ATOT Consensus needed! Cheating neighbor with a deployed spouse

[HeroOfPellinor]

Originally posted by: Fern

Originally posted by: AndrewR

What do you think?

I understand your reason(s) for wishing to make him aware of the situation. However, be very careful of the 2 most powerful laws in the universe:

1) No good deed goes unpunished, and

2) the "Law of Unintended Consequences".
What if he gets violent (shoots teh other guy, beats his wife, etc), or attempts suicide etc?. If the situation turns out badly, you may, in a way, be somewhat responsible and end up feeling guilty.

Is there not someone trained, pastor, physchiratrist (d@mn sp) or counselor etc, you can pass this info to?. Someone trained to handle, and help him handle, this situation?

Fern

I tend to think he's far more likely to go off the handle when she screams it at him in anger some day when they're fighting or he arrives home and finds her in bed with him.

I do, however, think that wording it poorly could get you punched in the face.

 

[Fern]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: Raduque

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Waltzing up to somebody who's made it clear they don't want to know you and telling them you've been spying on their wife is going to go over really well.

So, seeing what people do out in the open in the middle of the driveway, yard or front walk is "spying"? Since when?

If I had a gun to my head I couldn;t tell you what time any of my neighbor's arrive home from work,let alone give descriptions of the people that come and go from their driveway regularly.


I'm betting that the OP's wife's speculations are in part at least fueled by the fact that the woman in question wants nothing to do with her.

The way I read his post it was the (possible cheating) wife that wasn't interested in friends. If his suspicions are true, I can see why.

Fern

 

[40Hands]

Wow there are a lot of idiots here. Get a life and stay out of others business. There isn't even any proof here and you guys would jump to be the moral police without any evidence. Lame. :roll:

 

[Chryso]

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: Chryso

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: Chryso

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: HeroOfPellinor
If you saw somebody stealing from a store, would you say something? For you not to, you'd either need to 1) not find that behavior inappropriate or 2) not care about theft and it's ultimate affect on the world and you. Either way you're an amoral idiot.

I agree completely.

However, the only things the OP has seen is a man coming and going, and the wife holding hands with him. The stakes are too high to act without first hand knowlege. No matter how likely his guess is to be accurate, it's still a guess.

Tis better to act and be safe, than to not act and be sorry.

Tis better to not act and be safe, than to act and be sorry.

Established law & court judgements would prove your statement to be 99.98% error.

In this case, if you act you could have at least one party very unhappy with you. If you tell the husband and the wife finds out it was you who told all sorts of bad things could happen to you/your car/your family. If you say nothing and act like you know nothing you are unlikely to have any problem with them.

you do not refuse to testify about a criminal because you're afraid the mafia might come harm you... nor do you turn a blind eye in this case...

my concern is not the repercussions of what the wife might do or say in post action...
you do what it takes to ensure proper justice is done.

This is not a criminal act.

 

[Chryso]

Let's go with another example. If you live in a state with a "no sodomy" law and you find out the husband and wife are engaging in sodomy, are you calling the cops?

 

[AnyMal]

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: AnyMal

Originally posted by: sao123
wow... the ignorance in this thread is...well ignorant.

First of all... theres this group of morons who ill call the you dont know if she's actually cheating camp...

If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and swims around in the pond in the back yard... well it might be a german shepard... but I really doubt it.

It isnt hard to tell if 2 people are having some type of relationship. If a husband is away, and all of a sudden a guy is now hanging around, someone sees the wife holding hands walking around with him, then when the husband comes back the guy mysteriously disappears... Obviously something fishy is going on... thats reason enough for concern.


Secondly, there this camp of people who say he might just be a family member... well a simple viewing of the picture by the gentleman will confirm or deny that. Which will either erase the alarm or raise it.


Thirdly, theres this mind your own business camp. Most people are appreciative of someone looking out for them. If you can save someone the embarrassment of being the butt end of a lie and a joke for several years especially when the sanctity of marriage is involved... your information will be appreciated, especially if it exposes a lying cheating whore.


Finally, even if they have an open marriage, where he passes her off to some other guy to keep her warm while he's away... he will still most likely have the same reaction as in my second point.




MYOB/MYOFB is the easy way out... its the pvssy way out... because your all a bunch of cowards.

Put your money where your mouth is. I challenge you to get in touch with OP's buddy (with OP's help of course) and "break the news" to him. Somehow, I get the feeling that you'll take the "pvssy way out".

:roll::roll::roll::roll:
Which makes perfect sence, since I am the one who whitnessed all the evidence, and live across the street form this person.

My involvement would be illogical, only because I would be an unnecessary complication
that serves no real purpose.

If this was the person who lives across the street from me, I have done it, and would do it again...

Use common sence before making trying to challenge me, because you look like the moron not me.

Ugh, what "evidence"? I thought even morons knew the meaning of "evidence". Apparently, I was wrong. :roll:

 

[Safeway]

Originally posted by: 40Hands
Wow there are a lot of idiots here.

You are right, and you are one of them. :roll:

 

[chambersc]

I'd get involved.

 

[40Hands]

Originally posted by: Safeway

Originally posted by: 40Hands
Wow there are a lot of idiots here.

You are right, and you are one of them. :roll:

You're a clever one alright.

At least I mind my own business unlike busybodies like yourself. Moral police are disturbing individuals. :disgust:

"Oh my god honey, come quick! The Johnson's are having a guest over! She's wearing a low cut shirt. I can see them through the blinds!!"

Get a hobby or something.

 

[Phoenix86]

Originally posted by: MikeyIs4Dcats
take a picture of them holding hands from a "generic" location
put picture in envelope with note saying "Do I have to tell him or will you?"
put envelope on front porch

Excellent suggestion.

 

[IceBergSLiM]

Even if you could prove without a doubt that husband has been 100% faithful while deployed I still would MYOB.

 

[sao123]

Originally posted by: AnyMal

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: AnyMal

Originally posted by: sao123
wow... the ignorance in this thread is...well ignorant.

First of all... theres this group of morons who ill call the you dont know if she's actually cheating camp...

If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and swims around in the pond in the back yard... well it might be a german shepard... but I really doubt it.

It isnt hard to tell if 2 people are having some type of relationship. If a husband is away, and all of a sudden a guy is now hanging around, someone sees the wife holding hands walking around with him, then when the husband comes back the guy mysteriously disappears... Obviously something fishy is going on... thats reason enough for concern.


Secondly, there this camp of people who say he might just be a family member... well a simple viewing of the picture by the gentleman will confirm or deny that. Which will either erase the alarm or raise it.


Thirdly, theres this mind your own business camp. Most people are appreciative of someone looking out for them. If you can save someone the embarrassment of being the butt end of a lie and a joke for several years especially when the sanctity of marriage is involved... your information will be appreciated, especially if it exposes a lying cheating whore.


Finally, even if they have an open marriage, where he passes her off to some other guy to keep her warm while he's away... he will still most likely have the same reaction as in my second point.




MYOB/MYOFB is the easy way out... its the pvssy way out... because your all a bunch of cowards.

Put your money where your mouth is. I challenge you to get in touch with OP's buddy (with OP's help of course) and "break the news" to him. Somehow, I get the feeling that you'll take the "pvssy way out".

:roll::roll::roll::roll:
Which makes perfect sence, since I am the one who whitnessed all the evidence, and live across the street form this person.

My involvement would be illogical, only because I would be an unnecessary complication
that serves no real purpose.

If this was the person who lives across the street from me, I have done it, and would do it again...

Use common sence before making trying to challenge me, because you look like the moron not me.

Ugh, what "evidence"? I thought even morons knew the meaning of "evidence". Apparently, I was wrong. :roll:

Oh... I dont know maybe an
EYEWITNESS OBSERVATION
Where the observation contained a married woman performing acts of affection (IE walking around while holding of hands, etc) with a man whom she is not married to.

Where the observation contained a automobile driven by that man was present at the residence regularly during the absence of the husband.

Where the regular presence of the visitor, suspiciously ceased at the time of the return of the husband.

Where on subsequent absences, observations 1, 2, & 3 resumed.


IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE INTIMATE KISSING AND SEX TO BE ADULTRY(CHEATING)

 

[yowolabi]

If you were on duty and knew a married soldier had sex with another woman or even a prostitute, would you feel honor bound to report it to his girl/wife? I don't think you would, because you acknowledge that it's special circumstances.

I think that anyone who knows multiple people in the military has a story about either the person who's away cheating or the person who stayed at home cheating, maybe both. Human beings aren't meant to have long term relationships with someone in another country. It's not suprising that they go to someone else for either companionship or sex in the meantime. From what I hear, you can't even talk on the phone anytime you want. Add to this that many couples speed up their timeline for getting married, knowing that the soldier is going to ship out.

My only reason to pointing this out is that I believe "cheating" in a long distance relationship is not the same as when you're in the same city, and that there's much more hope for people to get past it. I think both partners know there's a good chance something happened while they were away, but since neither knows for sure, they are able to get past it and move on. Being the nosy neighbor with pictures takes that option away from them.

 

[sao123]

Originally posted by: yowolabi
If you were on duty and knew a married soldier had sex with another woman or even a prostitute, would you feel honor bound to report it to his girl/wife? I don't think you would, because you acknowledge that it's special circumstances.

I think that anyone who knows multiple people in the military has a story about either the person who's away cheating or the person who stayed at home cheating, maybe both. Human beings aren't meant to have long term relationships with someone in another country. It's not suprising that they go to someone else for either companionship or sex in the meantime. From what I hear, you can't even talk on the phone anytime you want. Add to this that many couples speed up their timeline for getting married, knowing that the soldier is going to ship out.

My only reason to pointing this out is that I believe "cheating" in a long distance relationship is not the same as when you're in the same city, and that there's much more hope for people to get past it. I think both partners know there's a good chance something happened while they were away, but since neither knows for sure, they are able to get past it and move on. Being the nosy neighbor with pictures takes that option away from them.

I dont recall "Except in the event that your spouse has to go away to war" as being part of the you, you, & only you till death do us part...

 

[MrPickins]

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: yowolabi
If you were on duty and knew a married soldier had sex with another woman or even a prostitute, would you feel honor bound to report it to his girl/wife? I don't think you would, because you acknowledge that it's special circumstances.

I think that anyone who knows multiple people in the military has a story about either the person who's away cheating or the person who stayed at home cheating, maybe both. Human beings aren't meant to have long term relationships with someone in another country. It's not suprising that they go to someone else for either companionship or sex in the meantime. From what I hear, you can't even talk on the phone anytime you want. Add to this that many couples speed up their timeline for getting married, knowing that the soldier is going to ship out.

My only reason to pointing this out is that I believe "cheating" in a long distance relationship is not the same as when you're in the same city, and that there's much more hope for people to get past it. I think both partners know there's a good chance something happened while they were away, but since neither knows for sure, they are able to get past it and move on. Being the nosy neighbor with pictures takes that option away from them.

I dont recall "Except in the event that your spouse has to go away to war" as being part of the you, you, & only you till death do us part...

But for all you know, that may be their own personal agreement.

 

[dwcal]

Originally posted by: allisolm
You get to tell him what you "think" happened as long as you promise to go to the wife of each guy you "think" cheated on her while he was deployed and tell her about it.

Yeah, there's definitely a double standard. The Man Code says don't rat out other guys. I'd stay out of it myself, but it doesn't sound like the neighbor is trying very hard to keep it secret.

 

[sao123]

Originally posted by: MrPickins

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: yowolabi
If you were on duty and knew a married soldier had sex with another woman or even a prostitute, would you feel honor bound to report it to his girl/wife? I don't think you would, because you acknowledge that it's special circumstances.

I think that anyone who knows multiple people in the military has a story about either the person who's away cheating or the person who stayed at home cheating, maybe both. Human beings aren't meant to have long term relationships with someone in another country. It's not suprising that they go to someone else for either companionship or sex in the meantime. From what I hear, you can't even talk on the phone anytime you want. Add to this that many couples speed up their timeline for getting married, knowing that the soldier is going to ship out.

My only reason to pointing this out is that I believe "cheating" in a long distance relationship is not the same as when you're in the same city, and that there's much more hope for people to get past it. I think both partners know there's a good chance something happened while they were away, but since neither knows for sure, they are able to get past it and move on. Being the nosy neighbor with pictures takes that option away from them.

I dont recall "Except in the event that your spouse has to go away to war" as being part of the you, you, & only you till death do us part...

But for all you know, that may be their own personal agreement.

which brings me back to what i posted 1st... if it is... so be it... no ones going to be pissed off for someone looking out for them...

and if it isnt... you just saved him from a cheating spouse.

 

[MrPickins]

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: MrPickins

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: yowolabi
If you were on duty and knew a married soldier had sex with another woman or even a prostitute, would you feel honor bound to report it to his girl/wife? I don't think you would, because you acknowledge that it's special circumstances.

I think that anyone who knows multiple people in the military has a story about either the person who's away cheating or the person who stayed at home cheating, maybe both. Human beings aren't meant to have long term relationships with someone in another country. It's not suprising that they go to someone else for either companionship or sex in the meantime. From what I hear, you can't even talk on the phone anytime you want. Add to this that many couples speed up their timeline for getting married, knowing that the soldier is going to ship out.

My only reason to pointing this out is that I believe "cheating" in a long distance relationship is not the same as when you're in the same city, and that there's much more hope for people to get past it. I think both partners know there's a good chance something happened while they were away, but since neither knows for sure, they are able to get past it and move on. Being the nosy neighbor with pictures takes that option away from them.

I dont recall "Except in the event that your spouse has to go away to war" as being part of the you, you, & only you till death do us part...

But for all you know, that may be their own personal agreement.

which brings me back to what i posted 1st... if it is... so be it... no ones going to be pissed off for someone looking out for them...

and if it isnt... you just saved him from a cheating spouse.

He might think that you were being overly nosy instead of "looking out for him."

The neighbors made it clear that they didn't want a friendship, so I wouldn't try to act like one exists. It may go unappreciated.

 

[AndrewR]

I'll get to the posts at some point, no time now, but I must say that I'm proud to have a thread on the most active list!

Incidentally, my wife saw the woman come home with her beau and scurry inside sheepishly when she saw my wife coming outside to get the mail. Our neighbor had her "male" apparently.

 

[MrsBugi]

My husband's older brother is a captain in the army, and he was sleeping with the wife of an enlisted soldier for awhile.

It made me sad for the soldier in Iraq, who had no idea what his wife was up to in his absence. The situation also made me angry and upset towards both my husband's brother (the captain) and the wife of the enlisted soldier, but ultimately it was none of my business since I am not particularly close with either of them.

They are all adults, and they are entirely responsible for their actions (and the consequences of their actions). I did not feel it was my place to say or do anything except express my disgust about it to my husband, who felt similarly but also did nothing since neither of us really know the woman or her husband.

 

[meltdown75]

Originally posted by: AndrewR
I'll get to the posts at some point, no time now, but I must say that I'm proud to have a thread on the most active list!

Incidentally, my wife saw the woman come home with her beau and scurry inside sheepishly when she saw my wife coming outside to get the mail. Our neighbor had her "male" apparently.

So in other words, your nosy wife is still gawking at the neighbours? I wonder who is doing the scurrying.

 

[Conky]

It seems that the wiser and more mature members of this forum agree that MYOB is the only way to go.

Hey kids, not everything is like on television. You'll figure this out someday if you make it that far.

 

[smopoim86]

Originally posted by: JackBurton

Originally posted by: IAteYourMother
do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Or, do unto others as they have done unto you. I like that one better.

I prefer, "Do unto others before they do unto you"

 

[EKKC]

OP: MYOB

 

[AnyMal]

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: AnyMal

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: AnyMal

Originally posted by: sao123
wow... the ignorance in this thread is...well ignorant.

First of all... theres this group of morons who ill call the you dont know if she's actually cheating camp...

If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and swims around in the pond in the back yard... well it might be a german shepard... but I really doubt it.

It isnt hard to tell if 2 people are having some type of relationship. If a husband is away, and all of a sudden a guy is now hanging around, someone sees the wife holding hands walking around with him, then when the husband comes back the guy mysteriously disappears... Obviously something fishy is going on... thats reason enough for concern.


Secondly, there this camp of people who say he might just be a family member... well a simple viewing of the picture by the gentleman will confirm or deny that. Which will either erase the alarm or raise it.


Thirdly, theres this mind your own business camp. Most people are appreciative of someone looking out for them. If you can save someone the embarrassment of being the butt end of a lie and a joke for several years especially when the sanctity of marriage is involved... your information will be appreciated, especially if it exposes a lying cheating whore.


Finally, even if they have an open marriage, where he passes her off to some other guy to keep her warm while he's away... he will still most likely have the same reaction as in my second point.




MYOB/MYOFB is the easy way out... its the pvssy way out... because your all a bunch of cowards.

Put your money where your mouth is. I challenge you to get in touch with OP's buddy (with OP's help of course) and "break the news" to him. Somehow, I get the feeling that you'll take the "pvssy way out".

:roll::roll::roll::roll:
Which makes perfect sence, since I am the one who whitnessed all the evidence, and live across the street form this person.

My involvement would be illogical, only because I would be an unnecessary complication
that serves no real purpose.

If this was the person who lives across the street from me, I have done it, and would do it again...

Use common sence before making trying to challenge me, because you look like the moron not me.

Ugh, what "evidence"? I thought even morons knew the meaning of "evidence". Apparently, I was wrong. :roll:

Oh... I dont know maybe an
EYEWITNESS OBSERVATION
Where the observation contained a married woman performing acts of affection (IE walking around while holding of hands, etc) with a man whom she is not married to.

Where the observation contained a automobile driven by that man was present at the residence regularly during the absence of the husband.

Where the regular presence of the visitor, suspiciously ceased at the time of the return of the husband.

Where on subsequent absences, observations 1, 2, & 3 resumed.


IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE INTIMATE KISSING AND SEX TO BE ADULTRY(CHEATING)

Two people holding hands is adultry/cheating???? WOW I guess someone's got some 'splaining to do