Although I would love to respond to a few threads specifically (namely the "hey moron, she didn't cheat on you, stop being a crybaby" ones), I think you'll see why I don't really see any need to. Many people seem like they would have handled it similarly, other people clearly wouldn't have.
Although, Evan, maybe a punch in the ear wouldn't be so bad
Anyway, here's what I sent out to everyone who PM'ed me before I left work yesterday:
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So what did I do?
Well, at first, I felt extremely betrayed. It is hard for me to express in words how important to me her promise was that nothing like this would ever happen.
But I didn't get angry. And I didn't lash out.
That night, while on the phone with her, I told her I wouldn't break up with her and that I was still as in love with her as I had been all along. But I also told her that I needed more time to deal with it. That night I could barely sleep.
The next day, I could not think about a single other thing. I was unable to get a single bit of work done all day, and lapsed into a depression I hadn't felt since Junior High. Although I don't know why, and I certainly am not happy about it whatsoever, but I contemplated driving my car off the road while driving home from work. I couldn't get what had happened out of my head. It was driving me crazy.
When I got home, I was able to get things off my mind. I spent some time with my younger brother and just tried to keep the whole situation out of my head.
That night when she called, I had nothing to say. I had thought about it the whole day long, but I couldn't come up with anything.
And then I broke down and started to cry. But after a while, things began to look up. We talked about what had happened and what we were going to do.
I eventually decided that, much like a few people pointed out, she hadn't really cheated on me. Sure, it was irresponsible of her to drink and end up out in the woods with this guy. And of course, she certainly could have tried harder to avoid his advances. And although I will never accept, "I was drunk" as an excuse for actions, I realized that hardly anything had happened at all. I still couldn't deal with what had happened, but I told her I forgave her and that I would try and not hold it against her. She knew how much it hurt me -- she tore my heart out when she told me, but she was truly sorry, that is one issue where I have no doubt whatsoever.
So what now? Well, things between us are certainly getting better. I got over my depression in another day, and now we're able to talk as if nothing had happened. I have had doubts these days as to whether I think that she's "the one", but she's certainly the most amazing girl I've ever met, and I'd place bets on us still being together years from now.
But I did make an ultimatum. She once again promised me that this would not happen. I believed her the first time, and I do believe her now, but I have made it known that if this ever happens again, thats it. I will absolutely break up with her and not look back. It was hard enough to deal with this once, and I refuse to have to deal with it again.
A lot of people suggest that I beat this guy up. Although I would love to, I am certianly not one to lose my temper in such situations and despite my martial arts training, I have never been in a fight. I intend to keep things this way.
So we're still happily together. Thank all of you for listening.
-Shy
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