Well, what you guys don't understand is that the boyfriend is the one who's really calling the shots in all of this.. He doesn't return her phone calls, he blocks her out of his life. She recenlty lost her mother and her father abandoned her when she was a kid. She has no one and her boyfriend calls her too needy and can't handle it.. so it's more complicated than i'm letting on - she's giving up on trying to pull him close.. so I don't think this is an ass kicking situation.
yea but how long has this whole "fight" between the gf/bf been going on.
sometimes its just hard for a guy to deal with too many things at once.
hg321
Golden Member
- Oct 21, 2000
- 1,318
- 1
- 81
Originally posted by: munky
Originally posted by: aplefka
Originally posted by: SnoPearL69
Originally posted by: aplefka
Originally posted by: SnoPearL69
Yeah, it's true that a lot of girls don't do the whole forums thing. In fact, I don't either. I only post here because my bf is obsessed with this place and he introduced me to it. Not to make myself look stupid or anything, but I couldn't figure out how to quote you, gigapet, without picking up all the rest of the quotes in front of it. Point here is just that you shouldn't discredit what the gals say just because ATOT isn't a popular venue for women. I'm not some kind of stay-indoors super-nerd girl, I just post here when I have something to share. Girl posters here aren't necessarily different from "real" women. But truly, this place does scare off a lot of them haha. I used to be afraid to post hereAnyway, this isn't to say that I am all-knowing and represent all girls. It's just like guys can talk about how guys think and other guys will still disagree. If you disagree with what I said earlier, it should be the content you disagree with, not just the fact that I'm a girl that posts here.
Back to the topic at large, I'm sure that if a girl was to tell her girlfriends that she had a fight with her bf and was really upset, and she went to a nice guy for comfort, they'd all think the guy was really sweet. Now, if she was to add that she ended up hooking up with him in the process, she instantly turns into a "slut", even in the eyes of her closest friends (oh yes, you should hear how we say stuff about our slutty friends behind their backs). So, again, don't be upset that nothing happened sexually between you two, OP. I'm starting to worry that you're making such a big deal out of this... because it makes me wonder if you're more sexually attracted to her than anything else.
There are no girls on the internet. There are males, then males that pretend like they're females and post on ATOT. You can't fool us.
I have to tell you, the whole thing where guys on the forums use girl avatars IS a bit disturbing...
All the women I know on AT don't use women avatars, except Moshquerade. And Tami. And the other one who posts pics of herself all the time. So what I'm really trying to say I guess, is that it's very common.
But seriously, once you go into the friend zone you never get out. Why would you be friends with someone for 3 or 4 years then one day she just starts liking you as more than a friend? Doesn't happen, at least not in my world.
Funny, I always though moshquerade was some gay guy.... heheh. Anyway, back to the topic, I usually would agree that you can't go from the friend zone to boning the girl, but it happens, and it even happened to one of my friends. I think it depends on the personality of both people, and how they interact.
moshquerade is a girl??
hg321
Golden Member
- Oct 21, 2000
- 1,318
- 1
- 81
Originally posted by: munky
Originally posted by: aplefka
Originally posted by: SnoPearL69
Originally posted by: aplefka
Originally posted by: SnoPearL69
Yeah, it's true that a lot of girls don't do the whole forums thing. In fact, I don't either. I only post here because my bf is obsessed with this place and he introduced me to it. Not to make myself look stupid or anything, but I couldn't figure out how to quote you, gigapet, without picking up all the rest of the quotes in front of it. Point here is just that you shouldn't discredit what the gals say just because ATOT isn't a popular venue for women. I'm not some kind of stay-indoors super-nerd girl, I just post here when I have something to share. Girl posters here aren't necessarily different from "real" women. But truly, this place does scare off a lot of them haha. I used to be afraid to post here
Back to the topic at large, I'm sure that if a girl was to tell her girlfriends that she had a fight with her bf and was really upset, and she went to a nice guy for comfort, they'd all think the guy was really sweet. Now, if she was to add that she ended up hooking up with him in the process, she instantly turns into a "slut", even in the eyes of her closest friends (oh yes, you should hear how we say stuff about our slutty friends behind their backs). So, again, don't be upset that nothing happened sexually between you two, OP. I'm starting to worry that you're making such a big deal out of this... because it makes me wonder if you're more sexually attracted to her than anything else.
There are no girls on the internet. There are males, then males that pretend like they're females and post on ATOT. You can't fool us.
I have to tell you, the whole thing where guys on the forums use girl avatars IS a bit disturbing...
All the women I know on AT don't use women avatars, except Moshquerade. And Tami. And the other one who posts pics of herself all the time. So what I'm really trying to say I guess, is that it's very common.
But seriously, once you go into the friend zone you never get out. Why would you be friends with someone for 3 or 4 years then one day she just starts liking you as more than a friend? Doesn't happen, at least not in my world.
Funny, I always though moshquerade was some gay guy.... heheh. Anyway, back to the topic, I usually would agree that you can't go from the friend zone to boning the girl, but it happens, and it even happened to one of my friends. I think it depends on the personality of both people, and how they interact.
DP
That's what i'm telling her too man.. I really am being compassionate here and trying to help the guy out.. I keep on telling her to be patient and that she has to be empathetic. She keeps on saying that she tries but he won't give either. this has been going on for a few weeks now but now he's just not answering phone calls... they spoke and her end result was "i need to forget about him." What more can I do to be respectful? Hell, I dialed his cellphone number on my phone and handed it to her because she thought he was ignoring her caller-id number... I'm not going to mack it to her tomorrow. I'm going to be respectful of everyone's feelings, like I have in the past. But gentle flirting, warmth and human contact - i think it'll HELP her, and it'll make me happy too.
I hate to break it to you, but you're moving FAST and unless she's got quite a bit of time between beau's, you WILL be the rebound guy. Facts'o'life, bud.
OK, I didn't do anything YET... since I have a weird respect for Nik I'll actually take an ATOTers advice... i'll just buy her lunch and take her to the zoo.. i'll resist the temptation!
you're stuck. you keep hanging out with her without flirting and you'll end up as a friend. if you flirt with her and make progress, you'll likely end up being a rebound guy.
your only alternative is to cut off contact, but i guess that would be mean. if i were you and i liked the girl, i'd rather be the rebound guy than just her friend.
in any case, good luck and i hope you get what you want out of all of this.
ugh.. you're right... Rebound guy..I've never been that.. but... hmmm.. would this tactic possibly work? Show her a good time tomorrow.. be my normal witty self with a hint of flirtaciousness, then I just don't see her for a while until she's makes the move? if she doesn't make the move, so be it.
Interesting thread
I think you did the right thing. While I don't know if you were attracted first or were friends first, if you wanted to start a relationship with her, taking advantage of her while she was emotional and weak, wouldn't have helped that at all. You might have gotten sex out of it, but most girls are going to regret it, and feel guilty about it. I can honestly say I've never seen a lasting relationship start up with someone taking advantage of the other one when they are in a bad spot.
Now on the updates, you should just be her friend and go from there. You don't want to be the rebound guy, but then again, I've had rebound relationships last years.
As far as the friend zone goes, while not the ideal spot, its not actually a completely dead area. I think the problem is that most people in the "friends zone" are actually guys that want to go out with a girl and become her friend thinking, she will fall in love with him that way. They become the friend not because they want to be friends with the person but because they want a relationship. Problem is girls don't think that way. They don't say, I want to be your friend to go out with you. They think, he wants to be my friend because he wants to be my friend. The friend zone in this case isn't going to fetch you much luck.
But I've had relationships start with close female friends. Although I was never their friends to sleep with them, but friends. And more often than not, the situation resulted from something happening one night, and then deciding to see where it would lead. Sometimes it works, other times not so much. Although cases like that might not be the friend zone.
I think you did the right thing. While I don't know if you were attracted first or were friends first, if you wanted to start a relationship with her, taking advantage of her while she was emotional and weak, wouldn't have helped that at all. You might have gotten sex out of it, but most girls are going to regret it, and feel guilty about it. I can honestly say I've never seen a lasting relationship start up with someone taking advantage of the other one when they are in a bad spot.
Now on the updates, you should just be her friend and go from there. You don't want to be the rebound guy, but then again, I've had rebound relationships last years.
As far as the friend zone goes, while not the ideal spot, its not actually a completely dead area. I think the problem is that most people in the "friends zone" are actually guys that want to go out with a girl and become her friend thinking, she will fall in love with him that way. They become the friend not because they want to be friends with the person but because they want a relationship. Problem is girls don't think that way. They don't say, I want to be your friend to go out with you. They think, he wants to be my friend because he wants to be my friend. The friend zone in this case isn't going to fetch you much luck.
But I've had relationships start with close female friends. Although I was never their friends to sleep with them, but friends. And more often than not, the situation resulted from something happening one night, and then deciding to see where it would lead. Sometimes it works, other times not so much. Although cases like that might not be the friend zone.
Props for your patience! I have been down this road many times before.
You may find that as you wait and observe that your feelings change toward your friend.
That is, you may get comfortable as a friend and she starts seeing you as BF material.
Then you become the one that cannot see her as a GF. Dont dismiss it. It has happened to me.
You may find that as you wait and observe that your feelings change toward your friend.
That is, you may get comfortable as a friend and she starts seeing you as BF material.
Then you become the one that cannot see her as a GF. Dont dismiss it. It has happened to me.
Well, I know I have to relax and just see how things go. And that's what I plan on doing. This has been a weird experience, I'm not really sure how I feel about everything that's happened and how fast it happened..
i think if you like her, you should go for it.
/advice.
hahahaha. do what YOU feel you want to do. so what if its for a short while? what if it ends up being incredible?
/advice.
hahahaha. do what YOU feel you want to do. so what if its for a short while? what if it ends up being incredible?
i'd pull back a little because it sounds like you may still have a chance.
if you cant really do it pretend to be "busy and unreachable " for a couple of days or week. When you return from being "busy and unreachable" call her. But you have to preempt this with telling her that you 'll be busy and unreachable until <blank> day. So the whole time you are gone she is wanted to be with you and missing you. When you call her if she enthusiastically wants to see you invite her over right away. Tell her about all the fun you had while you were "busy and unreachable" . The last step if done right is to just pop in a movie play it cool and wait till she pounces on you.
By doing the above was the only time I ever managed to escape the friends zone.
if you cant really do it pretend to be "busy and unreachable " for a couple of days or week. When you return from being "busy and unreachable" call her. But you have to preempt this with telling her that you 'll be busy and unreachable until <blank> day. So the whole time you are gone she is wanted to be with you and missing you. When you call her if she enthusiastically wants to see you invite her over right away. Tell her about all the fun you had while you were "busy and unreachable" . The last step if done right is to just pop in a movie play it cool and wait till she pounces on you.
By doing the above was the only time I ever managed to escape the friends zone.
I'm not going to cancel my plans with her tomorrow - that's just rude. I also don't play games. I am genuinely a busy person so I won't be able to see her much anyways... These past few days have been intense for her so we've been constantly talking, i can't keep that up - i have a full time job I won't call her after tomorrow. i'll, of course, answer her calls.. but I don't want to be the pathetic one... i've been there.
I won't call her after tomorrow. i'll, of course, answer her calls.. but I don't want to be the pathetic one... i've been there.Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212
I'm not going to cancel my plans with her tomorrow - that's just rude. I also don't play games. I am genuinely a busy person so I won't be able to see her much anyways... These past few days have been intense for her so we've been constantly talking, i can't keep that up - i have a full time job
i agree dont break plans. However she wont miss you if you are not gone. Make her miss you!!!!
It's funny how the scenery changes when the OP adds that the boyfriend won't answer her calls, then she says to him, :I need to forget about him". Obviously you're the rebound guy... Which Nik already convinced you of.
That guy who said he had you pinned is right for the most part. You come to the computer when you don't have the balls to make a move. Just have fun with her. I mean, relax and enjoy yourself because girls WILL take money, flowers, massages from an old man anyday. My ex-girlfriend worked for some Jewelry designer as a model and he bought her things all the time. He even offered her to live with him. He wanted her so bad... She would tell me this in disgust, but she would never show HIM that disgust. And she accepted all kinds of things from him as a friend/employer. Believe me there was nothing to worry about, and she made bank sitting there looking beautiful. Just as long as he didn't lay a finger on her...
That guy who said he had you pinned is right for the most part. You come to the computer when you don't have the balls to make a move. Just have fun with her. I mean, relax and enjoy yourself because girls WILL take money, flowers, massages from an old man anyday. My ex-girlfriend worked for some Jewelry designer as a model and he bought her things all the time. He even offered her to live with him. He wanted her so bad... She would tell me this in disgust, but she would never show HIM that disgust. And she accepted all kinds of things from him as a friend/employer. Believe me there was nothing to worry about, and she made bank sitting there looking beautiful. Just as long as he didn't lay a finger on her...
Jerk! J/K.
Now, at the zoo, be sure to take her to the animals that are going at it. It'll implant the idea of you, her and sex all together in her head.
Now, at the zoo, be sure to take her to the animals that are going at it. It'll implant the idea of you, her and sex all together in her head.
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