But that is the point. When you go on your fortune cookie self hatred rants. Not everyone one grew up in complete negative environments. The narrow minded of Americans not being able to see many cultures actually have healthy living environments. The blanket statements you believe actually don’t apply to most.
Let me address this aspect of your post. "Not everyone grew up in a complete negative environment."
In my opinion I had a superior childhood. I had loving non-violent parents at that time very liberal parents. My father was smart talented and liberal, a Mason and a Naval officer. My mother was an information sop, read everything, doted on me, but went only to the 8th grade. My father never went to college. I never knew poverty or fear, lived is great neighborhoods. My Father was gone most of my early years and my Mom did her thing and I was free to do whatever I wanted. I grew up wild, I like to say. Me, my friends, could bike everywhere. Much of the environment within a bike ride was natural and I lived by the beach. I was profoundly free of adult supervision.
But there were many many problems and family issues too, and I believe because I had such joy in my childhood experiences the downs were to me maybe more unsettling that for others not so fortunate. I do not know.
But I began searching for something I had no idea what by my sophomore year in in high school. I went to a fantastically liberal high school and had real thinkers for English teachers who demanded reading and essays on very high class literature. I had to read books and then answer fabulously exciting questions about them. I went from an incoherent idiot struggling with how to express things I felt in words to being able to do so with ease.
I became a seeker of something like 'What is the Matrix'. I chose the red pill and got flushed into the real world and my way out was delivered by Zen. I had a moment of awakening and the end of existential suffering. In a flash I knew everything as the collapse of all questions. Everything is so simple.
Then I met a man who was far far beyond me in that he lived everyday in a place I had glimpsed for only a second, someone who had lived a long happy and successful life. Owing to events in his life he too was driven by the question, what motivates people, say to get divorced when they have a perfect marriage, as his wife did to him.
He was a psychologist and had a patient who was profoundly depressed but suddenly all that changed when she fell in love. Now she was on top of the world. Then she showed up relapsed and in a state of deep depression having dumped her boyfriend. While deep into her emotions, a place he said she would be unable to lie, he asked her why she dumped him. She answered, "He loves me the dope."
You understand this, I hope. There had to be something wrong with anybody who loved her because she felt unworthy of being loved. Could such an impossible thing be true also of his ex-wife. Had she somehow felt the same. Then he began to wonder if it was true of himself.
He told me that he had probably undergone more psychoanalysis himself that anybody else in the world. He said he would drive to secluded settings and go into himself. He discovered he felt the same thing, that he was the worst in the world and he relived his feelings back to 6 month of age. From the data he had via that, and analysis of how absurd such feelings had to be, he was able to discover that being put down as a child is how this happens to us, that the pain is unbearable and that w we repress the memories to survive.
I remember when I first began to relive my past and the only words I could say were I don't believe it, I don't believe it, I don't believe I feel this way, in other words I now knew that I did. The last thing on earth we want to know is how we really feel especially as long as things are OK. But we can't know the hour or the day when a bump in the road might lead down the rabbit hole. There are glitches in the matrix, so to speak.
Curiosity or desperation can lead one to sail off the edge of the world. What sails off the edge and returns, comes back, not of this world.