YAGT: I'm single again...

weirdichi

Diamond Member
Sep 19, 2001
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Never thought I'd post a YAGT thread, but I have to just let it out. Hard to explain, but it's about cultural/family diffrences, if that makes any sense at all. I know her209 will understand, since he is Hmong also. Basically we can't date/marry a certain clan because of some stupid reason our ancestors made up. Yeah, pisses me off. I don't know what to feel right now. It'll probably hit me hard later. Thanks for reading. :(
 

AMDZen

Lifer
Apr 15, 2004
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If your breaking up because of religious or cultural reasons, and you love her - then your making a dumb move. Religion is not important, culture, race, creed, color - none of it is important. Your family, or her family - which ever family it is, or both - should be more then ashamed of themselves. If it were my family, they'd never hear the end of it.
 

sixone

Lifer
May 3, 2004
25,030
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One door closes, one door opens. Have a good cry, then pick yourself up and move on. Life ain't over till it's over.
 

weirdichi

Diamond Member
Sep 19, 2001
4,711
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Originally posted by: joshsquall
I feel your pain. My girlfriend and I just broke up for religious reasons. Sucks that "love is not enough" sometimes.

If only it was that simple... *siiiigh*
 

vi edit

Elite Member
Super Moderator
Oct 28, 1999
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Originally posted by: AMDZen
If your breaking up because of religious or cultural reasons, and you love her - then your making a dumb move. Religion is not important, culture, race, creed, color - none of it is important. Your family, or her family - which ever family it is, or both - should be more then ashamed of themselves. If it were my family, they'd never hear the end of it.

If one person is deeply religous, and the other is not, it will not be a very pleasant marriage. Or if one person is incredibly devout to one religion and the other to a different one, it could be very stressful as well.

If you aren't a religious person, or haven't dated a very religious one, you wouldn't understand.
 

weirdichi

Diamond Member
Sep 19, 2001
4,711
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Originally posted by: AMDZen
If your breaking up because of religious or cultural reasons, and you love her - then your making a dumb move. Religion is not important, culture, race, creed, color - none of it is important. Your family, or her family - which ever family it is, or both - should be more then ashamed of themselves. If it were my family, they'd never hear the end of it.

That is true, but you've got to understand the Hmong culture first. The wedding is mostly planned by the relatives. And what they say has a huge part in everything. Basically, the groom sits idely by and is ignored. All the rules and negotiating and everything goes through the parents/grandparents/relatives. And when that happens, all sorts of animal sh|t hits the fan. It ain't pretty. It's kinda hard to explain.
 

slycat

Diamond Member
Jul 18, 2001
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Originally posted by: slycat
people in this day and age still care about CLANS?

another question, how the heck do u know what 'clan' an asian is from just by looking? Duh, just feign ignorance. Just coz your ancestors were in a particular clan don't mean u naturally are in it too. Did both ya'll go through the clan rituals or what?
 

slycat

Diamond Member
Jul 18, 2001
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Originally posted by: weirdichi
That is true, but you've got to understand the Hmong culture first. The wedding is mostly planned by the relatives. And what they say has a huge part in everything. Basically, the groom sits idely by and is ignored. All the rules and negotiating and everything goes through the parents/grandparents/relatives. And when that happens, all sorts of animal sh|t hits the fan. It ain't pretty. It's kinda hard to explain.

so?...have the balls to drive up to vegas and get married. :D
 

AMDZen

Lifer
Apr 15, 2004
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Originally posted by: weirdichi
Originally posted by: AMDZen
If your breaking up because of religious or cultural reasons, and you love her - then your making a dumb move. Religion is not important, culture, race, creed, color - none of it is important. Your family, or her family - which ever family it is, or both - should be more then ashamed of themselves. If it were my family, they'd never hear the end of it.

That is true, but you've got to understand the Hmong culture first. The wedding is mostly planned by the relatives. And what they say has a huge part in everything. Basically, the groom sits idely by and is ignored. All the rules and negotiating and everything goes through the parents/grandparents/relatives. And when that happens, all sorts of animal sh|t hits the fan. It ain't pretty. It's kinda hard to explain.

Yea, it is. I don't know what religion it is or what, Hmong means nothing to me. I can only assume that this is asian. Asian religion's are all messed up IMO. They have WAYYYY to much tradition, stemmed from fear and hatred of other races and creeds. Now granted, there is still some of that in AMerica, but very little - and is changing all the time. You go to China and your hard pressed to see 2 white people your whole visit. The same with any middle eastern country.

All I know is - this yet again proves my point that religion is responsible for more then 90% of the worlds problems. It amazes me that people don't see that.

And to the person above regarding religion - your right, and wrong. It depends on the religions I guess. I personally don't understand that, I'm agnostic but have dated deeply devout Christians with no problems - just don't expect me to join you in church and that is all. I would want to raise my children as Christians (or something, if she is Catholic that is fine too) any way, so if I got married - that wouldn't be an issue either. I'd simply want to grind values into them at a young age. Afterall, my parents did the same - it wasn't until I became older that I decided, for MYSELF, how I felt about it all.

I have a good friend right now who is a devout Christian, and who is marrying into a devout Jewish family. I know it will work out fine, but yet one believes Jesus is the son of god, and the other believes him to be a heretic. One celebrates Christmas, and one Haunakah (sp?) and yet they have worked this all out, they are celebrating both. It doesn't get too much more culturally diverse (as far as religion) then that, and yet they aren't the only couple I know who have united under these circumstances.

Make excuses if you like - like I said, it depends on how strongly you feel about the girl - I would disown my family if they forced that stance upon me. Luckily, my family would never put me in such a pathetic possition. Sorry if that comes off a little harsh, its like you said - I just don't understand.
 

lowfatbaconboy

Golden Member
Oct 21, 2000
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Originally posted by: vi_edit
If one person is deeply religous, and the other is not, it will not be a very pleasant marriage. Or if one person is incredibly devout to one religion and the other to a different one, it could be very stressful as well.

If you aren't a religious person, or haven't dated a very religious one, you wouldn't understand.

yea ive had a less serious dating relationship go that way...she said "god wouldn't want us to be together"
(b/c im atheist)

we didn't really get in fights over religious stuff or anything she just....freaked out on me
 

lowfatbaconboy

Golden Member
Oct 21, 2000
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hell my gf broke up with me recently b/c im an engineering major and she is not (so she has a lot more time on her hands)
and she would complain that i wouldn't come out and party with her on weeknights....or complain when i would be really busy on weekdays

meh

not exactly about clans or races....but sorta similar...maybe...kinda...
 

Darthvoy

Golden Member
Aug 3, 2004
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Originally posted by: joshsquall
I feel your pain. My girlfriend and I just broke up for religious reasons. Sucks that "love is not enough" sometimes.

OMG...My current G/F is threatening to break up with me if I don't go to church with her...
 

Yax

Platinum Member
Feb 11, 2003
2,866
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Originally posted by: shimsham
what are you, hatfield and mccoys?

No silly, he's Chai Vang!

Anyway dude, sorry to hear about that. Probably some superstition like if you two got married, you'd have a bad life or a short one. Tis aight, just show your parents by marrying someone of a different culture. ;)
 

JulesMaximus

No Lifer
Jul 3, 2003
74,573
972
126
Originally posted by: weirdichi
Originally posted by: AMDZen
If your breaking up because of religious or cultural reasons, and you love her - then your making a dumb move. Religion is not important, culture, race, creed, color - none of it is important. Your family, or her family - which ever family it is, or both - should be more then ashamed of themselves. If it were my family, they'd never hear the end of it.

That is true, but you've got to understand the Hmong culture first. The wedding is mostly planned by the relatives. And what they say has a huge part in everything. Basically, the groom sits idely by and is ignored. All the rules and negotiating and everything goes through the parents/grandparents/relatives. And when that happens, all sorts of animal sh|t hits the fan. It ain't pretty. It's kinda hard to explain.

Wow, that's fvcked up.
 

Kadarin

Lifer
Nov 23, 2001
44,296
16
81
Originally posted by: joshsquall
Originally posted by: Darthvoy
Originally posted by: joshsquall
I feel your pain. My girlfriend and I just broke up for religious reasons. Sucks that "love is not enough" sometimes.

OMG...My current G/F is threatening to break up with me if I don't go to church with her...

If you're not as religious as her, and don't think you ever will be, you should probably end it now. Especially if she's in a bible study or hangs out with a lot of other christian girls. They will eventually convince her that your relationship will never please God, if you aren't on the same spiritual level.

I agree, it's better to end it now. People who believe in God are typically either very much unwilling or otherwise completely unable to understand the thought processes of those who do not. And vice versa.
 

Yax

Platinum Member
Feb 11, 2003
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Originally posted by: Astaroth33
Originally posted by: joshsquall
Originally posted by: Darthvoy
Originally posted by: joshsquall
I feel your pain. My girlfriend and I just broke up for religious reasons. Sucks that "love is not enough" sometimes.

OMG...My current G/F is threatening to break up with me if I don't go to church with her...

If you're not as religious as her, and don't think you ever will be, you should probably end it now. Especially if she's in a bible study or hangs out with a lot of other christian girls. They will eventually convince her that your relationship will never please God, if you aren't on the same spiritual level.

I agree, it's better to end it now. People who believe in God are typically either very much unwilling or otherwise completely unable to understand the thought processes of those who do not. And vice versa.

But if she's hot and she's giving it up, why give up a good thing? I'd rather ride it as long as I can. Eithier till I get tired of it or till she decides she's too good for me.