SHALLOW?!
Yeah I know. Of course 10 years later I look at it and laugh but at the time it was like "gross!" and so there was other girls that werent "gross". And so now when I see how rude and cruel kids are I just have to remind myself that I wasnt mature enough until later in HS... so to give em a little slack.YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
no
I don't know
I don't know, nor care. (Damn--that means I just wasted 25 seconds replying.)
EDIT: Sorry--I'm on spring break, I don't sleep nights, and I'm a little bit tipsy (yes, I'm well aware that it's 11:00 AM). You should ignore me. But I'd say it's wrong to go through all that e-mail--difficult not to finish once you start reading--but still wrong. If you find that you're not forgeting about it, and your comfort level is not returning to normal within a few weeks, you might need to spill your guts or it will kill the relationship. I think the key, though, is that your gut says she didn't cheat, and you should let that guide either your personal recovery from your own transgression, or let it guide your conversation with her about your transgression. (You see why I say I don't know whether you should tell her?) Well, good luck with this. Hope your dick doesn't fall off cuz she caught something cheating. J/K.
no
I don't know
I don't know, nor care. (Damn--that means I just wasted 25 seconds replying.)
EDIT: Sorry--I'm on spring break, I don't sleep nights, and I'm a little bit tipsy (yes, I'm well aware that it's 11:00 AM). You should ignore me. But I'd say it's wrong to go through all that e-mail--difficult not to finish once you start reading--but still wrong. If you find that you're not forgeting about it, and your comfort level is not returning to normal within a few weeks, you might need to spill your guts or it will kill the relationship. I think the key, though, is that your gut says she didn't cheat, and you should let that guide either your personal recovery from your own transgression, or let it guide your conversation with her about your transgression. (You see why I say I don't know whether you should tell her?) Well, good luck with this. Hope your dick doesn't fall off cuz she caught something cheating. J/K.
Nitemare
Lifer
- Feb 8, 2001
- 35,461
- 4
- 81
Except thr fact that you have posted this on the internet for all the world to see, including her a few years down the row.
You two will laugh about it and you will find out that Jeff is actually a gay guy who all the women were after in high school and was nicknamed the prospect...She will tell you that she did behave in Arizona and that the only time she cheated with you was the one time she got drunk with your dad and he banged her 4 ways to kingdom come. You will both chuckle and start to see how silly you were and start to make wild passionate love by the fireplace while you imagine your dad screwing her....
You're a loser, everyone has the temptation to be paranoid, but damn man you took it way to far.
If there was ever any questions about your insanity, this clears it all up. It isn't even the jealousy, intrusion of privacy or stalking as much as how much you've revealed about yourself. Please seek help. You sound like you're literally going crazy. Your story is all over the place. This is sad.... With two "normal" people and one person just the bad guy, I would say she would just dump your a$$. But this one's beyond just dumping you. I would be scared if I were she. You have an entirely different perception of your relationship, which makes me question the depth of it. Perhaps it isn't as you think it, especially when she's told you that it isn't exclusive? Well, whatever it is, please get help because this goes beyond her, but your relationship is just a comfortable hiding place and a good scapegoat.
Edit: Oops! I don't know how a post intended for another thread got in here.
Shut off your brain. Your gut is right, learn to be a man and trust your gut. Your brain is for things like figuring out how to best apply duct tape and WD-40. Your gut is for figuring out how relationships are going to happen.
You COMPLETELY NEGLECT TO INFORM HER that you read her emails. That is suicide. Your gut should tell you this if it is functioning properly.
She did not cheat on you. Period. If she had, it would've been damn clear that she had, women love telling stories. Consider it tit for tat with your idiotic move of reading her email. You fvcked up, she fvcked up, life goes on.
If you've discussed FVCKING BABY NAMES, you're her choice and you have no real grounds to fvck with that.
Oh, and while you're growing a pair, try to learn how to trust people. You don't have to trust everybody; in fact, don't trust anybody except her. It'll work out better that way.
You COMPLETELY NEGLECT TO INFORM HER that you read her emails. That is suicide. Your gut should tell you this if it is functioning properly.
She did not cheat on you. Period. If she had, it would've been damn clear that she had, women love telling stories. Consider it tit for tat with your idiotic move of reading her email. You fvcked up, she fvcked up, life goes on.
If you've discussed FVCKING BABY NAMES, you're her choice and you have no real grounds to fvck with that.
Oh, and while you're growing a pair, try to learn how to trust people. You don't have to trust everybody; in fact, don't trust anybody except her. It'll work out better that way.
reading her email was wrong.
I don't think you should tell her that you read her email, but whatever doubts you have, I think you shoul talk to your girl about it.
I don't think you should tell her that you read her email, but whatever doubts you have, I think you shoul talk to your girl about it.
AMDZen
Lifer
- Apr 15, 2004
- 12,589
- 0
- 76
OK I see that your all "done" with this, pretending it never happened, etc. But I still think she did cheat on you. Well, it depends on how you define "cheating". See for me, if my gf went off to a wedding, got drunk and then ended up talking to some guy, who then put the move on her, kissed her. At which time she kisses back, but then perhaps says no after 5 seconds or something and says "I have a BF and I love him". I could forgive that. After a healthy dose of screaming, and then make-up secks. But she could have done more then that, on that I can't tell.
What I am sure about, however, was the statement she made regarding YOUR behavior after drinking. A previous poster or two touched on this, and I completely agree with them. She wouldn't have said anything like that unless she had done something similar. Trust me on this.
I don't know if that means you can trust her or not, because she may feel the same way I do in that if she just kissed, for no longer then 5 seconds mind you , then I could forgive that. And I would expect my gf to do the same for me. But she is hiding something. I would delve into why she asked that question a little personally, but you run the risk of it ending your relationship. Which is a must IMO, because I couldn't marry a girl that slept with another guy. Secks is too far, kissing is something that can be forgiven. You need to know which it was, because I'm 99.9% sure it was something. Pray it was just a kiss.
What I am sure about, however, was the statement she made regarding YOUR behavior after drinking. A previous poster or two touched on this, and I completely agree with them. She wouldn't have said anything like that unless she had done something similar. Trust me on this.
I don't know if that means you can trust her or not, because she may feel the same way I do in that if she just kissed, for no longer then 5 seconds mind you
, then I could forgive that. And I would expect my gf to do the same for me. But she is hiding something. I would delve into why she asked that question a little personally, but you run the risk of it ending your relationship. Which is a must IMO, because I couldn't marry a girl that slept with another guy. Secks is too far, kissing is something that can be forgiven. You need to know which it was, because I'm 99.9% sure it was something. Pray it was just a kiss.
HomeBrewerDude
Lifer
- Jan 18, 2001
- 14,465
- 1
- 0
1) Be honest with yourself why you read and OBSESSED, over her emails. You are probably a very insecure person. In other words, you don't have the balls to trust another person, and will be insecure in any relationship until you get some cajones. You violated her privacy, and now you have feelings of guilt on top of the feelings of insecurity you started off with.
2) You should come clean with her, and if she has any sense at all, she will leave you for good. You should tell her everything anyways.
2) You should come clean with her, and if she has any sense at all, she will leave you for good. You should tell her everything anyways.
If you read her emails today, you'd see where I forwarded a link to this thread and a warning to get away.
Geekbabe
Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
You sit her down and tell her that you cannot see quitting your job and moving with her to another city while she completes her resdincey without a clear cut agreement that you are exclusive. You might also now want to sit down and talk money with the lady as she is going to be a high earning doctor and you have only just begun making fiscal sacrifices
in the name of furthering her career.
I wouldn't move without an engagement being announced.
in the name of furthering her career.
I wouldn't move without an engagement being announced.
Geekbabe
Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
I disagree, doctors in training live hellish lives.She was wise to insist on remaining non-exclusive while she was in training.However, the OP is now talking about having to quit his own job, a job he likes a lot and move with her so that she might complete her residency.. that's a huge career hit in favor of her, the OP is naturally going to now be having issues. As far as being mad or worried that she "cheated" on him, I'd say the OP has no grounds to even discuss the issue as the relationship was not exclusive.
However, going forward I say he needs to clarify with the lady what her intentions are.If she's not ready to become engaged and exclusive he'd be a fool to move,to give up his interests in favor of supporting hers.
Why don't you just stay with her, but start getting some on the side whenever the opportunity arises. Your relationship won't work out, but at least you won't be so attached when it crumbles.
seems to me youre taking this relationship way too seriously with her level of commitment. its obvious she has been clear about your status.
she was gone on valentines day, talking about resenting you and seeing another guy. youre not the one.
she was gone on valentines day, talking about resenting you and seeing another guy. youre not the one.
Don't tellher what you did...it was a mistake, things happen...don't do it again. everyone gets paranoid from time to time.
What I would do>?
Sit down with her and ask her where you think "this" is going. If she asks where this is coming from, just tell you you've been thinking bout it for a while.
At that point, you'll nkow for certain. If she is hesitant at all, leave her.
What I would do>?
Sit down with her and ask her where you think "this" is going. If she asks where this is coming from, just tell you you've been thinking bout it for a while.
At that point, you'll nkow for certain. If she is hesitant at all, leave her.
*UPDATE* I'm running on zero sleep right now.... I went up there around 10 last night and we talked until the morning. I did not tell her I read her email.... and you guys can say whatever you want about that. It was a stupid thing to do... I will not do it again, it was wrong, but telling her will only do damage... it won't help anything.
I did however work my way to the issues that I found in the email... and as always the conclusion should have been. Don't jump to conclusions....
First to clear something up... we are NOT in an open relationship. She has a weird family... who believes that you should always be dating other people, and be on the lookout for someone better up until the point where you get engaged. This is a reality that has been pushed on her day in day out by her mother especially since the beginning of the relationship. The push to be able to date other guys has come from that... but she decided back in September... when she was supposed to date this guy "Jeff" who she was set up with... that she wasn't going to be with anyone but me. She did meet the guy Jeff, but it wasn't a date.... and NOTHING happened. She thought he was a cool guy, and was feeling pressure from all kinds of directions to date him, but she didnt she stayed loyal to me. AND I BELIEVE HER.
Then february she was at the wedding.... and in the past every wedding she went to was date prospecting heaven.... in this case this guy Jeff was there, and the pressure to approach was again applied. All her friends were taking bets on who was gonna make out with who... including her friends with boyfriends back home... This whole thing freaked her out and prompted her to call me... However the whole time the only guy she was thinking about was me... and again nothing even came close to happening. AND I BELIEVE HER.
She is still very shaky on whether I'm the "one". She's concerned about a couple of issues they are.... 1.) How I am with money, and if I'm a "go-getter". 2.) I'm messy.
This lead to a whole other discussion/problem... but thats the subject for another YAGT at another time.
So basically I was waaaay off base. And I feel like an asshole. You guys can flame me all you want... but this whole flipping your life upside down thing has me pretty twisted, and I just plain snapped a little there.
But it does seem I was jumping the gun a bit on the whole proposal thing.... we're not ready yet. I find out tommorow where she matches... and from that I'll have an idea exactly how much time we have left to get it right.
*Update*
I did however work my way to the issues that I found in the email... and as always the conclusion should have been. Don't jump to conclusions....
First to clear something up... we are NOT in an open relationship. She has a weird family... who believes that you should always be dating other people, and be on the lookout for someone better up until the point where you get engaged. This is a reality that has been pushed on her day in day out by her mother especially since the beginning of the relationship. The push to be able to date other guys has come from that... but she decided back in September... when she was supposed to date this guy "Jeff" who she was set up with... that she wasn't going to be with anyone but me. She did meet the guy Jeff, but it wasn't a date.... and NOTHING happened. She thought he was a cool guy, and was feeling pressure from all kinds of directions to date him, but she didnt she stayed loyal to me. AND I BELIEVE HER.
Then february she was at the wedding.... and in the past every wedding she went to was date prospecting heaven.... in this case this guy Jeff was there, and the pressure to approach was again applied. All her friends were taking bets on who was gonna make out with who... including her friends with boyfriends back home... This whole thing freaked her out and prompted her to call me... However the whole time the only guy she was thinking about was me... and again nothing even came close to happening. AND I BELIEVE HER.
She is still very shaky on whether I'm the "one". She's concerned about a couple of issues they are.... 1.) How I am with money, and if I'm a "go-getter". 2.) I'm messy.
This lead to a whole other discussion/problem... but thats the subject for another YAGT at another time.
So basically I was waaaay off base. And I feel like an asshole. You guys can flame me all you want... but this whole flipping your life upside down thing has me pretty twisted, and I just plain snapped a little there.
But it does seem I was jumping the gun a bit on the whole proposal thing.... we're not ready yet. I find out tommorow where she matches... and from that I'll have an idea exactly how much time we have left to get it right.
*Update*
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