Best bad-ass one-liners in movie history? :-)

[BigJohnKC]

"I'm ot even supposed to be here today!"
-Clerks

"You got a problem?"
"Yeah, but I can't express myself monosyllabically enough for you to understand me"
-Mallrats

"What's a 'nubian'?"
"Shut the f*ck up!"
-Chasing Amy

"Knew him!? Sh!t! N***er owes me 12 bucks!"
-Dogma

"You are the ones who are the ball-lickers!"
-Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

Snoochie Boochies!

 

[mpitts]

The Christmas Vacation quotes are classic.

Some of my favorites:

Blue Velvet

"Do you want me to pour the beer?"
"NO! I WANT YOU TO FVCK IT! SH|T YES, POUR THE FVCKING BEER!"

"Hey Frank, you better drink that beer before it gets warm."
"One thing I can't stand is warm fvcking beer it makes me want to PUKE!"

"What kind of beer you drink, neighbor?"
"Heineken."
"HEINEKEN! FVCK THAT SH|T! PABST BLUE RIBBON, BABY!"

"LET'S FVVVVVVVVVCK!"

 

[Draco]

Originally posted by: Electric Amish
Both from Christmas Vacation-

Clark W. Griswold: Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no! We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here! We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f*cking Kaye! And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!

Clark W. Griswold: Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey sh!t he is! Hallelujah!


amish

Classic!

 

[vi edit]

History of th world part 1: GANG BANG!

 

[Draco]

Here's one for ya

[Chasing Amy]

Banky Edwards: I just have to get something.
[Pulls out a huge stack of porno books]
Holden McNeil: Who are you, Larry f*cking Flynt? What are you going to do with all of those?
Banky Edwards: Read the articles. What do you think I'm going to do with them? They're stroke books.
Holden McNeil: You've got like thirty books there! We're only there for two days!
Banky Edwards: Variety's the spice of life. I like a wide selection. Sometimes I'm in the mood for nasty close-ups, sometimes I like them arty and air-brushed. Sometimes it's a spread brown-eye kind of night, sometimes it's girl-on-girl time. Sometimes a steamy letter will do it, sometimes -- not often, but sometimes -- I like the idea of a chick with a horse.

 

[vi edit]

Clark W. Griswold: Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey sh!t he is! Hallelujah!

Doesn't it end in something like, "HOLY SH!T! I need a tylenol!" or something like that?

 

[Electric Amish]

Originally posted by: vi_edit

Clark W. Griswold: Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey sh!t he is! Hallelujah!

Doesn't it end in something like, "HOLY SH!T! I need a tylenol!" or something like that?

Yes!

Holy Sh!t!! Where's the Tylenol?



amish

 

[HeroOfPellinor]

"If I'm not back in fifteen minutes, call the President."

"What does that mean, huh? China is here?? I don't even know what the hell that means."

"Look, I'm a reasonable guy but I've just experienced some pretty unreasonable things."

"I was born ready."

All from the same movie.

 

[Electric Amish]

Originally posted by: HeroOfPellinor
"If I'm not back in fifteen minutes, call the President."

"What does that mean, huh? China is here?? I don't even know what the hell that means."

"Look, I'm a reasonable guy but I've just experienced some pretty unreasonable things."

"I was born ready."

All from the same movie.

Big Trouble in Little China

amish

 

[giguana]

Since we're doing Kevin Smith movies:

From Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

A little set up.
Ben Afleck and Matt Damon are filming 'Good Will Hunting II: Hunting Season'. They go through the whole thing about Viccas.
Snooty Prick:How do you like them apples?
[Matt and Ben turn around and huddle up]
Ben: I don't like the sound of them apples will.
[Matt and Ben turn back around. Matt has shot gun in his hand and shoots the snooty prick.]
Ben: Applesauce, Bitch.


Jay: You know what they make you do in county? Toss the salad.

Jay: Start suckin b!tch. BONG!

 

[BigJohnKC]

Originally posted by: giguana
Since we're doing Kevin Smith movies:

From Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

A little set up.
Ben Afleck and Matt Damon are filming 'Good Will Hunting II: Hunting Season'. They go through the whole thing about Viccas.
Snooty Prick:How do you like them apples?
[Matt and Ben turn around and huddle up]
Ben: I don't like the sound of them apples will.
[Matt and Ben turn back around. Matt has shot gun in his hand and shoots the snooty prick.]
Ben: Applesauce, Bitch.


Jay: You know what they make you do in county? Toss the salad.

Jay: Start suckin b!tch. BONG!

My favorite -
Jay: Dude, I think I just filled the cup.

 

[Nemesis77]

Some of the best Dirty Harry quotes:

Hypothetical situation eh? All right I?m standing on a street corner and Mrs. Gray there propositions me. She says if I come home with her, for five dollars she'll put on an exibition with a shetlin pony . . . Now I'm just trying to find out if anyone else knows what the hell laws being broken besides cruelty to animals.

Briggs: "There's not suppose to be any shooting."
Harry: There's nothing wrong with shooting, just as long as the right people get shot."

Callahan: "Well, when an adult male is chasing a female with intent to commit rape, I shoot the bastard. That's my policy."
Mayor: "Intent to commit rape? How did you establish that?"
Callahan: "Well, when a naked man is a chasing a woman down an alley with a butcher knife and a hard-on, I figure he isn't out collecting for the red cross"
Mayor: "I think he's got a point."

 

[Johnlee]

I've always been lucky when it comes to killin' folks.

-Unforvigen

 

[giguana]

My favorite -
Jay: Dude, I think I just filled the cup.

How about-
Bob: THE SIGN...ON THE BACK OF THE CAR...SAID 'CRITTERS OF HOLLYWOOD'...YOU STUPID FVCK!!!
Jay: Say it. Don't spray it.

 

[Aceman]

Bruce Campbell aka Ash from Evil Dead movies owns everyone in this category:

Ash about his shotgun: This ... is my BOOM STICK!!!

Ash to the Witch: Yo, she-bitch! Let's go!

Good Ash to Bad Ash: Good... Bad... I'm the guy with the gun.

Ash: Buckle up Bonehead. 'Cos you're goin' for a ride!

King Arthur: Are all men from the future loud-mouthed braggarts?
Ash: Nope. Just me baby... Just me.

Demon Lady: I'll swallow your soul!
Ash: Come get some.

Ash "Come to papa..."

Ash "Go ahead and run, run home and cry to mama."

Ash "First you want to kill me, now you want to kiss me. Blow."

 

[Maverick]

"The name's Ash, housewares."

"Gimme some sugar baby"

"Lady I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave the store."

"Sure I coulda stayed and been king...but in my own way, I am king. Hail to the king baby"

"KLATTUU VERATA....NIK *cough*cough*"

"Well maybe I didn't say every single syllable but basically I said 'em......basically"

 

[nord1899]

No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!

 

[BigJohnKC]

Originally posted by: giguana

My favorite -
Jay: Dude, I think I just filled the cup.

How about-
Bob: THE SIGN...ON THE BACK OF THE CAR...SAID 'CRITTERS OF HOLLYWOOD'...YOU STUPID FVCK!!!
Jay: Say it. Don't spray it.

I like mine better
Jay: "Take that you dirty sheep-f*cker!"

 

[ragazzo]

Here's Johnny! *evil grin*

 

[giguana]

I like mine better
Jay: "Take that you dirty sheep-f*cker!"

I believe it goes "Who's stupid now you dirty sheep-fvcker!"

what about
Velma look-a-like: It would be nice if they were hitch-hiking girls.
and
Jay: Ladies, Ladies, Ladies. Jay and Silent Bob are in the hizzouse!
or
Jay: I am the cl!t commander. No one rules the cl!t like I do. When you see cl!t you see this face.

 

[Tonix]

"Shop Smart, Shop S-Mart"

"I'm telling you, You've got the wrong guy"

"Well Hello, Mr. Fancy Pants..."

First ya wanna kill me..."

"What's a matter, you raised in a barn? Shut the door!"

"Good, I could use a horse blanket"

"Give me some sugar, baby"

"I got it, I got it! I know yer damn words, alright?"

Yeah, that'll teach ya..."

"Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun"

"Ohh, I'll get back to you"

"Whoa Whoa Whoa right there, Spinach chin"

"Yeah, and maybe I'm a Chinese Jet Pilot"

"Ya crazy bitch, get off me!!!"

"Hail to the King, baby"

? and the infamous "Groovy!"

-- Ash (Bruce Campbell)..."Army of Darkness"

 

[Spac3d]

-Tony Montana: I kill a communist for fun, but for a green card, I gonna carve him up real nice.

-Tony Montana: You wanna fvck with me? Okay. You wanna play rough? Okay. Say hello to my little friend.

-Tony Montana: All I have in this world is balls and my word and I don't break 'em for no one. You understand?

and of course (although not 1 line)

Tony Montana: Me, I want what's coming to me.
Manny: Oh, well what's coming to you?
Tony Montana: The world, chico, and everything in it.

All of these quotes are from Scarface.

Spac3d

 

[y2kc]

"leave the gun, take the canoli" Clemenza from the Godfather

(cheesy but good) "I may not live forever, but I'd be a damn fool not to try" Dillinger

 

[Confused]

"You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!" - The Italian Job

 

[djheater]

Sammy has a lot....