• Guest, The rules for the P & N subforum have been updated to prohibit "ad hominem" or personal attacks against other posters. See the full details in the post "Politics and News Rules & Guidelines."

Dad disowns his gay son in handwritten letter

Page 5 - Seeking answers? Join the AnandTech community: where nearly half-a-million members share solutions and discuss the latest tech.

fuzzybabybunny

Moderator<br>Digital & Video Cameras
Moderator
Jan 2, 2006
10,455
33
91
Oh well, to hell with the father. 30 years from now when he's old & alone in the only shitty nursing home that Medicaid will pay for he'll regret this.
Just as likely that he'll be surrounded by all his other loved ones who are expressing to him how sorry they are that his son "turned out" like that.
 

BoomerD

No Lifer
Feb 26, 2006
58,086
6,280
126
Weather or not somebody is gay is not a choice. The only choice for them is when to come out of the closet. Perhaps you are suggesting that they should keep it a secret for the rest of their lives and attempt to live a life as a straight person? Yea, because that's not fvcked up and that always works?

Your religion is a "choice." Weather or not you choose to take heroin is a choice. Your sexual preference is a "preference." That is not a choice. No decision takes place. You simply are attracted to whatever your attracted to.

No gay person I have ever known has chosen to be gay. The only choice they made was that they would try to be happy rather than pretend otherwise.
You also have the "choice" to use the correct word..."Weather" refers to climate...I think you want "whether." :biggrin:

As for my religion...I have none. I have a tough time believing that some omnipotent being who has the power to create the universe would give a shit whether (notice how I used that word correctly?) I, as a mammalian being on a small, otherwise insignificant planet orbiting a small insignificant star, would "worship me" and follow the laws that other men claim that I have passed down to them.
If there was such a being whose ego was SO large that it demanded my worship, I'd think "he" would have burned those words in the sky, never to be erased...and we would NOT have the "free will" to choose whether we obeyed them or not.

Anyway...I don't claim "being gay" is a choice...but I DO claim that the father has the right to disown his son...for any reason he wants.

If my son came out of the closet...and announced he was a Tea Party Republican...I'd probably disown him over that...:p



So for you, wrong is limited only to illegal? Like I said to the other poster, that's a very narrow definition of 'wrong.'
How else do you determine "wrong?" Everyone has his or her own opinion of what's "right and wrong" in life...whose set of standards do we use?

Note that nowhere have I said that being gay was WRONG...even though I don't "approve" of the lifestyle many gay people adopt...it's their life, not mine, and what two consenting adults do in the privacy of their home is none of my business...I just don't want to see the "open display" of it anymore than I want to see a straight couple sucking face in public.


Oh well, to hell with the father. 30 years from now when he's old & alone in the only shitty nursing home that Medicaid will pay for he'll regret this.
Quite possibly true. I expect he will come to regret the decision...but that's between him and his son. Who am I (or for that matter, who are WE) to tell him he's wrong? That's something he will have to decide.
 

Retro Rob

Diamond Member
Apr 22, 2012
8,150
108
106
Not accepting people based on their sexual orientation is wrong no matter how you slice it. Justifying the non-acceptance by hiding behind the veil of religion is cowardly and ignorant.

Would you disown or not accept your own children should they be born lesbian or gay?
Yep, ok broham....

You're entitled to your opinion.

Secondly, nope. Never would I disown my children... ever.


After all, you don't hate the human, you only hate the behavior, right?
I don't even hate homosexual/lesbian persons. Honestly. They're... people, after all. We are all the same. We are all people when it's all said and done.

That's how I feel.



I suppose you also hate masturbation and sex before marriage and all that jazz, too. Yes, yes. I'm sure you do.
*Sarcasm*
 
Nov 30, 2006
15,456
389
121
My vocabulary is fine. I don't have to prove anything to you. Thanks for calling me out in the thread for saying I am discontented with Christianity...it must really hurt you guys to not have everyone on your side. Disagreeing with any of you makes me "ignorant". hahaha
No...you don't have to prove anything to me and I never asked you to.

And I never said that disagreeing with me makes you "ignorant"...I said that if your discontentment with Christianity was based on incidents like this, then you really don't understand Christianity....which you essentially admitted to by saying "I don't really give a shit about understanding the Religion". So, in the end, it appears that we agree.
 

SheHateMe

Diamond Member
Jul 21, 2012
7,251
20
81
No...you don't have to prove anything to me and I never asked you to.

And I never said that disagreeing with me makes you "ignorant"...I said that if your discontentment with Christianity was based on incidents like this, then you really don't understand Christianity....which you essentially admitted to by saying "I don't really give a shit about understanding the Religion". So, in the end, it appears that we agree.
There's a lot of things that led to me being discontented with the Religion. This topic happens to be one of them...you don't know me or my life, so I suggest you stop being a douche just because I used this thread as an example why I have an issue with Christianity.
 

BurnItDwn

Lifer
Oct 10, 1999
25,802
1,297
126
You also have the "choice" to use the correct word..."Weather" refers to climate...I think you want "whether." :biggrin:

As for my religion...I have none. I have a tough time believing that some omnipotent being who has the power to create the universe would give a shit whether (notice how I used that word correctly?) I, as a mammalian being on a small, otherwise insignificant planet orbiting a small insignificant star, would "worship me" and follow the laws that other men claim that I have passed down to them.
If there was such a being whose ego was SO large that it demanded my worship, I'd think "he" would have burned those words in the sky, never to be erased...and we would NOT have the "free will" to choose whether we obeyed them or not.

Anyway...I don't claim "being gay" is a choice...but I DO claim that the father has the right to disown his son...for any reason he wants.

If my son came out of the closet...and announced he was a Tea Party Republican...I'd probably disown him over that...:p
Sorry, indeed I have used the wrong word. The weather here is improved. The sky got dark and water came out of it. That used to happen a lot, but this summer, it's only happened once or twice. Very very dry here.

And religion. yes, I should have generalized and said "A person's religion is a choice", rather than saying "your."
I think most people don't actually believe whatever their religion is. I think they just go along with whatever their parents were so that they do not have to deal with disapproval.

Yes, the father has the right, they can disown their son for no reason at all if they want to. I also think the father is quite a bastard for doing that.

I hope for your family's sake that nobody comes out as a tea party republican :)

It's late in the day, but soon going home and then I will build a "log cabin" out of fried bacon strips which I will then eat.
 

woolfe9999

Diamond Member
Mar 28, 2005
7,164
0
0
Yeah, whatever.

I'm not about to argue with you. I was not comparing lifestyles, just drawing a similarity in things people do, that people choose to dislike for whatever reason.

I don't care if being gay is or isn't a choice. I don't accept gay behavior. I also don't care what drives someone to drug dealing. I don't accept it that behavior.

If this isn't clear to you, I don't know how clear I can make it.

It's all about rejecting a certain behavior that one views as wrong, no matter the cause, reason.....
If he disowned his son because his son decided to marry a black girl and the father didn't approve of inter-racial couplings, would that be similarly "courageous?" Remember, it would be his son's choice who he marries, and if the father disapproves and disowns him, by your logic that is to be admired because he is not allowing society/political correctness, whatever to dictate his opinion. It's also courageous to say, deny the Holocaust, right, because most of society deems it to be a repugnant view?

Let's face it, you just think he's "courageous" because you share his view of homosexuality. This form of intolerance is OK with you. That's fine, but lets not call something "courageous" just because that person happens to agree with you, or you might just have to stick with that when someone takes a position you find reprehensible. Let's just say you agree with his view of homosexuality and leave it at that.

- wolf
 

Retro Rob

Diamond Member
Apr 22, 2012
8,150
108
106
If he disowned his son because his son decided to marry a black girl and the father didn't approve of inter-racial couplings, would that be similarly "courageous?" Remember, it would be his son's choice who he marries, and if the father disapproves and disowns him, by your logic that is to be admired because he is not allowing society/political correctness, whatever to dictate his opinion. It's also courageous to say, deny the Holocaust, right, because most of society deems it to be a repugnant view?

Let's face it, you just think he's "courageous" because you share his view of homosexuality. This form of intolerance is OK with you. That's fine, but lets not call something "courageous" just because that person happens to agree with you, or you might just have to stick with that when someone takes a position you find reprehensible. Let's just say you agree with his view of homosexuality and leave it at that.

- wolf
Marrying outside his race isn't a moral issue, that's why, basically. It really isn't about homosexuality.. again, it's a moral issue no matter what it was. The reason why I say it's courageous is because of the amount of criticism people are subject to if they do take a firm "NO" stand of the topic seeing how people in general have a very acceptable view on things that are immoral, in general.

The same is true of the opposite. However, I can't call a person courageous for taking a stand on the side of immorality, to be brutally honest with you. Doing anything "immoral" isn't something I endorse. I am also not supporting hate speeches and acts of hateful discrimination against homosexual persons either.. or "disowning" your kids for that reason. So before someone pushes that "anti-gay" homophobic button, just note that.

EDIT: Something I forgot to add, I have never had any homosexual friends, but I have talked to them before. They are really no different that myself. They liked sports, movies, games among other things... things I liked. Why would people hate them is beyond me.
 
Last edited:

Sonikku

Lifer
Jun 23, 2005
15,710
4,381
136
Standing for what he believes to be right: +10 points
Disowning his son because of those beliefs: -5 million points

Comparing an illegal activity (drug-dealing) with a legal activity (homosexuality) is ignorant. Drug-dealing is a choice, homosexuality is not.
Well of course homosexuality is a choice. That's why we all have thoughts of cuddling with other guys constantly, but still do it with girls despite their icky bodies repulsing all of us.
 

bfdd

Lifer
Feb 3, 2007
13,312
1
0
The dad who wrote that letter is anything but courageous. He's a coward.
meh he is what he is, I disagree with what he did, but I can't hate on him for what he believes and if he wants to be this kind of asshole then more power to the son because his father isn't worth a damn anyways.
 

zinfamous

No Lifer
Jul 12, 2006
106,632
21,716
146
there are some useless, shitty fathers out there. why is this prick alive and why did my brother die?

shit like this makes me angry.
 

alzan

Diamond Member
May 21, 2003
3,860
2
0
Yep, ok broham....

You're entitled to your opinion.

Secondly, nope. Never would I disown my children... ever.




I don't even hate homosexual/lesbian persons. Honestly. They're... people, after all. We are all the same. We are all people when it's all said and done.

That's how I feel.





*Sarcasm*
Not sure what/who "broham" is but whatever.

Hide behind the Bible if you choose. You'll find that it does not serve you well in all of life's situations so I hope you have something else to fall back on.

Glad to hear you wouldn't disown your children. I'm sure they'll be glad as well.

Wow. Did it hurt to have to admit that? Or was that pause a mental hiccup?
 

Retro Rob

Diamond Member
Apr 22, 2012
8,150
108
106
Not sure what/who "broham" is but whatever.

Hide behind the Bible if you choose. You'll find that it does not serve you well in all of life's situations so I hope you have something else to fall back on.

Glad to hear you wouldn't disown your children. I'm sure they'll be glad as well.
Shows how much you really know about it... close to nothing...:rolleyes:

Wow. Did it hurt to have to admit that? Or was that pause a mental hiccup?
Nope, neither, bro...
 

lotus503

Diamond Member
Feb 12, 2005
6,502
1
76
I want my kids to be happy and as long as its not at someone's else's misery or expense I just don't care.

Do I want my kids to be gay? Not really but not because I care about their sexuality, rather know how society treats homosexuals and wouldn't want them to suffer because of ignorance.
 
Jan 25, 2011
16,218
7,869
146
I have three kids. At no point in their lives have we ever discussed sexuality as it relates to them being gay/straight. We probably never will. They will discover who they are on their own and my wife and I will support them no matter what.

I would be disappointed if they did not end up being respectful people with sound quality of character. If one or all ended up gay I really wouldn't give a shit beyond the fact that they would have to deal with prejudiced idiots who spend far too much time worry about the private lives of others.
 

dank69

Lifer
Oct 6, 2009
30,056
15,224
136
...

How else do you determine "wrong?" Everyone has his or her own opinion of what's "right and wrong" in life...whose set of standards do we use?

Note that nowhere have I said that being gay was WRONG...even though I don't "approve" of the lifestyle many gay people adopt...it's their life, not mine, and what two consenting adults do in the privacy of their home is none of my business...I just don't want to see the "open display" of it anymore than I want to see a straight couple sucking face in public.

...
So you definitely think the law is what determines what is right and wrong? If our government ammended the constitution and passed laws making it illegal to have children, you would start believing that having children is wrong? Or is it possible that the laws of men can be fallible?
 

dank69

Lifer
Oct 6, 2009
30,056
15,224
136
...

Classifying it as 'behavior' is a convenient way for you to seperate the act from the human, making it morally acceptable to hate it. After all, you don't hate the human, you only hate the behavior, right?
I don't even hate homosexual/lesbian persons. Honestly. They're... people, after all. We are all the same. We are all people when it's all said and done.

That's how I feel.
No, of course you don't hate them. You'd be crazy if you did. You just think it's okay to restrict their freedom because they made an evil choice according to you. That's not hateful at all.





I suppose you also hate masturbation and sex before marriage and all that jazz, too. Yes, yes. I'm sure you do.
*Sarcasm*
What sarcasm? You disapprove of homosexual behavior because your religon tells you to. Does your religion not also tell you masturbation and sex before marriage is immoral behavior? So do you hate those behaviors as well?
 

werepossum

Elite Member
Jul 10, 2006
29,873
462
126
It actually says that nowhere in the New Testament. I love all these people that bash Christianity and have never read the NT. Jesus dined with prostitutes, lepers, and tax collectors; not the rich and wealthy. He encouraged those around him, his followers, to follow in this tradition of helping and aiding those less fortunate. The whole point of the ministry was to be accepting of others, regardless of their place in life. The magi that visited Jesus weren't Judeo-Christian. The Good Samaritan wasn't either, yet he was held up as an example of someone who was acting with Christian values, in that he helped someone else without even knowing them. When you meet someone that's judging, screaming, throwing hate at someone in the name of Christianity, they're not acting like a true Christian, no matter how much they say they are. Dislike their views all you want, but please don't act as though they're acting as what is taught by Jesus, because they're not. They're just people that are afraid, and are using Christianity to try and push back against that which they fear.


I'm Catholic, but I don't ram it down others throats, I'm liberal on most social issues, and the priest at my church is as well. He openly speaks about accepting the choices of others in the LGBT community, other religions, etc. even if you don't agree with them, and welcoming them into your life if they're good people. That's what Catholicism/Christianity is supposed to be, and I wish more churches were like this. I know this post doesn't really fit in with the screaming/yelling/all-caps posts that typically come with these threads, but I wanted to post a response to the above quoted post.
Very well said.

Letter is fake.

Anybody who has written a letter of disown-ment always signs with their name, not "Dad" or "Mom" that name is gone by the end of the letter.

Somebody just wanted to catch the end of the chick-fil-a ordeal and post some made up stuff.
I very strongly suspect you are correct.
 

Retro Rob

Diamond Member
Apr 22, 2012
8,150
108
106
So do you hate those behaviors as well?
Yes.

You just think it's okay to restrict their freedom because they made an evil choice according to you.

What sarcasm? You disapprove of homosexual behavior because your religon tells you to. Does your religion not also tell you masturbation and sex before marriage is immoral behavior?
You're free to believe what you want, sir.
 
Last edited:

BoomerD

No Lifer
Feb 26, 2006
58,086
6,280
126
So you definitely think the law is what determines what is right and wrong? If our government ammended the constitution and passed laws making it illegal to have children, you would start believing that having children is wrong? Or is it possible that the laws of men can be fallible?
Nice strawman you've thrown out there...

to begin with, the US Government can't amend the constitution without the approval of the US citizenry...and while I MIGHT support restrictions on who could have children, (some folks just aren't cut out to be parents...see the topic of this thread) and while I MIGHT support restrictions on HOW MANY children a couple could have...(damned Catholics and Mormons) in reality, it will be a VERY long time before such things would even be suggested. (Although I DO suspect that they will come up before we reach "India-population levels.")

Can the laws of men be fallible? Of course they are...Men, after all are fallible, therefore the laws of men will be fallible.

Better to err on the side of personal freedoms than on the side of over-regulation, don't you think?
Would you make it illegal for the father to disown his son because the son is gay?
I wouldn't. I might not approve...but I wouldn't make it a crime either.
 

dank69

Lifer
Oct 6, 2009
30,056
15,224
136
Nice strawman you've thrown out there...

to begin with, the US Government can't amend the constitution without the approval of the US citizenry...and while I MIGHT support restrictions on who could have children, (some folks just aren't cut out to be parents...see the topic of this thread) and while I MIGHT support restrictions on HOW MANY children a couple could have...(damned Catholics and Mormons) in reality, it will be a VERY long time before such things would even be suggested. (Although I DO suspect that they will come up before we reach "India-population levels.")
That's not a strawman. I'm asking how you would react to a purely hypothetical situation to expose holes in your logic. It is irrelevant if the hypothetical situation could or could not happen. The question was:
If it happened, would you suddenly think having children is wrong?

Can the laws of men be fallible? Of course they are...Men, after all are fallible, therefore the laws of men will be fallible.
Good, you're not insane. So since the law is not always a reliable way to gauge right and wrong, how do you determine what is right and what is wrong? I ask you this because you seemed to think it was absurd that I don't depend on laws to tell me what is wrong.

Better to err on the side of personal freedoms than on the side of over-regulation, don't you think?
That's typically my mantra. In fact, my entire philosophy could be boiled down to a simple sentence:
If it doesn't affect anyone else there should not be a law against it. (Negative side effects of a law that would not be present if the law didn't exist do not count as examples of how the outlawed X affect someone else.)
Would you make it illegal for the father to disown his son because the son is gay?
I wouldn't. I might not approve...but I wouldn't make it a crime either.
Of course not. Nobody here ever said it should be illegal. THAT is a strawman, btw, which is why I called the first person to present it a fucking nitwit.
 
Last edited:

BoomerD

No Lifer
Feb 26, 2006
58,086
6,280
126
That's not a strawman. I'm asking how you would react to a purely hypothetical situation to expose holes in your logic. It is irrelevant if the hypothetical situation could or could not happen. The question was:
If it happened, would you suddenly think having children is wrong?

Good, you're not insane. So since the law is not always a reliable way to gauge right and wrong, how do you determine what is right and what is wrong? I ask you this because you seemed to think it was absurd that I don't depend on laws to tell me what is wrong.


Of course not. Nobody here ever said it should be illegal. THAT is a strawman, btw, which is why I called the first person to present it a fucking nitwit.
So then...you're depending on your own values to determine what's right and wrong?

:hmm:

Once again...that sounds to me like exactly what the father has done.

As I've said numerous times, I DO NOT agree with the father's decision, but I DO support his right to make it...and I think he'll probably come to regret it in time.
 

dank69

Lifer
Oct 6, 2009
30,056
15,224
136
So then...you're depending on your own values to determine what's right and wrong?

:hmm:

Once again...that sounds to me like exactly what the father has done.

As I've said numerous times, I DO NOT agree with the father's decision, but I DO support his right to make it...and I think he'll probably come to regret it in time.
In other words, you think he made the wrong decision, which is all anyone is saying here. For some reason, you and many others hear people say the father is wrong, and suddenly you think we are saying he doesn't have the right to make that decision. That's a weird thing to think.
 

ASK THE COMMUNITY