Originally posted by: WhipperSnapper
Originally posted by: leggomyeggroll
forget it buddy, 3 years and no move?? by now she thinks of you no more but a brother. this tuesday she just wants a shoulder to cry on, not sticking tounges down each others throats. i say you bail out on her before your time hearing her sobbering and b****ing
My last post was in jest. I agree with the one I posted. At this point you'll probably get the LJBF--let's just be friends. I suppose that it would be possible to do it, but you'd probably have to separate yourself from her some and do something to change the way she views you. I mean, it's as though you'd need to break from your previous life--break from offering her nearly unconditional, fawning friendship to being more aloof and developing a separate, mysterious, active life. Like in a Hollywood movie, her seeing you develop a separate life and then distancing her some as you are banging other women and then becoming interested probably isn't too far from the truth.
My advice--learn dating tactics. Learn how to meet and how to pick up women. Learn to be a good, attractive, sexy, confident guy and not a "nice guy". This is much easier said than done, though, since it requires changing how you live.
Learn to understand women and male-female dynamics. Towards that end, I highly recommend men's movement writer Warren Farrell's book Why Men Are the Way They Are. (Yes, it's about men, but also about how women's behaviors have affected men and thus tells you something about women. It has invaluable insight.) I also recommend Ayn Rand's novel The Fountainhead--really, it contains some valuable lessons in the male-female dynamics area. ("Now it's broken and has to be replaced." Anyone remember that scene?)
The other thing you need to remember is to maintain a principle of reciprocity. You don't want to give a woman more attention than she gives you after your first couple of contacts. Women are turned off by desperate needy men--they can smell desperation and it smells like skunk. Your attitude has to be something like this, "If she doesn't have an interest in me after I've invested some time talking to her, then she is completely worthless to me outside of whatever ability she has to introduce me to her girlfriends," and then move on to the next prospect.
You have to be assertive and aggressive. Women will NOT approach you and make it obvious that they're interested unless you're wealthy or a star athlete. Men pursue women. Women just decide which of their pursuers they are interested in. You have to take painful risks and get back up and do it again and again. You have to put yourself in positions to meet new women (new prospects). You can't be a nice guy who tries the friendship first route. Spend some time learning to work the personal ads.
On that note, it's also important to change your personality and appearance so that you would be attractive. Focus on trying to look better and on wearing more stylish (but not too stylish) clothes. Maintain scrupulous hygeine. Also--start lifting weights. It will improve your appearance, your self-esteem, and your confidence, and it does wonders for chasing away any impression you might give off that you're a geek or a nerd. Find something in life that you enjoy doing and that you can be good at--it will improve your self esteem and your overall confidence.
I know it's hard, but with determination and practice you can do it. And remember, don't be afraid to stub your toe and make a fool out of yourself. You can't learn from your mistakes if you don't make them. Whatever experiences you gain you'll have with you for life and they'll only make you stronger no matter how painful. Try finding ways to meet women in places where they are approachable and try chatting them up. See if you can get a phone number.
Also, if you're still in high school, you might be surprised to find out that it may not be as difficult as you think to do this. Many of the girls will be thrilled to have your attention. Some don't get asked out too often and might be receptive. At least that was my experience and I was a huge geek without a clue. High school would be a great place to pursue women since you know them somewhat and you could find ways to start light conversations about class or whatever (they're easily approachable).
Best of luck to you. Remember--you are a male--you have to make it happen. That is your sex role as a male. I know, I know, it sucks, but that's the way it is.
good post man. this should be saved in the ATOT FAQs
