Originally posted by: ergeorge
Like I said, work on that reading comprehension. I said the exact same thing above as I did below.
She does not have a legal right to prevent him from taking the kids out of the state when it is his time with the kids.
She is legally their mother, they are still her kids, they are not divorced yet and as it stands there is still joint custody. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand this if you would just think instead of attempting to argue.
It is as much her right to keep them here as it is his right to take them away...all legally. If custody for the summer had been already awarded and trips were also allowed then he would have 100% ability to take the trip no matter how much she cried about it.
1. Not his problem. According to Saigon, this is a normal summer trip for them. Why should his kids childhood be disrupted by not allowing them their normal summer vacation.
I supposed if there mother was dying let the show carry on as well too? right? Anyways the court will more than likely rule on it, if they saw a history of this trip each year they may still vote against it due to the divorce. These are all things we don't have access to here, yet all these battered exes want to jump on the defense bandwagon.
4. She can't say no, unless she files for a restraining order.
Yes she can, if he doesn't see accordingly then she can take him to court. Whether a restraining order or not gets issued is up to the courts.
This is complete bullsh|t. In my experience, the more guilty party tends to keep a low profile and keep their mouth shut. The maligned party tends to speak up more about their injustice. At least in the cases I've seen.
I will assume you have a small group of friends then and do not go out socially much. Divorce talk is quite popular if you have lots of friends. The funny thing is on many where I was friends with both parties the one you knew was always the problem is the one going around talking crap. Claiming they were the pillar that held it all together.
Also in many divorces no matter how terrible the picture is painted the facts are the main reason is just a change of heart and now the person feels they must make the other terrible to get out innocently. It sort of makes a good person feel bad that even though they have 4 kids with some chick and have 10 years of marriage behind them, they still dread the sound of her voice, the way she sleeps, and god forbid ever having and desire for sex anymore...however that 20 something at the gym has been promising to take you to lunch for the longest time.
Perhaps I just talk to people a lot, and hear a lot of stories....thing is the world is a small place, you hear the same story just a different set of names...you almost can narrow down the ending from the first 2 sentences.
[my little story]
In my divorce, she literally went insane...this is why I think it's so funny when others talk of insanity, screwing your best friend is not insanity it's spite, buying a $2000 wardrobe when you are 3 months past due on your mortgage is not insanity it's stupidity/selfishness, etc...Insanity is when the person has no clear understanding what they just said to a group of 5 people and then begin a screaming and glass/object throwing barrage against them because 'you' must have influenced them to make it up and then 10 minutes later forget all about it and want everyone to come back over tomorrow to hang out again as they are all leaving early. Insanity is telling someone the cat you are now holding was just yesterday torn in half and hanging on the walls of your living room. Insanity is in the hallway of the courthouse asking if your now divorced husband would pay your car payment for sex once a week or 'so'. I suppose insanity would be even marrying me to begin with, but that is another story.
She broke her neck and almost died twice during about 6 months worth of stay in the hospital. I slept there during it in a chair (not trying to be the martyr here, just stating what I did) and people would bring me clothes to change into for the next day and what not, we got along very well during this time. Once she healed and started working I got her a better job (she was working for $5-6 or something at her family's laundry in 1995 which was extremely labor intensive and not a good environment for her recovering from major surgery) at about $9 and doing clerical work at the bank I worked for. A nice and cozy 9-5 job with benefits with her own desk, her own phone and computer. She began coming unglued during this time and started spending approx $50-100 per day, treating everyone to lunch, buying clothes for friends, etc. She was self conscious of certain scarring, although it was invisible to most (the hip where bone was taken could be hid in her thong band even and the back of her neck was well hidden by her hair, but they were prominent scars). She also kept worrying the second surgery would eventually fail...her first one did when her parents told her she had to start working again and that living off our savings was lazy.
Then she started doing drugs yet she knew nothing about them, she'd take whatever someone offered and mix it up with alcohol...she began missing work, blanking out there, coming in in ultra mini's (conservative bank), etc. Her friends were calling me and her parents for help...her parents thought it was me. We'd talk a lot still, like I said she lost the concept of reality...we eventually began talking about her new lovers and if they were right for her, yet the next day when we were apart she'd tell anyone that'd listen how evil I was.
I was told I should beat her, take away her money, etc....it's was not my place to do so. That's the facts, she was an adult. I could only choose to accept her new life or not. If I didn't it was up to me to walk. I made her a decent divorce offer, she decided to run to her dad and get an attorney. In the end, the deal was better for me that I got (a 50/50 distribution of assets/liabilities, I offered to leave her everything but my car and electronics/tools and I would take all the debt). All the money that we both were given from her lawsuit, as well as my own savings I had been working on since my teens was gone. At the time of the divorce hearing our joint checkbook was negative $3000.00, fortunately or unfortunately the bank stopped paying after $2000 in the hole..all our credit cards which I had for years and never used were maxed and overdrafted, she had pulled all of our credit line out as well leaving no equity in the house. Fortunately I had enough possessions to liquidate and pay off almost everyone. I had to finance the short fall on the payoff of our house with a one year loan. One of the judge's few comments was never seeing such a pair of young professionals go from such a promising start to beyond the point where many file bankruptcy (something like that).
During this time (leading up to the divorce) she was telling everyone crazy things about me. That I would bring back women to the hospital when I was staying with her, I tore one of my cats in half on day and hung the pieces on the wall, I used drugs, I was in gangs, I slept with her best friend (who later got pissed at her for making that up and actually 3 years later I ended up in a 2-3 year relationship with)....finally the bank fired her, her friends (that were not my friends at all) stopped talking to her, etc.
I kept it quiet. To me it was embarrassing and at the time I thought I was the failure because I couldn't allow her to spend so much yet I was able to buy her a house, a new camaro, nice clothes and jewelry, pets, trips, etc. I found myself blaiming me, not her and found out that is very common.
This lead up to the point in time where there was another guy with my same name at the place. I had already left working there for school and had ran into her on campus actually. She insisted I followed her there (this was about 4 years after the divorce) and ran away. That night I got a call from my ex-girlfriend that was her ex-best friend telling me her boyfriend called the guy with my name thinking it was me and was told he was going to kill him in the parking lot. Well it was like a SWAT movie at the bank, he was escorted out and the whole 9 yards. Now that is insanity too. However I don't go into every divorce thread and say 'OH MY EX SHE'S A DRUG SLUT!' 'SHE'S THE DEBIL!!!'.
When all was said and done financially I have only recently recovered. I had no attorney costs on the deal, it was purely the result of her racking up tens of thousands in debt jointly, and then not paying on debts we had during the three months I left the home. Her smartest move was writing checks out of our account (which I left her access to since she was getting the bills) to herself in the bill amounts. I would call the bank and hear "Check #123 in the amount of $810.00 cleared 8/1/1997" (the amount of our mortgage)...however later on I would discover check #123 was made payable to herself.
I got involved with the wrong girl. Her family is very religious and use it to present themselves in a 'holier than thou' framework. People (we both had a lot of friends) keep calling me with stories about them all the time, her cousin that bought my house has apparently borrowed against it 3 or 4 times now and each time shortly after has been arrested with enough drugs on his person to get first degree felony charges, her younger sister ran away at 17 with a 40 year old convict in a motorcycle gang recently resurfaced divorced and with two kids when he took off again for another younger girl, my ex has a few small claims court filings against her, her rich grandfather died after a prolonged condition and her dad immediately had the grandmother institutionalized (she was the one caring for the grandfather and was totally healthy)....he took possession of apparently about 1 million in liquid assets and within three months the grandmother died, her dad also liquidated my exes trust account (UGTMA where he was the custodian) when she was hit by a drunk driver as a toddler (approx maturity would have been $150,000; we were advised to sue him by the bank as it was clear the money was not used to benefit her)...I always say I really have no cares about it, but it is entertaining to hear. The stories though let me know more about what I had married into and I am sure other's also have equally crazy tales.
When all was through I figured out people just do things sometimes. They don't intend to hurt you as much as it does, however, it's their life they want to lead. You have people that are totally ok with their spouses sleeping around and others that get tyrantical if another even looks at them. To each their own.
[/my little story]
In psychology this is discussed also. You will find the guilty party attempting to discredit the innocent one through lies and deceit. Not that anything is 100%, but those guilty have things to hide and feel the need to validate themselves, give themselves creditials.
I must have missed that one.
Check out his links...
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