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About love, friendships, and relationships
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thephoenix
Member
I think I have an idea of how you're feeling. Depression has been a thorn in my side for most of my life.
Life growing up was crappy to say the least. I had two half sisters who resented me for the mere fact that I was born ( they're still not crazy about me ), a mentally ( occassionally physically ) abusive father, and a mother that spent 99.9% of her time catering to the needs of my two siblings leaving me to my own defenses against my father.
To make an incredibly long and crappy story short, I couldn't understand why those who were supposed to 'love' me would always want to hurt me so bad. For these people the mere factor that I was born literally made me their walking target and excuse for their lives not being anything better than they are ( they have all accused me of causing their lives to turn out to be failures in one aspect or another.. hell my older sister at one point tried to accuse me of being the reason her daughter threw tantrums and acted like a brat ).
I was thinking about suicide before even reaching junior high. And at one point I found myself longing to be loved. If I could just find someone who could truly love me, maybe suddenly everything would be okay.. or atleast more tolerable. But the problem was the harder I looked for love, the further out of reach it seemed to get.
After a pretty serious melt down I managed to rise up again ( hence the name thephoenix. My doctor told me there's usually no coming back from where I was ) and face the facts ( for myself ) that I needed to turn my attention elsewhere. I got motivated by looking for self fulfillment in other places, I started volunteering for pet rescues, started working with a professional vocal coach and continuing my music studies, started my own business..
It wasn't until recently, I'm 25 now, that I realized how incredibly contradicting my personality was. I wanted to be loved, but due to my trust issues I didn't want to let anyone get too close. That gets incredibly confusing to people who don't understand where you're coming from.
Also, it wasn't until I stopped longing for an external source of love, started to feel more comfortable in my own skin, and became determined to stop letting these yahoos get to me, that opportunity for love came knocking on my door. Funny thing is I don't need it anymore.
I want to live for me now, and if my being here just happens to place a thorn in certain family members sides.. that's just an added bonus 😛
Can I ask you, how do you feel about you? Are you sure there is nothing else that can provide you with some self fulfillment?
Life growing up was crappy to say the least. I had two half sisters who resented me for the mere fact that I was born ( they're still not crazy about me ), a mentally ( occassionally physically ) abusive father, and a mother that spent 99.9% of her time catering to the needs of my two siblings leaving me to my own defenses against my father.
To make an incredibly long and crappy story short, I couldn't understand why those who were supposed to 'love' me would always want to hurt me so bad. For these people the mere factor that I was born literally made me their walking target and excuse for their lives not being anything better than they are ( they have all accused me of causing their lives to turn out to be failures in one aspect or another.. hell my older sister at one point tried to accuse me of being the reason her daughter threw tantrums and acted like a brat ).
I was thinking about suicide before even reaching junior high. And at one point I found myself longing to be loved. If I could just find someone who could truly love me, maybe suddenly everything would be okay.. or atleast more tolerable. But the problem was the harder I looked for love, the further out of reach it seemed to get.
After a pretty serious melt down I managed to rise up again ( hence the name thephoenix. My doctor told me there's usually no coming back from where I was ) and face the facts ( for myself ) that I needed to turn my attention elsewhere. I got motivated by looking for self fulfillment in other places, I started volunteering for pet rescues, started working with a professional vocal coach and continuing my music studies, started my own business..
It wasn't until recently, I'm 25 now, that I realized how incredibly contradicting my personality was. I wanted to be loved, but due to my trust issues I didn't want to let anyone get too close. That gets incredibly confusing to people who don't understand where you're coming from.
Also, it wasn't until I stopped longing for an external source of love, started to feel more comfortable in my own skin, and became determined to stop letting these yahoos get to me, that opportunity for love came knocking on my door. Funny thing is I don't need it anymore.
I want to live for me now, and if my being here just happens to place a thorn in certain family members sides.. that's just an added bonus 😛
Can I ask you, how do you feel about you? Are you sure there is nothing else that can provide you with some self fulfillment?
I dunno, I voted that you're sane, but insanity is just an improper way of describing it. I feel like you are taking things far too seriously for your own good. Love comes and goes, but the most important thing is to enjoy the love and friendships you have the opportunity to experience. If you're having a tough time, if you feel unloved, stick it out and find something to really give yourself meaning. Find an occupation, something to study, something fun, anything that gives your life meaning to YOU.
Friends are great and best friends can last a lifetime, but sometimes you might be seperated and feel alone and sometimes you lose friends. It can happen so slowly you won't even notice it until you look around realize you've lost these important people; it often seems to hit you all at once. This is life, this is something everyone deals with. You are hardly alone, and you will never ever have to be. What's important is that you realize that happiness will come back and you will find people who love you, there's no reason to be depressed. Spend your days looking forward to the next, because something good is always bound to happen.
Friends are great and best friends can last a lifetime, but sometimes you might be seperated and feel alone and sometimes you lose friends. It can happen so slowly you won't even notice it until you look around realize you've lost these important people; it often seems to hit you all at once. This is life, this is something everyone deals with. You are hardly alone, and you will never ever have to be. What's important is that you realize that happiness will come back and you will find people who love you, there's no reason to be depressed. Spend your days looking forward to the next, because something good is always bound to happen.
GeekDrew
Diamond Member
heh and when are these "good things" supposed to happen? I've been miserable for over a year now, save for a couple of days (that I now regret).
I've tried finding anything that interests me... looked at different things online... *everything* seems unattractive to me. I'm being told to change, but I don't know where to begin... I don't really enjoy anything any more. The only measure I can place on most things now is the varying intensity of how much I dislike doing something.
I hit this same brick wall a month or so before I graduated from high school... (which was just over two years ago). I was facing the some problems then as I am now. Last time, I lost all of my friends except for one as a result of talking about this... wouldn't surprise me if the same happens this time, except I'm no so sure I'll be as lucky this time. I know it's of my own doing... but at the same time, I don't know how to do anything different. heh :-\
you're suffering from Major Depression. Hope you get help, because you aren't going to get better unless you do.
You can't really love another nor can you be loved until you lift it and get cured. If you don't do something about it, it will forever sabotage and destroy any relationship you may have.
You can't really love another nor can you be loved until you lift it and get cured. If you don't do something about it, it will forever sabotage and destroy any relationship you may have.
GeekDrew
Diamond Member
Ditto.
Do you have any suggestions other than volunteering? Or something that I've not done and failed at? I used to really enjoy volunteering (that's how I managed to get through some depression throughout high school), but it seems as though the effect has worn off. While I somewhat enjoy the time I spend doing it, after I get back home, I feel as though I wasted my time.... and I sometimes feel as though I do it simply because they (the organizations) need *someone* to do it.
I agree that my personality is definitely contradictory in some ways. I also have let very, very few people get that close to me - though I've let more people get close to me recently than I previously have been, and I'm afraid that I'm making a terrible mistake in doing so. But read this paragraph carefully, because I *have* let some people get close to me, and I've trusted them a *lot*. While they really haven't burned me on trusting them, I've taken it too far, and elevated them to a level of friendship that they apparently did not agree with (or at least that's true in one case).
My family, and most of the people that have caused depression in my life at some time or another, do not "get to me" nearly as much any more as they used to. Instead, it's the people that are trying to help me the most, that I feel hurt me the most, even though that's completely incorrect from an objective standpoint, and I know that they'd never intentionally hurt me. heh
How do I feel about me? I feel that I'm unloveable. I feel as though I'm not worthy of anyone's love. I feel as though I'm not smart enough to take the required college courses that I would have to take in order to get any useful degree. I feel as though my extreme hatred toward forced social situations will prevent me from getting anywhere in life.
No, I'm not sure that there is nothing else that could possibly provide me with some self fulfillment. But if there is, I'll be damned if I know what it is. I haven't found anything yet.
GeekDrew
Diamond Member
What help do you suggest? I've seen psychiatrists, counselors, etc... none have helped. Someone else posted a list of clinics for those with limited incomes... unfortunately, I don't qualify for that until I'm 21 (or so I'm told), because my parents income is counted as my own, until I'm emancipated (which is automatically at age 21). It's the same problem as with college loans, etc.
It's kind-of a catch 22, because I feel as though I'm depressed (this time) because I feel unloved... and everyone says I cannot feel loved (or give love?) until after I'm past my depression. heh
GeekDrew
Diamond Member
No, I do not immediately discount everything that is said by someone if they've lied to me once. I can't think of one person I know that has not lied to me at least once - ok... maybe one... but that would be it. That said, I don't really think that your comparison is fair... dismissing someone for being gay is not remotely close to the same as dismissing someone for lying to you. It's not about discounting what a single person says if he or she has told me a lie before - it is more like discounting a particular statement that I have heard primarily from people who lie more often than not, or have alterior motives for declaring the statement.
Definitely true.
Yes, as a matter of fact, I'm very [recently] familiar with that. And yes, it hurt. Badly. But I guess the difference is how much I love different people... in the case I mentioned previously in this paragraph, I felt [feel] that I love the person more than a friend would. That does bother me, but I have to learn to accept it. But... I don't think that I would really be that personally offended if a friend that I love [as a friend] said that he/she felt unloved. To me, it's just not remotely close to the same feeling.
I know that I have no right to not be hurt... people are human, people hurt each other, intentionally or otherwise. That's no surprise to me.
Yeah, I've heard that... many times. I know I want to be happy... I just don't know how to let go of the "pain and misery"... I'm repeatedly told to just "let go"... but I don't know how. I'm probably missing something obvious. :-\
milk3y is unbanned. What you should probably do is broaden your horizons (cliche, oh well). You're probably just hanging around too many of the same people for too long. Doing a little traveling will not only introduce you to new people, but will give you a little more perspective into the workings and scope of the world around you.
That's the thing. You don't know what to do. That is where the p-docs and therapy help.
You're not the only one going through it. But the sooner you do something about it (and I know you feel helpless to do anything about it) the better.
There is a way, but there is no magic bullet. The normal routines of therapy, exercise, medication, journaling can cure it in relatively short time.
Talk to your parents, talk to your doctor, talk to somebody. We are just folks on a board, but having been through it myself I can tell you it won't get better until you do something to correct it - finding somebody to love will not make you better. Fix yourself, its an illness and it sucks. But wallowing in self-pity just fulfils your own clouded mind.
Get healthy.
GeekDrew
Diamond Member
Dude... I was in therapy (etc.) from like... ages 15-17. It did not help me at all. *Everyone* agreed with that. It was generally a waste of time.
I know I'm not the only one going through it... never questioned that. :-
My parents repeat only the sentence "find a job and get the fvck out". That's it.
I can't afford a doctor. Yes, you all are just folks on a message board, but that's just about all I've got.
I didn't say that I need somebody to love... I need somebody that I feel loves me. Which, I've convinced myself, will be the day after never. I just need the motivation to *do* something. I've never done anything for myself, and I really don't understand how to start. I've always been motivated by doing things for other people. :-\
GeekDrew
Diamond Member
It seems to me as though a *lot* of my problems would be solved if I could change my current environment. It's extremely predictable... if I am at home (being my biological parents house) for any period of time whatsoever, I instantly become extremely depressed. I moved in with friends (later dubbed my adopted parents) a couple of years ago, and everyone that was around me on a daily basis said that it was like a lightswitch had been flipped... I was not at all the same person after I was out of here. But now I'm back, and I've reverted to being the depressed guy that has a hard time handling life.
As for travelling... I was in Chicago a couple of weeks ago, interviewing for a job... I enjoyed *most* of my stay there. I casually met a few new people there... (I was staying with an aunt & uncle for a few days, and they had friends over one night), and I really enjoyed just relaxing with them. It was like my problems had all but disappeared.
And then I was in Pigeon Forge, for a conference, for a week... got back last Sunday. I met quite a few people there, too... I enjoyed myself at first, but then the amount of fun I was having progressively declined... for multiple reasons. I was working on staff there - I wasn't really having a vacation - but I still enjoyed myself at first. I enjoy being social, etc., but I absolutely cannot stand forced social situations.
Well then read some books, visit some depression forums, journal everyday...follow the tried and proven methods to beat it. You've already dismissed the two proven methods of treatment - therapy/medication...too bad as they are most sucessfull. Next is diet/exercise.
You will not snap out of it by finding a new job or new friends or feeling loved.
As far as not knowing what to do...that really is what a counselor is for. It may have not worked then, but that's what they are there for.
You will not snap out of it by finding a new job or new friends or feeling loved.
As far as not knowing what to do...that really is what a counselor is for. It may have not worked then, but that's what they are there for.
GeekDrew
Diamond Member
I've only dismissed counselors and medication because of 1) past proven failure, and 2) the inability to pay for it.
How is everyone so sure that finding new friends, a job, feeling loved, etc., won't work? It has, in the past, helped me a lot, as I mentioned in a post a few minutes ago. Why should I believe that it won't work now?
I obviously don't want to be wrong, but if I am, then I am... I just don't understand it. heh
thephoenix
Member
Honestly, most of the people I've known over the years that had depression problems all said therapy/counseling did absolutely nothing for them. You can lump me in with that group. It really is a waste of time, I've gotten more "therapy" by talking with friends then I ever did going to someone who was supposedly qualified for it.
And as far as meds go, meds are just a crutch. They don't fix the problem, and coming off of them isn't usually a pleasant trip.
My first suggestion is to look for things that spark an interest ( even if its just mildly ).There has to be something..
What sort of things have you tried and failed at? Why do you think you failed? What have you succeeded at? Where did your motivation come from?
You said you've taken it too far; are you worried this person is going to back away because of the elevated friendship?
If there's more you're afraid to say here on the boards, you can PM me.
You need a good dose of self confidence ( I've been saying this a lot lately ). What do you like about yourself? You say you like to do things for others, that should certainly give you a reason to feel good about yourself ( as long as you don't take it to a point where people trample on you ).
As far as not feeling smart enough, that sounds like something that's been programmed in ( my father did a whole lot of that ). Reality is you never know unless you try. If this opinion of yourself really is based off of something someone said, then let me say there's no better feeling then proving someone wrong.
As for the social stuff, having pets to work with has helped some; they're a conversation starter. And going to events is a lot of fun ( infact there's one in September that I'm looking forward to going to ). Basically its being around people who have a similar interest and that I can relate to on some level.
I really think if you found something that really interested you and then managed to get with people whom had the same interests it would be a good starting point for gaining some self confidence, and finding yourself more comfortable in social environments.
And as far as meds go, meds are just a crutch. They don't fix the problem, and coming off of them isn't usually a pleasant trip.
My first suggestion is to look for things that spark an interest ( even if its just mildly ).There has to be something..
What sort of things have you tried and failed at? Why do you think you failed? What have you succeeded at? Where did your motivation come from?
You said you've taken it too far; are you worried this person is going to back away because of the elevated friendship?
If there's more you're afraid to say here on the boards, you can PM me.
You need a good dose of self confidence ( I've been saying this a lot lately ). What do you like about yourself? You say you like to do things for others, that should certainly give you a reason to feel good about yourself ( as long as you don't take it to a point where people trample on you ).
As far as not feeling smart enough, that sounds like something that's been programmed in ( my father did a whole lot of that ). Reality is you never know unless you try. If this opinion of yourself really is based off of something someone said, then let me say there's no better feeling then proving someone wrong.
As for the social stuff, having pets to work with has helped some; they're a conversation starter. And going to events is a lot of fun ( infact there's one in September that I'm looking forward to going to ). Basically its being around people who have a similar interest and that I can relate to on some level.
I really think if you found something that really interested you and then managed to get with people whom had the same interests it would be a good starting point for gaining some self confidence, and finding yourself more comfortable in social environments.
GeekDrew
Diamond Member
One thing that weighs on my mind that makes me a huge failure is that I had a horrible time in many of my high school classes, which makes me scared to death that I have no hope of ever passing a single class in college. I took four years of Spanish - I couldn't form even a basic sentence in Spanish if my life depended on it. I distinctly remember my Spanish teacher (in 9th grade) saying "Oh, Andrew! You didn't pass the final - you only got a 55%!" And then I watched her enter the grades in the computer, and she typed in 60% (passing) for me. :| And physics - our teacher was an airhead. I didn't understand anything at all in his class, and somehow still managed to get a B+. But I honestly couldn't tell you a single thing about physics. Oh, and then there's chemistry. I had one of the best chemistry teachers, I think, that has ever walked the earth. He did everything he could to help the students understand as much as possible, without holding the remainder of the class back. It's too bad that I still had no clue what I was doing in his class, by the end of the course. I can't remember what I got on the final... a "D", I think.
What amazes me the most, though, was that I got the highest score on my PSAT of everyone in the building - or so I'm told. The guidance counselor was super excited about it... but I never walked down to her office to get the results, because I didn't really want to see them... at the time. I got a 28 on my ACT (didn't take the SAT)... which I'm told is good, and that I was one of the highest scores in my high school (yeah, wasn't a huge school)... but it still makes me mad that I didn't get something higher than 30.
I'm a complete failure when it comes to farming (which is the *only* thing that is important in the community I live in). I would rather go upstairs, grab a box of ammunition, drive to each of the farms, sequentially, and shoot every last cow we have on every farm, rather than feed even one of them, ever again. No, chances are extremely high I that I could never do that - I hate to see animals die or be killed - but nonetheless. I *hate* farming and animals of every kind, except some small pets. I'm a cat guy, myself, but I like some dogs... namely those with which it would be unlikely that they would attack me. But yeah, I know, I'm straying off topic (not that I'm ever on-topic).
I'm terrible at video editing, or at least I was the last time I tried, a year or so ago.
I used to love singing (won several awards in high school), but I have to leave my school's choir when I was in 10th grade, because I decided to transfer to a school closer to Columbus, to gain more experience with Computers (is a vocational school), get used to being around many more people, etc. So I haven't really sang anything since then. And my voice has gone to crap. I couldn't carry a tune in a bucket any more.
One big thing that I failed at was my job. The parent district of the vocational school I trasferred to decided to hire me as a computer technician (read: everything from cleaning the dirt off of a mouse's rollers to acting as WAN admin). I was offered the job a couple of months after I graduated. Well, actually, I worked for them through my senior year, and that contract ended when I graduated... they decided that they wanted me back, tho, so they re-hired me for the new school year. I was living with my adopted parents, and they really wanted me to take the job, because they thought that it was great for me. I agreed with them, and took it... there were several times when I thought I was going to lose my job (because of natural contract expirations), but I didn't, several times. I stayed with the job, because I knew I was helping a LOT of staff in the district that would otherwise not be getting help - not because of the lack of IT staff, but because of the lack of care from the IT staff. I guess I was motivated for a long time by the fact that I knew I was helping a lot of staff members - including my adopted mom (she was a teacher for that district) - and some of the teachers really made me feel wanted. Then April '04 rolled around. My adopted parents asked me to move out by mid-June '04 (I was obviously still living with them), because they wanted to remodel their house, and put it up for sale. That was fine with me... I knew it was time for me to move out. My truck, however, had been getting worse and worse, and I knew that payments on a new car were just around the corner. After looking for an apartment, and a roommate, I realized that there was no way I could afford both a car payment and the rent common for apartments (~$700/person) in the area I needed to live in. So, I moved back in with my biological parents - the ones that love to mentally beat the crap out of me. I happened to complain about living w/ my parents to a coworker one day, and he said that I could move in with him and his wife - they were looking for someone to move in anyway, because they were out of town occasionally, and wanted someone to stay at the house. Against my better judgement, I moved in with him. Within a month or so, all hell had broken loose, and I wasn't getting along with him very well (surprise!). That affected both work & home, since I was living with him. I moved back in with my biological parents in September 04. Another coworker (that was routinely insulted by how easily I handled a lot of situations, I later heard) decided to create and implement a new help desk for the district. I then had to take care of issues as the helpdesk ticketing system (aka my coworker) dictated, rather than the order in which I knew they needed to be handled. The staff that had been so supportive of me started questioning what the heck was going on. A lot of fingers were pointed. I could have probably been more diplomatic, and taken care of the situation a bit better, but by this point, I didn't much care about my job at all. I wasn't able to help the staff that I felt needed me, my adopted parents didn't like me working for the district any more, because I was unable to do my job effectively, my biological parents didn't like that I was commuting almost 50 miles one-way to my job every day, and there was increasing turmoil between my coworkers and I. The last straw for me was when I applied for vacation over "winter break" (when most of the staff have a couple of weeks off, IT had to work), because I wanted to go to Chicago to see my relatives... and my request was denied. I had been working plenty of overtime (even under less-than-favorable conditions), had been trying to keep a minor war from occuring between IT staff and the general staff, and then they decided that they couldn't spare me for a little while, even though no projects were planned, and there would be no general staff to support. I threw my hands up in the air (figuratively), and told my boss that I would be taking the requested vacation time. He could either grant the vacation time, and I would continue to work there afterwards, or he could consider the time I was taking off as my two weeks notice of resignation. The next day was the last day I worked for the company. There was a bit more to the actual resignation process, but it's not strictly relevant to this.
I feel as though I've been somewhat successful when I've felt support from someone that I *knew* loved me - more than a friend - like family: like a parent, or a partner, or something like that. But as soon as I lose that support, I start going downhill very, very quickly.
I've mentioned previous in this thread that I volunteer with the FU Music Boosters... I think I've been successful there because I *know* I'm making a difference. It's been the same couple of people in charge of it for years now (Bruce & RoseAnn Elliott, two friends of mine), and when they are unable to be in charge of whatever is happening on a specific night, I'm the only one that can take over, that knows how everything needs to happen. Most of the time it's just a concession stand, which I'm sure most people here will think is trivial, but it's harder work than I've ever found IT to be.
I don't really feel that I've answered your questions to my own satisfaction, but nonetheless, my answer stands. :-\
Will compose a PM soon.
Off of the top of my head, I can't really think of anything I like about myself. :-\ It really bothers me that I'm dragging some of my friends down by talking about this, but at the same time, I don't really know what else to do... I know I can't continue doing the same thing I've been doing for the last year. I have taken volunteering to the point where people have tried to walk all over me... it didn't take me too long before I realized that, and I was able to manipulate the situation such that I was back into a volunteer position, rather than taking orders from someone, when I didn't need to be doing so.
Actually, no, I have a bit of an opposite problem. If I believed everyone around me that told me how smart I am, how I could be such a success if I only applied myself, etc., then I would have the world's largest head ever. Nearly everything believes (or, more accurately, has tried to lead me to believe) that I am much more intelligent and capable than I believe myself to be. Feeling as though I'll disappoint so many people makes me just want to "not try"... I cannot succeed *or* fail if I never try.
As I believe I mentioned earlier in the thread - I just got back from a conference in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, last Sunday. It was the "PlanetChristmas Lights Up Symposium" for 2005 - we're basically a bunch of people that enjoy decorating for Christmas, and especially like to integrate technology into Christmas displays, and we get together every two years. I have that in common with [nearly] everyone that was there - our fondness for sharing the Christmas spirit with others - especially children:
I have no lack of self confidence when it comes to environments that I'm familiar with - I'm probably too confidant for my own good when it comes to Christmas displays, and a lot of things IT. I acknowledge that I do not know everything - far from it - but I also believe that if I'm presented with any particular challenge [in those environments], I'll be able to resolve the issue/challenge... I might have to reference some manuals, or ask a couple of people for advice, but I would be able to take care of it in relatively short order.
But, all of that stuff seems like common sense to me. I'm "experience-smart" - I can figure stuff out if I'm presented with a particular challenge - but I can't remember crap, just by studying. I cannot think of any single class final that I got above a "D" grade on. My memory is probably worse than that of a roach... it's just not there. That's where I'm not confident, is in book-smarts. I just can't do it... I've never been able to do it
thephoenix
Member
Do you have any issues with reading ex: words look jumbled after a while, get tired easily?
GeekDrew
Diamond Member
None whatsoever. I love reading: how-to guides, desk references, etc. I can remember a lot of small stuff easily... like if I'm working on a php project, and read something out of a function reference, I'll remember it for a day or two... but that's it. The only way I'll remember it long-term is by doing it repeatedly.
<edit>
Clarification: The only way I'll remember it is by using the function repeatedly... no amount of re-reading the function's reference material will make me remember it.
</edit>
And it doesn't seem to be consistant. Some books I'm able to read cover-to-cover, and would be able to recite it back to you, word-for-word... but most books, I close the cover, and will remember most of it for a day or two, at most.
You're a fvcking punk GeekDrew. I feel sorry so I'm going to help you fix your life.
1) Every girl I've been with has said she loved me, I doubt a single one meant it. Bother me? Absolutely not and it shouldn't bother you if a girl hates/loves you.
2) You're living someone elses life and living by someone elses expectations. Quick test, if I gave you a million dollars would you suddenly feel worthwhile? If yes then you're living for someone besides yourself. Cut that sht.
3) Stop caring about hurting some pvssies feelings.
4) Get a gun. A 45 will make you feel nine feet tall.
5) Go blow $500 on something you've always wanted to do. Skydiving, get a high class hooker, whatever.
6) Stop caring about greater causes, other people, and focus on YOURSELF.
If you do 1-6 you'll feel great and love life/school.
1) Every girl I've been with has said she loved me, I doubt a single one meant it. Bother me? Absolutely not and it shouldn't bother you if a girl hates/loves you.
2) You're living someone elses life and living by someone elses expectations. Quick test, if I gave you a million dollars would you suddenly feel worthwhile? If yes then you're living for someone besides yourself. Cut that sht.
3) Stop caring about hurting some pvssies feelings.
4) Get a gun. A 45 will make you feel nine feet tall.
5) Go blow $500 on something you've always wanted to do. Skydiving, get a high class hooker, whatever.
6) Stop caring about greater causes, other people, and focus on YOURSELF.
If you do 1-6 you'll feel great and love life/school.
CrimsonChaos
Senior member
For the record, the poem I posted by Poe was in reference to how he felt about being an orphan (and thus later adopted).
GeekDrew, I truly believe 95% of life is your mindset. The other 5% is just blind luck (whether it's good or bad). I believe there are those with very powerful minds, that have the ability to mold their life exactly as they want it, that are able to overcome any obstacles they face, that can generate the determination and intensity needed to move forward. Conversely, there are those weaker minds that have no self-discipline, that make excuses when things aren't going as planned, that disengage at the slightest adversity. Then of course, there's a broad range that lies somewhere between these extremes.
Alcoholics, druggies, gluttons (over-eaters), anorexics, gambling junkies -- these people have the ability to stop their destructive actions. But do they? Many of them do not, and they blame some chemical imbalance or "disease" on their actions. I'm not dismissing these reasons entirely, but at the same time a powerful mind would have the ability to stop these destructive actions immediately, without the slightest propensity of reverting. Less powerful minds can still overcome these vices, but it will just take them longer. A weak mind will just continue to flounder by blaming every external source and by never taking control of the situation.
So it's probably pretty obvious what my point is. You seem rather pre-occupied with your thoughts and feelings regarding not being truly loved. Do not be so weak minded to let these superfluous thoughts control your actions and emotions. A lot of us have, at some point, questioned our own validity, or the purpose of life, or why bad things happen to good people, etc. There are many things in life you cannot control -- and how other people feel about you is one of these things. The one thing you can always control is your own mindset. You must focus your energy and draw the inner-strength to overcome these debilitating feelings you're having, and move on with your life.
Will this be easy to do? It depends on the complexity of your issues and emotions, and the strength and ability of your mind to will your life in a more positive direction -- but only the weakest of minds will not put forth the effort. Good luck in your journey.
GeekDrew, I truly believe 95% of life is your mindset. The other 5% is just blind luck (whether it's good or bad). I believe there are those with very powerful minds, that have the ability to mold their life exactly as they want it, that are able to overcome any obstacles they face, that can generate the determination and intensity needed to move forward. Conversely, there are those weaker minds that have no self-discipline, that make excuses when things aren't going as planned, that disengage at the slightest adversity. Then of course, there's a broad range that lies somewhere between these extremes.
Alcoholics, druggies, gluttons (over-eaters), anorexics, gambling junkies -- these people have the ability to stop their destructive actions. But do they? Many of them do not, and they blame some chemical imbalance or "disease" on their actions. I'm not dismissing these reasons entirely, but at the same time a powerful mind would have the ability to stop these destructive actions immediately, without the slightest propensity of reverting. Less powerful minds can still overcome these vices, but it will just take them longer. A weak mind will just continue to flounder by blaming every external source and by never taking control of the situation.
So it's probably pretty obvious what my point is. You seem rather pre-occupied with your thoughts and feelings regarding not being truly loved. Do not be so weak minded to let these superfluous thoughts control your actions and emotions. A lot of us have, at some point, questioned our own validity, or the purpose of life, or why bad things happen to good people, etc. There are many things in life you cannot control -- and how other people feel about you is one of these things. The one thing you can always control is your own mindset. You must focus your energy and draw the inner-strength to overcome these debilitating feelings you're having, and move on with your life.
Will this be easy to do? It depends on the complexity of your issues and emotions, and the strength and ability of your mind to will your life in a more positive direction -- but only the weakest of minds will not put forth the effort. Good luck in your journey.
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