College students who are still single

[shadow9d9]

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim

Originally posted by: shadow9d9

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim

Originally posted by: shadow9d9

Sorry, but the last 2 sentences don't change anything.

"I dont think thats superficial at all. There has to be SOME physical attraction in a relationship, in both directions. "

This, with the first half, AGAIN implies that in order to attract women you need to buy expensive clothes and work out extensively. This is still incorrect.

Your followup to this confirmed my interpretation.

OK fine, I give up, you win. Let yourself get out of shape, dress like a hobo, and find the one girl in the world who wants to be with you and doesnt care about your looks. At this point you can be sure you've found true love because you know for a fact she doesnt care one bit about your looks.



There is a big difference between being "out of shape and dressing like a hobo" and being a "geek who wears cargo pants" like you claimed. I said there was nothing wrong with dressing in khakis/jeans and regular shirts. I said it was unnecessary to buy expensive clothes and to work out to gain "40 pounds of muscle." Then you respond by saying that you wouldn't be able to find women being out of shape and dressing like a hobo........... I think we found your problem.

I think I can summarize this easily.

Men place more importance on a womans appearance than woman place on a mans appearance.

To land a hot desirable women all you need is strong indicators of being a a high status male this is demonstrated through many qualities some of which include Looks(aka good genetics) , wealth, power, confidence, intelligence, personality and charisma

for example you can goto vegas and see some totally ugly nerdy chode introverts with trophy wives on there arms because he just got out of a new lambo. In this case he doesnt have any high status males indicators other than percieved wealth.

obviously the more indicators one possesses the more desirable they are. I.E. brad pitt has all of these characteristics and is arguably one of the most desireable men in the world and he landed one of the most desirable women in the wworld.

I don't like/understand the term high status...

As for: "Looks(aka good genetics) , wealth, power, confidence, intelligence, personality and charisma "

The wealth and power don't often apply to very young people, especially in college. Plus, you could get away with decent(average) looks pretty easily. Which leaves confidence/personality/charisma, which I think all can fall under the term personality.

well whatever label you want to put on it but it does come down to percieved or real social status and it goes back to tribal times when the leader of the tribe would bang all the women in the village. its a hardwired social structure that evolved to best ensure the fittest offspring were the most likely to survive and keep the species in existence

it should also be noted that having an abundance of one indicator is often enough to make up for having none of any other and upgrading anyone indicator can effectively raise your status. For instance a shy average joe college kid can amplify his percieved status simply by upgrading his wardrobe and practicing being more confident. All of a sudden he will begin to stand out amongst his peers.

I agree.

 

[bignateyk]

Originally posted by: shadow9d9

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim

Originally posted by: shadow9d9

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim

Originally posted by: shadow9d9

Sorry, but the last 2 sentences don't change anything.

"I dont think thats superficial at all. There has to be SOME physical attraction in a relationship, in both directions. "

This, with the first half, AGAIN implies that in order to attract women you need to buy expensive clothes and work out extensively. This is still incorrect.

Your followup to this confirmed my interpretation.

OK fine, I give up, you win. Let yourself get out of shape, dress like a hobo, and find the one girl in the world who wants to be with you and doesnt care about your looks. At this point you can be sure you've found true love because you know for a fact she doesnt care one bit about your looks.



There is a big difference between being "out of shape and dressing like a hobo" and being a "geek who wears cargo pants" like you claimed. I said there was nothing wrong with dressing in khakis/jeans and regular shirts. I said it was unnecessary to buy expensive clothes and to work out to gain "40 pounds of muscle." Then you respond by saying that you wouldn't be able to find women being out of shape and dressing like a hobo........... I think we found your problem.

I think I can summarize this easily.

Men place more importance on a womans appearance than woman place on a mans appearance.

To land a hot desirable women all you need is strong indicators of being a a high status male this is demonstrated through many qualities some of which include Looks(aka good genetics) , wealth, power, confidence, intelligence, personality and charisma

for example you can goto vegas and see some totally ugly nerdy chode introverts with trophy wives on there arms because he just got out of a new lambo. In this case he doesnt have any high status males indicators other than percieved wealth.

obviously the more indicators one possesses the more desirable they are. I.E. brad pitt has all of these characteristics and is arguably one of the most desireable men in the world and he landed one of the most desirable women in the wworld.

I don't like/understand the term high status...

As for: "Looks(aka good genetics) , wealth, power, confidence, intelligence, personality and charisma "

The wealth and power don't often apply to very young people, especially in college. Plus, you could get away with decent(average) looks pretty easily. Which leaves confidence/personality/charisma, which I think all can fall under the term personality.

well whatever label you want to put on it but it does come down to percieved or real social status and it goes back to tribal times when the leader of the tribe would bang all the women in the village. its a hardwired social structure that evolved to best ensure the fittest offspring were the most likely to survive and keep the species in existence

it should also be noted that having an abundance of one indicator is often enough to make up for having none of any other and upgrading anyone indicator can effectively raise your status. For instance a shy average joe college kid can amplify his percieved status simply by upgrading his wardrobe and practicing being more confident. All of a sudden he will begin to stand out amongst his peers.

I agree.

well.. I think ill leave it at that since we've found a common ground.

 

[magomago]

Originally posted by: shadow9d9

Originally posted by: magomago
I don't think getting into a relationship is the best thing in College. You should relax, meet as many people as possible and make friends. Just try to meet as many girls as possible but keep any relationship platonic for now. Ultimately you will slowly find out the personality that you are interested in, and the type of person you want to find later on.

I agree that you do need more confidence...but at the same time it is apparant that you are interested in something SERIOUS~ and in college most people aren't looking for a serious relationship until they are atleast getting near done to graduating (or so I've seen). Don't sell yourself and your emotions short for "quick thrills" if you really are interested in caring for a person for the long term. Having a GF or getting into a relationship is not just about sex, although people regretfully see it as such

"Ultimately you will slowly find out the personality that you are interested in, and the type of person you want to find later on."

Umm, isn't that done in high school? Were you not exposed to girls there or something?

Highschool isn't real Its a pure bubble. To try to relate MOST anything in highschool to the real world is sad. It is even worse if try to use highschool as a way to predict how college goes.
Even college is still a semi bubble. The way girls act in highschool as they transition from college to the real world is very different...that is when you find out the real personalities of people. A lot of guys here have saiddon't bother with a girl who isn't atleast 22-25 (the range differs between people) and to a degree it is true~ ESPECIALLY if you are the type who is generally much more serious than the average bloke out there.
The types of "personalities" you find in highschool are often unrealistic. A girls' opnions and concerns will most likely change a lot as they go through college.

 

[shadow9d9]

Originally posted by: magomago

Originally posted by: shadow9d9

Originally posted by: magomago
I don't think getting into a relationship is the best thing in College. You should relax, meet as many people as possible and make friends. Just try to meet as many girls as possible but keep any relationship platonic for now. Ultimately you will slowly find out the personality that you are interested in, and the type of person you want to find later on.

I agree that you do need more confidence...but at the same time it is apparant that you are interested in something SERIOUS~ and in college most people aren't looking for a serious relationship until they are atleast getting near done to graduating (or so I've seen). Don't sell yourself and your emotions short for "quick thrills" if you really are interested in caring for a person for the long term. Having a GF or getting into a relationship is not just about sex, although people regretfully see it as such

"Ultimately you will slowly find out the personality that you are interested in, and the type of person you want to find later on."

Umm, isn't that done in high school? Were you not exposed to girls there or something?

Highschool isn't real Its a pure bubble. To try to relate MOST anything in highschool to the real world is sad. It is even worse if try to use highschool as a way to predict how college goes.
Even college is still a semi bubble. The way girls act in highschool as they transition from college to the real world is very different...that is when you find out the real personalities of people. A lot of guys here have saiddon't bother with a girl who isn't atleast 22-25 (the range differs between people) and to a degree it is true~ ESPECIALLY if you are the type who is generally much more serious than the average bloke out there.
The types of "personalities" you find in highschool are often unrealistic. A girls' opnions and concerns will most likely change a lot as they go through college.

I don't think you got the point. The point was that you could "find out the personality that you are interested in" by dating in highschool. It does not take a lot to figure out what you want in a mate.

Regarding the rest of what you posted, I married someone I met at 20(she was 19)(married at 22, now are 24)... my father married someone he met when he was 19 and she was 16....

 

[IceBergSLiM]

Originally posted by: shadow9d9

Originally posted by: magomago

Originally posted by: shadow9d9

Originally posted by: magomago
I don't think getting into a relationship is the best thing in College. You should relax, meet as many people as possible and make friends. Just try to meet as many girls as possible but keep any relationship platonic for now. Ultimately you will slowly find out the personality that you are interested in, and the type of person you want to find later on.

I agree that you do need more confidence...but at the same time it is apparant that you are interested in something SERIOUS~ and in college most people aren't looking for a serious relationship until they are atleast getting near done to graduating (or so I've seen). Don't sell yourself and your emotions short for "quick thrills" if you really are interested in caring for a person for the long term. Having a GF or getting into a relationship is not just about sex, although people regretfully see it as such

"Ultimately you will slowly find out the personality that you are interested in, and the type of person you want to find later on."

Umm, isn't that done in high school? Were you not exposed to girls there or something?

Highschool isn't real Its a pure bubble. To try to relate MOST anything in highschool to the real world is sad. It is even worse if try to use highschool as a way to predict how college goes.
Even college is still a semi bubble. The way girls act in highschool as they transition from college to the real world is very different...that is when you find out the real personalities of people. A lot of guys here have saiddon't bother with a girl who isn't atleast 22-25 (the range differs between people) and to a degree it is true~ ESPECIALLY if you are the type who is generally much more serious than the average bloke out there.
The types of "personalities" you find in highschool are often unrealistic. A girls' opnions and concerns will most likely change a lot as they go through college.

I don't think you got the point. The point was that you could "find out the personality that you are interested in" by dating in highschool. It does not take a lot to figure out what you want in a mate.

Regarding the rest of what you posted, I married someone I met at 20(she was 19)(married at 22, now are 24)... my father married someone he met when he was 19 and she was 16....

I think this is unrealistic.....most people don't figure out who they are until they are nearly done with college let alone who they want to be with for the rest of their lives. I don't think you and your parents are the norm.

 

[shadow9d9]

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim

Originally posted by: shadow9d9

Originally posted by: magomago

Originally posted by: shadow9d9

Originally posted by: magomago
I don't think getting into a relationship is the best thing in College. You should relax, meet as many people as possible and make friends. Just try to meet as many girls as possible but keep any relationship platonic for now. Ultimately you will slowly find out the personality that you are interested in, and the type of person you want to find later on.

I agree that you do need more confidence...but at the same time it is apparant that you are interested in something SERIOUS~ and in college most people aren't looking for a serious relationship until they are atleast getting near done to graduating (or so I've seen). Don't sell yourself and your emotions short for "quick thrills" if you really are interested in caring for a person for the long term. Having a GF or getting into a relationship is not just about sex, although people regretfully see it as such

"Ultimately you will slowly find out the personality that you are interested in, and the type of person you want to find later on."

Umm, isn't that done in high school? Were you not exposed to girls there or something?

Highschool isn't real Its a pure bubble. To try to relate MOST anything in highschool to the real world is sad. It is even worse if try to use highschool as a way to predict how college goes.
Even college is still a semi bubble. The way girls act in highschool as they transition from college to the real world is very different...that is when you find out the real personalities of people. A lot of guys here have saiddon't bother with a girl who isn't atleast 22-25 (the range differs between people) and to a degree it is true~ ESPECIALLY if you are the type who is generally much more serious than the average bloke out there.
The types of "personalities" you find in highschool are often unrealistic. A girls' opnions and concerns will most likely change a lot as they go through college.

I don't think you got the point. The point was that you could "find out the personality that you are interested in" by dating in highschool. It does not take a lot to figure out what you want in a mate.

Regarding the rest of what you posted, I married someone I met at 20(she was 19)(married at 22, now are 24)... my father married someone he met when he was 19 and she was 16....

I think this is unrealistic.....most people don't figure out who they are until they are nearly done with college let alone who they want to be with for the rest of their lives. I don't think you and your parents are the norm.

But I was responding to figuring out what kind of girl you like, not necessarily figuring yourself out. Yes, I am mature for my age... I suppose most people aren't... But I work on the basis that if I can, then it is reasonable.. and therefore, I prefer to give others the benefit of the doubt rather than treat others around the college age as people who aren't self aware to that degree.

It is true, if you look it at that way though. If you look at it that way though, you could say that the "norm" are people without personalities!

 

[scrawnypaleguy]

I'm in the same boat. I think it just takes patience.

 

[Jeff7]

I just don't think I'd be a good friend, so I tend to kind of keep myself away from people. I don't like doing "fun" type things like.......I guess, well, whatever it is that people do. Movies, parties, whatever it is, I generally don't like that sort of thing. I don't like most of "pop culture," I can't stand prime time TV, it all just strikes me as the same mindless drivel. I'm skeptical about everything, I'm not particularly trusting of most people as I've not had many good social experiences.
Not enjoying any typically sociable activities does also kind of limit opportunities to meet people. Taking part in activities that I don't like simply in order to meet people seems like lying. It's putting on a facade that says "Yes, I like this activity too," when in fact, you don't, and that's not the reason you are taking part, which could just lead to problems anyway.

I was usually ahead of the game in school, academically speaking, and just also not quite "with it" at the same time. I viewed school as a formal place, where you went to learn and work. Everyone else was bent on just being, kids, I suppose. Other kids played with each other whenever possible. I stayed home and played with solar cells, motors, LEDs, and anything electronic. Sports weren't much interest either. I was always last to be picked for teams in school, and when the teacher would assign me to one team, there was an audible groaning from a number of those people. Not like I wanted to be there anyway.


So I've got like maybe, oh, 10 years of unpleasant relations with people my own age behind me now, so I tend to distrust anyone in my own age bracket. Even now, I'm at college. A lot of money is potentially being flushed down the toilet here, as I have no idea if I'm going to like this major or not, and even if it is for the right thing, it's still a lot of money. Yet so many people here are obsessed with socializing and partying, risking their grades and money.

That's a bit of a taste too perhaps of why I might be best left to myself. I've been asocial most of my life, but college has put me into the antisocial arena. Dating might be nice, but I might tend to be abrasive to some people, which unfortunately, is just the way I am. I often rely on sarcasm, or a Mystery Science Theater 3000 humor style. Quick, stupid, witty, possibly sick humor. And I also will easily point out hypocritical ways of thinking, which can in fact turn out to be somewhat unsettling. I am probably guilty of hypocritical thinking, and I welcome critiques of it. I may not adapt myself perfectly accordingly, but I will at least be aware of it.

That's the condensed version of "my story", since you asked.

 

[IceBergSLiM]

Originally posted by: Jeff7
I just don't think I'd be a good friend, so I tend to kind of keep myself away from people. I don't like doing "fun" type things like.......I guess, well, whatever it is that people do. Movies, parties, whatever it is, I generally don't like that sort of thing. I don't like most of "pop culture," I can't stand prime time TV, it all just strikes me as the same mindless drivel. I'm skeptical about everything, I'm not particularly trusting of most people as I've not had many good social experiences.
Not enjoying any typically sociable activities does also kind of limit opportunities to meet people. Taking part in activities that I don't like simply in order to meet people seems like lying. It's putting on a facade that says "Yes, I like this activity too," when in fact, you don't, and that's not the reason you are taking part, which could just lead to problems anyway.

I was usually ahead of the game in school, academically speaking, and just also not quite "with it" at the same time. I viewed school as a formal place, where you went to learn and work. Everyone else was bent on just being, kids, I suppose. Other kids played with each other whenever possible. I stayed home and played with solar cells, motors, LEDs, and anything electronic. Sports weren't much interest either. I was always last to be picked for teams in school, and when the teacher would assign me to one team, there was an audible groaning from a number of those people. Not like I wanted to be there anyway.


So I've got like maybe, oh, 10 years of unpleasant relations with people my own age behind me now, so I tend to distrust anyone in my own age bracket. Even now, I'm at college. A lot of money is potentially being flushed down the toilet here, as I have no idea if I'm going to like this major or not, and even if it is for the right thing, it's still a lot of money. Yet so many people here are obsessed with socializing and partying, risking their grades and money.

That's a bit of a taste too perhaps of why I might be best left to myself. I've been asocial most of my life, but college has put me into the antisocial arena. Dating might be nice, but I might tend to be abrasive to some people, which unfortunately, is just the way I am. I often rely on sarcasm, or a Mystery Science Theater 3000 humor style. Quick, stupid, witty, possibly sick humor. And I also will easily point out hypocritical ways of thinking, which can in fact turn out to be somewhat unsettling. I am probably guilty of hypocritical thinking, and I welcome critiques of it. I may not adapt myself perfectly accordingly, but I will at least be aware of it.

That's the condensed version of "my story", since you asked.

the same habits will yield the same results. if you want things to change you must be willing to change. so the choice is yours.

 

[shadow9d9]

Originally posted by: Jeff7
I just don't think I'd be a good friend, so I tend to kind of keep myself away from people. I don't like doing "fun" type things like.......I guess, well, whatever it is that people do. Movies, parties, whatever it is, I generally don't like that sort of thing. I don't like most of "pop culture," I can't stand prime time TV, it all just strikes me as the same mindless drivel. I'm skeptical about everything, I'm not particularly trusting of most people as I've not had many good social experiences.
Not enjoying any typically sociable activities does also kind of limit opportunities to meet people. Taking part in activities that I don't like simply in order to meet people seems like lying. It's putting on a facade that says "Yes, I like this activity too," when in fact, you don't, and that's not the reason you are taking part, which could just lead to problems anyway.

I was usually ahead of the game in school, academically speaking, and just also not quite "with it" at the same time. I viewed school as a formal place, where you went to learn and work. Everyone else was bent on just being, kids, I suppose. Other kids played with each other whenever possible. I stayed home and played with solar cells, motors, LEDs, and anything electronic. Sports weren't much interest either. I was always last to be picked for teams in school, and when the teacher would assign me to one team, there was an audible groaning from a number of those people. Not like I wanted to be there anyway.


So I've got like maybe, oh, 10 years of unpleasant relations with people my own age behind me now, so I tend to distrust anyone in my own age bracket. Even now, I'm at college. A lot of money is potentially being flushed down the toilet here, as I have no idea if I'm going to like this major or not, and even if it is for the right thing, it's still a lot of money. Yet so many people here are obsessed with socializing and partying, risking their grades and money.

That's a bit of a taste too perhaps of why I might be best left to myself. I've been asocial most of my life, but college has put me into the antisocial arena. Dating might be nice, but I might tend to be abrasive to some people, which unfortunately, is just the way I am. I often rely on sarcasm, or a Mystery Science Theater 3000 humor style. Quick, stupid, witty, possibly sick humor. And I also will easily point out hypocritical ways of thinking, which can in fact turn out to be somewhat unsettling. I am probably guilty of hypocritical thinking, and I welcome critiques of it. I may not adapt myself perfectly accordingly, but I will at least be aware of it.

That's the condensed version of "my story", since you asked.

Just sounds like you don't like to have fun. Believe it or not, this tends to be offputting to people. You must decide whether you want to continue this way or change. If you like it, don't change. If you want friends, change.

I am sarcastic/quick witted... I am not really into sports.. though I loved playing football with friends when I was younger... Besides that, only ping pong really. I like sci fi, reading, computer games.. I've never had a drink in my life, never smoked/done drugs... I am very very realistic(often misinterpretted as negativity)... not exactly social stuff. So, in many of those ways we are alike.

However, I am a leader, and I have a good sense of humor, I am confident, I have a lot of worldly experience(know whats going on in the world, history, and know almost everything about the stuff I am into), and I know how to have fun and joke around... Being intelligent isn't an excuse not to have fun/be with people. Do you like music? Go to concerts? I went to over 30 Dave Matthews Band(before the year 2000 when I felt they started to fall apart and now I abhor them) concerts before I was out of high school...not counting the phish/bela fleck shows...

The point is, get out there and try new things. The more stuck in a rut you are when you are young, the harder it becomes to change/experience new things as you age! You don't need to be into everything, but there is something out there for everyone.

 

[MrCodeDude]

Why would anyone want to be tied down to one person in college?

 

[shadow9d9]

Originally posted by: MrCodeDude
Why would anyone want to be tied down to one person in college?

If you fall in love with someone, you don't consider it being "tied down." The "tied down" excuse is just that.. an excuse.. or just a sign of immaturity.

 

[PrinceofWands]

Originally posted by: shadow9d9

Originally posted by: bignateyk

Originally posted by: shadow9d9


And your comment "Believe it or not, women dont like scrawny geeks who wear cargo pants. " did not imply you were doing it for your own self confidence. Additionally, it is not true. There is nothing wrong with "geeks" in "cargo pants." That is all superficial garbage.

I never said there is anything wrong with geeks in cargo pants. I just implied that its not going to get you laid. As superficial as it may seem, almost all women DO care about fashion and looks whether they say so or not. Just because someone cares about looks doesnt mean they are superficial. I'm certainly not willing to date a 200lb girl with no fashion sense. I dont think thats superficial at all. There has to be SOME physical attraction in a relationship, in both directions.

Additionally, having a good fashion sense will help you in plenty of other areas of your life, especially in business environments. It just opens doors that wouldnt have been there. Obviously not ideal, but thats life.

Yeah, except it isn't true. Maybe on tv shows and in movies it is true. None of my friends in highschool/college dressed with anything special and they/I had/have some pretty hot girlfriends. Sorry, but the only women that would look down on men wearing jeans/khakis are superficial fools. A majority of women care 1000x more about the guys' personalities than the fact that the guy might be wearing jeans. This is ESPECIALLY THE CASE IN COLLEGE, where most people are struggling for money.

Perpetuating false stereotypes isn't going to help anyone. It may make you feel better, but that's about it.

The 200 pound girl comment is so preposterous I cannot even bring myself to respond to it.

Agreed, and then some. Not that there aren't people that fit all categories, but there's no way I'd say 'most' about this.

 

[Jeff7]

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim

the same habits will yield the same results. if you want things to change you must be willing to change. so the choice is yours.

That's just it....I also don't see much point in trying. I just don't know if it'll justify the effort required, which in itself is another reason that I think I'd best not attempt to change my "single" status right now. I understand that friendships and relationships do take effort, and I just don't seem to get much out of socializing to justify that.

Originally posted by: shadow9d9
Just sounds like you don't like to have fun. Believe it or not, this tends to be offputting to people.

Noooo, you don't say! I've generally done things out of more of a monotone "huh, that's interesting" attitude, or a "It's got to be done, and no one else wants to or knows how to do it, so I'll deal with it." I'm not the sort who goes, "Wow, that looks fun, I'll do that!" I seem to have a serious allergy to enthusiasm.

You must decide whether you want to continue this way or change. If you like it, don't change. If you want friends, change.

I've got an answer for everything too, it seems - in this case, change scares me. I find it quite upsetting. Anything that is a break from routine just really gets me in a bad mood. Going home from college gets me irritated. Going back to college from home does the same thing. I get into a routine, and then it changes again. Drives me nuts.
Changing me just seems so insurmountable, like there would be such a long list of things to change, 1) The amount of time and effort would be considerable, and 2) It feels like I'd be killing off "me", whatever that may be defined as.

However, I am a leader, and I have a good sense of humor, I am confident, I have a lot of worldly experience(know whats going on in the world, history, and know almost everything about the stuff I am into), and I know how to have fun and joke around... Being intelligent isn't an excuse not to have fun/be with people. Do you like music? Go to concerts? I went to over 30 Dave Matthews Band(before the year 2000 when I felt they started to fall apart and now I abhor them) concerts before I was out of high school...not counting the phish/bela fleck shows...

I lead, but only because I happen to be good at figuring certain things out. And people perceive me as giving a damn about things, so they put me in charge. I don't know why, I never seek leadership. My confidence died sometime in gradeschool.
Music is fine. I've been to one concert, and I don't think I'll ever go again. It was probably the second loudest thing I've ever heard, aside an airshow, which I also do not wish to go to again, and it was crowded with rowdy people. It's like trying to acclimate a deer to being around people by sticking it into rush hour traffic in NYC.

The point is, get out there and try new things. The more stuck in a rut you are when you are young, the harder it becomes to change/experience new things as you age! You don't need to be into everything, but there is something out there for everyone.

I just have no idea what to do. I have a few mild interests, but no real things that I perceive myself to be really "passionate" about. They're really passive interests too, I don't devote much time to them. I surf a forum about robotic spaceflight and follow the Mars Rovers and other space probes, but that's about the extent of my interest in them. Other people are passionate to the point that they'll build scale models of the rovers, attend meetings, see movies, and who knows what else. I've got no motivation to do that.


And I'm coming to realize that I might be hijacking someone else's thread.

Perhaps it may serve as a case study on why a certain few of us are still single

 

[Fingolfin269]

Being single in college is the best way to go. That way you can do what you want whenever you want. That includes dating.

 

[shadow9d9]

Originally posted by: Jeff7

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim

the same habits will yield the same results. if you want things to change you must be willing to change. so the choice is yours.

That's just it....I also don't see much point in trying. I just don't know if it'll justify the effort required, which in itself is another reason that I think I'd best not attempt to change my "single" status right now. I understand that friendships and relationships do take effort, and I just don't seem to get much out of socializing to justify that.

Originally posted by: shadow9d9
Just sounds like you don't like to have fun. Believe it or not, this tends to be offputting to people.

Noooo, you don't say! I've generally done things out of more of a monotone "huh, that's interesting" attitude, or a "It's got to be done, and no one else wants to or knows how to do it, so I'll deal with it." I'm not the sort who goes, "Wow, that looks fun, I'll do that!" I seem to have a serious allergy to enthusiasm.

You must decide whether you want to continue this way or change. If you like it, don't change. If you want friends, change.

I've got an answer for everything too, it seems - in this case, change scares me. I find it quite upsetting. Anything that is a break from routine just really gets me in a bad mood. Going home from college gets me irritated. Going back to college from home does the same thing. I get into a routine, and then it changes again. Drives me nuts.
Changing me just seems so insurmountable, like there would be such a long list of things to change, 1) The amount of time and effort would be considerable, and 2) It feels like I'd be killing off "me", whatever that may be defined as.

However, I am a leader, and I have a good sense of humor, I am confident, I have a lot of worldly experience(know whats going on in the world, history, and know almost everything about the stuff I am into), and I know how to have fun and joke around... Being intelligent isn't an excuse not to have fun/be with people. Do you like music? Go to concerts? I went to over 30 Dave Matthews Band(before the year 2000 when I felt they started to fall apart and now I abhor them) concerts before I was out of high school...not counting the phish/bela fleck shows...

I lead, but only because I happen to be good at figuring certain things out. And people perceive me as giving a damn about things, so they put me in charge. I don't know why, I never seek leadership. My confidence died sometime in gradeschool.
Music is fine. I've been to one concert, and I don't think I'll ever go again. It was probably the second loudest thing I've ever heard, aside an airshow, which I also do not wish to go to again, and it was crowded with rowdy people. It's like trying to acclimate a deer to being around people by sticking it into rush hour traffic in NYC.

The point is, get out there and try new things. The more stuck in a rut you are when you are young, the harder it becomes to change/experience new things as you age! You don't need to be into everything, but there is something out there for everyone.

I just have no idea what to do. I have a few mild interests, but no real things that I perceive myself to be really "passionate" about. They're really passive interests too, I don't devote much time to them. I surf a forum about robotic spaceflight and follow the Mars Rovers and other space probes, but that's about the extent of my interest in them. Other people are passionate to the point that they'll build scale models of the rovers, attend meetings, see movies, and who knows what else. I've got no motivation to do that.


And I'm coming to realize that I might be hijacking someone else's thread.

Perhaps it may serve as a case study on why a certain few of us are still single

Well, are you happy?

 

[Jeff7]

Originally posted by: shadow9d9
Well, are you happy?

Interestingly, I'm happiest when I'm completely alone. Once I'm back in an environment where there are people around, my antisocial...ism? attitude just seems much more obvious. Then I just get stressed out by all the people being around constantly, with no good place I can go to just be away from everyone. I'm in a campus apartment, which at least has a living room, so there is a bit more privacy, but I do still live with 3 other people, in only 2 bedrooms, so I do have a roommate.
At home, I had my computer room. I could go there and shut out everyone else and be alone. Here, I don't have that. I have no "quiet spot" where I can go and really feel like I can unwind, so I'm constantly a bit on edge.
That's the part of this that's getting to me.
When I was working at Walmart, yeah, the job sucked, but every day I could go home and escape that which caused me stress. Can't do that here on campus.

I'd like to get my own apartment, but I just can't afford it without going into deep debt, and apartments here come as low as $350/month. I get some government grants, but they only cover half of my college expenses.

 

[gotsmack]

Originally posted by: krunchykrome

Originally posted by: UncleWai
Just want to talk about this topic with fellow loners around the world.

For me, I don't know if I am afraid of commiting into a relationship or I am just plain ugly, I just can't find a girl that I think can be my girlfriend.
I am really anti-norm and reserved. I don't use myspace/xanga/friendster. I don't go to church. I keep any acquaintances away from my IM list.
I've given myself a nice half a year break. During this time I just do very recluse thing such as working out, practising guitar, and studying to better myself.

Contrary to popular beliefs, I bet a lot of you single people are not ugly people myself included, but there's something that keeps us from getting into a relationship.
I personally think too much about the consequences . I am afraid of spending a lot of time and money with someone that might not be the one. I am afraid I will get dumped and get hurt. I am afraid I would come across another girl during another girl. And most importantly, I think I am looking for qualities in a girl that is not around my age range. I really like independent woman who is in the upper 20s range who has a sense of responsibility.

The dilemma for me is whether to continue a loner for another few years or should I give a try at the dating world this coming year.

Anyone shares my thinking and want to tell their story?

It's called game. Get some.

you say that so casually, like it is something you can buy at the store along with a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread.

 

[UncleWai]

You see IcebergSlim magnifies the problem I see. It's the mentality that every man has to get some. Women is as much of a person as man. I am not looking for some quick poon in a woman. I just cannot find a woman that can share some intellectual conversations with.

 

[MemoryInAGarden]

I'm someone who would mostly fit the definition of antisocial. I'm 20, in college, not in a frat, and haven't partied it up one day in college. I was the same way in high school and I still play WoW all the time (on my way to rank 13 next week). Bu I'm in shape and haven't had a problem getting women. This is what I've found that works/doesn't.

1) It's difficult for two people who are passionate about politics to get along if they are on opposite sides of the aisle. You're going to fight over politics, and this is likely going to bleed over into your personal lives. You'll overanalyze what your partner is doing and take cheapshots, even if it is "subconscious."

2) If someone is having to choose between their family, religion, career, etc, and the relationship, the relationship has a higher chance of failing. That's not to say you won't have to make compromises, but if one partner is a workaholic and the other isn't, this is going to create tension (less time together as a couple, additional stress on the overworked partner, frustration from the less wo ked partner). People are basically the same person they were before and after marriage; you can't expect them to make core changes to their personality.

3) Have some confidence. You don't want to come across as a condescending jackass, but at the same time, being assertive and strong-willed impresses some people. Adjust according to the audience.

4) Don't get out of your mold. Is the traditional social scene not for you? You're going to be uncomfortable and are likely to come across as really awkward if you don't want to be at the club anyway. Do what suits you, even if it isn't the easiest way to meet a woman.

5) Know exactly what you want. Want an independent and career-centered woman? You better have similar values yourself. Are you looking for something serious or not so serious? Be honest with yourself and don't go beyond your means.

 

[shadow9d9]

Originally posted by: Jeff7

Originally posted by: shadow9d9
Well, are you happy?

Interestingly, I'm happiest when I'm completely alone. Once I'm back in an environment where there are people around, my antisocial...ism? attitude just seems much more obvious. Then I just get stressed out by all the people being around constantly, with no good place I can go to just be away from everyone. I'm in a campus apartment, which at least has a living room, so there is a bit more privacy, but I do still live with 3 other people, in only 2 bedrooms, so I do have a roommate.
At home, I had my computer room. I could go there and shut out everyone else and be alone. Here, I don't have that. I have no "quiet spot" where I can go and really feel like I can unwind, so I'm constantly a bit on edge.
That's the part of this that's getting to me.
When I was working at Walmart, yeah, the job sucked, but every day I could go home and escape that which caused me stress. Can't do that here on campus.

I'd like to get my own apartment, but I just can't afford it without going into deep debt, and apartments here come as low as $350/month. I get some government grants, but they only cover half of my college expenses.

You might have some form of social autism... if you are happy in such situations and are fine with the consequences, then I see no problem with that. If not, I would consider medical advice.

 

[IceBergSLiM]

Originally posted by: Jeff7

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim

the same habits will yield the same results. if you want things to change you must be willing to change. so the choice is yours.

That's just it....I also don't see much point in trying. I just don't know if it'll justify the effort required, which in itself is another reason that I think I'd best not attempt to change my "single" status right now. I understand that friendships and relationships do take effort, and I just don't seem to get much out of socializing to justify that.

then stay the same its no skin off my back. lord knows we don't need more people like you on the planet so I'll be glad if you never reproduce

 

[IceBergSLiM]

Originally posted by: MemoryInAGarden
I'm someone who would mostly fit the definition of antisocial. I'm 20, in college, not in a frat, and haven't partied it up one day in college. I was the same way in high school and I still play WoW all the time (on my way to rank 13 next week). Bu I'm in shape and haven't had a problem getting women. This is what I've found that works/doesn't.

1) It's difficult for two people who are passionate about politics to get along if they are on opposite sides of the aisle. You're going to fight over politics, and this is likely going to bleed over into your personal lives. You'll overanalyze what your partner is doing and take cheapshots, even if it is "subconscious."

2) If someone is having to choose between their family, religion, career, etc, and the relationship, the relationship has a higher chance of failing. That's not to say you won't have to make compromises, but if one partner is a workaholic and the other isn't, this is going to create tension (less time together as a couple, additional stress on the overworked partner, frustration from the less wo ked partner). People are basically the same person they were before and after marriage; you can't expect them to make core changes to their personality.

3) Have some confidence. You don't want to come across as a condescending jackass, but at the same time, being assertive and strong-willed impresses some people. Adjust according to the audience.

4) Don't get out of your mold. Is the traditional social scene not for you? You're going to be uncomfortable and are likely to come across as really awkward if you don't want to be at the club anyway. Do what suits you, even if it isn't the easiest way to meet a woman.

5) Know exactly what you want. Want an independent and career-centered woman? You better have similar values yourself. Are you looking for something serious or not so serious? Be honest with yourself and don't go beyond your means.

horrible advice. all of it except the no brainer politics religion family stuff. advocating complacency with ones own mediocrity is terrible terrible advice. you are wasting your time at college. just go straight to work. the most learning in college is not happening in the classroom.

 

[IceBergSLiM]

Originally posted by: UncleWai
You see IcebergSlim magnifies the problem I see. It's the mentality that every man has to get some. Women is as much of a person as man. I am not looking for some quick poon in a woman. I just cannot find a woman that can share some intellectual conversations with.

well first off a mans only reason to exist at a very basic biological level is to proliferate his species and spread his dna as far as possible. if you dont have this urge you can hardly call yourself a man.

if you want an intellectual conversation join the philosophy club or debate team or something like that and talk to the girls there. In other words hang out where the nerdy girls are. if you don't like nerdy girls don't hang out where the nerdy girls are. If you are not looking for quick poon then don't goto keg parties, clubs or bars. This isn't rocket science man.

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: shadow9d9

Originally posted by: MrCodeDude
Why would anyone want to be tied down to one person in college?

If you fall in love with someone, you don't consider it being "tied down." The "tied down" excuse is just that.. an excuse.. or just a sign of immaturity.

QFT