...but that's how I drive down my street, though.

Lots of kids around, so I'd hate to spin out and kill some kids through the clear fault of the car. Plus...I honestly can't drive a BMW. Completely ignoring the unquestionable fun factor, they are explicit douchebag cars.
You do realize nearly all pickups, vans, delivery vehicles, are all rwd, or rwd based, without being afraid of the rain? And most pickup trucks nowadays are 300+hp, with a pretty crappy rear weight bias.
You'd need to be an idiot to do what Clarkson did with the bmw 135 or whatever it was. Yes, I just watched that clip.
If you honestly think thats due to rwd and not a soaked runway, most likely driver aides disabled, and well above a speed where hydroplaning is an issue, then maybe wrong wheel drive really is for you. Even just watching the beginning of the clip, he's driving far more aggressively and still maintains control of the BMW, including a high speed overtake in similar conditions.
Sure, some BMW drivers are douchebags, same with most luxury cars. It shows in their driving. Know how to let people know you aren't a douchebag when you drive one? Using signals, and other courteous behavior like regular folks do. After that, if someone still wants to make that judgement, they probably arent people that I'd concern myself with what they think anyways.
[edit: Not trying to make a case for the 135i. I have no opinion on that car specifically]
But I get the impression that the looks and image it presents seem to make up a decent amount of your decision making, while the "something fun before the robots take over"
[edit: as in the pure sports car type of fun] not as much. If thats the case, don't listen to what I have to say. I'm very much a car performance person. I understand that all the little fancy bits make a car slower, and many a performance car lineage has lost its fun from the purity of its ancestor. (See the gti). Cars I'd pick to enjoy driving would be ones where it knows what it is. It doesnt need to be fast, it just needs to include the driver in a way I cant easily explain.
Miatas, 350/370z's, solstice/skys, z/28 camaro & 6th gen 1le. Some M cars, AMG's, and Audi RS es. I think I'd add the BRZ to the list. An engine swapped rx-8.