ATOT Consensus needed! Cheating neighbor with a deployed spouse

[HeroOfPellinor]

Originally posted by: MrsBugi
My husband's older brother is a captain in the army, and he was sleeping with the wife of an enlisted soldier for awhile.

It made me sad for the soldier in Iraq, who had no idea what his wife was up to in his absence. The situation also made me angry and upset towards both my husband's brother (the captain) and the wife of the enlisted soldier, but ultimately it was none of my business since I am not particularly close with either of them.

They are all adults, and they are entirely responsible for their actions (and the consequences of their actions). I did not feel it was my place to say or do anything except express my disgust about it to my husband, who felt similarly but also did nothing since neither of us really know the woman or her husband.

You knew the truth. And you chose to hide it. Guess what, MrsBugi, it's your business as soon as you know about it......whether you find it objectionable enough to do a damn thing about it is the real question. If a woman was being beaten next door, you'd call the cops. So it's your business then. Somebody's trust being betrayed just isn't that big of a deal.

 

[AndrewR]

Originally posted by: meltdown75

Originally posted by: AndrewR
I'll get to the posts at some point, no time now, but I must say that I'm proud to have a thread on the most active list!

Incidentally, my wife saw the woman come home with her beau and scurry inside sheepishly when she saw my wife coming outside to get the mail. Our neighbor had her "male" apparently.

So in other words, your nosy wife is still gawking at the neighbours? I wonder who is doing the scurrying.

Oh, I guess getting the mail at the mailbox in the cul-de-sac is off limits now, huh? My, don't you feel like the big man insulting my wife through the internet!

 

[AndrewR]

Originally posted by: MrPickins

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: MrPickins

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: yowolabi
If you were on duty and knew a married soldier had sex with another woman or even a prostitute, would you feel honor bound to report it to his girl/wife? I don't think you would, because you acknowledge that it's special circumstances.

I think that anyone who knows multiple people in the military has a story about either the person who's away cheating or the person who stayed at home cheating, maybe both. Human beings aren't meant to have long term relationships with someone in another country. It's not suprising that they go to someone else for either companionship or sex in the meantime. From what I hear, you can't even talk on the phone anytime you want. Add to this that many couples speed up their timeline for getting married, knowing that the soldier is going to ship out.

My only reason to pointing this out is that I believe "cheating" in a long distance relationship is not the same as when you're in the same city, and that there's much more hope for people to get past it. I think both partners know there's a good chance something happened while they were away, but since neither knows for sure, they are able to get past it and move on. Being the nosy neighbor with pictures takes that option away from them.

I dont recall "Except in the event that your spouse has to go away to war" as being part of the you, you, & only you till death do us part...

But for all you know, that may be their own personal agreement.

which brings me back to what i posted 1st... if it is... so be it... no ones going to be pissed off for someone looking out for them...

and if it isnt... you just saved him from a cheating spouse.

He might think that you were being overly nosy instead of "looking out for him."

The neighbors made it clear that they didn't want a friendship, so I wouldn't try to act like one exists. It may go unappreciated.

Well, SHE was decidedly unfriendly, but he hasn't been when I've seen him. When he's here, he works somewhat odd hours, but the few times I've run across him in the driveway, he's been friendly enough. She has always been cold as ice.

For those unfamiliar with military life, and there are more than a handful here, the wives in a military housing community know everything. I think part of it is that they know that if they look out for the other families, someone will look out for them -- that's why it's called a "community", something sorely lacking in the civilian world for the most part.

You'd also have to see this area to know that we don't have to go out of our way by any means to see what's going on because we are on a cul-de-sac with no trees in townhouses with their townhouse at a 90 degree angle to ours and adjoining driveways. Their townhouse also faces the backs of other townhouses on a parallel street, which is why one of the neighbors mentioned tonight to my wife that she's seen this same guy letting the dogs out at 2am from time to time (the woman has a baby and wakes up to feed her).

I have one simple question to anyone who put MYOB (maybe it was asked above): If your spouse were cheating on you, would you want to know? I think that needs a new thread because I'm curious. Going to make one now...

 

[MidasKnight]

Originally posted by: doze
Unless this guy is a real good friend this is not your business.

 

[Rock Hydra]

I'm not going to touch on the point of whether or not to tell him. One good point I think should should be brought up is to not be telling anyone to whom it's not related. I've seen people who see this ****** and spread it around, and cause more trouble.

 

[DAGTA]

Haven't read the thread...

Stay out of it. It's not your business. Reality is that more than 50% of people cheat. That number is probably higher for military wives when their husbands are gone oversees.

 

[Chiboy]

DUDE! Tell the guy, the only reason she ignored your wife & friend was because of this... Do your fellow officer a favor & save him.

 

[sao123]

Originally posted by: DAGTA
Haven't read the thread...

Stay out of it. It's not your business. Reality is that more than 50% of people cheat. That number is probably higher for military wives when their husbands are gone oversees.

The statiscal measurement of the percent of the population which do something does not make it right, wrong, or moral. If you cant honor a wedding vowel... dont get married.

 

[Turin39789]

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: DAGTA
Haven't read the thread...

Stay out of it. It's not your business. Reality is that more than 50% of people cheat. That number is probably higher for military wives when their husbands are gone oversees.

The statiscal measurement of the percent of the population which do something does not make it right, wrong, or moral. If you cant honor a wedding vowel... dont get married.

The same goes for a wedding vow

 

[j00fek]

take care of your own issues, stay out of other peoples lives

 

[meltdown75]

Originally posted by: AndrewR

Originally posted by: meltdown75

Originally posted by: AndrewR
I'll get to the posts at some point, no time now, but I must say that I'm proud to have a thread on the most active list!

Incidentally, my wife saw the woman come home with her beau and scurry inside sheepishly when she saw my wife coming outside to get the mail. Our neighbor had her "male" apparently.

So in other words, your nosy wife is still gawking at the neighbours? I wonder who is doing the scurrying.

Oh, I guess getting the mail at the mailbox in the cul-de-sac is off limits now, huh? My, don't you feel like the big man insulting my wife through the internet!

404 insult not found

 

[meltdown75]

Originally posted by: AndrewR
I have one simple question to anyone who put MYOB (maybe it was asked above): If your spouse were cheating on you, would you want to know? I think that needs a new thread because I'm curious. Going to make one now...

You don't know that she is cheating. Irrelevant question.

 

[sao123]

Originally posted by: meltdown75

Originally posted by: AndrewR
I have one simple question to anyone who put MYOB (maybe it was asked above): If your spouse were cheating on you, would you want to know? I think that needs a new thread because I'm curious. Going to make one now...

You don't know that she is cheating. Irrelevant question.

If even it was just a possibility (unknown, unsure, etc) just because of suspicious activity I still think people would want to know.

its human nature... the instant something suspicious happens, they want to uncover the truth....

I think this is because dishonesty, lying, falsness, half truths, secrecy are the worst possible things a person can do.

 

[Pr0d1gy]

Originally posted by: BigJ
I'd normally say MYOB, but this situation just really rubs me the wrong way.

Agreed, he has a right to know. You could leave an anonymous letter + picture in an envelope on his car when he returns. Leave it alone while he is deplyoed though.

 

[funboy6942]

Next time he is home have a slip of the tongue, go over and bring a beer and say something like "Its great your have friends that come over and check on your wifes well being, I personally dont know many guys I would trust to come over and make sure my wife is ok, a female perhaps but your buddy must be one true friend to take care of her while your away and a trusting one at that because they seem close with one another as well. Someday perhaps we call all get together for movie night?"

 

[slsmnaz]

I predict a follow-up thread soon: "My neighbor shot his wife..." Nothing good will come of you telling him about something that may/may not be happening.

 

[ShotgunSteven]

The main problem with this poll is that you're asking a bunch of geeks a sex-related question, and most of them have never had sex. A large portion of them would have no problems with cheating, incest, necrophelia, et cetera, provided the other party or corpse was actually female. It might be all they ever get. :laugh:

 

[VooDooAddict]

MYOB

Since you don't know them very well... for all you know it could very well be the way their relationship is structured. For all you know the two are swingers when together, too. Most involved in that understandably prefer to remain discrete. Don't cause unneeded issue with them.

If he was a close friend, then I'd ask him about it over beers or something ... but ask him about it not by saying "Do you know your wife cheats on you?" ... Start talking about the chalanges of being with "just one person" for the rest of your life ... maybe ask him how they cope with it.

But seriously ... MYOB

 

[Bowhuntr11]

Screw that...Tell the guy. He needs to know, he needs to start moving on with his life..

Picture this..You dont tell them this goes on for more then 5 years, and then he finds out. (Because if she's doing it now, she will keep doing it.) Then, he will have wasted 5 years of his life...when he could of been moving on.

I am also in the USAF...If I was oversea's or even if I was home...I would want to know. Screw that. I could start tappin something else, and find someone else that would be faithful...


Btw, just do it anony...Leave a picture on his car or something like that. Just so you dont get in the middle of it, you just were providing information. If they are swingers or something like people say, then he will just blow it off.

 

[40Hands]

Originally posted by: ShotgunSteven
The main problem with this poll is that you're asking a bunch of geeks a sex-related question, and most of them have never had sex. A large portion of them would have no problems with cheating, incest, necrophelia, et cetera, provided the other party or corpse was actually female. It might be all they ever get. :laugh:

Seems like the more mature members know how to handle the situation while people like you just troll and provide ever so useful comments like the one above.

The final answer to this thread is to MYOB. It really isn't that hard. No one likes a busybody.

 

[Scarpozzi]

Call the police and say that you heard screaming coming from the house. Write down the license plate number and give them that over the phone. Then at least there will be a police report linking his vehicle to the house. ;D

 

[DAGTA]

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: DAGTA
Haven't read the thread...

Stay out of it. It's not your business. Reality is that more than 50% of people cheat. That number is probably higher for military wives when their husbands are gone oversees.

The statiscal measurement of the percent of the population which do something does not make it right, wrong, or moral. If you cant honor a wedding vowel... dont get married.

I did not claim it made it right or moral. People are going to do what they like regardless of other people's feelings. Opening your mouth and trying to play moral police is only going to get you into trouble in some way.

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: Bowhuntr11
Screw that...Tell the guy. He needs to know, he needs to start moving on with his life..

Picture this..You dont tell them this goes on for more then 5 years, and then he finds out. (Because if she's doing it now, she will keep doing it.) Then, he will have wasted 5 years of his life...when he could of been moving on.

I am also in the USAF...If I was oversea's or even if I was home...I would want to know. Screw that. I could start tappin something else, and find someone else that would be faithful...


Btw, just do it anony...Leave a picture on his car or something like that. Just so you dont get in the middle of it, you just were providing information. If they are swingers or something like people say, then he will just blow it off.

heed this.

it's good to hear the opinion of someone actually in the military.


edit: seems the moral majority is winning in the poll
131 to 112

 

[JackRipper]

Originally posted by: Scarpozzi
Call the police and say that you heard screaming coming from the house. Write down the license plate number and give them that over the phone. Then at least there will be a police report linking his vehicle to the house. ;D

if the housing was on military property the incident would be reported in the Blotter report and just about everyone in the community would know...

Originally posted by: moshquerade

Originally posted by: Bowhuntr11
Screw that...Tell the guy. He needs to know, he needs to start moving on with his life..

Picture this..You dont tell them this goes on for more then 5 years, and then he finds out. (Because if she's doing it now, she will keep doing it.) Then, he will have wasted 5 years of his life...when he could of been moving on.

I am also in the USAF...If I was oversea's or even if I was home...I would want to know. Screw that. I could start tappin something else, and find someone else that would be faithful...


Btw, just do it anony...Leave a picture on his car or something like that. Just so you dont get in the middle of it, you just were providing information. If they are swingers or something like people say, then he will just blow it off.

heed this.

it's good to hear the opinion of someone actually in the military.


edit: seems the moral majority is winning in the poll
131 to 112

i wonder if the people who are pro MYOB ever experienced the situation or knew some1 who they cared for experienced a cheating spouse.... i'm sure many would change their position instead of shrugging it off easily and saying it's no big deal...

again if its in public view and they flaunt it then they deserve whats coming at them...

on a different note, monetary wise....

Married service members receive a lot of extra benefits such as food allowance, housing allowance, cost of living adjustments, and other perks..

Ex: I was married when I was stationed in Korea, my base salary was about $1100/ month (yeah i was low ranked) before taxes. In addition I was paid an extra $2400 for housing allowance + cost of living(my house at the time in new york <one of the highest living allowance areas paid>), $230 for food; all of which were tax free. This was all while I was living in the barracks and paid for my food at the dining facility.

My bi weekly paycheck was more than the single service member who was 3 ranks above me.

If this bitch is cheating she's getting quite a free ride... and if the service member & his wife are swingers/open marriage then this is definitely fraud, waste, and abuse... Adultery is a crime under the UCMJ (military law).

so... do the right thing.

-JR

 

[krunchykrome]

Originally posted by: Phokus
Do it anonymously.

I like this idea. It is none of your business to get involved with a married couple's issues. But it is definetly wrong. That guy is over there fighting for us and his wife is cheating on him while he's away. He deserves better than that.

Take the photos, although Im not sure how you do do that annonymously. The location of the camera could be determined. But anyways, you should let the guy know, with or without pictures. But definetly do it anonymously.