YAGT

[johnjohn320]

Sorry guys, I know these threads aren't very well liked, and I don't usually make them, but I'm in one of those states of mind where I can't seem to concentrate on my work or anything else because my thoughts keep shifting back to this.

I'm 21, a junior in college, and I've been with my girlfriend for a little over two years (we got together my freshmen year). She's been out of town (internship) since January, which was the last time I saw her. She'll be gone the whole semester.

How do I say it? We're stuck. Our conversations go nowhere. We say less now in an hour than we used to say in 10 minutes of conversation. I'll ask her how her day was, she'll tell me that she went to work, complain that it was boring and tell me that nothing interesting really happened. I'll tell her I went to class, studied, did homework, what have you. I'll also state how nothing interesting or incredibly unusual occured. I update her on our friends, and she'll tell me how her folks are. Then we just have lots of awkward silences. We have nothing to say to each other anymore. I can hear it in her voice, she sounds bored (though she claims she's not), and I must admit I'm not bouncing off the walls in excitement. Her demeanor seems so much less bubbly than it ever used to be. We used to be able to talk all night, about anything and everything. Now we can't last 15 minutes without sinking into the monotonous/generic "nothing/not much/yeah" type responses. We're just so BORED with each other, it seems. This has been going on for months, beginning to surface before she even left town.

This is only my second relationship, so I guess I'm having trouble telling what's a small obstacle to overcome, versus a sign that it's time to move on. Is this just one of those things that you have to expect after being together for a long time? Or something more than that? As much as I don't think this is stemming from our current geographic distance, am I really sure about that? I'm torn because, simply put, she's a good girl. She treats me pretty well, doesn't go around trying to make me insecure or anything like that. She's been loyal, as far as I know. She's often sweet and thoughtful. We don't have any big fights really, aside from the occasional slight bickering. It's not like I'm interested in someone else, or anything like that. I just don't think we've really been truly happy with things for at least several months now.

I guess I could keep on musing, but you get the picture. I care about her a lot, and I don't want to hurt her. I also don't want to fsck myself over by breaking it off with a girl who hasn't really done anything wrong (as I said, I don't really have much to compare our relationship to, so I don't know how good I may or may not have it at the moment. I guess I'm scared to leave her because of that).

Anyway, I should be talking to her later tonight when she gets off work. I guess I'll just try and say what's on my mind, what I feel is wrong with us lately, and try to get her thoughts on it. Thanks for listening.

edit-i forgot to mention, I'm her first boyfriend. So we're both pretty inexperienced, I guess, at knowing what to expect in these kinds of things.

 

[cheesygoldfish]

Pics??

 

[iamaelephant]

She's screwing around on you.

 

[cheesygoldfish]

have sex with her one more time then dump her right away

 

[MisterJackson]

No cliffs or pics???? WTF man!

At least you apologize right off the bat!

Seriously, it's not that we don't like YAGT's, it's that we don't like the same whiny people posting over and over when they never listen to any advice we give anyway. You're fine for now, but if you turn into a "serial YAGT'er", you're a dead man!

 

[eakers]

I'm sorry that this is such a hard decision for you but I think you know what you want to do. Maybe you can take a break and see other ppl until she gets back?

 

[poopygood]

are you guys talking to each other everyday? If so, try spacing it out a bit, maybe you'll have more to talk about if you call once a week or so.

 

[MemoryInAGarden]

Multiple women and/or drama cure boredom. Seriously though, go out of town to see her if it isn't too far away. Call her, and tell her you're coming down for awhile. If you live in a rural area and she's in a big city, enjoy the scenery a bit and make it like a mini-vacation/touring experience. Find something new or different to do. I'm 20, and have been with several people in the last few years. If normal dates getting boring (and they will), do something different. I've taken several women to culinary events, fine arts displays, lectures given locally, political rallies, ghost hunting trips, etc. Make sure that she still knows that you have interest in her and that you want to keep things moving.

If you want it to work (and it kind of seems like you're throwing in the towel), then put forth the effort necessary to make it work. Don't half-ass it now; it could well be your last shot.

 

[DanFungus]

How often do you talk to her, and why drag it out for an hour each time?

 

[Gulzakar]

It gets like that in relationships...After a while, there's not a whole lot to say.

I mean, you'll talk, you'll have moments, but it will NEVER be like it was in the begining. It's all a part of growing up.

It happens.

 

[irishScott]

Originally posted by: poopygood
are you guys talking to each other everyday? If so, try spacing it out a bit, maybe you'll have more to talk about if you call once a week or so.

QFT. Also, make your life interesting if you can. Go out with friends, have fun, get in a few humorous situations that will make good conversation starters.

 

[lobbyone]

Get her and yourself a 360 and Gears

 

[Azraele]

All relationships have ups and downs. Maybe you can surpise her with something, or arrange a small getaway for the two of you to spend time together to get a feel for where you stand with each other. Talk about your concerns, since they're weighing heavily on your mind.

 

[rsd]

"I had a very interesting lunch with George Costanza today."
"Really?"
"We were talking about our lives, and we both kind of realized we're kids. We're not men."
"So then you asked yourselves, 'Isn't there something more to life?'"
"Yes, we did." "Yeah, well let me clue you in on something... There isn't."
"There isn't?"
"Absolutely not. I mean, what are you thinking about, Jerry, marriage? Family? They're prisons! Man-made prisons. You're doing time. You get up in the morning, she's there. You go to sleep at night, she's there. It's like you gotta ask permission to use the bathroom. 'Is it alright if I use the bathroom now?!' And you can forget about watching TV while you're eating."
"I can?"
"Oh yeah. You know why? Because it's dinnertime, and you know what you do at dinner?"
"What?"
"You talk about your day. 'How was your day today? Did you have a good day today or a bad day today? Well, what kind of day was it? Well, I don't know, how about you, how was your day?'"
"Boy."
"It's sad, Jerry. It's a sad state of affairs."
"I'm glad we had this talk."
"Oh, you have no idea."
- Jerry and Kramer, in "The Engagement"

 

[Dr. Detroit]

Relationships always end up going this route. It is up to you to create more spark. Relationships are boring, not like she has anything new to offer to the relationship as she has shared the past 2yrs of life with you.


Ask anyone who is married and they will say it is more out of conveniance than being intgiued/excited by the other person.

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: Azraele
All relationships have ups and downs. Maybe you can surpise her with something, or arrange a small getaway for the two of you to spend time together to get a feel for where you stand with each other. Talk about your concerns, since they're weighing heavily on your mind.

Absolutely.

And it's very difficult to keep a connection with someone over that kind of distance. You can't do things together, or talk about what's going on in your immediate vicinity, because you've reserved that time exclusively for her. You need to find a way to keep connected, to have something in common, until she gets back.

 

[tomt4535]

Originally posted by: cheesygoldfish
have sex with her one more time then dump her right away

Hit it and Quit it :thumbsup:

 

[James3shin]

Distance is killer.

 

[brandonb]

Talk less...

Seriously, thats your answer. Don't try to fix anything that isn't broken. There is nothing broken. It's just the simple fact you both have less things to talk about as you know each other better, and the day's routine doesn't change much from day to day. If you try to fix something its only going to lead to trouble.

 

[OOBradm]

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: Azraele
All relationships have ups and downs. Maybe you can surpise her with something, or arrange a small getaway for the two of you to spend time together to get a feel for where you stand with each other. Talk about your concerns, since they're weighing heavily on your mind.

Absolutely.

And it's very difficult to keep a connection with someone over that kind of distance. You can't do things together, or talk about what's going on in your immediate vicinity, because you've reserved that time exclusively for her. You need to find a way to keep connected, to have something in common, until she gets back.

definitely, maybe find a tv show you both like? play a game online together? i dunno anything to feel like you two are doing something together

 

[Krazy4Real]

Is she so far that you can't visit her for a weekend, and talk about your relationship in person? Maybe she just really misses you and wants to see you.

 

[johnjohn320]

Originally posted by: Krazy4Real
Is she so far that you can't visit her for a weekend, and talk about your relationship in person? Maybe she just really misses you and wants to see you.

Yeah, it'd be cool if she had a car, or mine wasn't broken.

I'm gonna try and take the train (followed by bus) up to see her this weekend, actually. But in the meantime, I still want to talk about this.

Alot of people are saying that we should talk less. I guess it makes sense, but it's sort of a depressing outlook. I mean, we used to see each other every single day. We talked on the phone daily when we were in two different places. It's never been a problem until recently.

 

[KarmaPolice]

it makes sense. When you first meet a girl you have everything to learn about her..you can talk for days and days and days and days and not run out of stuff to talk about. 2 years is a long time and you should know a lot about her. I think its just the distance and the way relationships go.

 

[Caecus Veritas]

you should bring up the "talk" as a last resort... because once you open that conversation you can't close it. and the conversation usually ends up pushing people to make a decision one way or another, one that could have been delayed until later on. personally, i'd try to spice up the relationship.. try planning different events during the weekends. maybe picnics.. home-cooked dinner (courtesy of you), etc, etc. keep the relationship active. one thing you really want to avoid is not seeing her for a long period of time... out of sight, out of mind... i think the whole relationship will depend on how you really want it.

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EDIT: by the way, for the life of me... i cannot figure out what YA X T stands for..... stupid acronyms..... anyone?
EDIT 2: ep.. nm.. saw another post with 'yet another xxx thread' ... haha. finally got it.

 

[tami]

if you love her, visit her on the internship. if you want to salvage the relationship, then you might want to see if you can reignite a spark.

but you and she are in two different worlds now... perhaps she's going through a rough time. she has a totally different kind of life now.