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Chasing dreams while ditching family and friends...who's been there?

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JTsyo said:
Looks like we need a poll.
I would stay but don't stay because you feel obligated to. Weigh the two options and pick the one that is best for your family. Try to stay analytical instead of emotional. After that you can decide if the other factors outweigh the analytical choice.
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Good points. You will eventually regret not moving if you feel obligated to stay.


One thing that hasn't been cleared up and may be critical in your decision: will your abilities to post on ATOT be impeded at all at your new job?
 
vi edit said:
I'd be getting upwards of a 50% or more increase in pay, if not more. If my wife got a faculty position she'd be more of a M-F, traditional office hours and no nights/weekends gig. Right now she has to work every third weekend, 1/3 of her shifts are at night, and she's had to work every other major holiday. She'd probably make more too.
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That is some quality-of-life change for your wife. Working when the kids are in school is cool 😎
 
If you're unhappy where you are at move. You only live once 🙂

If you're happy where you are at, have carved out a nice living then why risk that on a 'chance'? Most people don't attain what it sounds like you have in their lifetimes.

Is it possible for you to move and see how it is before committing the whole family?
 
Your friends aren't going to pay for your children's food, housing and education right?

Is this an opportunity you and your wife want? How much of an issue would it be should this opportunity fail? Do you have a backup plan in that event?

Parents will support you. Friends are nice to have, but if they give a shit about you, THEY won't hold you back.

I've uprooted our family several times in the quest to find something stable. The last few moves were especially painful, since our older kids are in school and making friends and such. It sucks more for them, and yes, I've regretted a couple moves based on that fact and that things weren't working out like I hoped at the new job. But we persevered, and now, finally, we have someplace that we call home.

And frankly, mine or my wife's family - we don't give a shit what they think. It helps that our attachment to our families is marred by the fact that neither of our families really try to put any effort into maintaining relationships with us, despite our efforts otherwise. It affects my wife more than it does me, since she values family and friends. But hey, that's what vacations are for.
 
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Man that's a tough decision. On the career side of things, if you and/or your wife feel that similar opportunities won't be available to you where you're at any time soon (if ever), I'd be really tempted to make the move. But, personally, I'm too close to my family to make that move.

We're already 2 hours away from my wife's parents and 3.5 from mine, and that sucks at times for the reasons others have stated above (mostly related to kids). We've pretty much ruled out moving any further away than we are. I have a sister that's 6 hours away and, for me, that's too far to drive on a regular basis - at that rate 6 hours might as well be 20, because I'm flying either way.

Obviously I don't know your father, but, while I'm sure he enjoyed working on what he thought would be your family's home for the foreseeable future, in the grand scheme of things, the house is probably an afterthought if you're close with him... I moved about 1800 miles from my parents at one point. I was younger and pursuing some career opportunities (no wife or family), but even then the distance was too much for me and I ended up moving back. In your case... wow... I don't know what I'd do...
 
If your a money chaser - go for it.

If your happy in your life - why change?

What about the kids, do you want to uproot them from their school and friends, just so you can make more money?

Do you "really" want to move away from your parents? As they get older, their probably gonna need help. Are you willing to move them out to Denver when they need help?

Family means a lot - I have a buddy of mine that moved away from all of his friends and family for more money. When the job played out, he had no support system. He had to move back to Texas and lived with my wife and I for about 2 months.

But I have to admit, living in Colorado would be nice.

If it were me, I would not be able to move. My 2 youngest kids (14 and 16) live with my ex-wife, and I see them every other weekend. Moving out of state would mean no more time with them. I'am not willing to sacrifice my family time for money. The money comes and goes, but memories and time with my kids last forever.
 
We did it, twice.

We lived 5 minutes from my wife's parents, three siblings and three grandparents (2 paternal, 1 maternal) for almost 10 years. We were two hours from my parents. Both did a lot for us, helping remodel and work on one house, and then a full on basement remodel in another. I, however, didn't have any "great" friends there.

I had an opportunity to move about 30 min from my parents and two hours from my wife's family. Had some really good friends there from the three years we were in the area. My stepdad was always around to help me with things, we could drop the kids off at my folks' house and go away for the weekend, great school for the kids, etc.

Then came this opening, better job with more open ended opportunity, better stability, more $$ which would allow my wife to stay home full time, etc. The kicker? 10 hours from my folks and 12 hours from my wife's family. That and it's flipping cold up here. The job is good, though not without stress. But, we've carved out a good niche already, have some awesome friends and all in all, it was definitely the right move. It helped that both times, all family was supportive and knew it was a good opportunity.

It's tough, but in my situation there was a feeling that it was the right move, and I knew that deep down. Sounds corny, but I also had other chances to move that I didn't take because they didn't feel right.
 
I would never sacrifice friends/family for a career. It's a job. In the end it doesn't really matter how "successful" you get.
 
Texashiker said:
If your a money chaser - go for it. If your happy in your life - why change? What about the kids, do you want to uproot them from their school and friends, just so you can make more money?
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I'm not chasing money. It'd be a "package deal" for us. Money being a part, but certainly not a driving force. It's more about opportunities for both of us, a much better working schedule for my wife, and moving back to a bigger city with more to do and better outdoor activities.

My daughter just turned three, and is in daycare so changing rooms a couple times a year and getting new teachers isn't anything new. Kids are constantly coming and going from room to room so there's not a lot of attachment there yet. It's the distancing from Grandpa and Grandma that would be the biggest change for her/us/them.
 
Kev said:
I would never sacrifice friends/family for a career. It's a job. In the end it doesn't really matter how "successful" you get.
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It's not just the job, though. I'm in a similar situation..my family is 3 hours away (Maine) and I'm considering a move to Arizona - I hate living in New England. I'd end up with more pay and an affordable house, but my family will be on the other side of the country. The saving grace there is they aren't planning on staying in Maine forever, so in a couple years they may be elsewhere anyway.

It's not an easy decision..
 
Which choice would you regret more?

Do you have a backup plan if things go sour at your new area?
 
vi edit said:
Reallly long story short....a former boss of mine is now a director at a large establishment in Denver. I had a very good on and off the clock relationship with him. He's reached out to me and wants to know if I'm interested in a management position in his organization.

It would be a considerable upgrade professional/financially over what I'm currently doing and for a much larger organization.

My wife would also have some career openings available to her that she has dreamed of doing for years, but just simply doesn't have those opportunities available where we live.

Career wise it would be a huge bump up for both of us. Not just financially, but from a responsibility/satisfaction(assumed) standpoint as well.

The icing on the cake is that it's freaking Denver. Which is a nice upgrade over the midwest. We'd also be a 5 hour drive from my wife's parents instead of a 16 hour one.

Now the flip side is this....

We both have excellent positions where we are. We are paid very, very well for the area and are well respected and liked where we are.

As many know, we just finished up building a very large house last fall that are barely even moved into. My father invested a HUGE amount of effort into helping build it.

My parents live like 5 minutes from us and we've got an awesome relationship with them and my 3 year old daughter loves them.

We also have really started building a good group of friends in this area that took years to develop.

So it's not like I have a lot of reasons to move. But neither my wife or I have slept well thinking about the possibility of not pursuing our careers more or the idea of moving to a much more desirable area/city.

So I have to ask....anyone picked up their family and pretty much started a new life in a different part of the country and completely suckerpunching their friends and family in the process?

It really wouldn't be as tough of a decision if we hadn't just finished a building a house that my Dad put so much effort into. I feel like it would be a massive slap in the face to him to just turn around and ditch the place. Plus the fact that we really do love being so close to them with our daughter.

*UHG*
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so after all the hard work into your new house, you're just going to abandon it? thats a slap in the face to your dad who helped you SOOO much with labor.

compromise:
you take the job. wife and daughter stays.
you travel back and forth.

extended stay hotels exist for a reason.
I've been there (hotels, i mean).
 
I've lived in Denver (or a suburb) for the first 24 years of my life. All of my family is there, and I just moved out to Indiana ~1 month ago for work.

Denver the city is technically huge, so by "working in Denver" that doesn't narrow it down much. Regardless... you're bound to find a city/town within 45 minutes that you'll enjoy. Depending on which direction you go you'll find a completely different lifestyle, so there's something for every type of family.

Colorado has also been getting increasingly popular over the years. The population is skyrocketing and development is going on everywhere all the time. Houses are popping up like nuts, and streets/highways are always being worked on. If any of that would bother you, it's something to consider.

Because of that increasing popularity, house prices are pretty absurd compared to other areas (unless things have changed). A single family home (3-4 bedroom) in decent quality and a good area will start at $300k for a small ranch and go up from there. I'm shocked how cheap real estate is here in Indiana. For some houses I wouldn't be paying any more than I am for rent.

Anyway, if you want more specifics about CO you can PM. It's a great place to live, but they make you pay for it.
 
gorcorps said:
I've lived in Denver (or a suburb) for the first 24 years of my life. All of my family is there, and I just moved out to Indiana ~1 month ago for work.

Denver the city is technically huge, so by "working in Denver" that doesn't narrow it down much. Regardless... you're bound to find a city/town within 45 minutes that you'll enjoy. Depending on which direction you go you'll find a completely different lifestyle, so there's something for every type of family.

Colorado has also been getting increasingly popular over the years. The population is skyrocketing and development is going on everywhere all the time. Houses are popping up like nuts, and streets/highways are always being worked on. If any of that would bother you, it's something to consider.

Because of that increasing popularity, house prices are pretty absurd compared to other areas (unless things have changed). A single family home (3-4 bedroom) in decent quality and a good area will start at $300k for a small ranch and go up from there. I'm shocked how cheap real estate is here in Indiana. For some houses I wouldn't be paying any more than I am for rent.

Anyway, if you want more specifics about CO you can PM. It's a great place to live, but they make you pay for it.
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Isn't part of the problem with Colorado real estate and particularly Denver RE is the sprawl laws they have? Don't they strictly limit where builders can build? That probably has something to do with the home prices.
 
My opinion is it comes down to the house and the quality of life.

Having a nice house is a HUGE factor. You may take a new job and have a higher paycheck but end up in a less enjoyable home because of it.

Is the money worth it?

Then again, you may find an even better place to live as well.....
 
JEDI said:
so after all the hard work into your new house, you're just going to abandon it? thats a slap in the face to your dad who helped you SOOO much with labor.

compromise:
you take the job. wife and daughter stays.
you travel back and forth.

extended stay hotels exist for a reason.
I've been there (hotels, i mean).
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Don't do this. To me it sounds worse than both choices. Why would any one want to spend their weekdays away from their family.
 
CPA said:
Isn't part of the problem with Colorado real estate and particularly Denver RE is the sprawl laws they have? Don't they strictly limit where builders can build? That probably has something to do with the home prices.
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The regulations vary quite wildly between counties even, so it's hard to say. My dad has been a contractor/framer all his life, so the housing market and where they're building has always been a main focus of our lives. Regardless of what limits there may be, I can assure you that the rate at which houses are being built or turned-around is astounding and I've never seen anything like it in the other 2 states I've lived in.
 
joshsquall said:
Personally, I wouldn't move in your situation. I guess it depends a lot on your outlook on life though. Friends and family are much more important to me than work. If you're already making a good amount of money and you're happy where you are, it doesn't make much sense to me. Having grandparents and established friends nearby makes a huge difference for a married couple and children as well. Maybe I'm just weird because my dreams never involve working.
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This.
Work is a means to make your life happy. You shouldn't make it your life to work.

Having your family near by and friends is a huge plus. Have you even thought about your child(ren) and their friends?
I can tell you this. Having the grandparents removed from your childs life will be devestating. My mom up and moved across the country and basically abandoned my daughter (7 years old). They spent 3-4 nights a week together just hanging out, or going to Adventure Landing and playing games and go carts. They were literally best friends.
When my mom moved away it destroyed my daughter. She didn't know if grandma didn't love her or what as the decision was quick, and out of the blue.
Your children might have issues with you leaving grandma and grandpa and going somewhere new.

In the end it is you and your wife's decision to make. You may be buddies with this guy, but you better have stuff in writting and better hope the company he works for is going to keep you around as you will be back on the bottom of the corporate ladder again.
It sounds like you are doing pretty good where you are at as it is. Does more money mean that much to you?
 
joshsquall said:
Personally, I wouldn't move in your situation. I guess it depends a lot on your outlook on life though. Friends and family are much more important to me than work. If you're already making a good amount of money and you're happy where you are, it doesn't make much sense to me. Having grandparents and established friends nearby makes a huge difference for a married couple and children as well. Maybe I'm just weird because my dreams never involve working.
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This would be my outlook on it as well.
 
Here's a thought: Ask your parents

Oh and, ask your wife. Could possibly be setting yourself up for some serious grudge holding.
 
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