YAWT - Sincere Responses Please

Page 2 - Seeking answers? Join the AnandTech community: where nearly half-a-million members share solutions and discuss the latest tech.

Occifer

Golden Member
Mar 27, 2002
1,002
0
0
That's a lot like her asking "What kind of car do you drive?", only about 10,000 times worse...
 

yobarman

Lifer
Jan 11, 2001
11,642
1
0
Originally posted by: MrDudeMan
Originally posted by: yobarman
i admire a girl that wants more from life. If she dumped her last boyfriend because he made 60 and was happy with that, then she might want a man with bigger dreams and asperations. If she wants to be a "trophy wife" with you paying the bills, then yeah she's a gold digger. If she wants a partner in crime to live that 200k lifestyle, then she sounds like an alright girl.

wow...just wow :roll:

she dumped him because he was a blue collar, not because he didnt have dreams. can you read? where in there did it give a hint as to why? you just made a huge ASSumption...nice


edit: so would you be ok with her dumping someone who makes 5 million to date someone who makes 10 million...simply because she couldnt buy the 8 million dollar house she wanted? your logic sucks.

Did you not read the part ""He was happy with a 60k salary and a simple life...". " ? That to me means that he was the type of guy who settles down with that type of lifestyle. Making 60K is not bad at all, but if you want to everything life has to offer then you're not going to settle down with 60k and a simple life.

This isn't about a house or a car, I'm looking at the bigger picture. If i were to date a girl making say, 30K working at k-mart, and she was fine with that, i don't think i'd want to stick with her that long. I want a girl to try and make it big with me, someone to push you to strive harder, "a chick to ride or die with" haha
 

Bulk Beef

Diamond Member
Aug 14, 2001
5,466
0
76
I would say that dropping a guy b/c he's "blue collar" and he's "happy with a 60k salary and a simple life" is pretty shallow and materialistic, but what really puts this woman over the top is that she's so comfortable with her shallowness and materialism that she would actually say that sh*t.
 

spidey07

No Lifer
Aug 4, 2000
65,469
5
76
these are the kinds of woman you run from immediately and tell them to their face why.

Shallow and gold digger don't even begin to touch her distored view of reality.

-edit- Bit of advice to the OP. You'll meet a lot of these at your age and career. I have to dodge them as well.
 

cheapgoose

Diamond Member
May 13, 2002
3,877
0
0
well, the question should be does she want the 150k lifestyle from you or is she gonna go out and get it herself. but from the sound of your post, especially the "..that's what I've grown up with.." she's a golddigger. So yea, forget about her. there are plenty of good "women" out there.
 

BigSmooth

Lifer
Aug 18, 2000
10,484
12
81
If anyone mentioned specific salaries like that the first time I met them, I would run away. What happens if you decide you want to become a writer in 10 years? She'd be out of there faster than you could say "alimony".
 

TekChik

Senior member
Jan 15, 2003
839
0
0
Originally posted by: Shelly21
Golddigger? Yeah, she need to make that kind of money herself!

Exactly...what would have happened if you'd said the same thing to her, being in a career where you'd never make that kind of cash, like a teacher or something. I wonder if she would've even seen you the 2nd or 3rd day...

everyone wants a good life for themselves and their children, but even as a single mom, it's WAY down the priority list for me. i want to make sure my ideals and personality are compatible. but if money a high ideal for someone, personally i think that's just shallow. money will never make you happy.

Just my .02...

-TekChik
 

PanzerIV

Diamond Member
Dec 19, 2002
6,875
1
0
Wait until that $200,000 a year lifestyle isn't looking so good anymore when she meets a guy that makes millions. She'll probably dump an "aspiring" guy such as yourself for somebody who is already well established anyway. No loss at all here. What a wench.
 

RagingBITCH

Lifer
Sep 27, 2003
17,618
2
76
She's looking to have whatever she wants. If you're going to be a whipped pansy who will provide that for her, then go for it. Otherwise, run away.
 

DigDug

Guest
Mar 21, 2002
3,143
0
0
Thanks for the advice guys. Its quite validating to see that my interpretations were completely reasonable. I think I was thrown off by the fact that her e-mail was so accusatory and shocking that I started to question whether I was in fact the wrong one. I'm now mad at myself for even questioning my instinct.

 

PanzerIV

Diamond Member
Dec 19, 2002
6,875
1
0
Originally posted by: DigDug
Thanks for the advice guys. Its quite validating to see that my interpretations were completely reasonable. I think I was thrown off by the fact that her e-mail was so accusatory and shocking that I started to question whether I was in fact the wrong one. I'm now mad at myself for even questioning my instinct.

You, sir, were not wrong in the least. I feel sorry for the next guy, though...but fortunately that's not your problem. ;)
 

RagingBITCH

Lifer
Sep 27, 2003
17,618
2
76
Originally posted by: DigDug
Thanks for the advice guys. Its quite validating to see that my interpretations were completely reasonable. I think I was thrown off by the fact that her e-mail was so accusatory and shocking that I started to question whether I was in fact the wrong one. I'm now mad at myself for even questioning my instinct.

Always trust your instincts. The fact that she mentioned money (particular figures) TWICE means she's definitely a golddigger. A woman should like/love you for you, not the size of your pocketbook. Good for you :beer:
 

KarenMarie

Elite Member
Sep 20, 2003
14,372
6
81
Ummm... Seems to be a lot of calling her a gold digger and worse...

I gotta ask... Is she on the path to make that kind of money or at least pull in 1/2 of what she wants? If so, then there is nothing wrong with wanting that kind of lifestlye. Especially if she is accustommed to it. If I am not mistaken, there is a large % of marriages that break up cause of money. Getting that sorted and out of the way upfront is a good thing. As opposed to thinking that love is all that matters and finding differently after the knot is tied.

If, as some here seem to think, she is looking for someone to provide her a certain lifestyle and she has no plans on contributing to that lifestlye.. that she just wants a man to give it to her... then it is a good thing that she told you right off the bat so you can find someone not as spoiled and lazy.

the fact that she told you that on the first meeting is a bit shocking, I will admit.

:)
 

dxkj

Lifer
Feb 17, 2001
11,772
2
81
Originally posted by: DigDug
I never thought that I'd be writing one of these posts, but I guess I see the use in asking a group of intelligent, and otherwise regular people this question behind the safety of anonymity.

Before you think otherwise, I am a male in my late twenties - my avatar is just for kicks. Anyhow, I recently had been talking with a woman (I say woman because she's my age as well, and I wanted to distinguish this post from the YAGT threads which seem to be about highschool romances and such). I met this woman through a distant family friend and we seem to hit it off over the phone. Since I had spring break coming up (I'm in my third year of law school), I volunteered to go visit her. She lives in a major city.

When I got there, I stayed at a hotel and we hung out during the 3 days I was there. While it wasn't the most smooth experience, we both admitted that we were at least physically attracted to each other and that we had a lot of things in common, which made is feel comfortable during my stay. However, a few things really struck me:

The first night, however, after having dinner and a few drinks, we started talking about our wants in life. She said, and I quote, "I really want a 150k to 200k lifestyle, because that's what I've grown up with." I brushed it off, assuming that she was saying that because she knew I was going to be working at a prestigious law firm and that was her (awkward way) of showing compatibility.

The next night, at dinner, we talked about past relationships, and she said, "I broke up with my last boyfriend because he was blue collar." I was shocked, but this time probed further, asking "What do you mean?" to which she responded, "He was happy with a 60k salary and a simple life...".

Now, upon returning home to where I live, I let a few days go by and then e-mailed her saying that I enjoyed hanging out with her, but I had a few questions, and then asked her, in a nice way, why she had such an expectation of luxury.

She sent an e-mail accusing me of misconstruing statements and taking things out of context, saying that money has never been a "central figure" in her mind, and that she only mention her Ex as blue-collar to illsutrate their different upbringing.


NOW.....let me ask you. From what she said, and in WHATEVER context she said it, would you agree with me, that I was reasonable in thinking of her as a golddigger?


Does she live in DC? I bet I know her :)

 

spidey07

No Lifer
Aug 4, 2000
65,469
5
76
Originally posted by: KarenMarie
Ummm... Seems to be a lot of calling her a gold digger and worse...

I gotta ask... Is she on the path to make that kind of money or at least pull in 1/2 of what she wants? If so, then there is nothing wrong with wanting that kind of lifestlye. Especially if she is accustommed to it. If I am not mistaken, there is a large % of marriages that break up cause of money. Getting that sorted and out of the way upfront is a good thing. As opposed to thinking that love is all that matters and finding differently after the knot is tied.

If, as some here seem to think, she is looking for someone to provide her a certain lifestyle and she has no plans on contributing to that lifestlye.. that she just wants a man to give it to her... then it is a good thing that she told you right off the bat so you can find someone not as spoiled and lazy.

the fact that she told you that on the first meeting is a bit shocking, I will admit.

:)

umm?

Mentioning money especially salary in any way shape or form on the first couple of dates is a HUGE red flag.
 

Yax

Platinum Member
Feb 11, 2003
2,866
0
0
dump her. She's not interested in you.

If nothing else, ask to be $uck buddies and carry your own condoms. Never use ones she provided. She might poke holes in them so she can trap you with a baby.

Never get serious, you'd lose in the end.
 

DigDug

Guest
Mar 21, 2002
3,143
0
0
Thanks RagingBITCH and PAnzerIV!

From reading the responses it seems like other people have met this girl too. :) Or one very similar...
 

Raj

Senior member
Aug 14, 2000
951
0
0
golddigger - yes probably.

she's trying to mask it with "her upbringing" story.

what does she do for a living?
 

Markfw

Moderator Emeritus, Elite Member
May 16, 2002
27,278
16,121
136
I think the correct term is "high maintenance", and I know several women like that, and they admit it. They are used to a life of luxury, and want to maintain a "high society" lifestyle. Nothing wrong with that, if that the way YOU want to live. Otherwise you are not compatable. I would never go out with this woman, but she is OK to say what she did. Honesty is allways good.
 

Rumpltzer

Diamond Member
Jun 7, 2003
4,815
33
91
Um... well, if she came back with a bad response over email, and you've got two red flags going off after two meetings. then you should probably go with your gut and not waste your time with this "woman".

Seriously, you're late twenties, you're in law school, and she lives some distance away from you. Pass on this one.
 

DigDug

Guest
Mar 21, 2002
3,143
0
0
what does she do for a living?

She's graduating law school, but didn't do particularly well and has no plans for a job. She says she doesn't want to work in firm, but something more policy oriented.
 

Raj

Senior member
Aug 14, 2000
951
0
0
Is she Indian too?


well, If she's also graduating from law school she must be smart.

she would only be a gold digger if she was trying to rely on someone one else for money.

if she's capable of affording that kind of lifestyle for herself than she's probably just being

honest about how she feels about that sort of thing. I wouldn't discredit her for it.

my 2cents.