for this kid. Well, there's still a shot he could turn his life around, but these parents are clearly unprepared and unable to help him, and they're just enabling if they're not going to go to the police about he beats his own mother. That's just stupid.

 

[SoulAssassin]

I would start with giving him a good ass kicking.

 

[CraKaJaX]

Throw his ass out of the house. That'll make him "wake up in reality" real fast.

 

[BoomerD]

You'll probably lose the GF, but you should call the cops and have him jailed for assault and battery. The parents don't have to press charges in a situation like this...it can come under the guise of domestic abuse.

If the kid is willing to beat up his mom, what's next, stabbing her because she won't buy him the latest, greatest gizmo/game/cell phone/ whatever?

I don't so much look for him to go off on someone else, (allthought it's certainly possible) because he's comfortable with his mom's size and abilities, and knows she can't/won't fight back, whereas someone else presents an unknown to him...

If nothing else, getting arrested and into the juvenile court system could force him into counseling. I really doubt that he's gonna go voluntarily...

"Now <insert common Korean name>, you be a good boy and go to counseling for mommy." I just don't see that going very well...

 

[meltdown75]

^_^ HASSAN CHOP!

 

[Inspector Jihad]

kid needs a good ass beating.

 

[DisgruntledVirus]

Originally posted by: moshquerade

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
He sounds like he's mentally ill..he needs some help and fast
first it's Mom,next he'll be opening fire on strangers somewhere.

my thoughts too.

QFT

 

[Capt Caveman]

Originally posted by: BoomerD
You'll probably lose the GF, but you should call the cops and have him jailed for assault and battery. The parents don't have to press charges in a situation like this...it can come under the guise of domestic abuse.

If the kid is willing to beat up his mom, what's next, stabbing her because she won't buy him the latest, greatest gizmo/game/cell phone/ whatever?

I don't so much look for him to go off on someone else, (allthought it's certainly possible) because he's comfortable with his mom's size and abilities, and knows she can't/won't fight back, whereas someone else presents an unknown to him...

If nothing else, getting arrested and into the juvenile court system could force him into counseling. I really doubt that he's gonna go voluntarily...

"Now <insert common Korean name>, you be a good boy and go to counseling for mommy." I just don't see that going very well...

I agree. The parents aren't going to do anything to change his behavior and it'll probably get worse. When you cross the line and actually commit physical violence, the kid needs serious help immediately.

 

[isekii]

Originally posted by: Inspector Jihad
kid needs a good ass beating.

I agree
He just needs a inch of his life ass beating by a strict uncle or something for raising his hand to his parents.
He'll think twice about doing anything like that again.