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Chasing dreams while ditching family and friends...who's been there?

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Reallly long story short....a former boss of mine is now a director at a large establishment in Denver. I had a very good on and off the clock relationship with him. He's reached out to me and wants to know if I'm interested in a management position in his organization.

It would be a considerable upgrade professional/financially over what I'm currently doing and for a much larger organization.

My wife would also have some career openings available to her that she has dreamed of doing for years, but just simply doesn't have those opportunities available where we live.

Career wise it would be a huge bump up for both of us. Not just financially, but from a responsibility/satisfaction(assumed) standpoint as well.

The icing on the cake is that it's freaking Denver. Which is a nice upgrade over the midwest. We'd also be a 5 hour drive from my wife's parents instead of a 16 hour one.

Now the flip side is this....

We both have excellent positions where we are. We are paid very, very well for the area and are well respected and liked where we are.

As many know, we just finished up building a very large house last fall that are barely even moved into. My father invested a HUGE amount of effort into helping build it.

My parents live like 5 minutes from us and we've got an awesome relationship with them and my 3 year old daughter loves them.

We also have really started building a good group of friends in this area that took years to develop.

So it's not like I have a lot of reasons to move. But neither my wife or I have slept well thinking about the possibility of not pursuing our careers more or the idea of moving to a much more desirable area/city.

So I have to ask....anyone picked up their family and pretty much started a new life in a different part of the country and completely suckerpunching their friends and family in the process?

It really wouldn't be as tough of a decision if we hadn't just finished a building a house that my Dad put so much effort into. I feel like it would be a massive slap in the face to him to just turn around and ditch the place. Plus the fact that we really do love being so close to them with our daughter.

*UHG*
 
can your parents sell their house and you in turn sell your house to your parents? Or would that not work? That way it's not a slap in the face to your dad and you and your wife get to pursue your career dreams. If it wasnt for the house, I'd say move move move. But as a homeowner, I know how much of a ball and chain it can be, esp in this market.
 
This is a really tough decision. If you hadn't just built the house then it wouldn't be as bad.

I'm in Colorado so of course I'd say "Hell Yeah" to moving to Denver because, well Colorado rocks.

So 11 hours to your parents, 5 hours to hers instead of 16 to hers and none to yours?

Having family can be huge for your kid though, and having grandparents readily available who can take care of your kid at a moments notice for an emergency and you wouldn't even think twice about who they are with is a nice thing too.

But then you have the job satisfaction side which sounds like it will be very nice for both of you here.

I really don't know dude.
 
I had a similar decision to make about 10 years ago, in the end I stayed where I was and have no regrets.

Obviously no one on the internet can make your decision for you but make sure your wife is 50% of the decision making process.

Good luck - oh, and I love Denver but wouldn't say it's a huge upgrade over where you are now. Still cold, but I'd love to have ski slopes within a day's driving distance 🙂
 
Wow, that's tough with the brand new house.

I'd probably go if I had the chance to be in Denver and build another (if you still have the energy), probably even nicer, new house.
 
skyking said:
Are your folks working, nearing retirement, retired? It makes a difference I think.
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Mom will be retired before the end of this year. Dad, health permitting will work another 5-10 years.

Selling the house to my parents is not an option. They have theirs paid off and ours is excessive overkill for them and they'd have no desire to own/clean it.
 
Personally, I wouldn't move in your situation. I guess it depends a lot on your outlook on life though. Friends and family are much more important to me than work. If you're already making a good amount of money and you're happy where you are, it doesn't make much sense to me. Having grandparents and established friends nearby makes a huge difference for a married couple and children as well. Maybe I'm just weird because my dreams never involve working.
 
You have to weigh both sides, you have to go where you and your family (immediate) will be most happy. You also need to consider the job stability. Are you at a great chance of getting laid off at one job vs. the other? I'm sure the parents will understand, you have to make the choice for you and your wife and child. No one else.
 
I find myself leaning more towards staying near family for the support. I know I don't have to have their support, but like Numenorean said, dropping kids off with mom/dad/bro/sis whatever is a much more comfortable feeling when you have to do it in a pinch.

Personally, unless I am talking about a major bump in pay, it'd have to be pretty damned significant for me to uproot and move. A friend of mine worked 5 days (weekdays) for his main place of work, and 2 days (weekends) for another place so that his wife can stay home and raise kids. He uprooted for a job that would give him the same pay as those two jobs combined while allowing him to spend weekends at home. If it were something like that, I'd do it in a heartbeat. But if you're talking a 10-15% bump in pay and no other serious added benefit... I dunno. I doubt I would do it.
 
That's tough with your dad at the point in his career. If he were closer to retiring they could visit you more often, on your larger nickel.
 
Done it all the time w/ respect to career (partially due to military).

Kids have been unhappy each time, but then they adjust.
Wife also because she usually has just started to work for a new company and is settling in. (Now she prefers to now work, just take care of me).

Better to do it now while you are young then when the kids get older.

Rough thing will be your house - you have just finished it for your needs; the costs will not be retrievable if you sell it. I do not think you can rent something that big to cover the minimum needed.

At least you can fly to the folks or reverse - better than the 12-14 hour drive. even if more $$. You will find that the wear/tear after a day drive makes one worthless the next day.
 
I did a year after college. Moved from Ohio (small town) to Texas (large city). Left parents and friends, with no solid prospects down here. But the one thing I knew was that I wasn't going to get where I wanted to go by staying there. I don't regret it.

As for the house, you don't owe anyone anything, and I think your parent's, especially your dad would see that and understand the opportunity ahead of you.
 
SearchMaster said:
Good luck - oh, and I love Denver but wouldn't say it's a huge upgrade over where you are now. Still cold, but I'd love to have ski slopes within a day's driving distance
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It's not so much the cold as it is the lack of humidity in the summer. I freaking hate the muggy ass summers we have. Plus having mountains in view on my way to work is a nice upgrade over cornfields. And I really would like to take up skiing.

But yeah, I think it would break my parents heart moving. They'd get over it, especially if they are getting closer to retirement age and could actually come over for a couple weeks at a time and hang out. I actually do have some family in that area that they would like to see more often.

It's a freaking horrible decision process. At this point it's nothing more than dicussions between my wife and I. We haven't even applied to positions...but we've really got to layout a major life gameplan and be "all in" when do.
 
I'd stay near your family. You just built a new, beautiful house and with your parents so close by, you have a great support system, and your kid will grow up seeing her grandparents all the time. The midwest is also very cheap to live in and is a great place to raise a family.

Is there any way you could work remotely and maybe just go out to Denver once or twice a month?
 
You are quickly approaching a time in your childs life where such a move would be damaging. If your gonna do it, do it now and stick in Denver. This sort of stuff is usually done with in your early 20's. There are positives and negatives, I would leave the rust belt (if thats where you are) or prarietown or whatever in a heartbeat, but thats me speaking from personal experience ( I left Detroit when I turned 18 and have never looked back).
 
bobdole369 said:
You are quickly approaching a time in your childs life where such a move would be damaging. If your gonna do it, do it now and stick in Denver. This sort of stuff is usually done with in your early 20's. There are positives and negatives, I would leave the rust belt (if thats where you are) or prarietown or whatever in a heartbeat, but thats me speaking from personal experience ( I left Detroit when I turned 18 and have never looked back).
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Damaging? How so? Kids are more resilient than most adults.
 
mvbighead said:
Personally, unless I am talking about a major bump in pay, it'd have to be pretty damned significant for me to uproot and move. A friend of mine worked 5 days (weekdays) for his main place of work, and 2 days (weekends) for another place so that his wife can stay home and raise kids. He uprooted for a job that would give him the same pay as those two jobs combined while allowing him to spend weekends at home. If it were something like that, I'd do it in a heartbeat. But if you're talking a 10-15% bump in pay and no other serious added benefit... I dunno. I doubt I would do it.
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I'd be getting upwards of a 50% or more increase in pay, if not more. If my wife got a faculty position she'd be more of a M-F, traditional office hours and no nights/weekends gig. Right now she has to work every third weekend, 1/3 of her shifts are at night, and she's had to work every other major holiday. She'd probably make more too.
 
Damaging? How so? Kids are more resilient than most adults.
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You'd think so but moving around is quite traumatic. As someone who moved 10 times between 3 and 18, I know first hand how hard it is. Others who moved around have similar issues as I do. It's one thing to be resilient and to adjust. Thats the easy part. The part that breaks is much deeper and doesn't show up until you start forming your own relationships.
 
bobdole369 said:
You'd think so but moving around is quite traumatic. As someone who moved 10 times between 3 and 18, I know first hand how hard it is. Others who moved around have similar issues as I do. It's one thing to be resilient and to adjust. Thats the easy part. The part that breaks is much deeper and doesn't show up until you start forming your own relationships.
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I moved as well - 6 times between 3 and 14. Didn't faze me at all. Or maybe it did......
 
hmm that's a huge pay increase for you and quality of life upgrade for your wife. Damn, that's a really hard decision. Hurting your father's feelings should be the least of your concern. But that newly built house...

If you dont get a fair price on selling the house, the pay increase will be pretty much a wash, no?
 
Looks like we need a poll.
I would stay but don't stay because you feel obligated to. Weigh the two options and pick the one that is best for your family. Try to stay analytical instead of emotional. After that you can decide if the other factors outweigh the analytical choice.
 
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