YAGT: suspicious that my best friend's husband is cheating on her... UPDATE: cheating practically confirmed...

[brunswickite]

Originally posted by: ajayjuneja

Originally posted by: Shockwave

Originally posted by: ajayjuneja

Originally posted by: Shockwave

Originally posted by: BigJ
Hire a PI?

This is probably the best advice ever given in a YAGT.....

So like, I can't go do that, right? I have to convince Melissa that. And just like Klixxer said, she may not *want to* realize that he is cheating.

Sure you can. Neither he nor her would know, hence the name of Private Investigator. Isnt like he wears a big shirt saying "I'm A PI Following You" and walks 3 steps behind the guy all day. PI's are VERY good at what they do (usually)

Would Melissa get mad at me if I did that without telling her? Would you get mad at a friend if you found out they did that?

I would be pissed, and think you are a psycho.

 

[Klixxer]

Just so you understand about this, try this, try backtalking him in front of her, hear her make excuses for him, then understand that there isn't much you can do but lend her your shoulder and let her take the steps needed.

 

[ajayjuneja]

Originally posted by: Klixxer

Originally posted by: ajayjuneja

Originally posted by: Shockwave

Originally posted by: ajayjuneja

Originally posted by: Shockwave

Originally posted by: BigJ
Hire a PI?

This is probably the best advice ever given in a YAGT.....

So like, I can't go do that, right? I have to convince Melissa that. And just like Klixxer said, she may not *want to* realize that he is cheating.

Sure you can. Neither he nor her would know, hence the name of Private Investigator. Isnt like he wears a big shirt saying "I'm A PI Following You" and walks 3 steps behind the guy all day. PI's are VERY good at what they do (usually)

Would Melissa get mad at me if I did that without telling her? Would you get mad at a friend if you found out they did that?

Think about it, would you be mad? A wild guess says she won't ever talk to you again.

Yeah, so like, I'd rather not ruin a friendship AND a marriage. It sounded like something I would get mad about, hence my doubts for wanting to go that route.

 

[ajayjuneja]

Originally posted by: Klixxer
Just so you understand about this, try this, try backtalking him in front of her, hear her make excuses for him, then understand that there isn't much you can do but lend her your shoulder and let her take the steps needed.

So then the best thing to do is basically nothing except be a shoulder to cry on, and let the sh!t hit the fan over the next 6-12 months...

 

[brunswickite]

Originally posted by: ajayjuneja

Originally posted by: Klixxer
Just so you understand about this, try this, try backtalking him in front of her, hear her make excuses for him, then understand that there isn't much you can do but lend her your shoulder and let her take the steps needed.

So then the best thing to do is basically nothing except be a shoulder to cry on, and let the sh!t hit the fan over the next 6-12 months...

yea and then make your move...

 

[Klixxer]

Originally posted by: ajayjuneja

Originally posted by: Klixxer
Just so you understand about this, try this, try backtalking him in front of her, hear her make excuses for him, then understand that there isn't much you can do but lend her your shoulder and let her take the steps needed.

So then the best thing to do is basically nothing except be a shoulder to cry on, and let the sh!t hit the fan over the next 6-12 months...

If she asks, just give her your honest opinion, but don't say anything if she doesn't, she will need to rest from it too so she needs someone that she can talk about other things with too.

Yeah, basically that is the best thing you can do, be there for her and let her know that she is not as worthless as she feels, being cheated on will make her feel "not good enough", lend her your shoulder to cry on and talk to her when she needs it, she might need help moving out, she might need a place to stay, do whatever you can to help her and let me congratulate you on being a great friend. I wish more people were like you.

 

[chasem]

yes, he is cheating

 

[StageLeft]

You just can't know for sure, but I voted yes. Something about ex-wifes is that I almost don't even think it would be cheating. I mean you've had sex with them in the past so much...ah, it just doesn't seem as bad.

Anyway he's probably having some nostalgia screws with her.

 

[ajayjuneja]

Thanks skoorb! I was hoping to hear from a happily-married male's perspective on this (i.e. you)

 

[Klixxer]

Originally posted by: Skoorb
You just can't know for sure, but I voted yes. Something about ex-wifes is that I almost don't even think it would be cheating. I mean you've had sex with them in the past so much...ah, it just doesn't seem as bad.

Anyway he's probably having some nostalgia screws with her.

I would be extremely surprised if he isn't cheating considering the lies when has spent time with his ex.

After i got divorced me and ex were like two horndogs around eachother, it was forbidden and exciting, i never did anything with her though, but if i wanted to i could have.

So maybe i am just identifying with past experiences, but i would say that he is cheating or he wouldn't do this half truth/half lies about meeting his ex, besides, if she worries about it and he doesn't have any kids with her he should be more considerate.

IMO of course.

 

[ajayjuneja]

Originally posted by: Klixxer

Originally posted by: Skoorb
You just can't know for sure, but I voted yes. Something about ex-wifes is that I almost don't even think it would be cheating. I mean you've had sex with them in the past so much...ah, it just doesn't seem as bad.

Anyway he's probably having some nostalgia screws with her.

I would be extremely surprised if he isn't cheating considering the lies when has spent time with his ex.

After i got divorced me and ex were like two horndogs around eachother, it was forbidden and exciting, i never did anything with her though, but if i wanted to i could have.

So maybe i am just identifying with past experiences, but i would say that he is cheating or he wouldn't do this half truth/half lies about meeting his ex, besides, if she worries about it and he doesn't have any kids with her he should be more considerate.

IMO of course.

He has no kids, cause he can't have kids. Which I should note was almost a deal breaker for Melissa, but she said "yes" regardless 🙁

I feel so sorry for her. She doesn't get her dream of having kids and a happy relationship... she just gets screwed on the weekends and tossed aside during the week. Poor gal 🙁

And she's pretty damn good looking and super smart too!

 

[welst10]

Originally posted by: BigJ
Hire a PI?

Good advice. ajayjuneja, maybe you can do some private investigation for your fiend. Post the nice pics here!

 

[Klixxer]

Originally posted by: ajayjuneja

Originally posted by: Klixxer

Originally posted by: Skoorb
You just can't know for sure, but I voted yes. Something about ex-wifes is that I almost don't even think it would be cheating. I mean you've had sex with them in the past so much...ah, it just doesn't seem as bad.

Anyway he's probably having some nostalgia screws with her.

I would be extremely surprised if he isn't cheating considering the lies when has spent time with his ex.

After i got divorced me and ex were like two horndogs around eachother, it was forbidden and exciting, i never did anything with her though, but if i wanted to i could have.

So maybe i am just identifying with past experiences, but i would say that he is cheating or he wouldn't do this half truth/half lies about meeting his ex, besides, if she worries about it and he doesn't have any kids with her he should be more considerate.

IMO of course.

He has no kids, cause he can't have kids. Which I should note was almost a deal breaker for Melissa, but she said "yes" regardless 🙁

I feel so sorry for her. She doesn't get her dream of having kids and a happy relationship... she just gets screwed on the weekends and tossed aside during the week. Poor gal 🙁

And she's pretty damn good looking and super smart too!

I hope this doesn't offend you, but are you in love with her?

 

[brunswickite]

Originally posted by: Klixxer

Originally posted by: ajayjuneja

Originally posted by: Klixxer

Originally posted by: Skoorb
You just can't know for sure, but I voted yes. Something about ex-wifes is that I almost don't even think it would be cheating. I mean you've had sex with them in the past so much...ah, it just doesn't seem as bad.

Anyway he's probably having some nostalgia screws with her.

I would be extremely surprised if he isn't cheating considering the lies when has spent time with his ex.

After i got divorced me and ex were like two horndogs around eachother, it was forbidden and exciting, i never did anything with her though, but if i wanted to i could have.

So maybe i am just identifying with past experiences, but i would say that he is cheating or he wouldn't do this half truth/half lies about meeting his ex, besides, if she worries about it and he doesn't have any kids with her he should be more considerate.

IMO of course.

He has no kids, cause he can't have kids. Which I should note was almost a deal breaker for Melissa, but she said "yes" regardless 🙁

I feel so sorry for her. She doesn't get her dream of having kids and a happy relationship... she just gets screwed on the weekends and tossed aside during the week. Poor gal 🙁

And she's pretty damn good looking and super smart too!

I hope this doesn't offend you, but are you in love with her?

was gonna ask this also.

 

[ajayjuneja]

Originally posted by: Klixxer

Originally posted by: ajayjuneja

Originally posted by: Klixxer

Originally posted by: Skoorb
You just can't know for sure, but I voted yes. Something about ex-wifes is that I almost don't even think it would be cheating. I mean you've had sex with them in the past so much...ah, it just doesn't seem as bad.

Anyway he's probably having some nostalgia screws with her.

I would be extremely surprised if he isn't cheating considering the lies when has spent time with his ex.

After i got divorced me and ex were like two horndogs around eachother, it was forbidden and exciting, i never did anything with her though, but if i wanted to i could have.

So maybe i am just identifying with past experiences, but i would say that he is cheating or he wouldn't do this half truth/half lies about meeting his ex, besides, if she worries about it and he doesn't have any kids with her he should be more considerate.

IMO of course.

He has no kids, cause he can't have kids. Which I should note was almost a deal breaker for Melissa, but she said "yes" regardless 🙁

I feel so sorry for her. She doesn't get her dream of having kids and a happy relationship... she just gets screwed on the weekends and tossed aside during the week. Poor gal 🙁

And she's pretty damn good looking and super smart too!

I hope this doesn't offend you, but are you in love with her?

No, I'm not in love with her. I love her as a friend, and I just want to see her get the happiness I think she deserves, cause she's a really nice gal.

 

[ajayjuneja]

Originally posted by: brunswickite

Originally posted by: Klixxer
[
I hope this doesn't offend you, but are you in love with her?

was gonna ask this also.

I was wondering why you said "Make your move afterwards..."

wasn't on my mind to do....

 

[brunswickite]

Originally posted by: ajayjuneja

Originally posted by: Klixxer

Originally posted by: ajayjuneja

Originally posted by: Klixxer

Originally posted by: Skoorb
You just can't know for sure, but I voted yes. Something about ex-wifes is that I almost don't even think it would be cheating. I mean you've had sex with them in the past so much...ah, it just doesn't seem as bad.

Anyway he's probably having some nostalgia screws with her.

I would be extremely surprised if he isn't cheating considering the lies when has spent time with his ex.

After i got divorced me and ex were like two horndogs around eachother, it was forbidden and exciting, i never did anything with her though, but if i wanted to i could have.

So maybe i am just identifying with past experiences, but i would say that he is cheating or he wouldn't do this half truth/half lies about meeting his ex, besides, if she worries about it and he doesn't have any kids with her he should be more considerate.

IMO of course.

He has no kids, cause he can't have kids. Which I should note was almost a deal breaker for Melissa, but she said "yes" regardless 🙁

I feel so sorry for her. She doesn't get her dream of having kids and a happy relationship... she just gets screwed on the weekends and tossed aside during the week. Poor gal 🙁

And she's pretty damn good looking and super smart too!

I hope this doesn't offend you, but are you in love with her?

No, I'm not in love with her. I love her as a friend, and I just want to see her get the happiness I think she deserves, cause she's a really nice gal.

assuming she is not with her husband.
if she asked to sleep with you would you decline, becasue you dont want to ruin the friendship?

 

[rh71]

cheating ? Not sure... but I'm thinking from his point of view... out of sight, out of mind. When's he done with law school ? They need to spend more time together for anything to change. That much is obvious.

 

[Klixxer]

Originally posted by: ajayjuneja

Originally posted by: Klixxer

Originally posted by: ajayjuneja

Originally posted by: Klixxer

Originally posted by: Skoorb
You just can't know for sure, but I voted yes. Something about ex-wifes is that I almost don't even think it would be cheating. I mean you've had sex with them in the past so much...ah, it just doesn't seem as bad.

Anyway he's probably having some nostalgia screws with her.

I would be extremely surprised if he isn't cheating considering the lies when has spent time with his ex.

After i got divorced me and ex were like two horndogs around eachother, it was forbidden and exciting, i never did anything with her though, but if i wanted to i could have.

So maybe i am just identifying with past experiences, but i would say that he is cheating or he wouldn't do this half truth/half lies about meeting his ex, besides, if she worries about it and he doesn't have any kids with her he should be more considerate.

IMO of course.

He has no kids, cause he can't have kids. Which I should note was almost a deal breaker for Melissa, but she said "yes" regardless 🙁

I feel so sorry for her. She doesn't get her dream of having kids and a happy relationship... she just gets screwed on the weekends and tossed aside during the week. Poor gal 🙁

And she's pretty damn good looking and super smart too!

I hope this doesn't offend you, but are you in love with her?

No, I'm not in love with her. I love her as a friend, and I just want to see her get the happiness I think she deserves, cause she's a really nice gal.

If so the best thing is to support and be there for her no matter what she does, be honest if she asks for advice, she will need to talk to you and you should tell her what you have told us about her, that she is a great girl.

Friends like you are rare and she is lucky to have you, she's going to need you.

 

[ajayjuneja]

Originally posted by: brunswickite

assuming she is not with her husband.
if she asked to sleep with you would you decline, becasue you dont want to ruin the friendship?

If she were not with her husband I wouldn't be surprised if she asked to sleep with me at some point after that.

Would I say yes? Only if I can make the commitment to her she would want, and if the risk for loosing her as a friend is minimized.

 

[ajayjuneja]

Originally posted by: Klixxer

If so the best thing is to support and be there for her no matter what she does, be honest if she asks for advice, she will need to talk to you and you should tell her what you have told us about her, that she is a great girl.

Friends like you are rare and she is lucky to have you, she's going to need you.

I am honestly concerned that she will fall in love with me once the sh!t hits the can... so see my post above for how I'd react about that.

 

[brunswickite]

Originally posted by: ajayjuneja

Originally posted by: brunswickite

assuming she is not with her husband.
if she asked to sleep with you would you decline, becasue you dont want to ruin the friendship?

If she were not with her husband I wouldn't be surprised if she asked to sleep with me at some point after that.

Would I say yes? Only if I can make the commitment to her she would want, and if the risk for loosing her as a friend is minimized.

if you really mean that then you are good guy and she is lucky to have a friend like that, If her husband is an azzhole cheat then she will def vent to you alot.

Good luck to her.


keep us updated.

 

[Klixxer]

Originally posted by: ajayjuneja

Originally posted by: Klixxer

If so the best thing is to support and be there for her no matter what she does, be honest if she asks for advice, she will need to talk to you and you should tell her what you have told us about her, that she is a great girl.

Friends like you are rare and she is lucky to have you, she's going to need you.

I am honestly concerned that she will fall in love with me once the sh!t hits the can... so see my post above for how I'd react about that.

You have the choice of being rebound boy or a true friend, the choice is yours.

Remember that one night in heaven isn't neccessarily worth loosing a friend over, but i am not you and i am not in your situation, only you can decide on this.

My advice is to be her friend and nothing more, flirt with her if you want to, definently compliment her, maybe after some time things will change and the two of you might hit it off, but if it happens now or to soon you will just be her rebound boy and trust me when i say that you don't want to be that if you care and want to stay friends with her.

 

[Cyberian]

Originally posted by: ajayjuneja
Hey all,

Sam is showing a lot of signs of potential cheating in my book -- he leaves the house at 6am, comes back home at 11pm - midnight during the week, and only spends the weekends really with "Elle." Given the number of hours in there, there's ample time in there for him to get some lunch-time nookie from his ex-wife (who I should note is extremely needy).

I'm confused.
Do you mean"Elle" here, or "Mellisa"?

 

[ajayjuneja]

Originally posted by: Cyberian

Originally posted by: ajayjuneja
Hey all,

Sam is showing a lot of signs of potential cheating in my book -- he leaves the house at 6am, comes back home at 11pm - midnight during the week, and only spends the weekends really with "Elle." Given the number of hours in there, there's ample time in there for him to get some lunch-time nookie from his ex-wife (who I should note is extremely needy).

I'm confused.
Do you mean"Elle" here, or "Mellisa"?

Melissa. Thanks, fixed my original post... sorry!