YAWT - Sincere Responses Please

DigDug

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Mar 21, 2002
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I never thought that I'd be writing one of these posts, but I guess I see the use in asking a group of intelligent, and otherwise regular people this question behind the safety of anonymity.

Before you think otherwise, I am a male in my late twenties - my avatar is just for kicks. Anyhow, I recently had been talking with a woman (I say woman because she's my age as well, and I wanted to distinguish this post from the YAGT threads which seem to be about highschool romances and such). I met this woman through a distant family friend and we seem to hit it off over the phone. Since I had spring break coming up (I'm in my third year of law school), I volunteered to go visit her. She lives in a major city.

When I got there, I stayed at a hotel and we hung out during the 3 days I was there. While it wasn't the most smooth experience, we both admitted that we were at least physically attracted to each other and that we had a lot of things in common, which made is feel comfortable during my stay. However, a few things really struck me:

The first night, however, after having dinner and a few drinks, we started talking about our wants in life. She said, and I quote, "I really want a 150k to 200k lifestyle, because that's what I've grown up with." I brushed it off, assuming that she was saying that because she knew I was going to be working at a prestigious law firm and that was her (awkward way) of showing compatibility.

The next night, at dinner, we talked about past relationships, and she said, "I broke up with my last boyfriend because he was blue collar." I was shocked, but this time probed further, asking "What do you mean?" to which she responded, "He was happy with a 60k salary and a simple life...".

Now, upon returning home to where I live, I let a few days go by and then e-mailed her saying that I enjoyed hanging out with her, but I had a few questions, and then asked her, in a nice way, why she had such an expectation of luxury.

She sent an e-mail accusing me of misconstruing statements and taking things out of context, saying that money has never been a "central figure" in her mind, and that she only mention her Ex as blue-collar to illsutrate their different upbringing.


NOW.....let me ask you. From what she said, and in WHATEVER context she said it, would you agree with me, that I was reasonable in thinking of her as a golddigger?
 

Whisper

Diamond Member
Feb 25, 2000
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I dunno if "golddigger" is the right term...close, but maybe not exactly. But I would've construed her statements as meaning the same thing.
 

DigDug

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Mar 21, 2002
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Really? I couldn't believe that she said this to me at our first face-to-face meeting. I wouldn't EVER mention such a thing to someone, and justify it as "requiring it, becuase that's what I've grown up with". I'm going to be making a good salary but I've busted my ASS for it, and coming from a middle class family, realize that money doesn't make a person.
 
Feb 10, 2000
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I would kick her to the curb without a second thought. I can't imagine ever having a high level of confidence in a relationship with such a person.
 

Eli

Super Moderator | Elite Member
Oct 9, 1999
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Originally posted by: DigDug
Really? I couldn't believe that she said this to me at our first face-to-face meeting. I wouldn't EVER mention such a thing to someone, and justify it as "requiring it, becuase that's what I've grown up with". I'm going to be making a good salary but I've busted my ASS for it, and coming from a middle class family, realize that money doesn't make a person.
It just means she is sincere in her wants.

So yes, she is borderline golddigger(she never said that she wants to mooch), and a bit shallow.
 

DigDug

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Mar 21, 2002
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I want a good life too. But I'd never say it to someone right of the bat, AND I'd never attack them as misconstruing my statements if I was asked about it - remember, she said she was shocked that I would think that money as at the center of her mind! See the way I thought about it, if she is forthright in her wants, then can't I be forthright in questioning her about them.

 

bdjohnson

Senior member
Oct 29, 2003
748
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Originally posted by: DigDug
Really? I couldn't believe that she said this to me at our first face-to-face meeting. I wouldn't EVER mention such a thing to someone, and justify it as "requiring it, becuase that's what I've grown up with". I'm going to be making a good salary but I've busted my ASS for it, and coming from a middle class family, realize that money doesn't make a person.

Yeah that seems really weird that she mentioned it at all. For the sake of not being akward I would get to know her a little better to see what she is really like.
 

SmoochyTX

Lifer
Apr 19, 2003
13,615
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0
Originally posted by: DigDug
I never thought that I'd be writing one of these posts, but I guess I see the use in asking a group of intelligent, and otherwise regular people this question behind the safety of anonymity.

Before you think otherwise, I am a male in my late twenties - my avatar is just for kicks. Anyhow, I recently had been talking with a woman (I say woman because she's my age as well, and I wanted to distinguish this post from the YAGT threads which seem to be about highschool romances and such). I met this woman through a distant family friend and we seem to hit it off over the phone. Since I had spring break coming up (I'm in my third year of law school), I volunteered to go visit her. She lives in a major city.

When I got there, I stayed at a hotel and we hung out during the 3 days I was there. While it wasn't the most smooth experience, we both admitted that we were at least physically attracted to each other and that we had a lot of things in common, which made is feel comfortable during my stay. However, a few things really struck me:

The first night, however, after having dinner and a few drinks, we started talking about our wants in life. She said, and I quote, "I really want a 150k to 200k lifestyle, because that's what I've grown up with." I brushed it off, assuming that she was saying that because she knew I was going to be working at a prestigious law firm and that was her (awkward way) of showing compatibility.

The next night, at dinner, we talked about past relationships, and she said, "I broke up with my last boyfriend because he was blue collar." I was shocked, but this time probed further, asking "What do you mean?" to which she responded, "He was happy with a 60k salary and a simple life...".

Now, upon returning home to where I live, I let a few days go by and then e-mailed her saying that I enjoyed hanging out with her, but I had a few questions, and then asked her, in a nice way, why she had such an expectation of luxury.

She sent an e-mail accusing me of misconstruing statements and taking things out of context, saying that money has never been a "central figure" in her mind, and that she only mention her Ex as blue-collar to illsutrate their different upbringing.


NOW.....let me ask you. From what she said, and in WHATEVER context she said it, would you agree with me, that I was reasonable in thinking of her as a golddigger?

Dump her and save yourself time and heartache in the end....
 

DigDug

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Mar 21, 2002
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I told her, that based on our difference views on life, and our different means of expressing ourselves, I don't think we have the compatibility required of a relationship, let alone a long-distance one. I wished her the best of luck in finding that special someone.

The reason I posted is because I wanted to make sure it wasn't just me being hypersensitive. I realize that I am sensitive on some level; I've already had women hit on me upon finding out my working situation. Such a new thing to me, considering where I'm from.
 

Yossarian

Lifer
Dec 26, 2000
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she also means of course that she expects her man to make 200k while she sits on her ass and gets her nails done.
 

Turkish

Lifer
May 26, 2003
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I can understand your worries, but sometimes its good to be with someone that knows what he/she wants from life. But yeah, it's kinda weird that she told those things in your first date with her.
 

sillymofo

Banned
Aug 11, 2003
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I didn't read any of the response, but here's mine.

Her upbringing, if in fact is what she said then that what she's comfortable with. Now about her broke up with her b/f because he's happy with where he was, that could mean two things.

One is she's a gold digging whore.

Second is she's a gold digging whore, and he's not capable of providing for her the things that she's used to.

So regardless of the attractions between you two, if you weren't going to make that $200K, then she won't be with you. Not because she's not capable of loving you (or money), per se, but because she's thinking more of herself, and what can you do FOR her.
 

DigDug

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Mar 21, 2002
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I will be making close to it. HOWEVER, the difference is that I want to be able to spoil my lady because I want to, not because I have to. And its interesting what Yossairan says, she also mentioned that she doesn't believe in having a nanny rais her kids so she wanted to stay home - something I admired and do want myself, but in retrospect, maybe just a cute way of saying that she wants to sit on her ass for the rest of her life while I toil to bring home the check.
 

slick230

Banned
Jan 31, 2003
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She just cares about the $$$, and if you don't make what she considers "good" moeny, then she won't give you another look. She's a golddigger and a snooty b!tch, and instead of putting her money in her purse she shoves it up her snatch, because that's what she really gets off on.
 

Turkish

Lifer
May 26, 2003
15,547
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Originally posted by: DigDug
I will be making close to it. HOWEVER, the difference is that I want to be able to spoil my lady because I want to, not because I have to. And its interesting what Yossairan says, she also mentioned that she doesn't believe in having a nanny rais her kids so she wanted to stay home - something I admired and do want myself, but in retrospect, maybe just a cute way of saying that she wants to sit on her ass for the rest of her life while I toil to bring home the check.

wow. i wish you had said that in the original post.

although a lot of guys want their wives to take care of their children (at least till they start schooling), a woman mentioning this stuff at first date is nothing but a golddigger IMO.

as you said, I would love to spoil my lady as well, but again, just like you said, not because I have to, because I want to.
 

zephyrprime

Diamond Member
Feb 18, 2001
7,512
2
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Well at least she's honest for forthwright(sp?).

I knew a girl in highschool and one day she shocked everyone in class when we were talking about what we were going to do after we graduated. She said she wanted to get into a sorority so she could marry a rich guy. The teacher laughed but then people realized that she was serious.
 

Turkish

Lifer
May 26, 2003
15,547
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Originally posted by: zephyrprime
Well at least she's honest for forthwright(sp?).



I knew a girl in highschool and one day she shocked everyone in class when we were talking about what we were going to do after we grduated. She said she wanted to get into a sorority so she could marry a rich giy. The teacher laughed but then people realized that she was serious.

:D
 

yobarman

Lifer
Jan 11, 2001
11,642
1
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i admire a girl that wants more from life. If she dumped her last boyfriend because he made 60 and was happy with that, then she might want a man with bigger dreams and asperations. If she wants to be a "trophy wife" with you paying the bills, then yeah she's a gold digger. If she wants a partner in crime to live that 200k lifestyle, then she sounds like an alright girl.
 

MrDudeMan

Lifer
Jan 15, 2001
15,069
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you guys saying she knows what she wants are retarded. simply retarded. who cares if you know what you want? i know i want a viper and a $10,000 computer, but does that make me somehow "better" simply because i KNOW what i want in life? that is such, well, illogical logic. if a woman said that to me within the first few MONTHS i would can her ass. if she held out that long, you know she is just waiting to see if you are ok with her attitude toward money. no matter how much money i ever make, i will never tolerate that bullsh!t because money does not equal happiness. i dont know how long it will take some people to figure that out.
 

MrDudeMan

Lifer
Jan 15, 2001
15,069
94
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Originally posted by: yobarman
i admire a girl that wants more from life. If she dumped her last boyfriend because he made 60 and was happy with that, then she might want a man with bigger dreams and asperations. If she wants to be a "trophy wife" with you paying the bills, then yeah she's a gold digger. If she wants a partner in crime to live that 200k lifestyle, then she sounds like an alright girl.

wow...just wow :roll:

she dumped him because he was a blue collar, not because he didnt have dreams. can you read? where in there did it give a hint as to why? you just made a huge ASSumption...nice


edit: so would you be ok with her dumping someone who makes 5 million to date someone who makes 10 million...simply because she couldnt buy the 8 million dollar house she wanted? your logic sucks.
 

darkamulets

Senior member
Feb 21, 2002
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0
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hmm, not a gold digger she believes she's supperior than the average person since she thinks that having money allowed her to be a better person.

she has a trophy wife mentality and has no problem admitting it.

DROP her like a bad habit.
 

MrDudeMan

Lifer
Jan 15, 2001
15,069
94
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Originally posted by: darkamulets
hmm, not a gold digger she believes she's supperior than the average person since she thinks that having money allowed her to be a better person.



she has a trophy wife mentality and has no problem admitting it.



DROP her like a bad habit.

what this guy said
 

Cooljt1

Golden Member
Jan 11, 2002
1,466
0
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fuvck that dude...she thinks she's better thatn "blue collar" people. drop her and dont ever talk to her again