Coming Out Of the Closet

[Audiophile1980]

Well I came out of the closet at a huge West-indies party last night and I'm in a lot of pain right now.
I thought that an anonymous web-forum would be the best way to get some decent advice as any bad comments are from no one I know and can be safely ignored.

My friends that I came out to last night seemed okay with it but, you know, being in the closet for the first 24 years of my life they've come to know me a certain way.
Now, I've never been able to talk to anyone about boys or anything like that. Around men, I alwasy had to act straight and talk about manly things and girls.
Around women, I always had to act straight and play my part.
But after coming out I really wanted to change that. I expected it to be this huge relief.
You know, today I hung out with the girls and talked about girl things - boys and other things and it freaked them out.
I won't go into the details but suffice it to say that my sights of gaining instant 'girlfriends' to talk to about girl/gay stuff was ridiculously unrealistic and ended in tragic and brutal rejection from that camp.

Now I'm here at night really crushed and I can't barely see from crying to type this stuff out but I don't know where else to turn. My best friend is a homophobe and so is my father and I hope that there are some people out there who have gone through this thing before me.

What I heard about coming out is completely different from the reality and will and grace is full of sh!t.

Anyway, if you can help me I'd be really grateful.

Ian

Edit: so now the pictures have come back from that weekend and I've decided to post some snaps. Keep in mind that everyone in these pics, I had just told. There's a couple in there to entertain the straight crowd too!



http://server5.uploadit.org/files/Audiophile-a08.jpg
http://server5.uploadit.org/files/Audiophile-a07.jpg
http://server5.uploadit.org/files/Audiophile-a06.jpg
http://server5.uploadit.org/files/Audiophile-a05.jpg
http://server5.uploadit.org/files/Audiophile-a04.jpg
http://server5.uploadit.org/files/Audiophile-a03.jpg
http://server5.uploadit.org/files/Audiophile-a02.jpg
http://server5.uploadit.org/files/Audiophile-a01.jpg

 

[kyparrish]

well, good luck with everything...

if I remember correctly, another member of these boards came out of the closet a few days ago...I just can't remember how to spell his username. Congratulations on being honest with yourself and those around you!

 

[cmdrmoocow]

Give it time.

 

[Zim Hosein]

Be yourself and don't take to :heart: the negative comments other throw your direction Audiophile1980 :beer:

 

[MrCodeDude]

Talk to Nebor.

 

[z0mb13]

pyonir will comfort you

 

[bradruth]

Originally posted by: MrCodeDude
Talk to Nebor.

That's your answer to everything!


And you're always right. :heart:

 

[her209]

People don't react very well to such a drastic change. Give it some time and it will get better. But, and a very big one too, don't give up on your family and friends.

 

[Semidevil]

I cannot say that I experienced what you went through today, but all I know is that the pain you have suffered is very tragic. I"m sorry that you had to go through that today...

In a world where your preference is morally debatable by other people, I know that it must be hard.....I hpoe you pull through and be able to put your chin up and stand proud for who you are, and who you are destined to be.....

As for people who rejected you for who you are, there are 2 possiblities: they are not your real friends, or they are just surprised, and will accept you for who you are in a few days...

irregardless of what happened today, just remember that the worst has already gone by, and it will definately be better.......

good luck, and good times...have a beer...

 

[Mo0o]

I think you tellling us here doesn't really make a difference since none of us really know you, especailly with 23 posts. When rbloedw (sp) came out it was more of a shock.

 

[Brutuskend]

Man, I'm sorry but I just can't get past the "came out of the closet / in a lot of pain" part. :Q
Maybe you should have phrased it differently. I'm sorry, but I DO have a weird sense of humor, ask ANYONE!

Disregard this post...

 

[thelanx]

I think notfred was the one I read about coming out, not sure tho. (My apologies notfred if it wasn't you) Give it time, and there definitely are a lot of accepting people out there. I know a couple people here at school who are gay and although I can't really know their viewpoint, they seem pretty happy and accepted. Granted it's really liberal here in Boston and at college, but keep ya hopes up. There's nothing wrong with you, it's the haters and unaccepting ppl who need help. I'm sure as time goes by you will find more and more ppl who accept you for who you are.

 

[Evadman]

I'm straight, so I don't know if this will mean anything to you or not, as I have not been there. AFAIK, none of my friends are gay either, so take it with a grain of salt.

I don't give a rat's ass if someone is gay. If someone is gay, great! Your choice, no biggie. Doesn't effect the friendship at all, at least with me.

Your friends are porbably just wierded out that they didn't know this about you. I bet within a week (assuming they are like most friends) it will blow over.

IMHO, quit worryin'. If they are friends, they will accept you for who you are. You haven't changed at all. You are still the same person you were last week. Once they understand that, all will be well.

 

[Zim Hosein]

Originally posted by: Mo0o
I think you tellling us here doesn't really make a difference since none of us really know you, especailly with 23 posts. When rbloedw (sp) came out it was more of a shock.

It's a step IMO Mo0o, let's not look at post count & join date and try to find something nice to say

 

[Audiophile1980]

You people at anandtech truly warm my heart. What a great community. I normally spend my time at (anohter web forum) and started a carbon-copy thread there with extremely poor results.
Thanks for all your kind words and advice!
What a truly great community! You should all be proud.
Especially in reference to the very helpful PMs I've received. I haven't had a chance to respond to each one but thank you all!

 

[Semidevil]

Originally posted by: Brutuskend
Man, I'm sorry but I just can't get past the "came out of the closet / in a lot of pain" part. :Q
Maybe you should have phrased it differently. I'm sorry, but I DO have a weird sense of humor, ask ANYONE!

Disregard this post...

yeas, wierd sense of humor...I can tell from your jokes....haha

 

[ThePresence]

Originally posted by: Mo0o
When rbloedw (sp) came out it was more of a shock.

WHAT YOU SAY!!! :Q
Link?

 

[simms]

I have a gay friend. It's kind of different for me to talk to him, but I still try to make the effort. Be proud of who ya are!

 

[acemcmac]

Originally posted by: Audiophile1980
You people at anandtech truly warm my heart. What a great community. I normally spend my time at rage3d and started a carbon-copy thread there with extremely poor results.
Thanks for all your kind words and advice!
What a truly great community! You should all be proud.

does that mean it's too late for me to chime in and say something bigotted?

srry pal, girls I can help you with... but...

and it's not that I'm not sympathetic to your cause....

I just can't really vouch for how easy it would be for me to take it if one of my closest buddies came out of the closet... I guess time would help... I dunno... GL man

 

[Descartes]

I have several gay friends, but I knew all of them long before I knew they were gay. One was a friend of the family since I was a child, and the other I've been friends with for about 10 years. When he told me it didn't really change anything, but it was an incredible shock. It was exceptionally awkward when he made comments about guys as well, but it's cool now.

In short, they'll come around. I think you should make the transition easier on the both of you as well; don't go from one day talking about girls, and the next to talking about guys. That's just too much of a change for any person to bear, imo, so just take it easy.

Good luck!

 

[gururu]

It will be next to impossible to have your friends and family embrace your sexual identity. Don't expect them (even the girls) to start opening up to you as if you were just 'one of them'. Don't waste your time trying to have them accept you. First things first, you are going to have to seek gay community. Foster new friendships and most of all, take care of yourself above all else for now.
Keep an open heart towards your friends and family though. Just give it time and some will come around to realize that you are really still the person they came to care for.

 

[Kipper]

If you're in school check out a gay/lesbian support group or organization.

If you're not in school and want to talk to someone about it I believe there are many non-profit organizations which specialize in this.

If all else fails, go talk to your Mom...it may freak her out but she'll probably react positively. It's my experience that Moms are more understanding than Dads and tend to be more supportive for this sort of thing. But I suppose I'm biased since I was raised by a single-parent Mom.

Good luck. :beer:

 

[D3m0nHunt3r]

Go to church.

 

[Audiophile1980]

Originally posted by: MadCowDisease
If you're in school check out a gay/lesbian support group or organization.

Brilliant!

If all else fails, go talk to your Mom...;

Dead. Thx anyway.

 

[Audiophile1980]

Originally posted by: D3m0nHunt3r
Go to church.

What do you mean?