Getting Divorced - It is officially over! Done! Fini!

[Armitage]

Originally posted by: WaterTorture
Why do you have to pay child support if youre going to be splitting time 50/50? That doesnt make a lot of sense.

Because he makes more money then she does.

 

[Muadib]

Originally posted by: WaterTorture
Why do you have to pay child support if youre going to be splitting time 50/50? That doesnt make a lot of sense.

Someone didn't read the thread... He's the bread winner in the family. He brought home 65% of the household income.

 

[Taggart]

I'm 24 and not married. No marriage any time soon. A few questions:

Why do you people get married in the first place? Did you take 10 years down the road into consideration when you got married? Why don't you get counseling and make it work for the kids? You can even be 'roommates' or something and have little contact. For the kids, come on! You know how damaging a divorce is. Is your kids emotional well being or getting laid again with a new lover more important to you?

If all of this is causing such pain for your kids, why don't you give in to your spouse and not make them go through 'I live in 2 houses'? Is saving face and winning the custody fight more important than stability for your children? If you really love your children, wouldn't giving in for the sake of the kids show your true love for them?

Another thing...I'm sure it SEEMED perfect 10 years ago, but why get married AGAIN only to get a divorce AGAIN? Wasn't one marriage where you saw that things don't always work out enough to prevent you from doing it again?

Reading sh!t like this makes me not want to get married EVER🙁

 

[Ausm]

Originally posted by: Taggart
I'm 24 and not married. No marriage any time soon. A few questions:

Why do you people get married in the first place? Did you take 10 years down the road into consideration when you got married? Why don't you get counseling and make it work for the kids? You can even be 'roommates' or something and have little contact. For the kids, come on! You know how damaging a divorce is. Is your kids emotional well being or getting laid again with a new lover more important to you?

If all of this is causing such pain for your kids, why don't you give in to your spouse and not make them go through 'I live in 2 houses'? Is saving face and winning the custody fight more important than stability for your children? If you really love your children, wouldn't giving in for the sake of the kids show your true love for them?

Another thing...I'm sure it SEEMED perfect 10 years ago, but why get married AGAIN only to get a divorce AGAIN? Wasn't one marriage where you saw that things don't always work out enough to prevent you from doing it again?

Reading sh!t like this makes me not want to get married EVER🙁

Smart...Divorce=HELL


Sysadmin

 

[SaigonK]

Originally posted by: Taggart
I'm 24 and not married. No marriage any time soon. A few questions:

Why do you people get married in the first place? Did you take 10 years down the road into consideration when you got married? Why don't you get counseling and make it work for the kids? You can even be 'roommates' or something and have little contact. For the kids, come on! You know how damaging a divorce is. Is your kids emotional well being or getting laid again with a new lover more important to you?

If all of this is causing such pain for your kids, why don't you give in to your spouse and not make them go through 'I live in 2 houses'? Is saving face and winning the custody fight more important than stability for your children? If you really love your children, wouldn't giving in for the sake of the kids show your true love for them?

Another thing...I'm sure it SEEMED perfect 10 years ago, but why get married AGAIN only to get a divorce AGAIN? Wasn't one marriage where you saw that things don't always work out enough to prevent you from doing it again?

Reading sh!t like this makes me not want to get married EVER🙁

1. You dont get married thinking you will ever split...it just doesnt happen. And if you can look 10 years down the road and tell me that you will get a divrce, then you shouldnt get married...ever.

2. I did go to counseling, but it didnt matter, she wanted out and that was her choice to do.


3. Regardless of what "studies say" staying togethor for the kids is bullsh1t. It doesnt make it any better, imagine the tension, or if I decide to get a girlfrined? How the hell does that work? Should she or I not meet some new love because we still live togethor?

I am glad it is coming to an end, it needs to be finished so we can both move on with our lives.

For the person who asked, the federal guideline bases child support upon income, the state could care less. So if you make $100k and she makes $50k then you end up meeting in the middle. Do I agree? no not at all, thats pathetic that i have to bring down my lifestyle because she isnt happy anymore..but thats the law and I will abide by it.

I dont disagree with childsupport, but I disagree with how it is a punishment for the man.

 

[Armitage]

Originally posted by: Taggart
I'm 24 and not married. No marriage any time soon. A few questions:

Why do you people get married in the first place? Did you take 10 years down the road into consideration when you got married? Why don't you get counseling and make it work for the kids? You can even be 'roommates' or something and have little contact. For the kids, come on! You know how damaging a divorce is. Is your kids emotional well being or getting laid again with a new lover more important to you?

Well, SaigonK edited the original content of this thread, but IIRC, it was far from being his idea. In my own case, I did absolutely everything I could to save our marriage, but she would have none of it. You might realize that real life is a bit more complicated then monday morning quarterbacking.

If all of this is causing such pain for your kids, why don't you give in to your spouse and not make them go through 'I live in 2 houses'? Is saving face and winning the custody fight more important than stability for your children? If you really love your children, wouldn't giving in for the sake of the kids show your true love for them?

What do you mean by "give in"? It's not like she was asking for a tootsie roll :roll: What she was asking for was was a divorce, nothing less. No reason except she "doesn't love me anymore". So what do I give in to?? The custody fight came about only when she decided that she wanted a divorce, AND wanted to marginalize my involvment with the kids. I will never forgive her for the situation she's put our kids in, but right now my focus is simply trying to minimize the impact on them.

I believe the OP's story is similar.

Another thing...I'm sure it SEEMED perfect 10 years ago, but why get married AGAIN only to get a divorce AGAIN? Wasn't one marriage where you saw that things don't always work out enough to prevent you from doing it again?

Reading sh!t like this makes me not want to get married EVER🙁

Yea, I probably won't do it again. Once was enough for me.

 

[WaterTorture]

Originally posted by: Muadib

Originally posted by: WaterTorture
Why do you have to pay child support if youre going to be splitting time 50/50? That doesnt make a lot of sense.

Someone didn't read the thread... He's the bread winner in the family. He brought home 65% of the household income.

No, I read the thread. It just doesnt make sense. It's not like shes shouldering any more of a burden of caring for the children than he is. Its 50/50. Its like having a roommate in your house and you split the bills 50/50, do you have to pay more than your roommate just because he doesnt make as much as you? No way! You could if you wanted to. But, it shouldnt be necessary.

Calling it child support is just dumb. Ailimony or something maybe. But, not child support.


But, I guess I could be way off base or something.

 

[Taggart]

SaigonK, Armitage, Sysadmin thanks for the responses to my questions.

I absolutely realize that I am basically clueless when it comes to understanding the situation that you guys have been in, so yes I do realize that real life is a bit more complicated then monday morning quarterbacking. That is the reason for my questions 🙂

My best to all of you.

 

[SaigonK]

Taggart:

No problem, it's good to ask, you will always get different views. I want to spend as much time with my kids as possible, and the one thing that will always be a sore spot for me, and I may never forgive my ex is that she tried to keep me from seeing them for no reason other than what appears to be money. It was her choice..she figured it would work...it didnt...such is life right? 🙂

 

[ViRGE]

Originally posted by: SaigonK
Taggart:

No problem, it's good to ask, you will always get different views. I want to spend as much time with my kids as possible, and the one thing that will always be a sore spot for me, and I may never forgive my ex is that she tried to keep me from seeing them for no reason other than what appears to be money. It was her choice..she figured it would work...it didnt...such is life right? 🙂

On the subject of custody, Saigon, I think it might be wise to mention to you that in the long run, you might want to be prepared to "lose" most of your time/custody with your kids.

Way back when, when my parents divorced, they tried the 50/50 thing, and my brother and I hated it and always did; 2 houses sucked at much at age 16 as it did age 6. Your girls are going to grow up, make friends, and have their own interests, and having to live somewhere else half the time is going to impede that to a point where if they're anything like my brother and I were, it was downright a pain in the butt, and we asked to reduce the visits with one side, so that we could live a more "normal" life more of the time in one house. It allowed us to spend more time with our neighborhood friends and later on only be responsible to 1 "command unit" when we wanted to go out(this is very difficult when you constantly have to deal with two different "commanders" when they have entirely different plans; the kind of mom & dad synergy isn't there after a divorce of course), and it made things like studying easier, since you could do it habbitually every single school night.

I'm not going to say that this is something that will happen, but if your girls are like most kids, they're ultimately going to grow tired of two houses, and it would make sense to be ready for that day, even if it means giving in to your wants for your girls(and yes, the ex will try to use this to her advantage too, although in my parents' case, neither was in the right).

<- Just a random thought

 

[SaigonK]

I am actually moving about two blocks from my ex, I have a friend who has a great place at a great price (for a friend of course) and it will help to keep those types of things at a minimum. (i hope)

 

[Armitage]

Originally posted by: ViRGE

Originally posted by: SaigonK
Taggart:

No problem, it's good to ask, you will always get different views. I want to spend as much time with my kids as possible, and the one thing that will always be a sore spot for me, and I may never forgive my ex is that she tried to keep me from seeing them for no reason other than what appears to be money. It was her choice..she figured it would work...it didnt...such is life right? 🙂

On the subject of custody, Saigon, I think it might be wise to mention to you that in the long run, you might want to be prepared to "lose" most of your time/custody with your kids.

Way back when, when my parents divorced, they tried the 50/50 thing, and my brother and I hated it and always did; 2 houses sucked at much at age 16 as it did age 6. Your girls are going to grow up, make friends, and have their own interests, and having to live somewhere else half the time is going to impede that to a point where if they're anything like my brother and I were, it was downright a pain in the butt, and we asked to reduce the visits with one side, so that we could live a more "normal" life more of the time in one house. It allowed us to spend more time with our neighborhood friends and later on only be responsible to 1 "command unit" when we wanted to go out(this is very difficult when you constantly have to deal with two different "commanders" when they have entirely different plans; the kind of mom &amp; dad synergy isn't there after a divorce of course), and it made things like studying easier, since you could do it habbitually every single school night.

I'm not going to say that this is something that will happen, but if your girls are like most kids, they're ultimately going to grow tired of two houses, and it would make sense to be ready for that day, even if it means giving in to your wants for your girls(and yes, the ex will try to use this to her advantage too, although in my parents' case, neither was in the right).

<- Just a random thought

My therapist has told me as much also. What sucks is that my ex will be a marshmellow with them, while I'll end up being the disciplinarian. Who are they gonna want to stay with :roll:

 

[ViRGE]

Originally posted by: Armitage

Originally posted by: ViRGE

Originally posted by: SaigonK
Taggart:

No problem, it's good to ask, you will always get different views. I want to spend as much time with my kids as possible, and the one thing that will always be a sore spot for me, and I may never forgive my ex is that she tried to keep me from seeing them for no reason other than what appears to be money. It was her choice..she figured it would work...it didnt...such is life right? 🙂

On the subject of custody, Saigon, I think it might be wise to mention to you that in the long run, you might want to be prepared to "lose" most of your time/custody with your kids.

Way back when, when my parents divorced, they tried the 50/50 thing, and my brother and I hated it and always did; 2 houses sucked at much at age 16 as it did age 6. Your girls are going to grow up, make friends, and have their own interests, and having to live somewhere else half the time is going to impede that to a point where if they're anything like my brother and I were, it was downright a pain in the butt, and we asked to reduce the visits with one side, so that we could live a more "normal" life more of the time in one house. It allowed us to spend more time with our neighborhood friends and later on only be responsible to 1 "command unit" when we wanted to go out(this is very difficult when you constantly have to deal with two different "commanders" when they have entirely different plans; the kind of mom &amp; dad synergy isn't there after a divorce of course), and it made things like studying easier, since you could do it habbitually every single school night.

I'm not going to say that this is something that will happen, but if your girls are like most kids, they're ultimately going to grow tired of two houses, and it would make sense to be ready for that day, even if it means giving in to your wants for your girls(and yes, the ex will try to use this to her advantage too, although in my parents' case, neither was in the right).

<- Just a random thought

My therapist has told me as much also. What sucks is that my ex will be a marshmellow with them, while I'll end up being the disciplinarian. Who are they gonna want to stay with :roll:

It's not worth worrying about, Nature has already screwed you over biologically(as in they're biologically more apt to go with their mother), so it's not like you had a fair chance in the first place. 😱

PS Saigon, I think it will work in the short term dealing with the transistion, but I'm not so sure in the long term, it's hard to say

 

[conjur]

Originally posted by: ViRGE

Originally posted by: SaigonK
Taggart:

No problem, it's good to ask, you will always get different views. I want to spend as much time with my kids as possible, and the one thing that will always be a sore spot for me, and I may never forgive my ex is that she tried to keep me from seeing them for no reason other than what appears to be money. It was her choice..she figured it would work...it didnt...such is life right? 🙂

On the subject of custody, Saigon, I think it might be wise to mention to you that in the long run, you might want to be prepared to "lose" most of your time/custody with your kids.

Way back when, when my parents divorced, they tried the 50/50 thing, and my brother and I hated it and always did; 2 houses sucked at much at age 16 as it did age 6. Your girls are going to grow up, make friends, and have their own interests, and having to live somewhere else half the time is going to impede that to a point where if they're anything like my brother and I were, it was downright a pain in the butt, and we asked to reduce the visits with one side, so that we could live a more "normal" life more of the time in one house. It allowed us to spend more time with our neighborhood friends and later on only be responsible to 1 "command unit" when we wanted to go out(this is very difficult when you constantly have to deal with two different "commanders" when they have entirely different plans; the kind of mom &amp; dad synergy isn't there after a divorce of course), and it made things like studying easier, since you could do it habbitually every single school night.

I'm not going to say that this is something that will happen, but if your girls are like most kids, they're ultimately going to grow tired of two houses, and it would make sense to be ready for that day, even if it means giving in to your wants for your girls(and yes, the ex will try to use this to her advantage too, although in my parents' case, neither was in the right).

<- Just a random thought

I've been alternating weeks w/my ex with our two girls for the last two years.

It's gone rather well for us.

I thought about moving to Florida recently and my oldest was going to go but the youngest wouldn't and I certainly am not leaving her to her mother to raise her. Damn, I'd love to get my girls away from my ex for a while. <sigh>

 

[SaigonK]

And another update for all those interested! 🙂

 

[XZeroII]

Glad to hear things are finally working out and coming to a close. It's really difficult, but you'll do fine. Good luck crossing the finish line!

 

[SaigonK]

Well no word yet form here since we sent back the counter offer, hopefully she decides soon since our court date is next week (Wednesday!)

 

[SaigonK]

an update!

 

[SaigonK]

Today is the day...see original post for an update!

 

[Red Dawn]

Originally posted by: SaigonK
Today is the day...see original post for an update!

Thank god!

 

[dmcowen674]

Originally posted by: SaigonK
Today is the day...see original post for an update!

Oh my. Glad you finally see light at the end of the tunnel.

Best of luck and wishes as you move forward from this.

 

[SaigonK]

Another update...no luck finishgin today but guarnateed to finish in 1 month. See original post.

 

[Armitage]

Originally posted by: SaigonK
After some serious fighting, bickering, arguing over everything, it seems like things are going to come to an end.


Update 9-08-2004 (4:00PM)

Well..no such luck guys! 🙁 She is still putting up a fight over stupid items, I dont really know why..must be a control thing...now she is complaining about my living arrangements.
What a joke, i live in a house, I have the entire downstairs as my "apartment", my parents own the place, i pay no rent (very generous of them) and I have my own exit, etc. She wants me to be in an apartment before we move forward with 50/50 custody. What a joke, luckily for me, my attorney put a kibosh to that crap, saying that where i live is not an issue by law and she can stop asking for new terms regarding it, that we could certainly have the court decide a clearly frivolous arguement.

Way to go attorney! 🙂
Anyway we did hammer that out and the actual date for our final uncontested divorce will be in November, within the first week. Thats when the court can fit us in apparently...man talk about being backed up with divorce cases! Yikes!
So hopefully in a month and a half i am free of this stuff...

A good thing was that we only had to discuss things for about an hour or so..two hours less than the last time, saved me $400!

So what's her beef about you living at home? Aside from it being none of her business as long as it was an appropriate environmment for the kids (health &amp; safety, etc), wouldn't having their grandparents around and involved with the kids be a good thing?

 

[SaigonK]

Armitage, you would like to think so but she doesnt see it that way. The issue here isnt about living space, or security, or well being...it's about control. She wants control over our lives and she will apparently go to great lengths to get it. The unfortunate part is (for her) that she isnt getting her way, and she will end up driving the kids away with this type of behavoir. She already fights with my oldest daughter, and it gets more frequent, sooner or later her plan to have things all her way wont work.

I am ok with showing her my living arrangements if it shuts her up, it isnt a matter for the court and my attorney kindly pointed that out to her as soon as she suggested it be a term for the divorce. She wasnt thrilled by that answer. 🙂
Imagine if you will that I meet a woman and become involved in the next two weeks, I find my *cough* true love *cough* I decide to move in with her, that would be unacceptable to her and she would bitch the whole way.
Or I decide I am going to move, but in todays world i need to get a roommate to help offset costs, she wouldnt go for that either..her response would be "well i dont know them..even if you do...I dont..i dont feel its safe enough.." etc, etc, etc.

She can do what she thinks she can, but it isnt working and yesterday I think she ended up looking like an ass in front of the GAL when she tried to push this issue.

 

[BD2003]

Man, between reading all of this, and seeing my GF's parents divorce go through firsthand, I'm almost afraid to get married myself. She's 20, and its been going on for 2 YEARS. How the hell does it take 2 years to settle a divorce? I swear to god, if I ever become petty enough that I argue over a scrabble board game as a term for the divorce I'd prefer to just be shot on the spot. Theres not even a custody battle!

Seriously, I'm not getting married without a pre-nup. Not to protect my ass because I'm a rich bastard (because I'm certainly not), but just to settle things beforehand in case they ever go retarded.

And yeah, I hate to say it, but when your kids become teens, like every other teen they are going to care a lot less about you than you do about them. They are not going to want to have to switch houses every other day. They are just going to want to live a normal damn life, and that'll prob be with mom. They are going to want to do their own thing, not go out for dinner and have special time with dad every other day.