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Chasing dreams while ditching family and friends...who's been there?

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You know what, I don't think anyone's advice can help here. You have major pros and cons and the decision can only come down to how you and J weigh them.

Some other factors to consider, though. How secure is the Denver gig? Is this a now-or-never offer or would there be a possibility of exploring it at some time in the future? What's the company's culture? Is there any chance that if your buddy leaves, then you would no longer be viewed favorably?

And while the potential new jobs may be clearly more appealing to you both, don't forget to factor in your satisfaction level with the jobs you have now. On a 1-to-10 scale, it's a lot different weighting if you are a 6 going to an 8 vs. being a 3 going to an 8.

Whatever you decide, you have to be totally sold out to your decision. You make a decision based on what you know now, there's no point later on thinking shoulda-woulda-coulda. Everyone can look back on choices made in the past and think they made mistakes.
 
OF COURSE you would get a sweet offer right after building your dream house.
To me, it sounds as if the only real unknown is if the wife gets a new gig.
That may not be such a slam dunk, but then I have no idea what her field is, so, I'm just basically posting in a Vi Edit thread.

Good luck with that.
 
This is a great topic. We focused on money and now we have it. We don't have friends or family. It was sacrificed in the process. Life is really strange. If you have money and buy nice things they get jealous.
 
I read about 80% of this thread and didn't see what I consider a critical next step, so excuse me if it it's already been said, but I think your next move is to sit down with your parents and lay it all out for them and let them give their reactions for you to gauge -- both their immediate reactions (some personal disappointment) and what may well by their eventual reaction -- happiness that their son and and daughter-in-law have a marvelous opportunity to spread their wings and fly.

Life is often about letting go.

As has been said, none of us can make this difficult and many-layered decision for you.

But the good news is that you guys have already made a great life for yourselves , and will only be choosing between "good" and "potentially better." It's what we all aspire to, a higher class of problems. 😛

Undergirding my attitude to all this is the realization that going out of your comfort zone is a standard key to "personal growth." One change can lead to many others that you could never foresee at the time.

Anyway, if your parents give you their blessing, I'm sure you can (and would) find a non-insulting, sideways way to re-pay your Dad for the sweat equity he put in your house.

Fwiw, I say, "Life is short, go for it." Reality is an ever evolving process. It's fluid, not static. There are NO certainties in life, including the status quo.
 
Perknose said:
I read about 80% of this thread and didn't see what I consider a critical next step, so excuse me if it it's already been said, but I think your next move is to sit down with your parents and lay it all out for them and let them give their reactions for you to gauge -- both their immediate reactions (some personal disappointment) and what may well by their eventual reaction -- happiness that their son and and daughter-in-law have a marvelous opportunity to spread their wings and fly.

Life is often about letting go.
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Unban The Flying Pig


Not so subtle veiled mod callout on Perk. Have some time off. Courtesy of me.

You guys need to knock off this crap with the mods and the pig.

It ain't gonna fly with me, but you guys keep trying don't you?


esquared
Anandtech Forum Director
 
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joshsquall said:
Personally, I wouldn't move in your situation. I guess it depends a lot on your outlook on life though. Friends and family are much more important to me than work. If you're already making a good amount of money and you're happy where you are, it doesn't make much sense to me. Having grandparents and established friends nearby makes a huge difference for a married couple and children as well. Maybe I'm just weird because my dreams never involve working.
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I wanted to quote this post because I think it might be the best post in this thread, especially the bolded part. When I think of my dreams, I can honestly say that I never equate anything in them with my job. They always involve travel, spending time with friends/family, and just enjoying life. I chuckle at the whole notion of a "career" and find it odd that so many people identify themselves that way.

I make a good living, have a really nice house, and no debt outside of my mortgage. Even with that, some might wonder why I'm not more "successful." I think certain people expected me to be an executive, doctor, or scientist by now. Frankly, their expectations don't matter to me and quite frankly, I could ask them how anyone can truly consider themselves "successful" while working for someone else?

VI, you may have answered this, but I'll ask it anyway. How much do you work now? How much will you work in a new position? If you're going from a comfortable position with 40-50 hours/week to 70-80 hours/week with high stress, it isn't worth it.
 
50% increase is enough to make anyone move. Your parents are your parents. They will understand and support any decision you make. They may be hurt because they can't see their grand daughter as much anymore, but if you fly them out every couple of months that might make it easier. You gotta do what's best for you and for your family. They are always your first priority.

One thing to keep in mind though, what would the cost of living be like compared to where you are now? Is that 50% increase really going to make a difference against the potential higher CoL?
 
Thanks for the responses everyone. I had no intentions of an internet site making such a decision for me 🙂 But it is a good way to lay out all of my thoughts, and get a large number of perspectives on things that I may not have considered, or given enough consideration.

To be honest, it's actually my wife that would benefit the most in the move. It's her job satisfaction right now that is hurting the most. She does work 10 hour days as it is, and is only paid for 8. She's at whits end with management, and her (and her dept) morale is at an all time low. She wants out bad if she has a good place to go to.

One of her coworkers actually worked for an employer my wife was eying in Denver and said my wife would love the positions there. The hours and work are a perfect fit for what she was doing and she would be able to adjunct teach which is something she always wanted to do too. Plus she'd be a M-F office hour job, and no holidays. Major upgrade over her current schedule.

Being so much closer to her parents is also a major win. As it is, she sees them about once every other year. So our granddaughter barely knows them. It's very expensive to fly into see them because of the dinky regional airport they have. Flying from Denver back to see my parents would be much, much cheaper and easier than flying from where we currently live to see hers.

She's in a field, and has an experienced background that is highly desired so it's an easy move for her. My employment was always the question mark for moving places. Well, I may have an opening and it would be a huge step up for me so it was kind of a perfect storm of opportunity.

Living wise, the *only* reason we moved where we did was because of my parents. We did want to be near family raising kids. But honestly we really would live in a larger city in a little more "dry" climate and get out of the midwest muggy summers. Mountains are just icing on the cake.

Again...I can make very major "pros" for each side of the decision. We haven't slept well since we started talking about the possibility.

:\
 
IndyColtsFan said:
VI, you may have answered this, but I'll ask it anyway. How much do you work now? How much will you work in a new position? If you're going from a comfortable position with 40-50 hours/week to 70-80 hours/week with high stress, it isn't worth it.
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I keep my hours in 40 hour a week range. I'm not a slave to my job. I get paid for 40, so I work 40. I do not know what the expectations/reality would be in the other position. Still trying to feel things out.
 
I had opportunities to leave NY and my entire family back in my 20s. I could have been someone, instead I chose to stay here and live in the middle of a fucking ghetto, while the rest of my family moved on and couldn't give a flying shit about me.

I regret it every time I think about it. My life is total shit because I thought staying with family was more important.

Only thing I am good for is being their personal credit card lately.
 
Whatever you decide to do, I hope your family has a wonderful life. You are good people, and no matter what, don't regret your decision. I think Perknose' advice to have a sit down with mom and dad is really wise. What do you really think is best for your daughter?
 
Yeah I had a co-worker just move to CO because the schools were much better than the dump I'm currently in. Your daughter still has a few years until school will startup but are they any good where you're at?
 
vi edit said:
Thanks for the responses everyone. I had no intentions of an internet site making such a decision for me 🙂 But it is a good way to lay out all of my thoughts, and get a large number of perspectives on things that I may not have considered, or given enough consideration.

To be honest, it's actually my wife that would benefit the most in the move. It's her job satisfaction right now that is hurting the most. She does work 10 hour days as it is, and is only paid for 8. She's at whits end with management, and her (and her dept) morale is at an all time low. She wants out bad if she has a good place to go to.

One of her coworkers actually worked for an employer my wife was eying in Denver and said my wife would love the positions there. The hours and work are a perfect fit for what she was doing and she would be able to adjunct teach which is something she always wanted to do too. Plus she'd be a M-F office hour job, and no holidays. Major upgrade over her current schedule.

Being so much closer to her parents is also a major win. As it is, she sees them about once every other year. So our granddaughter barely knows them. It's very expensive to fly into see them because of the dinky regional airport they have. Flying from Denver back to see my parents would be much, much cheaper and easier than flying from where we currently live to see hers.

She's in a field, and has an experienced background that is highly desired so it's an easy move for her. My employment was always the question mark for moving places. Well, I may have an opening and it would be a huge step up for me so it was kind of a perfect storm of opportunity.

Living wise, the *only* reason we moved where we did was because of my parents. We did want to be near family raising kids. But honestly we really would live in a larger city in a little more "dry" climate and get out of the midwest muggy summers. Mountains are just icing on the cake.

Again...I can make very major "pros" for each side of the decision. We haven't slept well since we started talking about the possibility.

:\
Click to expand...

Your wife's work schedule is horrible, particularly having to rotate to night shifts. The quality of everybody's lives would improve if she had more regular hours.
 
I don't really get attached to people so I'd be gone in a heartbeat. I'd miss my family but I still talk to them often enough when I'm out of state.
 
vi edit said:
I'd be getting upwards of a 50% or more increase in pay, if not more. If my wife got a faculty position she'd be more of a M-F, traditional office hours and no nights/weekends gig. Right now she has to work every third weekend, 1/3 of her shifts are at night, and she's had to work every other major holiday. She'd probably make more too.
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MOVE x100
 
joshsquall said:
Personally, I wouldn't move in your situation. I guess it depends a lot on your outlook on life though. Friends and family are much more important to me than work. If you're already making a good amount of money and you're happy where you are, it doesn't make much sense to me. Having grandparents and established friends nearby makes a huge difference for a married couple and children as well. Maybe I'm just weird because my dreams never involve working.
Click to expand...

+1
 
joshsquall said:
Personally, I wouldn't move in your situation. I guess it depends a lot on your outlook on life though. Friends and family are much more important to me than work. If you're already making a good amount of money and you're happy where you are, it doesn't make much sense to me. Having grandparents and established friends nearby makes a huge difference for a married couple and children as well. Maybe I'm just weird because my dreams never involve working.
Click to expand...

Seems like you should do it for your wife mate but can't get get another job in your area?

Koing
 
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