Getting divorced...

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cmdrmoocow

Golden Member
Jul 22, 2004
1,503
0
0
Just when I thought I was having a bad day, at least I know someone has it far, far worse!

Hope it turns out ok.
 
Jun 19, 2004
10,860
1
81
Dude, sorry, but it truly sounds like you both need to grow the fvck up. You're just in a better place than her to gain custody because you CAN stop smoking weed and find a PERMANENT job. SHE likely will not give up the affair, and may even go so far as to not want custody of your daughter.

Either way you need to do a few things ASAP!

- Clean up. Quit smoking, drinking, etc. whatever you do that is illegal or seems immoral (even if it's legal, i.e. drinking) just stop it until this is over, and the illegal sh1t forever.

- Get a lawyer. Find out the laws about posessing those emails stat. Someone above mentioned earlier that you obtained them illegally and I think they are wrong, but you need to confirm with an attorney. As long is that computer is your personal possesion, or even a joint possesion, you have full rights to access anything on it as does she. I know this because I've ghosted hdd's for wives who suspected their hubby's of cheating and it's held up in court because the wife could prove partial ownership of the pc.

- DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT....this should be listed first actually, but these aren't in order. Get a notebook, start a word document, hell start a blog. I don't care how you do it, just do it, starting TODAY. Trust me, it will serve you well in the future to take ten minutes out of your day every evening and write down what's going on, where your daughter is/was etc.

- As for custody, a judge determines who gets custody by deciding who the better fit parent is, right now that ain't you my friend. Without a steady, taxable job the judge will default to your working wife. So get something STAT. Try to get something that is flexible around your kids childcare needs, that will help you a lot.

- Last but not least.....don't be stupid. Let me repeat that, DON'T BE STUPID. Don't try to get even, don't get high or drunk and start begging or threatening her or the boyfriend. Just live your life as if she's already gone and you have custody of your daughter.

This is your one and only chance at winning custody. If she gets it, even temp custody until a final custody hearing is arranged, it is going to be damn near impossible for you to get your daughter back.

I won full custody of my son, so take my advice for what it's worth.

Good luck my friend. If you need to feel free to pm me.
 

Eltano1

Golden Member
Aug 6, 2000
1,897
0
0
That really sux, and she will find out how deep in sh!t she is when she gets dumped from the other guy.

Jsut think about your daughter and everything will be OK.

Good luck

Eltano
 

GTaudiophile

Lifer
Oct 24, 2000
29,767
33
81
Ouch. Well, be sure to print out all of those e-mails! I see no reason why you shouldn't have custody!

Edit: On second thought, the weed smoking and lack of a job give me pause. Don't forget, your statements here on ATOT are also admissable in court. So now "they" have admission to your consumption of narcotics.
 

Borealis316

Member
Aug 8, 2004
160
0
0
Ok...clarification time. No I didn't smoke when my child was around, and the "not having a job".....well, learn to read.

"'m doing caretaking at an apartment complex which is a 24/7/365 deal while taking care of my daughter at the same time."

Caretaking = job, albeit a job that doesn't pay alot, but regardless it IS a job no matter how you look at it, it takes care of the rent and provides some side money. Due to this job which doesn't give you days off, or vacation days and ALWAYS requiring somebody to be on site....how should I find something better? Hrm???

Since this has all started happening, anything related to any illegal habits I might have had.....has since been bagged up and thrown down a dumpster chute, which now resides somewhere in a landfill....where it will stay.
 
Jun 19, 2004
10,860
1
81
Originally posted by: Borealis316
Ok...clarification time. No I didn't smoke when my child was around, and the "not having a job".....well, learn to read.

"'m doing caretaking at an apartment complex which is a 24/7/365 deal while taking care of my daughter at the same time."

Caretaking = job, albeit a job that doesn't pay alot, but regardless it IS a job no matter how you look at it, it takes care of the rent and provides some side money. Due to this job which doesn't give you days off, or vacation days and ALWAYS requiring somebody to be on site....how should I find something better? Hrm???



Does this "caretaking job" provide you with enough income to toally support your daughter and you without your wife's income? Also, is this a "side job" thing, or have you filled out W-4's for this job?
 

totalcommand

Platinum Member
Apr 21, 2004
2,487
0
0
Originally posted by: Borealis316
Ok...clarification time. No I didn't smoke when my child was around, and the "not having a job".....well, learn to read.

"'m doing caretaking at an apartment complex which is a 24/7/365 deal while taking care of my daughter at the same time."

Caretaking = job, albeit a job that doesn't pay alot, but regardless it IS a job no matter how you look at it, it takes care of the rent and provides some side money. Due to this job which doesn't give you days off, or vacation days and ALWAYS requiring somebody to be on site....how should I find something better? Hrm???

Since this has all started happening, anything related to any illegal habits I might have had.....has since been bagged up and thrown down a dumpster chute, which now resides somewhere in a landfill....where it will stay.

Well what are you gonna do once you get the divorce?

Do you even want custody of your kid? People out there work AND support and care for their kids. It IS possible, and it may be time you try it.


EDIT: about your illegal habits. you better hope she doesn't know your AnandTech account :evil:
 

Borealis316

Member
Aug 8, 2004
160
0
0
There are W-4's filled out for this job, I have enough money saved up to take care of us for awhile, until I can get something normal going and get out of this place.
 

MichaelD

Lifer
Jan 16, 2001
31,528
3
76
Originally posted by: MisterJackson
Dude, sorry, but it truly sounds like you both need to grow the fvck up. You're just in a better place than her to gain custody because you CAN stop smoking weed and find a PERMANENT job. SHE likely will not give up the affair, and may even go so far as to not want custody of your daughter.

Either way you need to do a few things ASAP!

- Clean up. Quit smoking, drinking, etc. whatever you do that is illegal or seems immoral (even if it's legal, i.e. drinking) just stop it until this is over, and the illegal sh1t forever.

- Get a lawyer. Find out the laws about posessing those emails stat. Someone above mentioned earlier that you obtained them illegally and I think they are wrong, but you need to confirm with an attorney. As long is that computer is your personal possesion, or even a joint possesion, you have full rights to access anything on it as does she. I know this because I've ghosted hdd's for wives who suspected their hubby's of cheating and it's held up in court because the wife could prove partial ownership of the pc.

- DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT....this should be listed first actually, but these aren't in order. Get a notebook, start a word document, hell start a blog. I don't care how you do it, just do it, starting TODAY. Trust me, it will serve you well in the future to take ten minutes out of your day every evening and write down what's going on, where your daughter is/was etc.

- As for custody, a judge determines who gets custody by deciding who the better fit parent is, right now that ain't you my friend. Without a steady, taxable job the judge will default to your working wife. So get something STAT. Try to get something that is flexible around your kids childcare needs, that will help you a lot.

- Last but not least.....don't be stupid. Let me repeat that, DON'T BE STUPID. Don't try to get even, don't get high or drunk and start begging or threatening her or the boyfriend. Just live your life as if she's already gone and you have custody of your daughter.

This is your one and only chance at winning custody. If she gets it, even temp custody until a final custody hearing is arranged, it is going to be damn near impossible for you to get your daughter back.

I won full custody of my son, so take my advice for what it's worth.

Good luck my friend. If you need to feel free to pm me.


A+++++. 10/10. Read and reread this reply. And do/don't do exactly what it says.

Take care of your daughter and yourself; don't worry about the b!tch. The Fates will take care of your soon-to-be EX. What goes around, comes around. :evil:
 

Armitage

Banned
Feb 23, 2001
8,086
0
0
Originally posted by: MisterJackson
Originally posted by: Borealis316
Ok...clarification time. No I didn't smoke when my child was around, and the "not having a job".....well, learn to read.

"'m doing caretaking at an apartment complex which is a 24/7/365 deal while taking care of my daughter at the same time."

Caretaking = job, albeit a job that doesn't pay alot, but regardless it IS a job no matter how you look at it, it takes care of the rent and provides some side money. Due to this job which doesn't give you days off, or vacation days and ALWAYS requiring somebody to be on site....how should I find something better? Hrm???



Does this "caretaking job" provide you with enough income to toally support your daughter and you without your wife's income? Also, is this a "side job" thing, or have you filled out W-4's for this job?

That's exactly what I was thinking - the other half of this issue doesn't seem to consider it to be a job. My guess is it's an under the table arrangement that gets him a break on the rent - I've seen a few of those. OP doesn't pay income taxes, land lord doesn't pay taxes on the rent (not) received.

How many hours a week do you put in on this job? You say you have to be there 24/7/365 - but how many hours do you actually put in? How many apartment units are involved? What would it work out to in terms of an annual salary? I'm assuming no benefits of any kind, right?
 

pontifex

Lifer
Dec 5, 2000
43,804
46
91
Originally posted by: GregGreen
Originally posted by: dmcowen674
Originally posted by: Borealis316
She blames me smoking weed.

Hopefully he is being arrested.

Originally posted by: Turkish
Umm wait, you smoke weed, are jobless, yet you have hope? LOL. Sorry dude, you aren't getting the custody of your daughter. And grow up, you are married, and have a kid. Get a job and stop wasting your money on weed.

He comes here with all this terrible news and all you can do is wish him harm? Karma's a b*tch dudes... You guys seriously just ruined humanity for me

so you're saying we should feel sorry for jobless potheads whose wives want somethign better? i don't think so.

i feel sorry for people who think they're getting the whole story from a jobless pothead.
 
L

Lola

That really sucks.
I am so sorry to hear this.
I don't have anything to say about the situation but i hope she gets what "karma" she deserves. :|

How horrible.
Good luck. :(
I feel so bad for your little girl.
 

dainthomas

Lifer
Dec 7, 2004
14,932
3,911
136
Originally posted by: Borealis316
Ok...clarification time. No I didn't smoke when my child was around, and the "not having a job".....well, learn to read.

"'m doing caretaking at an apartment complex which is a 24/7/365 deal while taking care of my daughter at the same time."

Caretaking = job, albeit a job that doesn't pay alot, but regardless it IS a job no matter how you look at it, it takes care of the rent and provides some side money. Due to this job which doesn't give you days off, or vacation days and ALWAYS requiring somebody to be on site....how should I find something better? Hrm???

Since this has all started happening, anything related to any illegal habits I might have had.....has since been bagged up and thrown down a dumpster chute, which now resides somewhere in a landfill....where it will stay.

OK ladies of ATOT, now's the time to snap up this gem. Hurry, before some other lucky woman gets him! Don't forget to bring your own weed, though.
 

Turkish

Lifer
May 26, 2003
15,547
1
81
Originally posted by: GregGreen
Originally posted by: dmcowen674
Originally posted by: Borealis316
She blames me smoking weed.

Hopefully he is being arrested.

Originally posted by: Turkish
Umm wait, you smoke weed, are jobless, yet you have hope? LOL. Sorry dude, you aren't getting the custody of your daughter. And grow up, you are married, and have a kid. Get a job and stop wasting your money on weed.

He comes here with all this terrible news and all you can do is wish him harm? Karma's a b*tch dudes... You guys seriously just ruined humanity for me

How is that wishing harm? I am not wishing anything for his ass except seeing his daughter happy. I am not so sure that's going to be by him though.
 
Jul 1, 2000
10,274
2
0
Originally posted by: Turkish
Originally posted by: GregGreen
Originally posted by: dmcowen674
Originally posted by: Borealis316
She blames me smoking weed.

Hopefully he is being arrested.

Originally posted by: Turkish
Umm wait, you smoke weed, are jobless, yet you have hope? LOL. Sorry dude, you aren't getting the custody of your daughter. And grow up, you are married, and have a kid. Get a job and stop wasting your money on weed.

He comes here with all this terrible news and all you can do is wish him harm? Karma's a b*tch dudes... You guys seriously just ruined humanity for me

How is that wishing harm? I am not wishing anything for his ass except seeing his daughter happy. I am not so sure that's going to be by him though.

That's the voice of reality, GregGreen. It is more cruel to tell him that he is going to win custody, just because his wife is a whore.

 

Turkish

Lifer
May 26, 2003
15,547
1
81
And just to be clear, you wife's still a bitch, but that doesn't make either one of you right. You two need to GROW THE FVCK UP and stop your bullsh!t. You two have a 3 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER who needs her loving parents more than anything. I am not saying you don't love her, but come on man, you are frickin married, have a kid, you shouldn't have been smoking weed after she was born. Bring some responsibility in the house please... and about the job thing, I hope that job is official and you have documentation. Then you may have some chance in court. Anyways, good luck.
 

Svnla

Lifer
Nov 10, 2003
17,986
1,388
126
Originally posted by: dullard
You get to sleep around again (heck, since you are married you haven't had sex in ages I bet). You get to eat what you want, do what you want, stay up as long as you want, have the home temperature where you want it, be a bachelor, etc. All this, and no more nagging.

Those above statements and situations like the OP are the main reasons I am still single. Why put shackle on you when you don't have to.
 

crownjules

Diamond Member
Jul 7, 2005
4,858
0
76
Originally posted by: pontifex
you smoke weed and its debatable whether you have job or not? yeah, no reason for a divorce there... you're a real winner.

Judge not lest ye be judged yourself. He didn't even state how much he smokes or why he has no job. Way to jump to baseless conclusions.
 
L

Lola

Originally posted by: Turkish
And just to be clear, you wife's still a bitch, but that doesn't make either one of you right. You two need to GROW THE FVCK UP and stop your bullsh!t. You two have a 3 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER who needs her loving parents more than anything. I am not saying you don't love her, but come on man, you are frickin married, have a kid, you shouldn't have been smoking weed after she was born. Bring some responsibility in the house please... and about the job thing, I hope that job is official and you have documentation. Then you may have some chance in court. Anyways, good luck.

exactly. :thumbsup:

and to those of you saying its all his fault, no matter what he is or is not doing...
there is no excuse for his wife to be having an affair with someone else while still married.
 

Buck Armstrong

Platinum Member
Dec 17, 2004
2,015
1
0
Originally posted by: moshquerade
Originally posted by: CVSiN
Originally posted by: AnyMal
Originally posted by: CVSiN
Originally posted by: Borealis316
I just found out a few days ago my wife wants a divorce. She swore up and down there was nobody else involved and this was "in her interests only". Mind you we have a 3 year old daughter, I've never cheated on her, been unfaithful in any way. She blames me smoking weed and "not having a job" the reasons right. Yet, I'm doing caretaking at an apartment complex which is a 24/7/365 deal while taking care of my daughter at the same time.

So I was dinking around on my computer and came to find cookies from hotmail stored on my computer.....hmmm. So I decided to crack the account and turns out her intent is to get a divorce and blow off her family and everyone thats known and supported her for the past 7 or so years we've been together so she can be with a guy from her work. Who, might I add has a girlfriend, so she blew off her entire life for the most part to be a mistress.......

I read the emails and it literally sounds like something you'd pass to your 16 year old crush, not something an adult would write.

So tomorrow I go to a lawyers office to file for divorce from her. Yay..../end sarcasm

So all of you out there be thankful if you have somebody who treats you well and respects you and or your family.

::CLIFFS::
1. Wife wants a divorce
2. Lied to everyone she knows about her true intentions
3. Blew off her family completely for a...fling.
4. I hate women

I don't want pity or anything like that, just some of you please sit back and be thankful and greatful that you have a significant other that I'd hope wouldn't do this to any of you.

Um you did print emails and give to your lawyer right?
that will be poison to her in a hearing...

That would be illegal wiretapping, unadmissable, and may get him in more hot water that would make a divorce seem like a child's play. Besides, if his state is "no fault" state, it would make zero difference.


they would have to proove that he hacked the account.. all he would have to say is she left the account logged in and he saw them ;p

i know we want to side with this guy b/c we are hearing his side of the story BUT she has a story to tell too.

She is married with a kid, and she cheated. End of story.

If she wasn't a cheater, I'd see your point; but if you're tired of your lazy, jobless, potsmoking husband, you get a divorce FIRST, then you fvck the office sleazeball.
 

zanieladie

Diamond Member
Jan 19, 2003
3,280
1
0
Sorry to hear of your trouibles. All women aren't like that, though.

I am divorced (and on the receiving end of having been "Cheated On.")