"You're a great guy..."

[Garet Jax]

Originally posted by: BG4533

Originally posted by: Armitage

Originally posted by: SagaLore
Love is not a feeling, it is an action.

Somebody needs to tell her that Marriage is a committment. So if she's not romantically attracted to you, it doesn't matter. Love is how you handle Marriage.

She's been reading too many romance novels or watching too much TV - they are so misleading on REAL life...

Her response is that she'd rather be alone then to live with a man she doesn't love ... that she can't stand the emptiness. And for my part ... I don't know if I could stand being with a woman who doesn't love me.

At least it is companionship. I would rather know that I am living with someone that doesnt love me then live alone the rest of my life. That is provided the lack of love is mutual.

By doing so though, you are preventing yourself from finding someone else to fill the void. If you risk nothing, you gain nothing.

 

Originally posted by: waylman

Originally posted by: Armitage

Originally posted by: isaacmacdonald
damn. I would be proactive as well. You should consult a lawyer asap.

Yea, that thought has crossed my mind as well. I wonder if I can have some sort of "hold" put on a passport in case she's already hidden them away somewhere?

first of all, im really sorry to hear about your problems.....very heavy stuff. But, taking their passports away will not do anything. Your wife can just get new ones. Consult a lawyer ASAP!!!

Actually she can't ... at least not for an initial passport for a minor. Both guardians had to sign, and actually, when she took my daughter down there before, I signed a notarized letter giving her permission to take her down there. I don't recall if that was required, or just suggested by somebody.

Don't know about a replacement passport, but I will find out. At least it puts a kink in things.

 

[imported_Papi]

Originally posted by: Armitage

Originally posted by: yayo
your first post, and this is what you post... :Q

Sorry to hear about your troubles.

I'm a regular here, but don't want to associate my sob story with my regular personna.
I hope the mods can forgive me that. This is the only thread I will post in as Armitage.

I'm sorry you feel that way.

I hope everything works out.

 

[conjur]

Damn, man.

So sorry to hear that. Hearing words like that is like a knife through the heart. Shock, grief, anger all rolled into one hellacious emotion.

But, as has been said here, think pragmatically. Think about your children. DO consult a divorce attorney ASAP and tell him your thoughts of her potentially not returning with the children and what your options are. Can you bring them back with you after your two weeks are over?

How did you all meet?

Keep a level head and don't make rash decisions. Hang in there!

 

[Hammer]

just make sure you buy non-refundable, non-transferrable tickets for 2 weeks.

 

[gigapet]

these types of posts on ATOT of given me further reason never to marry.

hope everything works out

 

Originally posted by: conjur
Damn, man.

So sorry to hear that. Hearing words like that is like a knife through the heart. Shock, grief, anger all rolled into one hellacious emotion.

But, as has been said here, think pragmatically. Think about your children. DO consult a divorce attorney ASAP and tell him your thoughts of her potentially not returning with the children and what your options are. Can you bring them back with you after your two weeks are over?

I could maybe change their tickets to my return date ... but the fact is at that point, I will be in a foriegn country, surrounded by her family & friends, and not speaking the language particularly well. I don't give myself good odds of getting them on the plane in that situation if my suspicions are correct.

Keep a level head and don't make rash decisions. Hang in there!

Thanks

 

[SagaLore]

Originally posted by: yayo

Originally posted by: SagaLore
Love is not a feeling, it is an action.

Somebody needs to tell her that Marriage is a committment. So if she's not romantically attracted to you, it doesn't matter. Love is how you handle Marriage.

She's been reading too many romance novels or watching too much TV - they are so misleading on REAL life...

No wan, man! Women and men are different. People are all different. Love is something you feel for someone. It comes from inside you. If she doesnt love him anymore, then she doesnt love him anymore. The only thing he could do is try to rekinddle that love. If there is no spark though, it's done.

Love is NOT a feeling!

You're talking about affection, lust, excitement, infatuation, enjoyment, etc. People lump all these emotions and tag it with one word, but that isn't how it works. Yes women are different, but if they followed all of their emotional instincts 100% they would never last an entire month with anything - job, boyfriend, spouse, pet, house, friends, clothes, etc.

When you love someone, you can FEEL admiration, closeness, intimacy, respect, wanting, etc. But when you don't feel those feelings, that doesn't mean the love doesn't exist. When she says she doesn't think she ever loved him from the start, she might actually be right - since love is an action, in her heart/mind/spirit she never made that obligation to him.

What will be really sad is if he finds out she is actually interested in some other guy - this is why labeling Love as an emotion is dangerous - if I'm walking through the mall and I see some blonde chick that totally gets me excited, I'm not about to think "oh no I'm excited! that means I never loved my wife!"

I'm torn between who should get the kids if they split. On one hand, she made the first move and admitted that her marital contract to him is void because her vows meant nothing, don't think it would be a good idea for her to have a kids because she is a horrible role model. On the other hand, this guy admits that he is prone to depression, so he might not be a good parental figure when his wife is gone.

...


This is why marriage needs to be a permanent contract NO MATTER WHAT, once there are kids involved (unless there is abuse involved). The only persons I can feel bad for in this circumstance are the kids.

 

[SagaLore]

Armitage - is the counselor male or female? What is her/his credentials? Who picked the counselor?

 

[Ameesh]

im sorry to hear that you are having such bad troubles, i would seriously consider talking to a lawyer, he might have some really good advice for you.

 

[Garet Jax]

Originally posted by: gigapet
these types of posts on ATOT of given me further reason never to marry.

You're getting the wrong message and preventing yourself from achieving the highest highs. If you risk nothing, you gain nothing.

 

[Descartes]

Originally posted by: SagaLore

Originally posted by: yayo

Originally posted by: SagaLore
Love is not a feeling, it is an action.

Somebody needs to tell her that Marriage is a committment. So if she's not romantically attracted to you, it doesn't matter. Love is how you handle Marriage.

She's been reading too many romance novels or watching too much TV - they are so misleading on REAL life...

No wan, man! Women and men are different. People are all different. Love is something you feel for someone. It comes from inside you. If she doesnt love him anymore, then she doesnt love him anymore. The only thing he could do is try to rekinddle that love. If there is no spark though, it's done.

Love is NOT a feeling!

You're talking about affection, lust, excitement, infatuation, enjoyment, etc. People lump all these emotions and tag it with one word, but that isn't how it works. Yes women are different, but if they followed all of their emotional instincts 100% they would never last an entire month with anything - job, boyfriend, spouse, pet, house, friends, clothes, etc.

When you love someone, you can FEEL admiration, closeness, intimacy, respect, wanting, etc. But when you don't feel those feelings, that doesn't mean the love doesn't exist. When she says she doesn't think she ever loved him from the start, she might actually be right - since love is an action, in her heart/mind/spirit she never made that obligation to him.

What will be really sad is if he finds out she is actually interested in some other guy - this is why labeling Love as an emotion is dangerous - if I'm walking through the mall and I see some blonde chick that totally gets me excited, I'm not about to think "oh no I'm excited! that means I never loved my wife!"

I'm torn between who should get the kids if they split. On one hand, she made the first move and admitted that her marital contract to him is void because her vows meant nothing, don't think it would be a good idea for her to have a kids because she is a horrible role model. On the other hand, this guy admits that he is prone to depression, so he might not be a good parental figure when his wife is gone.

...


This is why marriage needs to be a permanent contract NO MATTER WHAT, once there are kids involved (unless there is abuse involved). The only persons I can feel bad for in this circumstance are the kids.

All of what you said means absolutely nothing unless you can show empirical evidence of any assertions that you've made (all of which are pretty ludicrous). The fact that you are identifying an *emotional state* of love as an action is horribly absurd.

Some reading for you
Some more

If you want to contradict definitions and semantics of a given word, by all means, but please don't assert it as fact.

 

Originally posted by: SagaLore

You're talking about affection, lust, excitement, infatuation, enjoyment, etc. People lump all these emotions and tag it with one word, but that isn't how it works.

I think this is at least one root of her problem ... she misses the infatuation ... the giddyness, etc. that you ussually feel early in a relationship. She's bored by a "mature" relationship where her heart doesn't flutter & her stomach doesn't do flip-flops every time she hear's my voice.

Yes women are different, but if they followed all of their emotional instincts 100% they would never last an entire month with anything - job, boyfriend, spouse, pet, house, friends, clothes, etc.

When you love someone, you can FEEL admiration, closeness, intimacy, respect, wanting, etc. But when you don't feel those feelings, that doesn't mean the love doesn't exist. When she says she doesn't think she ever loved him from the start, she might actually be right - since love is an action, in her heart/mind/spirit she never made that obligation to him.

What will be really sad is if he finds out she is actually interested in some other guy - this is why labeling Love as an emotion is dangerous - if I'm walking through the mall and I see some blonde chick that totally gets me excited, I'm not about to think "oh no I'm excited! that means I never loved my wife!"

I'm torn between who should get the kids if they split. On one hand, she made the first move and admitted that her marital contract to him is void because her vows meant nothing, don't think it would be a good idea for her to have a kids because she is a horrible role model. On the other hand, this guy admits that he is prone to depression, so he might not be a good parental figure when his wife is gone.

I understand your concern ... but the kids always come first. They always have, even in the middle of this mess, although I can't really say that for her. And I have family who could come to help us through any rough spots. I will get help before I let anything interfere with the kids.

...


This is why marriage needs to be a permanent contract NO MATTER WHAT, once there are kids involved (unless there is abuse involved). The only persons I can feel bad for in this circumstance are the kids.

 

[Garet Jax]

Armitage,

I am very sorry to hear the pain you are going through right now. There is nothing I can say or do to help you through this. Love your children all that much more and eventually time will take care of your healing.

 

Originally posted by: SagaLore
Armitage - is the counselor male or female? What is her/his credentials? Who picked the counselor?

Male PhD in ??? don't recall, from a state university. Several certifications, probably in his late 40s/early 50s
Was picked by a benefit plan I have through my work. It's kind of a confidential mental health service ... nobody at my company has to know that I'm using the benefit, no names go back. to them.

 

[CPA]

<---- patiently waiting for MichaelD.

 

[damiano]

sorry to hear that man ...
Be strong and do all you can to keep your kids around

 

[conjur]

Originally posted by: Armitage

Originally posted by: conjur
Damn, man.

So sorry to hear that. Hearing words like that is like a knife through the heart. Shock, grief, anger all rolled into one hellacious emotion.

But, as has been said here, think pragmatically. Think about your children. DO consult a divorce attorney ASAP and tell him your thoughts of her potentially not returning with the children and what your options are. Can you bring them back with you after your two weeks are over?

I could maybe change their tickets to my return date ... but the fact is at that point, I will be in a foriegn country, surrounded by her family & friends, and not speaking the language particularly well. I don't give myself good odds of getting them on the plane in that situation if my suspicions are correct.

Don't let that assuade you, though! Seek legal counsel and be prepared! Heck, I'd go so far as to find out where the American Embassy is and what the names of the people are there and even write or ask them for opinions.

Keep a level head and don't make rash decisions. Hang in there!

Thanks

You're very welcome!

 

[SagaLore]

Originally posted by: Descartes

All of what you said means absolutely nothing unless you can show empirical evidence of any assertions that you've made (all of which are pretty ludicrous). The fact that you are identifying an *emotional state* of love as an action is horribly absurd.

Are you married?

 

[Descartes]

Originally posted by: SagaLore

Originally posted by: Descartes

All of what you said means absolutely nothing unless you can show empirical evidence of any assertions that you've made (all of which are pretty ludicrous). The fact that you are identifying an *emotional state* of love as an action is horribly absurd.

Are you married?

That's really none of your business, and I don't disagree with your opinion of what it takes to maintain a relationship, I disagree with you trying to redefine simple terms. Please refer to the links I gave you earlier.

 

Originally posted by: Armitage

Originally posted by: SagaLore
Armitage - is the counselor male or female? What is her/his credentials? Who picked the counselor?

Male PhD in ??? don't recall, from a state university. Several certifications, probably in his late 40s/early 50s
Was picked by a benefit plan I have through my work. It's kind of a confidential mental health service ... nobody at my company has to know that I'm using the benefit, no names go back. to them.

I gotta say, I don't have a whole lot of confidence in him at this point ... I think he missed the real issue to begin with, and now agreeing to see my wife alone seems somewhat unethical to me. He was very fond of drawing "clever and insightful" conclusion or parallels from our childhoods to explain our current problems. I didn't find them particularly useful.

 

[MichaelD]

Originally posted by: CPA
<---- patiently waiting for MichaelD.

*cloud of smoke and flash of light* POOF!

I'm here...I felt a disturbance in the force...I sensed....a man...in PAIN.

Armitage (or whoever you are), I'm sorry, man. This seems to be the week for every guy on this board to take it up the @ss. Figuratively, of course.

It's really late where I'm at and I'm beat, so I'll spare you my usual tirade (sorry to disappoint YOU guys, though )

Consult a lawyer NOW. I don't care if you have to call in sick at work tomorrow. You need to find out what you can LEGALLY do. I'm all for hiding the passports, hell, I'd even say "honey, come here for a minute" and just as she walks in, toss them in the fireplace, ensuring you hold them up first so she can see.

You need to somehow file an injunction to prevent her from leaving the country w/the kids. Let the bitch go if she wants...if she's going to divorce you, you're going to get fcked anyway. (Sorry to be so blunt...it's the only thing I know how to do...) But the kids need to stay HERE.

Tell the lawyer she is a "flight risk" explain the situation. I'm sure you're not the first guy this has happened to; but you need to do it legally.

If you want to PM me or even email me if you don't want the mods reading our correspondence, please feel free to do so. Having my son kidnapped by his mom is just about the ONLY thing that fcking cvnt hasn't done to me...everything else, I can commisserate w/you on.

 

[SagaLore]

Originally posted by: MichaelDThis seems to be the week for every guy on this board to take it up the @ss. Figuratively, of course.

You must have missed that thread about the paintball gun!

 

[conjur]

Originally posted by: CPA
<---- patiently waiting for MichaelD.

Where's the PliableMoose anyhow...I wonder if his experience would help?

I don't think it can be said enough, though. Seek legal counsel!

 

[Broohaha]

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: CPA <---- patiently waiting for MichaelD.

*cloud of smoke and flash of light* POOF! I'm here...I felt a disturbance in the force...I sensed....a man...in PAIN. Armitage (or whoever you are), I'm sorry, man. This seems to be the week for every guy on this board to take it up the @ss. Figuratively, of course. It's really late where I'm at and I'm beat, so I'll spare you my usual tirade (sorry to disappoint YOU guys, though ) Consult a lawyer NOW. I don't care if you have to call in sick at work tomorrow. You need to find out what you can LEGALLY do. I'm all for hiding the passports, hell, I'd even say "honey, come here for a minute" and just as she walks in, toss them in the fireplace, ensuring you hold them up first so she can see. You need to somehow file an injunction to prevent her from leaving the country w/the kids. Let the bitch go if she wants...if she's going to divorce you, you're going to get fcked anyway. (Sorry to be so blunt...it's the only thing I know how to do...) But the kids need to stay HERE. Tell the lawyer she is a "flight risk" explain the situation. I'm sure you're not the first guy this has happened to; but you need to do it legally. If you want to PM me or even email me if you don't want the mods reading our correspondence, please feel free to do so. Having my son kidnapped by his mom is just about the ONLY thing that fcking cvnt hasn't done to me...everything else, I can commisserate w/you on.

damn, i never heard michaelD's story.... what keyword should i search under in the archives??