Just when I thought I was having a bad day, at least I know someone has it far, far worse!
Hope it turns out ok.
Hope it turns out ok.
Dude, sorry, but it truly sounds like you both need to grow the fvck up. You're just in a better place than her to gain custody because you CAN stop smoking weed and find a PERMANENT job. SHE likely will not give up the affair, and may even go so far as to not want custody of your daughter.
Either way you need to do a few things ASAP!
- Clean up. Quit smoking, drinking, etc. whatever you do that is illegal or seems immoral (even if it's legal, i.e. drinking) just stop it until this is over, and the illegal sh1t forever.
- Get a lawyer. Find out the laws about posessing those emails stat. Someone above mentioned earlier that you obtained them illegally and I think they are wrong, but you need to confirm with an attorney. As long is that computer is your personal possesion, or even a joint possesion, you have full rights to access anything on it as does she. I know this because I've ghosted hdd's for wives who suspected their hubby's of cheating and it's held up in court because the wife could prove partial ownership of the pc.
- DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT....this should be listed first actually, but these aren't in order. Get a notebook, start a word document, hell start a blog. I don't care how you do it, just do it, starting TODAY. Trust me, it will serve you well in the future to take ten minutes out of your day every evening and write down what's going on, where your daughter is/was etc.
- As for custody, a judge determines who gets custody by deciding who the better fit parent is, right now that ain't you my friend. Without a steady, taxable job the judge will default to your working wife. So get something STAT. Try to get something that is flexible around your kids childcare needs, that will help you a lot.
- Last but not least.....don't be stupid. Let me repeat that, DON'T BE STUPID. Don't try to get even, don't get high or drunk and start begging or threatening her or the boyfriend. Just live your life as if she's already gone and you have custody of your daughter.
This is your one and only chance at winning custody. If she gets it, even temp custody until a final custody hearing is arranged, it is going to be damn near impossible for you to get your daughter back.
I won full custody of my son, so take my advice for what it's worth.
Good luck my friend. If you need to feel free to pm me.
Either way you need to do a few things ASAP!
- Clean up. Quit smoking, drinking, etc. whatever you do that is illegal or seems immoral (even if it's legal, i.e. drinking) just stop it until this is over, and the illegal sh1t forever.
- Get a lawyer. Find out the laws about posessing those emails stat. Someone above mentioned earlier that you obtained them illegally and I think they are wrong, but you need to confirm with an attorney. As long is that computer is your personal possesion, or even a joint possesion, you have full rights to access anything on it as does she. I know this because I've ghosted hdd's for wives who suspected their hubby's of cheating and it's held up in court because the wife could prove partial ownership of the pc.
- DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT....this should be listed first actually, but these aren't in order. Get a notebook, start a word document, hell start a blog. I don't care how you do it, just do it, starting TODAY. Trust me, it will serve you well in the future to take ten minutes out of your day every evening and write down what's going on, where your daughter is/was etc.
- As for custody, a judge determines who gets custody by deciding who the better fit parent is, right now that ain't you my friend. Without a steady, taxable job the judge will default to your working wife. So get something STAT. Try to get something that is flexible around your kids childcare needs, that will help you a lot.
- Last but not least.....don't be stupid. Let me repeat that, DON'T BE STUPID. Don't try to get even, don't get high or drunk and start begging or threatening her or the boyfriend. Just live your life as if she's already gone and you have custody of your daughter.
This is your one and only chance at winning custody. If she gets it, even temp custody until a final custody hearing is arranged, it is going to be damn near impossible for you to get your daughter back.
I won full custody of my son, so take my advice for what it's worth.
Good luck my friend. If you need to feel free to pm me.
That really sux, and she will find out how deep in sh!t she is when she gets dumped from the other guy.
Jsut think about your daughter and everything will be OK.
Good luck
Eltano
Jsut think about your daughter and everything will be OK.
Good luck
Eltano
GTaudiophile
Lifer
- Oct 24, 2000
- 29,767
- 33
- 81
Ouch. Well, be sure to print out all of those e-mails! I see no reason why you shouldn't have custody!
Edit: On second thought, the weed smoking and lack of a job give me pause. Don't forget, your statements here on ATOT are also admissable in court. So now "they" have admission to your consumption of narcotics.
Edit: On second thought, the weed smoking and lack of a job give me pause. Don't forget, your statements here on ATOT are also admissable in court. So now "they" have admission to your consumption of narcotics.
Ok...clarification time. No I didn't smoke when my child was around, and the "not having a job".....well, learn to read.
"'m doing caretaking at an apartment complex which is a 24/7/365 deal while taking care of my daughter at the same time."
Caretaking = job, albeit a job that doesn't pay alot, but regardless it IS a job no matter how you look at it, it takes care of the rent and provides some side money. Due to this job which doesn't give you days off, or vacation days and ALWAYS requiring somebody to be on site....how should I find something better? Hrm???
Since this has all started happening, anything related to any illegal habits I might have had.....has since been bagged up and thrown down a dumpster chute, which now resides somewhere in a landfill....where it will stay.
"'m doing caretaking at an apartment complex which is a 24/7/365 deal while taking care of my daughter at the same time."
Caretaking = job, albeit a job that doesn't pay alot, but regardless it IS a job no matter how you look at it, it takes care of the rent and provides some side money. Due to this job which doesn't give you days off, or vacation days and ALWAYS requiring somebody to be on site....how should I find something better? Hrm???
Since this has all started happening, anything related to any illegal habits I might have had.....has since been bagged up and thrown down a dumpster chute, which now resides somewhere in a landfill....where it will stay.
Does this "caretaking job" provide you with enough income to toally support your daughter and you without your wife's income? Also, is this a "side job" thing, or have you filled out W-4's for this job?
Well what are you gonna do once you get the divorce?
Do you even want custody of your kid? People out there work AND support and care for their kids. It IS possible, and it may be time you try it.
EDIT: about your illegal habits. you better hope she doesn't know your AnandTech account :evil:
There are W-4's filled out for this job, I have enough money saved up to take care of us for awhile, until I can get something normal going and get out of this place.
That's exactly what I was thinking - the other half of this issue doesn't seem to consider it to be a job. My guess is it's an under the table arrangement that gets him a break on the rent - I've seen a few of those. OP doesn't pay income taxes, land lord doesn't pay taxes on the rent (not) received.
How many hours a week do you put in on this job? You say you have to be there 24/7/365 - but how many hours do you actually put in? How many apartment units are involved? What would it work out to in terms of an annual salary? I'm assuming no benefits of any kind, right?
That really sucks.
I am so sorry to hear this.
I don't have anything to say about the situation but i hope she gets what "karma" she deserves. :|
How horrible.
Good luck.
I feel so bad for your little girl.
I am so sorry to hear this.
I don't have anything to say about the situation but i hope she gets what "karma" she deserves. :|
How horrible.
Good luck.
I feel so bad for your little girl.
dainthomas
Lifer
- Dec 7, 2004
- 14,932
- 3,911
- 136
OK ladies of ATOT, now's the time to snap up this gem. Hurry, before some other lucky woman gets him! Don't forget to bring your own weed, though.
That's the voice of reality, GregGreen. It is more cruel to tell him that he is going to win custody, just because his wife is a whore.
Turkish
Lifer
- May 26, 2003
- 15,547
- 1
- 81
And just to be clear, you wife's still a bitch, but that doesn't make either one of you right. You two need to GROW THE FVCK UP and stop your bullsh!t. You two have a 3 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER who needs her loving parents more than anything. I am not saying you don't love her, but come on man, you are frickin married, have a kid, you shouldn't have been smoking weed after she was born. Bring some responsibility in the house please... and about the job thing, I hope that job is official and you have documentation. Then you may have some chance in court. Anyways, good luck.
Judge not lest ye be judged yourself. He didn't even state how much he smokes or why he has no job. Way to jump to baseless conclusions.
exactly. :thumbsup:
and to those of you saying its all his fault, no matter what he is or is not doing...
there is no excuse for his wife to be having an affair with someone else while still married.
She is married with a kid, and she cheated. End of story.
If she wasn't a cheater, I'd see your point; but if you're tired of your lazy, jobless, potsmoking husband, you get a divorce FIRST, then you fvck the office sleazeball.
Sorry to hear of your trouibles. All women aren't like that, though.
I am divorced (and on the receiving end of having been "Cheated On.")
I am divorced (and on the receiving end of having been "Cheated On.")
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