Embarrassing screw-ups with your spouse

[Fritzo]

We were just talking about this at work. I've had a couple of good ones.

Several years ago when we were first married, I thought it would be a cool Valentines Day present to get my wife some hawt lingerie. So, I go into Frederick's of Hollywood, and you can pick out tops and bottoms to make a matching set there. So, I know her bra size, and then the clerk asks for her panty size. I knew she wore a size 10 pants, so I figured I'd get her size 10 panties.

On that day, I found out that...much like the women that wear them...women's underwear sizing is incredibly complex, so a size 10 in panties = about a size 18 in pants. When she opened my gift I went from giddy excitement to fearing for my life!!!

The other time was a couple of years ago when that Paris Hilton video thing was going around, I downloaded a torrent of the video. Turns out it was full of gay porn, and I deleted it and searched for another legit torrent. Well, that crap stayed in my Recycle Bin and the wife found it....right after she watched a show on Oprah about guys "living on the down-low". UGH---it took me a month to convince her I'M NOT GAY- I JUST WANTED TO SEE PARIS HILTON NEKID!!!! LOL!!!!

Post your disasters.

 

[E equals MC2]

My GF farted once. It came out unexpectedly.

I just started to laugh at her face. She's so cute...

fack i miss her now.

 

[Quasmo]

Originally posted by: E equals MC2
My GF farted once. It came out unexpectedly.

I just started to laugh at her face. She's so cute...

fack i miss her now.

My GF farts all the time.

 

[rasczak]

wife caught me spankin the monkey one time. she just walked away and went to bed. two days later after i had thought i was in the *clear*, she asks me, so what were you doing the other night? i never turned so red in my entire life. the whole time she was just laughing. hehe

 

[Ika]

Originally posted by: rasczak
wife caught me spankin the monkey one time. she just walked away and went to bed. two days later after i had thought i was in the *clear*, she asks me, so what were you doing the other night? i never turned so red in my entire life. the whole time she was just laughing. hehe

You shouldn't have affairs with monkeys

you might get AIDS

 

[rasczak]

Originally posted by: Aflac

Originally posted by: rasczak
wife caught me spankin the monkey one time. she just walked away and went to bed. two days later after i had thought i was in the *clear*, she asks me, so what were you doing the other night? i never turned so red in my entire life. the whole time she was just laughing. hehe

You shouldn't have affairs with monkeys

you might get AIDS

then practically every guy in AT must have AIDS then

 

[newb111]

Originally posted by: rasczak

Originally posted by: Aflac

Originally posted by: rasczak
wife caught me spankin the monkey one time. she just walked away and went to bed. two days later after i had thought i was in the *clear*, she asks me, so what were you doing the other night? i never turned so red in my entire life. the whole time she was just laughing. hehe

You shouldn't have affairs with monkeys

you might get AIDS

then practically every guy in AT must have AIDS then

That's why I only flog the dolphin. Fin rot > AIDS.

 

[Fritzo]

Originally posted by: newb111

Originally posted by: rasczak

Originally posted by: Aflac

Originally posted by: rasczak
wife caught me spankin the monkey one time. she just walked away and went to bed. two days later after i had thought i was in the *clear*, she asks me, so what were you doing the other night? i never turned so red in my entire life. the whole time she was just laughing. hehe

You shouldn't have affairs with monkeys

you might get AIDS

then practically every guy in AT must have AIDS then

That's why I only flog the dolphin. Fin rot > AIDS.

What if you get ick?

 

[rasczak]

Originally posted by: Fritzo

Originally posted by: newb111

Originally posted by: rasczak

Originally posted by: Aflac

Originally posted by: rasczak
wife caught me spankin the monkey one time. she just walked away and went to bed. two days later after i had thought i was in the *clear*, she asks me, so what were you doing the other night? i never turned so red in my entire life. the whole time she was just laughing. hehe

You shouldn't have affairs with monkeys

you might get AIDS

then practically every guy in AT must have AIDS then

That's why I only flog the dolphin. Fin rot > AIDS.

What if you get ick?

ick = AIDS for fish IMO. I think newb has ick not fin rot.

 

[E equals MC2]

Originally posted by: rasczak
wife caught me spankin the monkey one time. she just walked away and went to bed. two days later after i had thought i was in the *clear*, she asks me, so what were you doing the other night? i never turned so red in my entire life. the whole time she was just laughing. hehe

you don't jerk off in front of your gf sometimes? Or you were just embarassed because your gf saw you doing it alone?

 

[Fritzo]

Originally posted by: E equals MC2

Originally posted by: rasczak
wife caught me spankin the monkey one time. she just walked away and went to bed. two days later after i had thought i was in the *clear*, she asks me, so what were you doing the other night? i never turned so red in my entire life. the whole time she was just laughing. hehe

you don't jerk off in front of your gf sometimes? Or you were just embarassed because your gf saw you doing it alone?

I know she doesn't seem to mind when I do it outside of their window.

 

[lizardth]

I accibently spit on Fullmetal Chocobo before we were even dating. You know when you pretend to dribble spit on someone when you are above them and you try to get the string of spit as long as you can? Well it got too long and splat! Right on his face. Poor guy was so desperate he still asked me out!

 

[imported_yovonbishop]

Originally posted by: Fritzo

Originally posted by: E equals MC2

Originally posted by: rasczak
wife caught me spankin the monkey one time. she just walked away and went to bed. two days later after i had thought i was in the *clear*, she asks me, so what were you doing the other night? i never turned so red in my entire life. the whole time she was just laughing. hehe

you don't jerk off in front of your gf sometimes? Or you were just embarassed because your gf saw you doing it alone?

I know she doesn't seem to mind when I do it outside of their window.

Very funny story. At least she could laugh about it, she must've been shocked though when she found you, you know, *ahem*.

And Fritzo, you're one sick, sick man:laugh:

The sad part about the panties bit is that it really is confusing. I could never understand why they sized them the way they did. At least it was an honest mistake.

 

[Fullmetal Chocobo]

Originally posted by: lizardth
I accibently spit on Fullmetal Chocobo before we were even dating. You know when you pretend to dribble spit on someone when you are above them and you try to get the string of spit as long as you can? Well it got too long and splat! Right on his face. Poor guy was so desperate he still asked me out!

That is the least of the stuff you do now.

 

[D1gger]

When my SO and I were still dating (many years ago ... before the age of cell phones) she had been on a trip to Vancouver. I knew she was coming back on Saturday afternoon, so I went over to a friend's house Saturday morning to help him work on his car. As fate would have it, we decided to smoke a little grass while we worked and soon got too shit-faced to do anything.

I got home later to a message that she was coming back on the 5 o'clock ferry from Vancouver, and could I please pick her up at the bus depot. In my fuzzy state, I missed the part about bus depot and headed straight out to the ferry terminal, about 30 minutes north of town.

I wait until all of the walk-off passengers disembark ... and no gf. Very confused now, I wait an hour until the next boat ... still no gf.

I finally just head home, thinking I got something terribly wrong, but not sure what it could be. The answering machine let me know in no uncertain terms that she was pissed. She ended up taking a taxi from the bus depot to her apartment, and wanted to know where the hell I had been. It took about three weeks before she stopped bugging me about being too wasted to understand a simple phone message.

Almost 30 years later and she still teases me about this one.

 

[mattocs]

My wife once put liquid fabric softener in the dryer.

 

[nakedfrog]

Originally posted by: lizardth
I accibently spit on Fullmetal Chocobo before we were even dating. You know when you pretend to dribble spit on someone when you are above them and you try to get the string of spit as long as you can? Well it got too long and splat! Right on his face. Poor guy was so desperate he still asked me out!

In his defense, we've seen pics

 

[OdiN]

You use the recycle bin?

FAIL!

And even MORE FAIL on the panties thing. How can you get that size and not notice that hey....those are way too big for her!

 

[Anubis]

Originally posted by: nakedfrog

Originally posted by: lizardth
I accibently spit on Fullmetal Chocobo before we were even dating. You know when you pretend to dribble spit on someone when you are above them and you try to get the string of spit as long as you can? Well it got too long and splat! Right on his face. Poor guy was so desperate he still asked me out!

In his defense, we've seen pics

i havent post some up

 

[slag]

My wife grew up on a farm in the middle of BFE, Kansas. Out in the sticks, they never ordered out food and had it delivered. They made everything--chicken, pizza, burgers, and only ate fast food when they went into town to pick up stuff.

Anyway, in college, she came over to my apartment and wanted to reheat some pizza hut pizza i had in the fridge. She preheated the oven and put the pizza in. We are watching tv in the other room and the smoke alarm in the kitchen goes off (its on the other side of the house). Run over there to billowing smoke coming from the oven. She didn't realize you had to remove the pizza from the box before putting it in the oven to warm up.

Caught a lot of flack from my landlord about that and the smoke smell stayed around for days...

I still rib her about it 15 years later..

 

[Gooberlx2]

Originally posted by: Fritzo
The other time was a couple of years ago when that Paris Hilton video thing was going around, I downloaded a torrent of the video. Turns out it was full of gay porn, and I deleted it and searched for another legit torrent. Well, that crap stayed in my Recycle Bin and the wife found it....right after she watched a show on Oprah about guys "living on the down-low". UGH---it took me a month to convince her I'M NOT GAY- I JUST WANTED TO SEE PARIS HILTON NEKID!!!! LOL!!!!

Post your disasters.

Something similar. My friend pranked me through an email link which redirected me to gaybeef.com. The wife noticed it in the browser history while I was at work and was VERY upset when I got home. Yeah, it took a couple hours to explain and convince her what had actually happened.

 

[tw1164]

Not my screw-up, but......The other day that the grocery store we had to pick some string cheese for my lunch. She told me to find the Polly-O brand cheese since she had a coupon. The only problem was that she pronounced Polly-O as Polio. LOL, I started laughing (for at least 5 mins) and everyone started to stare at us. She was so embarrassed.

 

[Anubis]

Originally posted by: tw1164
Not my screw-up, but......The other day that the grocery store we had to pick some string cheese for my lunch. She told me to find the Polly-O brand cheese since she had a coupon. The only problem was that she pronounced Polly-O as Polio. LOL, I started laughing (for at least 5 mins) and everyone started to stare at us. She was so embarrassed.

i would have bee ROFLing also @ polio cheese

 

[Gibson486]

Originally posted by: Fritzo

Originally posted by: E equals MC2

Originally posted by: rasczak
wife caught me spankin the monkey one time. she just walked away and went to bed. two days later after i had thought i was in the *clear*, she asks me, so what were you doing the other night? i never turned so red in my entire life. the whole time she was just laughing. hehe

you don't jerk off in front of your gf sometimes? Or you were just embarassed because your gf saw you doing it alone?

I know she doesn't seem to mind when I do it outside of their window.

just make sure there are no young kids.

 

[Uppsala9496]

About 3 weeks ago my wife in a sleep deprived state was changing our daughter (all of 3 weeks old) and put the dirty diaper in the dresser after she had grabbed a change of clothes for the baby.
I went to get some clothes out for the baby the next day and noticed the diaper. Good thing it was just a pee diaper.


My wife also managed to wash our passports that were in my cargo pants pocket after a trip. Went through the wash and dry cycles. Of course we had another out of country trip a couple months later so I had to shell out the money to get new ones expedited.
As a result of that fiasco I taped a huge sign on the washing machine that says "Check Pockets".