Just to start this off, I am not looking for advice here. I have already dealt with this situation on my own and have (more or less) come to terms with it. But the ATOT community is great and diverse, and I'd really like to know what you guys would have done in my situation. I am not often afforded the oppurtunity of hearing what other people would do, and I'm truly interested as to what some people would have done.
UPDATE: SEE BOTTOM OF THREAD IF YOU'D LIKE TO KNOW WHAT I DID
Let me preface this with the following: although my age and the age of my girlfriend is not important as far as I am concerned, it may benefit some of you to know that we are both currently students in college.
I have been dating a very special woman for the past eight months. We've had a great relationship and I have little doubt that she is "the one". However...
The way our relationship started out was a little... interesting. One night we were up together after spending the night watching the sun come and and talking the whole time. We were in her room, lying in her bed when I leaned over and kissed her.
Unfortunately, she had a boyfriend at the time. We'll call him "Chuck". Fortunately for me, the relationship was nothing serious and had been only going on for about a month at the time. A few days later she broke up with him. Tragically, he never really got over it and hasn't said a single thing to either of us since.
Through the course of our relationship I learned that this boy "Chuck" wasn't the first she had cheated on. In high school, she had done this once before to a boyfriend. Needless to say, this worried me greatly. Without a doubt, the biggest fear on my part was that someday she would do the same thing to me. However, on numerous occasions, she promised me that she loved me too much to ever do that to me. She gave me her word that she would never, ever cheat on me.
It took a while, but after perhaps the third time she made such a promise, I finally began to believe her. Up until recently, I trusted her completely. This trust was, without a doubt, a very important basis for our relationship.
Our relationship continued without incident throughout the year. We never argued and spent not only all of our free time together, but also a lot of time together when we should have been in class or doing homework. By this time, we had conceeded to the fact that we were definately "in love" and were already making plans for the future (trips to Europe, where we would live together when we get out of college, etc.)
However this summer definately has taken a toll on the relationship. I have a full time job at home, and she decided to work for 9 weeks at a summer camp. This camp is a five hour drive away. To cut this story a little short, we have not seen each other in a month. We have talked on the phone a few times every week and correspond via e-mail almost every single day.
Last Sunday, however, she called me crying. The unthinkable had happened. She cheated on me.
We always had a rule in our relationship that if we ever cheated on the other person, we would tell them immediately. Thankfully, she upheld her side of the bargain.
What happened is this: Saturday night she went out to a bar with some friends. She has never been able to handle her alcohol very well, and became quite intoxicated after only a few drinks. I'm sure most you know where this story is headed, and I certainly did when she began to tell it.
Well, she went back to the camp on a bus the camp provides to the workers. When she got back, she got to talking with a male staffer. Apparently they stayed up fairly late talking. The were wandering around the woods, and I guess he was helping her walk because she was stumbling. Eventually, he took her off the path to a large rock to sit down. At this point, he leaned over to kiss her. I guess she moved away, and started to explain to him that she had a boyfriend, and couldn't, but apparently he didn't pay much attention. He moved in again and kissed her. Now, I have no way of knowing but I trust her story completely. She tells me that after a second or two to comprehend what was going on, she got angry and pushed him away, and then broke down crying. He didn't try to kiss her again and was apparently apologetic at this time, claming her had no idea that she was serious when she told him that she had a boyfriend.
She then went home. I guess she wasn't able to sleep that night, and the whole next day she wasn't able to eat, until she called me and told me.
So, the short version of the story is this: My girlfriend promised me that she would never cheat on me, and then after being away from me for a few weeks, kisses another guy.
So what would you have done? I won't present any of the options I saw at the time, since I don't want to bias my audience.
Anxiously waiting your opinions,
-Shy
UPDATE: SEE BOTTOM OF THREAD IF YOU'D LIKE TO KNOW WHAT I DID
Let me preface this with the following: although my age and the age of my girlfriend is not important as far as I am concerned, it may benefit some of you to know that we are both currently students in college.
I have been dating a very special woman for the past eight months. We've had a great relationship and I have little doubt that she is "the one". However...
The way our relationship started out was a little... interesting. One night we were up together after spending the night watching the sun come and and talking the whole time. We were in her room, lying in her bed when I leaned over and kissed her.
Unfortunately, she had a boyfriend at the time. We'll call him "Chuck". Fortunately for me, the relationship was nothing serious and had been only going on for about a month at the time. A few days later she broke up with him. Tragically, he never really got over it and hasn't said a single thing to either of us since.
Through the course of our relationship I learned that this boy "Chuck" wasn't the first she had cheated on. In high school, she had done this once before to a boyfriend. Needless to say, this worried me greatly. Without a doubt, the biggest fear on my part was that someday she would do the same thing to me. However, on numerous occasions, she promised me that she loved me too much to ever do that to me. She gave me her word that she would never, ever cheat on me.
It took a while, but after perhaps the third time she made such a promise, I finally began to believe her. Up until recently, I trusted her completely. This trust was, without a doubt, a very important basis for our relationship.
Our relationship continued without incident throughout the year. We never argued and spent not only all of our free time together, but also a lot of time together when we should have been in class or doing homework. By this time, we had conceeded to the fact that we were definately "in love" and were already making plans for the future (trips to Europe, where we would live together when we get out of college, etc.)
However this summer definately has taken a toll on the relationship. I have a full time job at home, and she decided to work for 9 weeks at a summer camp. This camp is a five hour drive away. To cut this story a little short, we have not seen each other in a month. We have talked on the phone a few times every week and correspond via e-mail almost every single day.
Last Sunday, however, she called me crying. The unthinkable had happened. She cheated on me.
We always had a rule in our relationship that if we ever cheated on the other person, we would tell them immediately. Thankfully, she upheld her side of the bargain.
What happened is this: Saturday night she went out to a bar with some friends. She has never been able to handle her alcohol very well, and became quite intoxicated after only a few drinks. I'm sure most you know where this story is headed, and I certainly did when she began to tell it.
Well, she went back to the camp on a bus the camp provides to the workers. When she got back, she got to talking with a male staffer. Apparently they stayed up fairly late talking. The were wandering around the woods, and I guess he was helping her walk because she was stumbling. Eventually, he took her off the path to a large rock to sit down. At this point, he leaned over to kiss her. I guess she moved away, and started to explain to him that she had a boyfriend, and couldn't, but apparently he didn't pay much attention. He moved in again and kissed her. Now, I have no way of knowing but I trust her story completely. She tells me that after a second or two to comprehend what was going on, she got angry and pushed him away, and then broke down crying. He didn't try to kiss her again and was apparently apologetic at this time, claming her had no idea that she was serious when she told him that she had a boyfriend.
She then went home. I guess she wasn't able to sleep that night, and the whole next day she wasn't able to eat, until she called me and told me.
So, the short version of the story is this: My girlfriend promised me that she would never cheat on me, and then after being away from me for a few weeks, kisses another guy.
So what would you have done? I won't present any of the options I saw at the time, since I don't want to bias my audience.
Anxiously waiting your opinions,
-Shy
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