Ok ok, this is not an attention whore thread... I honestly need some ideas/comments from those of you who have experience with long term relationships, please.
8 days ago, a Wedsneday, my fiancee and I went to a restaurant to eat. It was the first time we had seen each other in a couple days because I was working in the mornings, taking finals at night, and had some different organizational meetings in between. Needless to say, it was one of my busiest weeks of the year.
Anyway, so she basically tells me in the restaurant that she needs space. She said that it has nothing to do with me... she is not seeing anyone else, and doesn't plan on our relationship to end, she just needs some time and space away from me.
I called her that night before going to bed (like always) and she said that when she says she needs space, she doesn't want me to be calling her or asking her where she is because she just NEEDS SPACE. Anyway, that's been the common theme for the last 8 days. She normally calls me at night, normally around 11:00 or so, from home, and tells me good night. We had to go Christmas shopping together about 3 or 4 days ago to get our parents gifts, and she wouldn't let me hold her hand. We talked about it a couple days ago, and she told me she still needs space, but said I shouldn't worry about our relationship. She said the cause of the space is that she thinks we (she and I) have been taking life too seriously for 22 year olds. She said that she needs the space because she misses hanging out with her girlfriends as much as she used to, so she has been doing that the past couple of days. She said she needs the time to think things through and she wants to make sure that our relationship is what she wants for the rest of her life. She wants to decide now rather than 5 years from now when we're married and/or have kids.
I sent her this letter through e-mail a couple days ago: *removed*
And she hasn't replied yet... she only checks her e-mail about once a week though, so she probably hasn't read it yet. I'm worried she is trying to end our 3.5 year relationship and is waiting until Christmas is over... but I don't want to jinx myself, maybe she really just needs a break?
Update 12/24/04
So she called me last night around 8pm and said she was off work. She asked if I wanted to go out and get a bite to eat and spend the night at her house. I didn't want to be an ass right away and be like "Uhh, what about that space thing?" so I said that it sounded fun. Sooo, we went to eat. Only thing open was Penn Station! McDonalds, White Castle, this nice Mexican restaurant, etc, were all closed. So anyway, while we were eating, we talked some more.... and talked even more in the car on the way to her house. She explained in a little more detail why she NEEDS this space. She said that ever since she was a freshman in highschool she has been in relationships.... she's never been single since she was a young girl. So now that she is 22 and has been with me for 3.5 years, she wants some space to be herself.
She is adamant about us staying together.... I looked her straight in the eye and was like "Look... we're engaged... kind of. Taking space in a step back in the relationship. 3 weeks ago you said you wanted to hold off on the engagement until a year before we're married, and a week and a half ago you said you need space. I really feel like you're simple backing out of the relationship slowly and want to wait until after the holidays to break it off." She just smiled and said that she can understand while I feel that way but it is absolutely not the case. She just said she wants to be herself for a little while, while being committed to me.... IE, she doesn't want to have to call in check in with me, or her parents, or anyone, but doesn't want me to worry at the same time because she has no interest in anyone but me and wouldn't do anything to hurt me. She said she understands it will be hard, but she really feels this will work out and take us to the next level. She also said that "pressure" from her parents to get a second job, from me to do certain things, etc, is partly to blame for her wanting space. She just said that she feels that at 22 years old she shouldn't have as much pressure as she does and needs time away from everything to clear her mind.
Last night she was very affectionate while we slept... she held me, held my hand, rubbed my back and all that stuff, but we didn't mash genitalia. Fine with me, I was glad she explained everything. Still, she might just be telling me whatever she wants until she kicks me to curb after Christmas, but who knows? If we stay together, good, if not... good. I've always been the type to learn things the hard way (IE, experiencing them rather than taking advice) but I find that builds character maybe? Ah well, she wants me to come with her to her uncles Christmas Eve party tonight, we'll see how that goes.
Cliffs notes:
We've been together 3.5 years, been engaged for about 2 years. She needs space. Wouldn't let me hold her hand at the mall Christmas shopping for parents. No 'tang in 8 days, we are normally like rabbits. What's the worst case scenario / best case screnario / most probable scenario? I'd be really pissed if she is just delaying breaking up with me since it's Christmas time and she is waiting until after Christmas.
Update 01/8/05
Well, we spent the holidays together. We spent Christmas Eve together at one of her family get togethers and Christmas Day was spent partly at her parents home and my parents home. Last weekend we spent the entire week together... On News Years Eve (friday) we went with her family to horse races during the day. $1 draft beers, $1 horse bets. Megan and I drank about 6 or 7 eight oz cups over about a 4 hour period, so we had a decent buzz going the whole time. She asked me to kiss her, just out of the blue, and I did. She then said "sorry, I probably shouldn't have done that.." of course, I didn't mind. About an hour later she asked for another kiss and I said "Well, last time I kissed you, you said sorry...." and she said "You're right, we better not." After the horse races we went to her aunts house and drank some more. Played pool and darts until about 11:00pm. We drove down to her house after that and we watched the ball drop on TV. We weren't buzzing by that point, and when the ball dropped, we had a nice, sensual kiss. One that I hadn't had for about 2 and a half weeks. I spent the night and there was no affection. We spent all day Saturday together relaxing and hanging out, and I spent the night again. Once again, akwardly silent in the sack. AND, once again, we spent all day Sunday together, had a good time cooking dinner together and other stuff.
One thing I noticed that was odd is that she didn't want to go "out" anywhere. We went to the grocery store, but she declined my offers to go out and get a drink or go ice skating or whatever....
This week, from 1/1 to 1/8, it's been weird. We haven't talked much and we haven't seen each other yet this weekend, and it's Saturday night.
Quite the roller coaster. Last time we talked about, I asked her if she has changed her mind at ALL, either in favor of staying with me, or going her own way... since December 15th, and she said no, but that's because she really hasn't had space because of the holidays. So, we're still in the same boat that we were in Almost 30 days ago... she needs space and isn't sure if she wants to be with me. She goes to work, goes home, and talks to her friends a lot on her cell phone. But doesn't talk to me at all, really.
8 days ago, a Wedsneday, my fiancee and I went to a restaurant to eat. It was the first time we had seen each other in a couple days because I was working in the mornings, taking finals at night, and had some different organizational meetings in between. Needless to say, it was one of my busiest weeks of the year.
Anyway, so she basically tells me in the restaurant that she needs space. She said that it has nothing to do with me... she is not seeing anyone else, and doesn't plan on our relationship to end, she just needs some time and space away from me.
I called her that night before going to bed (like always) and she said that when she says she needs space, she doesn't want me to be calling her or asking her where she is because she just NEEDS SPACE. Anyway, that's been the common theme for the last 8 days. She normally calls me at night, normally around 11:00 or so, from home, and tells me good night. We had to go Christmas shopping together about 3 or 4 days ago to get our parents gifts, and she wouldn't let me hold her hand. We talked about it a couple days ago, and she told me she still needs space, but said I shouldn't worry about our relationship. She said the cause of the space is that she thinks we (she and I) have been taking life too seriously for 22 year olds. She said that she needs the space because she misses hanging out with her girlfriends as much as she used to, so she has been doing that the past couple of days. She said she needs the time to think things through and she wants to make sure that our relationship is what she wants for the rest of her life. She wants to decide now rather than 5 years from now when we're married and/or have kids.
I sent her this letter through e-mail a couple days ago: *removed*
And she hasn't replied yet... she only checks her e-mail about once a week though, so she probably hasn't read it yet. I'm worried she is trying to end our 3.5 year relationship and is waiting until Christmas is over... but I don't want to jinx myself, maybe she really just needs a break?
Update 12/24/04
So she called me last night around 8pm and said she was off work. She asked if I wanted to go out and get a bite to eat and spend the night at her house. I didn't want to be an ass right away and be like "Uhh, what about that space thing?" so I said that it sounded fun. Sooo, we went to eat. Only thing open was Penn Station! McDonalds, White Castle, this nice Mexican restaurant, etc, were all closed. So anyway, while we were eating, we talked some more.... and talked even more in the car on the way to her house. She explained in a little more detail why she NEEDS this space. She said that ever since she was a freshman in highschool she has been in relationships.... she's never been single since she was a young girl. So now that she is 22 and has been with me for 3.5 years, she wants some space to be herself.
She is adamant about us staying together.... I looked her straight in the eye and was like "Look... we're engaged... kind of. Taking space in a step back in the relationship. 3 weeks ago you said you wanted to hold off on the engagement until a year before we're married, and a week and a half ago you said you need space. I really feel like you're simple backing out of the relationship slowly and want to wait until after the holidays to break it off." She just smiled and said that she can understand while I feel that way but it is absolutely not the case. She just said she wants to be herself for a little while, while being committed to me.... IE, she doesn't want to have to call in check in with me, or her parents, or anyone, but doesn't want me to worry at the same time because she has no interest in anyone but me and wouldn't do anything to hurt me. She said she understands it will be hard, but she really feels this will work out and take us to the next level. She also said that "pressure" from her parents to get a second job, from me to do certain things, etc, is partly to blame for her wanting space. She just said that she feels that at 22 years old she shouldn't have as much pressure as she does and needs time away from everything to clear her mind.
Last night she was very affectionate while we slept... she held me, held my hand, rubbed my back and all that stuff, but we didn't mash genitalia. Fine with me, I was glad she explained everything. Still, she might just be telling me whatever she wants until she kicks me to curb after Christmas, but who knows? If we stay together, good, if not... good. I've always been the type to learn things the hard way (IE, experiencing them rather than taking advice) but I find that builds character maybe? Ah well, she wants me to come with her to her uncles Christmas Eve party tonight, we'll see how that goes.
Cliffs notes:
We've been together 3.5 years, been engaged for about 2 years. She needs space. Wouldn't let me hold her hand at the mall Christmas shopping for parents. No 'tang in 8 days, we are normally like rabbits. What's the worst case scenario / best case screnario / most probable scenario? I'd be really pissed if she is just delaying breaking up with me since it's Christmas time and she is waiting until after Christmas.
Update 01/8/05
Well, we spent the holidays together. We spent Christmas Eve together at one of her family get togethers and Christmas Day was spent partly at her parents home and my parents home. Last weekend we spent the entire week together... On News Years Eve (friday) we went with her family to horse races during the day. $1 draft beers, $1 horse bets. Megan and I drank about 6 or 7 eight oz cups over about a 4 hour period, so we had a decent buzz going the whole time. She asked me to kiss her, just out of the blue, and I did. She then said "sorry, I probably shouldn't have done that.." of course, I didn't mind. About an hour later she asked for another kiss and I said "Well, last time I kissed you, you said sorry...." and she said "You're right, we better not." After the horse races we went to her aunts house and drank some more. Played pool and darts until about 11:00pm. We drove down to her house after that and we watched the ball drop on TV. We weren't buzzing by that point, and when the ball dropped, we had a nice, sensual kiss. One that I hadn't had for about 2 and a half weeks. I spent the night and there was no affection. We spent all day Saturday together relaxing and hanging out, and I spent the night again. Once again, akwardly silent in the sack. AND, once again, we spent all day Sunday together, had a good time cooking dinner together and other stuff.
One thing I noticed that was odd is that she didn't want to go "out" anywhere. We went to the grocery store, but she declined my offers to go out and get a drink or go ice skating or whatever....
This week, from 1/1 to 1/8, it's been weird. We haven't talked much and we haven't seen each other yet this weekend, and it's Saturday night.
Quite the roller coaster. Last time we talked about, I asked her if she has changed her mind at ALL, either in favor of staying with me, or going her own way... since December 15th, and she said no, but that's because she really hasn't had space because of the holidays. So, we're still in the same boat that we were in Almost 30 days ago... she needs space and isn't sure if she wants to be with me. She goes to work, goes home, and talks to her friends a lot on her cell phone. But doesn't talk to me at all, really.
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