YAGT: WTH am I thinking

[Turin39789]

I'm a non commital bastard. I've pretty much always been in long term relationships, except for one night stands all of my relationships have lasted for a minimum year. I think I'm going to ask my girlfriend of 3 years to marry me. I know she'll go for it. Usually when I start to think about marriage I have hundreds of objections. Usually that I'm about to lose all spontaneity in my life, and the rest of it is pretty well planned out.

She mentioned something about marriage for the 500th time last weekend, and read more into a comment I made about working on being ready for it than I intended. We had a little spat about it, but she continues to maintain that there is no pressure and I should take my time. But since that spat(last night) when I think about asking her none of the objections are coming up.

I'm a little worried that I'm just feeling this way because I feel like a cad for making her cry last night, but I still can't make a convincing argument to myself against asking.



Am I losing my mind?

 

[Savij]

RUNAWAY!!!

 

[6StringSamurai]

If you have to ask...I would say you are clinical.

 

[jman19]

Sit on the decision for a while, don't want to make a rash decision when it comes to marriage...

 

[K1052]

she continues to maintain that there is no pressure and I should take my time

98.7% of the time this is an outright lie

 

[nakedfrog]

Yes, you're losing your mind, but that's okay, as you'll have someone to take care of all your thinking for you.

Just kidding

 

[bigrash]

I think you should think about this with a clear mind. go out to a bar tonight, get drunk, pick up random chick, and let us know how you feel tomorrow morning.

 

[Turin39789]

Originally posted by: jman19
Sit on the decision for a while, don't want to make a rash decision when it comes to marriage...

I know that, but we've been together for 3 years, and have been living together for about a year now. The rash decision argument doesn't really hold up to that.

I'm trying to bring to mind all the little annoying things and nagging that goes on to change my mind, but so far it hasn't helped. Maybe its all the dayquil I've been mainlining.

 

[iroast]

You won't lose spontaneity unless you get too comfortable/lazy about it. Being married simply shows your commitment to her and to the relationship. That you will try your best to work through any difficulties and not just walk away because it's too hard for you. If you love her and see her in your life for life, then marry her.

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: jman19
Sit on the decision for a while, don't want to make a rash decision when it comes to marriage...

QFT...

OP, you need to evaluate if you want to get married right now and if the girl is "worth it".

This will take a little time to mull over.

 

[Alex]

sit on it for a while.... no pun intended...


but seriously its normal to have doubts but be honest with yourself and with your girl... i think you kinda just know when you're ready to spend your life with someone!

 

[Turin39789]

Originally posted by: franguinho
sit on it for a while.... no pun intended...


but seriously its normal to have doubts but be honest with yourself and with your girl... i think you kinda just know when you're ready to spend your life with someone!

My thinking right now is that I'm at that point. We've been living together and it really hasn't been that bad. I don't keep a top of the line computer anymore, and I don't have all night gaming sessions every night either. But we take trips, she likes and gets along with all of my friends. I'm happy. I think I'm scared of my sudden lack of doubt, I'm thinking I'm going to sit on it for awhile though before I go to her father.

I'm 24 btw.

I know I posted with some sarcasm about losing my mind, but I guess I'm looking for perspective from people who've been through this before; i.e. married losers.

 

[y2kc]

good luck with your decision. one of the most important you'll ever make.

 

[DeadByDawn]

"I'm a little worried that I'm just feeling this way because I feel like a cad for making her cry last night,"

I think you need to wait and think on this for a while.

 

[Turin39789]

Originally posted by: DeadByDawn
"I'm a little worried that I'm just feeling this way because I feel like a cad for making her cry last night,"

I think you need to wait and think on this for a while.

I definetly will, for those ATOT members who are married, how did you know it was time/the right person? I know most of you had arranged marriages, but there should be a few out there who chose themselves.

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: Turin39789
I definetly will, for those ATOT members who are married, how did you know it was time/the right person? I know most of you had arranged marriages, but there should be a few out there who chose themselves.

That is the wrong question to ask because that kind of question will lead you to ask that when you are married as well (and trust me, married people go through times of doubt as well). The real question is, are you prepared to get married, do you see yourself compatible with her long term, is she "worth it".

She is the right person because you married her (marriage is hard work), so make sure you have settled those three thigns before you take the plunge. I would suggest engagement counseling if you can do it, it weeds out practical questions before they arise after marriage (i.e. - money, kids, sexual frequency...). Don't ask how I know this stuff. I have been mentored by a whole bunch of people growing up and a lot of my friends are married now.

 

[GuitarDaddy]

Sounds like it's time dude. In many states including mine your probably already married (common law) in the eyes of the law. If you'ved lived with her for a year, you already know that your compatible.

Most of us guys are procrastinators and have to be pushed, my wife and I lived together for 6yrs before I finally got the guts. Looking back I was an ass and should have never made her wait that long for that little bit of security that she deserved.

Women need that extra measure of security and commitment more than we do, if you love her you owe her that much

 

[Dacalo]

Don't ever make a decision based on your SO's pressure. That is the worst thing you can do. Have a quiet time by yourself, like go to a park, or to a quiet beach, and think it through. Were there problems between you two in the past? How was it resolved? Can you see working with her to overcome many problems to come?

 

[Skel]

Originally posted by: DaShen

Originally posted by: jman19
Sit on the decision for a while, don't want to make a rash decision when it comes to marriage...

QFT...

OP, you need to evaluate if you want to get married right now and if the girl is "worth it".

This will take a little time to mull over.

Because three years of being together, not to mention living together for a year isn't enough time to figure out if this is the one to marry. :roll:

 

[Turin39789]

Originally posted by: Skel

Originally posted by: DaShen

Originally posted by: jman19
Sit on the decision for a while, don't want to make a rash decision when it comes to marriage...

QFT...

OP, you need to evaluate if you want to get married right now and if the girl is "worth it".

This will take a little time to mull over.

Because three years of being together, not to mention living together for a year isn't enough time to figure out if this is the one to marry. :roll:

you sound like my mother

 

[Skel]

Originally posted by: Turin39789

Originally posted by: Skel

Originally posted by: DaShen

Originally posted by: jman19
Sit on the decision for a while, don't want to make a rash decision when it comes to marriage...

QFT...

OP, you need to evaluate if you want to get married right now and if the girl is "worth it".

This will take a little time to mull over.

Because three years of being together, not to mention living together for a year isn't enough time to figure out if this is the one to marry. :roll:

you sound like my mother

Then your mother sounds like a smart person...

 

[Dacalo]

Originally posted by: Skel

Originally posted by: DaShen

Originally posted by: jman19
Sit on the decision for a while, don't want to make a rash decision when it comes to marriage...

QFT...

OP, you need to evaluate if you want to get married right now and if the girl is "worth it".

This will take a little time to mull over.

Because three years of being together, not to mention living together for a year isn't enough time to figure out if this is the one to marry. :roll:

I wish you were right, I really do. But some girls, not all, do a 180 and change once they get that ring around their finger. It's scary...

 

[Turin39789]

Originally posted by: Skel

Originally posted by: Turin39789

Originally posted by: Skel

Originally posted by: DaShen

Originally posted by: jman19
Sit on the decision for a while, don't want to make a rash decision when it comes to marriage...

QFT...

OP, you need to evaluate if you want to get married right now and if the girl is "worth it".

This will take a little time to mull over.

Because three years of being together, not to mention living together for a year isn't enough time to figure out if this is the one to marry. :roll:

you sound like my mother

Then your mother sounds like a smart person...

She is

 

[DeadByDawn]

One thing I read from your OP is that you can't find any reason NOT to get married. I think you have this backwards. How about listing to yourself reasons you SHOULD get married. That's why I say to wait a while.

 

[djheater]

Marriage is one of the best things that ever happened to me.

If you're ready to maintaing a commitment for the rest of your life then do it, otherwise you're probably better off ending things at this point. If you're not ready now, you probably never will be.