OK, I never thought I'd start one of these, but here goes. I was just recently introduced to a girl by mutual friends. We talked on the phone a lot for a week before we finally met each other, and I liked her. So we finally met, and things got uh.......intense....quickly. OK, I got her in bed the first time I met her in person to put it bluntly. Now, I've slept with this girl a few times now over the past two weeks, but I'm starting to come to the realization that I don't really want to be in a relationship with this girl. She's cool and everything, but there is just no spark there for me.
I thought there would be when we talked on the phone, but now I'm finding out there isn't. Usually when I like someone I want to be close to them, I remember what they say, do little things for them, and enjoy their company all the time. But, with this girl, I don't care if I spend time with her, I haven't gone out of my way to make her feel special like I usually do, and I find myself wishing she'd just be quiet when she talks. Plus there are a few things I'm finding out that I thought I'd be OK with, but it turns out I'm really like. For example, she has a 4 year old son, and it's extremelly hard for me to get used to that. I've never dated someone with a kid before, and I'm finding out now that I wasn't as ready for it as I thought I was going to be. Plus she recently told me that her goal in life is to be a house wife and have her husband provide everything for her. LOL, I'm sorry, but that dream world isn't happening with me. So what it boils down to is, I don't really want to date/sleep/whatever with this girl anymore.
The rub is, she's really getting into me. She likes me a lot, and she wants more. I feel like a total jerk that I've let it get this far, and now I have to tell this girl that I'm just not feeling it. But what really is tearing me up is that I know that ending this with this girl is going to piss off the mutual friend that hooked us up. She really wanted this to work between us, because she thinks this girl needs a good guy in her life for her and her son. I'm starting to become good friends with this mutual friend and her husband, and I don't want to mess that up because they are cool people I like hanging out with, but I think this is going to make them think pretty badly of me if I break this girl's heart. (BTW, they don't know this girl and I have slept together, but if I break it off, she'd probably tell them).
So how can I handle this situation delicately? I think my biggest concern is pissing of the mutual friend. I want that friendship to continue, but I feel I could jeopardize it. Have I just created a totally screwed situation all on my own that there is no good way out of without pissing some people off? Or is there a way I can handle this without coming off like a total a$$hole?
****UPDATE*****
So, today at work she keeps text messaging me cheery things, etc. I finally tell her that I am going to need to talk to her later. She asks why. I say that its something best talked about over the phone, that's all I said. Well then she flipped! I get three messages in a row (yes, all caps):
"WHAT IS IT ABOUT? U R SCARING ME! IM SO ABOUT 2 CRY & I DONT KNOW WHY!"
Then
"THANKS 4 TOTALLY FvCKIN UP MY DAY LIKE IT WASNT FvCKED UP ENOUGH!"
and then after I said "That wasnt my intention"
"well u helped & now Im just goin home now I cant deal with this FvCKIN SH!T!"
Oh man, she's getting this worked up after I said I needed to talk to her about something, I can imagine what the real conversation is going to be like. Damn, I think I got a Fatal Attraction on my hands! I'm scared!
***Second Update****
Well, I was at lunch, and she insisted we talk about it then, so we did. I broke it to her easy. For the most part it went OK, and she was rational, but she did try to guilt trip me a bit. She said about how she must be screwed up, and that she should be used to being rejected because she gets rejected all the time. I hope this is the end of it, and she doesn't flip after this.
***Third Update***
Well I figured that wasn't the end of it, why would it be that easy? So she just called me, drunk. Apparently she went and got all drunk and decided to call me up because it gave her "balls" as she put it. She kept saying "you don't like me, and you thought I was lousy in bed." Then she said "well who are you sleeping with?!"
So then, she says "well I just want you for sex, can I have that?" Well me, knowing obviously that isn't all she wants me for (someone who just wants you for sex doesn't freak out like this when you break it off), told her that I just couldn't do that, because I knew that she wanted more, and I didn't think it would be fair to her to continue at all. She then insisted I hated her, blah blah blah. Then she hung up. I have a feeling this isn't over.
Damn, why do I have to find the nutso ones? And this was a hook-up from a friend? DAMN!! She is getting a talking to when she gets back from vacation!
I thought there would be when we talked on the phone, but now I'm finding out there isn't. Usually when I like someone I want to be close to them, I remember what they say, do little things for them, and enjoy their company all the time. But, with this girl, I don't care if I spend time with her, I haven't gone out of my way to make her feel special like I usually do, and I find myself wishing she'd just be quiet when she talks. Plus there are a few things I'm finding out that I thought I'd be OK with, but it turns out I'm really like. For example, she has a 4 year old son, and it's extremelly hard for me to get used to that. I've never dated someone with a kid before, and I'm finding out now that I wasn't as ready for it as I thought I was going to be. Plus she recently told me that her goal in life is to be a house wife and have her husband provide everything for her. LOL, I'm sorry, but that dream world isn't happening with me. So what it boils down to is, I don't really want to date/sleep/whatever with this girl anymore.
The rub is, she's really getting into me. She likes me a lot, and she wants more. I feel like a total jerk that I've let it get this far, and now I have to tell this girl that I'm just not feeling it. But what really is tearing me up is that I know that ending this with this girl is going to piss off the mutual friend that hooked us up. She really wanted this to work between us, because she thinks this girl needs a good guy in her life for her and her son. I'm starting to become good friends with this mutual friend and her husband, and I don't want to mess that up because they are cool people I like hanging out with, but I think this is going to make them think pretty badly of me if I break this girl's heart. (BTW, they don't know this girl and I have slept together, but if I break it off, she'd probably tell them).
So how can I handle this situation delicately? I think my biggest concern is pissing of the mutual friend. I want that friendship to continue, but I feel I could jeopardize it. Have I just created a totally screwed situation all on my own that there is no good way out of without pissing some people off? Or is there a way I can handle this without coming off like a total a$$hole?
****UPDATE*****
So, today at work she keeps text messaging me cheery things, etc. I finally tell her that I am going to need to talk to her later. She asks why. I say that its something best talked about over the phone, that's all I said. Well then she flipped! I get three messages in a row (yes, all caps):
"WHAT IS IT ABOUT? U R SCARING ME! IM SO ABOUT 2 CRY & I DONT KNOW WHY!"
Then
"THANKS 4 TOTALLY FvCKIN UP MY DAY LIKE IT WASNT FvCKED UP ENOUGH!"
and then after I said "That wasnt my intention"
"well u helped & now Im just goin home now I cant deal with this FvCKIN SH!T!"
Oh man, she's getting this worked up after I said I needed to talk to her about something, I can imagine what the real conversation is going to be like. Damn, I think I got a Fatal Attraction on my hands! I'm scared!
***Second Update****
Well, I was at lunch, and she insisted we talk about it then, so we did. I broke it to her easy. For the most part it went OK, and she was rational, but she did try to guilt trip me a bit. She said about how she must be screwed up, and that she should be used to being rejected because she gets rejected all the time. I hope this is the end of it, and she doesn't flip after this.
***Third Update***
Well I figured that wasn't the end of it, why would it be that easy? So she just called me, drunk. Apparently she went and got all drunk and decided to call me up because it gave her "balls" as she put it. She kept saying "you don't like me, and you thought I was lousy in bed." Then she said "well who are you sleeping with?!"
So then, she says "well I just want you for sex, can I have that?" Well me, knowing obviously that isn't all she wants me for (someone who just wants you for sex doesn't freak out like this when you break it off), told her that I just couldn't do that, because I knew that she wanted more, and I didn't think it would be fair to her to continue at all. She then insisted I hated her, blah blah blah. Then she hung up. I have a feeling this isn't over.
Damn, why do I have to find the nutso ones? And this was a hook-up from a friend? DAMN!! She is getting a talking to when she gets back from vacation!
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