Getting Divorced - It is officially over! Done! Fini!

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Armitage

Banned
Feb 23, 2001
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Originally posted by: SaigonK
Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Originally posted by: SaigonK
Originally posted by: ergeorge Uhmm ... it's very likely that she can prevent you from taking the kids out of the state. In many states, when you file for divorce it automatically puts in place a restraining order preventing either parent from taking the kids out of the state. You can go to court and ask for a waiver, and might get it. But just more expense.
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Nothin glike that here, I can actually take the kids and move to a new home if I want to. As long as we live togethor, I have full rights to my children and she cant do anything about it. Of course that looks really bad when you go to court, they arent blind and would see it as "stealing" the children. All i can say is...I just want to take my daughters to an amusement park..wtf is up with that!
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You're playing hardball,what do you expect,her to just roll over and say "here you go dear,everything just the way you want it to be?"You can refuse to move out,she can refuse to allow visits to amusement parks in different states.
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Actually in this state she cant deny me the right to take them out of state, or anywhere for that matter. I have full parental rights until we are divorced and while we live togethor.
I am not saying she should "bend over" and give me my way, but this isnt about me, its a trip for my kids with their cousins and friends to an amusement park, its pretty sad.

I can honestly say, she has friends in Hawaii, that if she wanted to go there and visit them for a week on vacation with the girls, i would let her because i know she isnt going to do anything to jeopardize her standing with the court or me. Why cant she see it the same way? I am not sure to be honest.

Either way my lawye is going to get involved and we are going to be hashing it out!
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I understand your POV. But having recently been on the other side of this kind of situation (except it involved travel to a 3rd world country, not signatory to the Hague convention), I've got to suggest that you back off on this until the divorce is final and things are settled.

Your wife may just be being a vindictive bitch ... but she may also have real concerns, legitimate or not. All it's going to do is escalate an already very difficult situation, and unlike my kids, your's are old enough to understand what's going on. Plus you'll just spend more money on lawyers.

I'd really consider postponing the trip, or finding a place closer.
 
SaigonK

SaigonK

Diamond Member
Aug 13, 2001
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www.robertrivas.com
I talked to my lawyer, she saud I can take them to the park, and not to worry about it. There is nowhere for anyone to escalate the issue to. We both have legal right, and if she had a concern about me "taking" the kids, why did she agree to me being responsible for them one weekend and her the other? My attorney told me that even if she tried to go to court, it would not get anywhere, the guardian has been appointed, we are in proicess and the court would not even hear this type of motion since we have already been travelling with the kids (albeit in the state) for over 7 months. If she had a concern, they will ask her why she didnt care until now?
 
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DevilsAdvocate

Banned
Jul 1, 2000
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Originally posted by: Geekbabe
I wonder what the guardian ad litiuem would think of this thread?
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Probably would not think too highly of it.

Be careful of what you say online. It sometimes comes back to bite you in the ass.
 
SaigonK

SaigonK

Diamond Member
Aug 13, 2001
7,482
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www.robertrivas.com
Originally posted by: Geekbabe
I wonder what the guardian ad litiuem would think of this thread?
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The guardians job isnt to worry about me venting to people, its to worry about my interaction with my children. Dont confuse the roles.
I actually have a close friend who does GAL work, I have spokent o him numerous time sbaout venting to people, etc. in his role, he said it doesnt matter, its human nature and all GAL's know this happens, his issue would be if I were saying things like "she is an unfit mother" or "I am going to hold out so i dont have to pay support" things like that.
 
Pliablemoose

Pliablemoose

Lifer
Oct 11, 1999
25,195
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The guardian ad litiuem's report will be BS, they rarely stick their neck out unless one of the parents is a sociopath:(

Another reason I don't like mediation, no-one wins, everything is a settlement.
 
SaigonK

SaigonK

Diamond Member
Aug 13, 2001
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www.robertrivas.com
Originally posted by: Pliablemoose
The guardian ad litiuem's report will be BS, they rarely stick their neck out unless one of the parents is a sociopath:( Another reason I don't like mediation, no-one wins, everything is a settlement.
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So true moose! Hopefully they figure out that seeing BOTh parents is best for the kids, and not one parent or the other dictating life.


Another update!
 
G

Gravity

Diamond Member
Mar 21, 2003
5,685
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Dude, this is horrible and a good narrative for anyone considering divorce to read.

I hope I don't go through this. Hang tough and try to love the kids!!
 
hg321

hg321

Golden Member
Oct 21, 2000
1,318
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Hang in there SaigonK...I can't believe they want to know how much the trip is costing...you would figure she would be happy the kids are going to have fun
 
M

maziwanka

Lifer
Jul 4, 2000
10,415
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wow. i never realized divorce proceedings are so hairy. i hope things workout for you (ie. things end up fairly - you shouldnt have to pay off any of your wife's debt) and your kids.

if your wife is acting this way, i feel sorry for your kids. good luck....
 
Z

Zombie

Platinum Member
Dec 8, 1999
2,359
1
71
I probably shouldn't say this but WTF dude. I am sick of this thread. Just give it up and move on with your life. Is that cheapass apartment worth all this hastle ?
 
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badmouse

Platinum Member
Dec 3, 2003
2,862
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wow. i never realized divorce proceedings are so hairy. i hope things workout for you (ie. things end up fairly - you shouldnt have to pay off any of your wife's debt) and your kids.
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Yep, things can get pretty bad.
I probably shouldn't say this but WTF dude. I am sick of this thread. Just give it up and move on with your life. Is that cheapass apartment worth all this hastle ?
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You think you're sick of this, how do you think poor SaigonK feels? He can't give up. It ain't the apartment, it's the kids. He should walk out on them? No. I honor him for staying the course. Hope this gives you some insight into what hoops dads have to go through to stay good fathers after divorce.
 
C

conjur

No Lifer
Jun 7, 2001
58,686
3
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The judge is gonna be pissed at your ex once it gets there.

She and her lawyer are doing everything wrong that they possibly can.

Fortitude, SaigonK...fortitude!!
 
A

Armitage

Banned
Feb 23, 2001
8,086
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0
Originally posted by: maziwanka
wow. i never realized divorce proceedings are so hairy. i hope things workout for you (ie. things end up fairly - you shouldnt have to pay off any of your wife's debt) and your kids.

if your wife is acting this way, i feel sorry for your kids. good luck....
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Heh ... SaigonK's (and my own) stories are pretty tame compared to many. Look up Pliablemoose's story sometime.
 
SaigonK

SaigonK

Diamond Member
Aug 13, 2001
7,482
3
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www.robertrivas.com
Originally posted by: Zombie
I probably shouldn't say this but WTF dude. I am sick of this thread. Just give it up and move on with your life. Is that cheapass apartment worth all this hastle ?
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It amazes me how many people think i am not moving out because of the apartment. I think i have said it a thousand time, if it were just my wife and I...this would have been done within the first few weeks.

So to clear it up:

I have kids, i cant just leave because i am tired of the situation or if I dont like my soon to be ex, or if I decide I have a new 20 year old girlfriend. It isnt that simple.
In this state, if you move out it is a psuedo "abandonment" scenario. you lose your standing with the court and whatever time you get with the kids is what you will get for the rest of the time they are under 18.

I am not losing my time with my kids because my wife has decided shes not happy anymore.
 
A

Armitage

Banned
Feb 23, 2001
8,086
0
0
Man, that is completely fvcked up. She's divorcing you, but still wants to hang out with your family??? I can't even imagine that.

In my situation, the only person angrier then me about his mess is my Dad. For awhile, I told him not to come out and visit until she moved out because I didn't want he & my STBX under the same roof.
 
SaigonK

SaigonK

Diamond Member
Aug 13, 2001
7,482
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www.robertrivas.com
Originally posted by: ergeorge
Man, that is completely fvcked up. She's divorcing you, but still wants to hang out with your family??? I can't even imagine that. In my situation, the only person angrier then me about his mess is my Dad. For awhile, I told him not to come out and visit until she moved out because I didn't want he & my STBX under the same roof.
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My mother brings our kids here and there, appointments, chorus practice, etc. She relies heavily on my family for allot of things since hers is nowhere to be found.
Sooner or later she will realize that she cannot divorce me but keep my family for herself...it doesnt work that way.
 
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