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I've been through that in the past and I can tell you from experience that you need to just cut all communication with her now and just move on. You will be much happier when you find someone who wants to be with you and only you.
I bet you are like me though... You will hear all the advice everyone gives you and ignor it thinking that your situation is better/different from those who gave you the advice. If that's the case then you are going to go through more heartache and learn the hard way.

When I got back together with my ex after a couple months of being broken up I could tell things were different. She wasnt happy with me and the more I saw her for who she had become or really was the more I became unhappy being in the relationship. Honestly I'm glad she cheated on me and I found out about it... It was just the thing I needed to finally say F off and don't ever talk to me again... I moved on and later on met my fiance. I can tell you that being with someone who loves you and wants to be with you just as much as you love them and want to be with them is the most amazing feeling in the world. Don't settle for someone who does not care for you as much as you care for them.
 
Final question:

Her birthday is on Monday. Should I text her and say happy birthday, email her, call her, send her a card, or completely ignore that her birthday is on Monday (which would be the first time I would EVER forget something like this of hers)
 
Originally posted by: mjuszczak
Final question:

Her birthday is on Monday. Should I text her and say happy birthday, email her, call her, send her a card, or completely ignore that her birthday is on Monday (which would be the first time I would EVER forget something like this of hers)
Click to expand...

Get it through your thick fvcking skull: DO NOT MAKE ANY CONTACT WITH HER EVER AGAIN!!! Jesus Christ! You're asking for advice and totally not taking any of it. As someone who has been in a situation like yours, (yes, I know your situation is "different"...not) trust me, move on. There's a whole world of people who are so much more fun than a soul vacuum like her. Take a year or two or five and live your life without any external emotional attachments. Fvck and be free if you want. Don't date and just hang out. Whatever you feel like. Just go with the flow for a while. That chick will just upset your flow no matter what type of connection you have. I've only typed this much because I don't spew BS. Trust the advice on this thread and move on. That's what you asked for, right?

So I guess I'm saying "completely ignore that her birthday is on Monday." You will NOT regret it.

~JZ
 
Originally posted by: mjuszczak
Final question:

Her birthday is on Monday. Should I text her and say happy birthday, email her, call her, send her a card, or completely ignore that her birthday is on Monday (which would be the first time I would EVER forget something like this of hers)
Click to expand...

Listen closely: FVCK HER BIRTHDAY. You do not know her anymore. LET IT GO. Understand?
 
I've been through this before.... I'm telling you that if you get back with her it will turn out badly...very badly. If you continue to call her, she is going to take it as a sign that she has power over you (which right now she does!). You need to just drop all contact. Move on! You will thank us all later if you do follow the advice.
 
Originally posted by: mjuszczak
Final question:

Her birthday is on Monday. Should I text her and say happy birthday, email her, call her, send her a card, or completely ignore that her birthday is on Monday (which would be the first time I would EVER forget something like this of hers)
Click to expand...

NO!!!!

Don't be a nice guy, start acting like you have balls.
 
Cut her off, you'll only be miserable if you keep ties with her.

Do yourself a favor and heed the advice in this situation of the majority of replies there.

 
Guys dont be so mean. One day hes going to understand this all and the threads will cease. We dont want that do we?
 
GOLDEN
Be proud of me people

-----snip----


(Person):

I'm going to keep this really simple. Its time we cut ties. I know you
don't like short emails, so I'll make the descriptions really short:

1) For 5 months, I was understanding towards your back and forthness about
us. I let my heart get ripped out multiple times and then put it back
into place to try again. I loved you, cared about you, and at any time,
would have given you a second shot if you realized that you had made a
mistake. But now that the situation is reversed (I'm the one
struggling!), I don't get anything. I can't ask questions like you did,
or you'll go into a shell.

2) You have no idea how hard it was for me to pretend to get over you so
I could talk to you. Four weeks ago, when you were driving to (friends), you
made it clear to me that I had to stop asking questions, and I did. Last
week, when you said "You treated me really well", I stood my ground. When
you said "I'll always love you", I stood my ground. It was "No one will
ever hold me like you" that brought me right back! See, I love you, and
that gave me an inkling of "home" and strung me right back along again.
But when I got excited and opened my mouth, I lost again, because you were
back in your shell.

3) I don't think you understand how easy this would have or could have
been. All I ever wanted was time to sit with you at a coffee house, and
talk about this face to face. But when you came home from College, you
were busy packing. When you came home from (Country), you were too busy to
drive a mile and meet me somewhere. When you came home from (Place), you
were busy. I understand. I tried to settle for a phone call, and a phone
call like we had last week WOULD have been perfect: but everytime I wanted
my questions answered, I'd get yelled at, or driven/pushed away. I was
never getting the closure I wanted. Everytime I got an opportunity to ask
questions, you were in some remote mountain somewhere and we kept losing
service: again, I never had a chance to just say what I wanted to say, ask
what I wanted to ask, uninterrupted, and GIVE myself closure. I know
you're busy, and I know that would be your response to this and why you
couldn't "give me more time on the phone". I know you just wanted to stop
thinking about it. That's fine. I just wish I could have made it easy
for me too.

I don't think I've been unreasonable at all. I've shown you that I still
love you, been completely understanding, and tried my best to stop
bringing up the past: but something always happens to bring me back to
where I was, like you telling me what you told me last week about holding
you.

If one day in the future you love someone as much as I love you, I hope
you'll look back and think about all I have had to do to attempt to be
your friend even though I care. Maybe we just handle things in different
ways. Unfortunately, I think you've lost all willingness and all ability
to care about me: As more than a friend (which happened a few months ago),
and as a friend. I don't need your pity and I don't want you to "try" to
be my friend because I "try" so hard. I want you to want it, and you
don't. Its quite obvious. Which is fine. But I've opened up my heart
way too much and I am not comfortable with it. I've opened up my heart so
much that the smallest positive comment from you makes me happy for days.
I don't like that: that isn't who I am.

If you respond to this email, I won't read it. I'm tired of going back
and forth in ASCII. Its not personal, its empty, and its one of the main
reasons I took so long to let go: reading text doesn't appease me.
Talking in real life does. If you want to talk, pick up a phone. I would
have told you this on the phone if I could have.

If you ever want to try something again, give me a call. And that's a
friendship or more. I can't guarantee I'll want it. I'll probably always
want the former.

And don't respond to this with "Sorry, I've been so busy" or "Sorry, I
have no time". Excluding (Place), there has been time when you've been
home and we could have talked. Its OK now, I'm content.

I'm beginning to sound like my mother, so I'm going to end this email.
Happy Birthday, take care, enjoy 21, and a new start on things. Please
remember who you were, and don't let people take advantage of you.

-Matt




OK. I have closure.
 
Sigh........
The old cry for attention. I'll write you a letter to let you know I'm never talking to you again. Better yet, it was an e-mail. I understand that you wanted to give her one last shot to "come back to her senses" and come running back to you, but it ain't gonna happen. You REALLY sound pathetic in that e-mail. Oh well, we both know that you haven't gotten closure. You're still pining for her and wanted to talk to her and tell her you're not going to talk to her. You ignored the "cut off all contact" recommendations here and just had to take that last Hail Mary. Hope it was worth your dignity.
 
Originally posted by: paulw86
Don't be the "back-up" lover. She's disrespecting you by talking about this new guy in front of you. If she truely loves you still, she won't do that. You can keep waiting but I don't think it's a good idea.
Click to expand...

I've been screwed (not literally) by girls who did sh¡t like this... more than once. She wants to keep you around in case the new guy doesn't work out, and she doesn't want to be forced to make up her mind. You don't want that, regardless whether she happens to want you this week. She'll be prone to change her mind, and who knows about next week? She's not relationship material. It'll be hard, but do yourself a favor and move on. If you think she's sincere, you might want to try it ONCE, but after that, definitely don't give her another chance. (It doesn't sound sincere to me considering she's telling you about the other guy. That just sounds like she wants you to compete with him, which is something that should be over once a relationship starts.)

I have a friend who's being tossed around like this, and it sucks. Nobody can talk him out of it, and they've been on and off for at least a dozen times that I know about.
 
Oh my god! Reading through this I literally threw up in the back of my mouth!

Please listen and listen good. Stop being such a whiney, sniveling, pathetic, doormat. It is that simple. I want to make it clear, there is nothing wrong with expressing affection, however you making statements like "you know I would take you back in a heartbeat, all you have to do is say the word" sets you up for crap like this.

You have ruined anything with this girl. Had you acted like a man and simply stayed the course she might have wanted to get back with you, but you have basically let her know that you are a doormat that needs to be stepped on. Unlike many people here, I will tell you she is not weird, she is not strange she is reacting the way most people do to someone that makes themselves into a doormat like this.

You are criticising her for not letting you go when you read everything in your link (God I still can't believe I read all that) you are bascially begging to stay in her life and any time she lets her guard down you are all over the "why aren't we back together" crap.

Here is my advice to you. Call her (DON'T EMAIL) and tell her you need to talk to her. Make sure she understands that this is NOT about getting back together. Tell her that you realize that you need to grow up as a man that right now you are a boy who cannot handle their relationship in any form. Tell her that you will not contact her and you would prefer that she not contact you. That if and when you have grown up enough you may someday try to be friends again, but you realize that you will NEVER EVER be more than that. Tell her not to expect to hear from you for quite some time because you have a lot of growing to do and cannot do that with her in your life.

Then go find a girl that interests you. Tell her that she is interesting and that you would like to get to know her better. Then try to have a relationship of equals. Don't be an ass, but don't put yourself in a situation where you basically come across as a needy, emotional wreck.

If you really want to know why she probably doesn't want to be your girlfriend it is because you are so needy and emotional. As a general rule, people are attracted to confidence, particularly women. You are not coming across as confident in fact you are coming across as the opposite. You will never have a real relationship until you can overcome your insecurities and lack of emotional composure.
 
You need to take a road trip with some good friends, with good music and think about your childhood and pre-adolescence days. Were you happy then? Then think about your teen years? Were you happy then?

At some point, you will realize that things started getting iffy...was that the point where you first started developing an interest in girls?
How many relationships have you had...I mean real relationships? The ones where a man & woman are in love with each other at the same time? I have a feeling not many, if any at all.
This could either mean:
1) The Women were the problem all the time
2) The problem lies in something 'you' are doing.
3) By some ridiculous twist of fate, you end up meeting women who are as confused as you.
4) By some ridiculous twist of fate, you end up meeting shrewd, manipulative women who prey on you for ego-inflating.

I have a feeling you are being affected by all the four causes. A logical man wouldn't put up with an irrational woman...and vice versa. Maybe you (like me) have a tendency to hook up with women who are bonkers? I have learned to turn around and run for dear life when this happens...you need to do that too. This is coming from a guy who had to be wheeled into an ER following a nervous breakdown at the age of 19 (October 2004) - wasn't all about a girl but that had something to do with it.

This girl - you may have history with her and I understand all your memories with her are painted with Monet-like vanilla skies...but David...WAKE UP! People do it all the time - concoct these epic, Hollywood-like romances in their heads with people who are nowhere close to how we imagine them to be...all before they are in a real relationship with them. Then, we get involved and find out how wrong we were in judging them. Then, we go into denial and refuse to let go of this 'dream-woman'. There's a Tom Cruise movie on this called Vanilla Sky - I think you will get a big kick out of it. You might notice you are stuck with an obsession for a Sofia Serrano.

Women are women - there's nothing angelic about them. And trust me, a slight tweak to your attitude and dinner-conversation skills will land you a great woman without all the bull-whatten.

P.S. Sorry for the Vanilla Sky analogy.:wink;
 
heheheh.. everyone is telling the truth.. dont go back to her.. i know you love her, but move on.. my ex plays this game, i am so immune to it now.

Just move on, if anything post a public picture of you and a hot girl, trust me nothing gets an ex jealous when you got a hot girl all over you..

she is just trying to keep you latched on.. move on PRONTO!
 
Originally posted by: theprodigalrebel
You need to take a road trip with some good friends, with good music and think about your childhood and pre-adolescence days. Were you happy then? Then think about your teen years? Were you happy then?

At some point, you will realize that things started getting iffy...was that the point where you first started developing an interest in girls?
How many relationships have you had...I mean real relationships? The ones where a man & woman are in love with each other at the same time? I have a feeling not many, if any at all.
This could either mean:
1) The Women were the problem all the time
2) The problem lies in something 'you' are doing.
3) By some ridiculous twist of fate, you end up meeting women who are as confused as you.
4) By some ridiculous twist of fate, you end up meeting shrewd, manipulative women who prey on you for ego-inflating.

I have a feeling you are being affected by all the four causes. A logical man wouldn't put up with an irrational woman...and vice versa. Maybe you (like me) have a tendency to hook up with women who are bonkers? I have learned to turn around and run for dear life when this happens...you need to do that too. This is coming from a guy who had to be wheeled into an ER following a nervous breakdown at the age of 19 (October 2004) - wasn't all about a girl but that had something to do with it.

This girl - you may have history with her and I understand all your memories with her are painted with Monet-like vanilla skies...but David...WAKE UP! People do it all the time - concoct these epic, Hollywood-like romances in their heads with people who are nowhere close to how we imagine them to be...all before they are in a real relationship with them. Then, we get involved and find out how wrong we were in judging them. Then, we go into denial and refuse to let go of this 'dream-woman'. There's a Tom Cruise movie on this called Vanilla Sky - I think you will get a big kick out of it. You might notice you are stuck with an obsession for a Sofia Serrano.

Women are women - there's nothing angelic about them. And trust me, a slight tweak to your attitude and dinner-conversation skills will land you a great woman without all the bull-whatten.

P.S. Sorry for the Vanilla Sky analogy.:wink;
Click to expand...



Actually, I've had 4 good solid relationships before her. None of the four relationships lasted for LESS than a year. But they were puppy love. This girl was my first real love, and I never thought anything could go wrong. That's the difference. I got attached to her, wanted to marry her, she felt the same (or said she did), then overnight, it was over.
 
Originally posted by: mjuszczak
OK. I have closure.
Click to expand...

You should've ended that email with:

</cry for attention>
PLEASE CALL ME PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEE

because that's what those emails mean...
 
Look, I know this is hard but you need to listen to what we are saying.
Trust me I've been there! Most of us here have! I know you thought you would marry this girl and that she was different and could never hurt you...But you found out that you were wrong.

I know you think your situation is different than any of ours but it's not! It is exactly what I've been through in the past. I acted all emotional in the past also and it just made things worse. I got back together with that person eventually and things became worse!

After the 5th and last time this girl and I broke up she called me and I told her F you and don't ever talk to me again. I was done, I didn?t have feelings for her anymore, I saw that she wasn?t the same person I knew when we first started dating and I moved on!

You what happened when I moved on.... I met a girl (now my fiancé) who I have a lot in common with and treats me the way I treat her. She loves me the way I love her.

Let me tell you something... Even if you get back together with your ex, you will find that she does not love you like you love her and you will notice that there is something more you want. With my fiancé I found that something more... It is best feeling in the world to be with someone who loves you just as much as you love them.

My advice to you is to let go, move on, and find someone who really is right for you. Tell your ex to F off if you have to or just silently let her go and don't take her calls ect....

Also, you need to stop with the overemotional pushover act. A lot of women like it at first and then they get tired of it. They really want a strong independent man who is willing to make the decisions. I'm not saying you have to be a jerk, just don't be a push over.
 
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