Grocery shopping with an ex a few years back, picked up a gallon of milk and immediately dropped it whilst trying to place it in the cart and looking at something else. It went over the side, hit the floor right near where she was standing, and burst open. Seemingly every drop that wasnt on the floor was on her. She was NOT happy. Got all the way up to around her face too...
alkemyst
No Lifer
- Feb 13, 2001
- 83,769
- 19
- 81
my wife is japanese for one so she doesn't understand a lot of inside jokes here.
We were in line at Costco when she blurts out "Wanna see my hole?" She didn't say it that loud, but it got quite a few looks and some laughter...she wanted me to explain what was funny...
Anyway she had a tooth pulled and it was hurting her...I hadn't seen it yet.
I was cracking up.
We were in line at Costco when she blurts out "Wanna see my hole?" She didn't say it that loud, but it got quite a few looks and some laughter...she wanted me to explain what was funny...
Anyway she had a tooth pulled and it was hurting her...I hadn't seen it yet.
I was cracking up.
My uncle is a hippy/pot head type and went to visit his stepson (my cousin) one afternoon, because my cousing had just had a tooth pulled
he said something similar
thing is, my cousin was in a county jail for breaking his parole, they let him have the tooth pulled and then locked him up for a few days, so my uncle was in jail when he said "dude, is your hole sore?"
Yeah, but mine was an actual mess up :shifty eyes:
Gawd - this one still makes me feel bad:
We were moving out of our last place and there was a nail in the wall for a painting. It had been heavy so I put the nail into the stud but it had bent down slightly from the weight. My wife asked me to get it out since she couldn't. I grab the hammer and start to pry it out. Well, it gave way suddenly and my arm flew backwards - right into the face of my wife who was standing behind me
She had a slight shiner for a couple of days from my elbow. She was ok and kid me about it a lot (apparently the ladies she worked with were concerned that I might be beating her and she joked that if I didn't behave she would tell them I did)
I'd joke back that she'd better do the dishes or there would be another 'nail stuck in the wall'
Ah....good times (It was over 2 years ago and I still bad about it)
meltdown75
Lifer
- Nov 17, 2004
- 37,548
- 7
- 81
oh snap. hopefully it was at least hetero pr0n.Originally posted by: Summit
my ex found a pr0n that i was in...
PingSpike
Lifer
- Feb 25, 2004
- 21,758
- 603
- 126
Same problem with me. (And, strangely, I also have a track record of destroying clothing in the wash...but I myself do not own any items that require special washing for precisely this reason!)
Regarding the dishwasher, in my wife's defense she is used to her parent's dishwasher which is 30 years old or something and a tank. Everytime we visit for a few days I am amazed at how piles of incorrectly stacked dishes and silverware, all caked with food, can be overloaded into that thing and still come out clean. My POS dishwasher occasionally decided to super-fuse sandy food particles all over the glasses, leaving them in a state that is dirtier then they went in.
My real complaint with my wife is the kitchen pots, pans and dishes she picks out. I would personally be fine eating on a set of mismatched plastic bowls, cups and dishes that were purchased at a yard sale so I gave her the task of picking them out. Seems simple right? Unfortunately, the only criterea she seems to select on is that they look pretty. She also followed this list I think for picking them out:
1) Is item dishwasher safe? If yes, choose an item that is not dishwasher safe.
2) If only dishwasher safe items are available, either choose an item so large it cannot fit in the dishwasher, or choose an item that has a porious surface that food clings to unless soaked.
3) After selecting an item that is not dishwasher safe and must be sink washed, choose an item that is to big to fit in the sink.
4) For bonus points, when selecting an item that is to big...assure that it is also extremely heavy and difficult to manuver with one hand.
I have several questions that I had not thought to ask after seeing this selection list put to action. Like, why is this cutting board made out of wood? Or, why do they make half glazed plates? Why do they make crock pots that the pot cannot be removed from the heater system?
Ok you guys will love this one but it takes some backstory
A while ago I met this girl and we dated but mostly just had sex. Anyway, I had naked pictures of her and she kept on calling me and wouldnt stop talking to me. I told her to leave me alone but she insisted so I told her that if she didnt cut off contact I was going to print off 100s of naked pictures and throw them across her campus by her dorm. So I told this story to a few of my friends.
So moving on last year I dated this girl for a year, she was great but she wants kids blah blah I dont blah blah. Anyway, at one point I brought up the prospect of naked photos maybe even some potential video taping to which she replied 'oh, just like that ex girlfriend your friend told me about?' there was an akward silence and safe to say no naked pictures.
A while ago I met this girl and we dated but mostly just had sex. Anyway, I had naked pictures of her and she kept on calling me and wouldnt stop talking to me. I told her to leave me alone but she insisted so I told her that if she didnt cut off contact I was going to print off 100s of naked pictures and throw them across her campus by her dorm. So I told this story to a few of my friends.
So moving on last year I dated this girl for a year, she was great but she wants kids blah blah I dont blah blah. Anyway, at one point I brought up the prospect of naked photos maybe even some potential video taping to which she replied 'oh, just like that ex girlfriend your friend told me about?' there was an akward silence and safe to say no naked pictures.
hahaha, that's why you don't talk bedroom stuff to friends. you never know where it's gonna go next
Well, reading through this thread, I think I'll get asshat of the thread award.
I met my wife in early July '94. In aug '94, we were 'exclusive" and in Sept I proposed. We were married in May '95. So...we were married about 10.5 months after meeting. So now that my gf/fiance are together, my mom and sister would inadvertently refer to her as my ex, and I would correct them. So fast forward to my honeymoon, I think 2 days after being married. Because I kept hearing my ex's name all the time from my mom and sister, the name was floating around in my head. Yep--I did it, too. On my honeymoon. In the car that was occupied with just me and my wife.
She still brings it up sometimes, and I felt extremely horrible at the time, but now it's just funny in an f'ed up kind of way.
There have been other things, too, but that was probably about the worst. And for the record, May 20 makes 13 years and 5 kids later....
I met my wife in early July '94. In aug '94, we were 'exclusive" and in Sept I proposed. We were married in May '95. So...we were married about 10.5 months after meeting. So now that my gf/fiance are together, my mom and sister would inadvertently refer to her as my ex, and I would correct them. So fast forward to my honeymoon, I think 2 days after being married. Because I kept hearing my ex's name all the time from my mom and sister, the name was floating around in my head. Yep--I did it, too. On my honeymoon. In the car that was occupied with just me and my wife.
She still brings it up sometimes, and I felt extremely horrible at the time, but now it's just funny in an f'ed up kind of way.
There have been other things, too, but that was probably about the worst. And for the record, May 20 makes 13 years and 5 kids later....
When my wife and I were dating we lived in a smaller house and used a wood stove to heat part of the house. I'm driving home from being out of town and she calls me on my cell and tells me she can't get the fire started. After some Q&A I find out she was trying to use beer to light the fire because it has alcohol in it.
meltdown75
Lifer
- Nov 17, 2004
- 37,548
- 7
- 81
My wife and I were at a really nice steakhouse on a date one time... a couple years after we were married... I was just getting over the flu and had been expelling from both ends quite a bit. Well... I had some gas built up... I thought I could let it go silently and without notice... but... it wasn't just gas
Uppsala9496
Diamond Member
- Nov 2, 2001
- 5,272
- 19
- 81
I did draw a funny smiley face in the "O" in the word pockets....even has a tongue sticking out...
ah but what man can hold back a good woman revenge story from his pals! The moral should be dont date girls that knew you already!Originally posted by: rasczak
hahaha, that's why you don't talk bedroom stuff to friends. you never know where it's gonna go next
MotionMan
Lifer
- Jan 11, 2006
- 17,124
- 12
- 81
That is the first thing that I have laughed out loud at in many weeks. I had tears in my eyes. Every few minutes I start laughing again. That is so classic.
I can picture you thinking, "Killer? Mad Dog? Lefty? What if I give the wrong street name?"
MotionMan
MotionMan
Lifer
- Jan 11, 2006
- 17,124
- 12
- 81
A few years ago, I stealthed the CD drive on my Shuttle computer (see here).
About a year later, my wife, her twin sister and their adult female cousin were having lunch at my house. The cousin had just returned from a trip to Europe and wanted to show my wife and my sister-in-law pictures from her trip. The pictures were on a CD.
So, the three wise (wo)men, with my sister-in-law in the lead for some reason, start by removing the cover over the floppy drive (which is held on by velcro). Hmmm, suddenly that does not look big enough for the CD to fit (as if it looked big enough before they removed the cover?).
Next, they move on to the bigger cover. Since the other cover came off so easily, we?ll just rip that sucker right off...ooops. That doesn?t seem right? (My wife later told me that the moment the cover came off the CD drive, she remembered how to open the drive)
The moral of the story? Boy, there are so many you can take away from this...Don?t let your wife (or her family members) near your computer...Make sure your wife knows how to use your computer properly...Don?t bother explaining ?stealthing? to your wife because she isn?t listening anyway...You can make up your own?
Now, where did I leave my Crazy-Glue?
MotionMan
About a year later, my wife, her twin sister and their adult female cousin were having lunch at my house. The cousin had just returned from a trip to Europe and wanted to show my wife and my sister-in-law pictures from her trip. The pictures were on a CD.
So, the three wise (wo)men, with my sister-in-law in the lead for some reason, start by removing the cover over the floppy drive (which is held on by velcro). Hmmm, suddenly that does not look big enough for the CD to fit (as if it looked big enough before they removed the cover?).
Next, they move on to the bigger cover. Since the other cover came off so easily, we?ll just rip that sucker right off...ooops. That doesn?t seem right? (My wife later told me that the moment the cover came off the CD drive, she remembered how to open the drive)
The moral of the story? Boy, there are so many you can take away from this...Don?t let your wife (or her family members) near your computer...Make sure your wife knows how to use your computer properly...Don?t bother explaining ?stealthing? to your wife because she isn?t listening anyway...You can make up your own?
Now, where did I leave my Crazy-Glue?
MotionMan
Oh god, I cracked up reading that too. I had the room looking at me. I just did it again because you quoted it. That is too funny.
MotionMan
Lifer
- Jan 11, 2006
- 17,124
- 12
- 81
I just remembered another one. I love my wife, but?
There was a time many years ago when I only had a laptop and I would plug a monitor, keyboard and mouse (no docking station) into it on my desk at home. I would take the laptop with me on business trips since my wife, at the time, very rarely used the computer and almost never used it without me present.
One day I got a call on my mobile phone when I was away at a meeting. My lovely bride says that the computer won?t work. I pause, then I look down at my computer on the conference table and say ?Looks fine to me.?
She thought this was the computer.
Sigh?
MotionMan
There was a time many years ago when I only had a laptop and I would plug a monitor, keyboard and mouse (no docking station) into it on my desk at home. I would take the laptop with me on business trips since my wife, at the time, very rarely used the computer and almost never used it without me present.
One day I got a call on my mobile phone when I was away at a meeting. My lovely bride says that the computer won?t work. I pause, then I look down at my computer on the conference table and say ?Looks fine to me.?
She thought this was the computer.
Sigh?
MotionMan
MotionMan
Lifer
- Jan 11, 2006
- 17,124
- 12
- 81
No, but I lived near that area when it happened. My "home" Fry's is right down the block from where that happened. In case you did not see, the FYI link was to give some back story to the Airplane!!! link.
MotionMan
Sounds familiar. My spouse and I went out on our first date in early Sept '93, he moved in with me within a couple weeks, and we got married Feb '94. He called me his ex-wife's name once. Just once. That's not something you do twice. His brother called me her name once as well. He did not repeat that either.
Lesson to all of you kiddies: make a habit of always calling your mate things like 'honey' and 'sweetie'. That way, you won't later call your next partner by the previous one's name.
Sure I have one.
When my wife worked for Goodwill Industries there was one time when the company was going to have a quick snippet in the local TV news regarding some silly function.
My wife was at work when it aired, so she asked me to record it on our VCR, which I did. After the news segement was done, I decided "I needsome time alone, to think some problems out" and used some visual stimulation. I left my pr0n tape in the VCR upon completion.
The next day my wife grabbed the tape in the VCR, brought it to work, and handed the tape over to her boss who was the VP of the local organization at the time.
Later in the day, she asked for the tape back and asked: "How was it?"
"Ummm.... interesting " he replied in a very nonchalant way.
My wife goes to her office to view it, and upon firing the tape up realizes what exactly was on the tape. I get a call, and a 30 minute diatribe about what her image at the company was now.
When my wife worked for Goodwill Industries there was one time when the company was going to have a quick snippet in the local TV news regarding some silly function.
My wife was at work when it aired, so she asked me to record it on our VCR, which I did. After the news segement was done, I decided "I needsome time alone, to think some problems out" and used some visual stimulation. I left my pr0n tape in the VCR upon completion.
The next day my wife grabbed the tape in the VCR, brought it to work, and handed the tape over to her boss who was the VP of the local organization at the time.
Later in the day, she asked for the tape back and asked: "How was it?"
"Ummm.... interesting " he replied in a very nonchalant way.
My wife goes to her office to view it, and upon firing the tape up realizes what exactly was on the tape. I get a call, and a 30 minute diatribe about what her image at the company was now.
MotionMan
Lifer
- Jan 11, 2006
- 17,124
- 12
- 81
My mother in law had a long time boyfriend who always attended family functions and got pretty close with the kids in the family. They broke up and my MIL now has another boyfriend who has been around long enough to be called grandpa by the kids.
Unfortunately, within the past few years, the old boyfriend died and many members of our family went to the funeral and back to the house afterwards.
The next day, we had another family function and when the current boyfriend walked in, one of the adults very loudly greeted him by calling him the name of the deceased former boyfriend.
To make matters worse, someone else called him by the wrong name again a few minutes later.
Ugh.
MotionMan
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