ATOT Consensus needed! Cheating neighbor with a deployed spouse

[chusteczka]

The bars in Norfolk, VA are usually packed with women the first two weekends after a carrier deployment.

The guys on my ship that I thought highly enough to consider as friends never cheated on their wives during my deployments. It was the guys I did not like that typically participated in the questionable activity.

I heard many stories of guys returning from deployments only to have their apartment or home emptied, with locks changed, or new people living in it.

It seems to me that an "open marriage" is an oxymoron.

If you think this guy has integrity and is worth the problems you will receive by getting involved, then tell him and provide him with a picture. Do not tell him if you have no picture. Do not send him a letter overseas since, like somebody else mentioned previously, worrying about this situation could possibly get him killed.

This extra man that is seen could possibly be a friend or relative of theirs going by to check up on her or keep her company in her husband's absence. I stayed behind on a deployment once and a good friend of mine asked me to watch over his pregnant wife while he was gone. Just to ensure she was fine and to handle any problems that arose. I went out on a few weekend activities with her, such as bowling with other friends. Although I never held her hand or any other action like that. However, a cousin would possibly be within touching boundaries. Such situations do exist.

 

[GoingUp]

Originally posted by: BigJ
I'd normally say MYOB, but this situation just really rubs me the wrong way.

 

[Svnla]

Contact the tv show Cheaters?

Seriously, how about contact the CO, or someone with authority in the base.

 

[Gooberlx2]

MYOB!!

This is nothing new anyway. I think it's almost expected of military spouses to cheat.

 

[compuwiz1]

This might be a little out there, but if I had an otherwise good relationship with my wife, and she was enjoying a little extra curricular activities, I don't think I'd really want to even know about it.

 

[Perknose]

MYOFB.

Don't lay this prying into the lives of people you don't even know and who have made it plain they don't want to know you, d0n't lay this off on your wife, troop.

You don't even have any true idea about what is going on at the house of these people you don't even know.

Stop acting like a nosy old biddy and get on with your own goddamned life.

Again, MYOFB.

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: compuwiz1
This might be a little out there, but if I had an otherwise good relationship with my wife, and she was enjoying a little extra curricular activities, I don't think I'd really want to even know about it.

really?

what if she passed on STDs to you? :Q

 

[compuwiz1]

Originally posted by: moshquerade

Originally posted by: compuwiz1
This might be a little out there, but if I had an otherwise good relationship with my wife, and she was enjoying a little extra curricular activities, I don't think I'd really want to even know about it.

really?

what if she passed on STDs to you? :Q

Well, then, that'd be a different story, now.

But as long as no harm done, I kind of agree with the stance of "whatcha don't know won't hurt ya". If an STD was passed along, then I'd know.

 

[Amused]

Mind your own business, Mrs Kravitz.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: compuwiz1
MYOB
Get a life. I guess between posting on AT and spying on your neighbors, you must have a full schedule.

what he said..

 

[91TTZ]

You should definitely tell the guy. The people who keep saying MYOB are without morals.

Put yourself in his shoes: If your gf/wife was cheating on you while you were out of town, would you want to know, or would you rather have it be the open secret that everyone but you knows?

She is the one in the wrong for cheating, not you for noticing it. Anonymously let him know.

Do the right thing.

 

[Red Dawn]

You might take into account that this guy might know and not give a sh!t. Or he might not want to know abnd if you tell him he might go into denial and strike out at you.

Now if the other guy is in the service you might want to report him but if he isn't then just let it go.

 

[Amused]

Originally posted by: 91TTZ
You should definitely tell the guy. The people who keep saying MYOB are without morals.

Hardly. There are few things more immoral than being a busybody and in everyone else's business. He is NOT his neighbor's keeper, baby setter, or moral compass. He is NOT the local morality police. It is NOT his business.

 

[91TTZ]

Originally posted by: Amused

Originally posted by: 91TTZ
You should definitely tell the guy. The people who keep saying MYOB are without morals.

Hardly. There are few things more immoral than being a busybody and in everyone else's business. He is NOT his neighbor's keeper, baby setter, or moral compass. He is NOT the local morality police. It is NOT his business.

People like that wife who screw around behind their trusting spouses backs are scumbags. Why should he help her keep her secret when he openly sees it, knows what's going on, and doesn't think it's right?

I'm not saying that he has a right to know what goes on behind closed doors, but he can surely talk about what he's witnessed outside.

You seem to support the enabling of people who are doing something sneaky. Are you the type of guy that would screw around with a married woman while her husband is deployed? Would you feel that that's right to do?

 

[Safeway]

Originally posted by: Amused

Originally posted by: 91TTZ
You should definitely tell the guy. The people who keep saying MYOB are without morals.

Hardly. There are few things more immoral than being a busybody and in everyone else's business. He is NOT his neighbor's keeper, baby setter, or moral compass. He is NOT the local morality police. It is NOT his business.

Edited my comment out.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: AndrewR

Originally posted by: compuwiz1
MYOB
Get a life. I guess between posting on AT and spying on your neighbors, you must have a full schedule.

Posts: 16708. Well, it looks like you only need one thing to keep a full schedule!

The only reason I really care is what happened to my friend in Okinawa and how it tore him up with his cheating wife. Seeing as how I can identify with the situation of being deployed, it bothers me to see this going on.

Incidentally, my wife does most of the spying since she stays at home during the day. I only see what happens when I'm in the driveway!

lol,maybe your wife needs to get a job?

 

[Amused]

Originally posted by: 91TTZ

Originally posted by: Amused

Originally posted by: 91TTZ
You should definitely tell the guy. The people who keep saying MYOB are without morals.

Hardly. There are few things more immoral than being a busybody and in everyone else's business. He is NOT his neighbor's keeper, baby setter, or moral compass. He is NOT the local morality police. It is NOT his business.

People like that wife who screw around behind their trusting spouses backs are scumbags. Why should he help her keep her secret when he openly sees it, knows what's going on, and doesn't think it's right?

I'm not saying that he has a right to know what goes on behind closed doors, but he can surely talk about what he's witnessed outside.

You seem to support the enabling of people who are doing something sneaky. Are you the type of guy that would screw around with a married woman while her husband is deployed? Would you feel that that's right to do?

He is not helping anyone do anything. It's none of his business. They are not friends, nor family. In fact, his post makes it clear they didn't want to be friends with him.

I support nothing here but people's privacy.

What I would, or would not do or condone is irrelevant. It's not my, or his business.

 

[Safeway]

Originally posted by: Amused

Originally posted by: 91TTZ

Originally posted by: Amused

Originally posted by: 91TTZ
You should definitely tell the guy. The people who keep saying MYOB are without morals.

Hardly. There are few things more immoral than being a busybody and in everyone else's business. He is NOT his neighbor's keeper, baby setter, or moral compass. He is NOT the local morality police. It is NOT his business.

People like that wife who screw around behind their trusting spouses backs are scumbags. Why should he help her keep her secret when he openly sees it, knows what's going on, and doesn't think it's right?

I'm not saying that he has a right to know what goes on behind closed doors, but he can surely talk about what he's witnessed outside.

You seem to support the enabling of people who are doing something sneaky. Are you the type of guy that would screw around with a married woman while her husband is deployed? Would you feel that that's right to do?

He is not helping anyone do anything. It's none of his business. They are not friends, nor family. In fact, his post makes it clear they didn't want to be friends with him.

I support nothing here but people's privacy.

What I would, or would not do or condone is irrelevant. It's not my, or his business.

So are you saying that if I knew who you were in real life, and was 90% sure your wife fvcked another guy while you were away, you wouldn't want me to tell you?

If you don't want me to tell you, that's fine. If you do, send me a PM. :thumbsdown:

 

[91TTZ]

Originally posted by: Amused

He is not helping anyone do anything. It's none of his business. They are not friends, nor family. In fact, his post makes it clear they didn't want to be friends with him.

I support nothing here but people's privacy.

What I would, or would not do or condone is irrelevant. It's not my, or his business.

You're confusing being a concerned neighbor with being a judge. I'm not saying that anyone is doing anything illegal, and I'm also not saying that he's the ultimate judge or what's moral or not.

By telling the spouse, he's not judging anyone or condemning anyone. He's merely telling the person factual information which is being kept from them. With that information, they'll be the judge of whether they feel it's right or wrong. He viewed everything in public, he didn't have binoculars looking through their window or anything. If they're holding hands outside, then that's a public display of affection, one the spouse might want to know about.

Withholding information is never a good idea, since it doesn't allow informed decisions to be made. Let the spouse know, and let the spouse decide.

 

[talyn00]

blackmail her and then anonymously spill the beans....






just kidding about the blackmail part

 

[Amused]

Originally posted by: 91TTZ

Originally posted by: Amused

He is not helping anyone do anything. It's none of his business. They are not friends, nor family. In fact, his post makes it clear they didn't want to be friends with him.

I support nothing here but people's privacy.

What I would, or would not do or condone is irrelevant. It's not my, or his business.

You're confusing being a concerned neighbor with being a judge. I'm not saying that anyone is doing anything illegal, and I'm also not saying that he's the ultimate judge or what's moral or not.

By telling the spouse, he's not judging anyone or condemning anyone. He's merely telling the person factual information which is being kept from them. With that information, they'll be the judge of whether they feel it's right or wrong. He viewed everything in public, he didn't have binoculars looking through their window or anything. If they're holding hands outside, then that's a public display of affection, one the spouse might want to know about.

Withholding information is never a good idea, since it doesn't allow informed decisions to be made. Let the spouse know, and let the spouse decide.

Go for it! March right over there and tell them. See what it gets you.

Being a busybody is NEVER a good thing. You guys should really take my advice on this and stay out of other people's business.

 

[KK]

This is why society as a whole is falling apart. No one cares about their neighbors anymore.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: 91TTZ

Originally posted by: Amused

He is not helping anyone do anything. It's none of his business. They are not friends, nor family. In fact, his post makes it clear they didn't want to be friends with him.

I support nothing here but people's privacy.

What I would, or would not do or condone is irrelevant. It's not my, or his business.

You're confusing being a concerned neighbor with being a judge. I'm not saying that anyone is doing anything illegal, and I'm also not saying that he's the ultimate judge or what's moral or not.

By telling the spouse, he's not judging anyone or condemning anyone. He's merely telling the person factual information which is being kept from them. With that information, they'll be the judge of whether they feel it's right or wrong. He viewed everything in public, he didn't have binoculars looking through their window or anything. If they're holding hands outside, then that's a public display of affection, one the spouse might want to know about.

Withholding information is never a good idea, since it doesn't allow informed decisions to be made. Let the spouse know, and let the spouse decide.

Waltzing up to somebody who's made it clear they don't want to know you and telling them you've been spying on their wife is going to go over really well.

lol,I'm so glad my neighbor's mind their own business.

 

[Safeway]

Originally posted by: KK
This is why society as a whole is falling apart. No one cares about their neighbors anymore.

Agreed. People are too overwhelmed with privacy and keeping to themselves. Sure, keep your bank information private, but your entire live? Pfffffffft.

 

[Amused]

Originally posted by: KK
This is why society as a whole is falling apart. No one cares about their neighbors anymore.

There is a difference between caring for your neighbor, and being nosy about their personal lives and acting as if you're the morality nanny.

There is a fine line between being a concerned neighbor and being a busybody. When it comes to their personal and social lives, any interference is being a busybody.