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YAGT: DIVORCE SUCKS

W

Wanescotting

Diamond Member
When I got on the internet earlier, I was going to search for apartments, but I went to ATOT first, which made me forget why I even fired up the computer.

Me and my wife are splitting up (not a bad divorce by any means, we still live toghter, and will continue to do so for another 6 months).

The worst part is, it was mostly my fault.

I never spent enough time with her, I ways always to busy working (I am a workaholic) or on the computer.

I just pushed her away.

She did not cheat on me (thank god, or I would have killed someone),she says that I pushed her so far away that she no longer has feelings for me.

After ALOT of self reflection, I have come to realize that we are indeed, very different poeple, so this is for the best.

It still hurts, however. We were together for 8 years total(married 3).

What really sucks, is that I have to decide whether or not I will move back to my home town.(my family and my friends of 20 years live there).

Aside from that, I get to buy a new car, find a place to live, and potentially find a new job(if I move)

The job I have now is great, and the money is good, but I don't think I can stay here and be happy.I've seen the aformentioned friends about 6 times, in six years).


I need some advice, and friendly direction




 
Ouch. Seems like you have a good life where you are right now. I would stay put and find someone else in Texas.

Then again, it IS Texas..
 
if you're going to be able to find a good job back in your hometown i'd definetly do that, lots of support with your family and friends around all the time, other than that i couldn't tell ya... sorry to hear it though, gl
 
You've probally done this.

Talk to her, let her know you'll change? Treat her out for dinner everyday if you have to. Cook for her?

Sorry to hear 🙁.
 
Nah to late for change.........I been this way for 4 years.............we are both strong willed, and we make up our minds, there is no going back.....
 
It sounds like you're being remarkably calm and resonable about the whole thing. Don't be afraid to be angry or sad about it, too. Those are natural reactions.

From what you say, I'd move back to your hometown. It doesn't sound like you have much to keep you out where you are now, and lots to draw you back. Whatever you decide, hang in there. And most importantly, learn from your mistakes! wife > computer!
 
Originally posted by: Wanescotting
Nah to late for change.........I been this way for 4 years.............we are both strong willed, and we make up our minds, there is no going back.....
Click to expand...

Are you still in love with her?
 
My divorce was a good thing, but unlike you, she was the one that ruined it.

I'd stay there if you have a good job.
 
I think I can find another job, but I cannot make friends so easily, you see, my friends might as well be brothers, we lived right next door to each other.

I need some encouragement to stop being a wuss, and take a chance.

ALSO
I really let myself go, which sucks, I used to be 180. I am now 210, and that is after losing 20lbs in 2 weeks(stress plays funny tricks on you)

I have started working out, cause at some point, I will have to get back into the game...........
 
I would try and make amends with her... talk to her... cook for her like someone else said... spend time with her... unplug the computer from the wall from the weekend to show her you will dedicate you're time 100% to her... massages, flowers, go for a nice long walk with her... just spend time with her... and see what you guy's can do...
 
Originally posted by: Jero
Originally posted by: Wanescotting
Nah to late for change.........I been this way for 4 years.............we are both strong willed, and we make up our minds, there is no going back.....
Click to expand...

Are you still in love with her?
Click to expand...

Doesn't sound like it to me.
 
At least there's no kids involved and she doesn't want to suck all the life out of you. You'll be OK. Nothing hurts more than a divorce, but like they say, what doesnt' kill you makes you stronger.
 
Been there, done that, it sucked, HARD.

Give thanks that you don't have any kids (I assume you don't).

I didn't with my first wife, and after seeing a bunch of my friends w/kids get divorced, believe me, the man gets screwed royally, no matter what the situation.
 
That's what it's like to be married, get used to it and don't expect the next one to any better after 8 years. Why do you think the divorce rates are so high? People weren't made to stay togethor forever, at least romantically. Marriage is a made up institution and goes against most people's natural inclinations. Hence all the cheating, divorces, strip clubs, hookers, etc. Heck, I'm sure even those couples that have stayed married for 50+ years have either cheated, thought about it a lot, or just evolved the marriage to more platonic "Love".

Sorry, for being cynical, but I call it like I see it. And I see it going on everywhere!
 
Originally posted by: Pacfanweb
Been there, done that, it sucked, HARD.

Give thanks that you don't have any kids (I assume you don't).

I didn't with my first wife, and after seeing a bunch of my friends w/kids get divorced, believe me, the man gets screwed royally, no matter what the situation.
Click to expand...

It does seem like the man always gets shafted... especially if there are children involved...
 
Originally posted by: AdamSnow
I would try and make amends with her... talk to her... cook for her like someone else said... spend time with her... unplug the computer from the wall from the weekend to show her you will dedicate you're time 100% to her... massages, flowers, go for a nice long walk with her... just spend time with her... and see what you guy's can do...
Click to expand...


I agree. Try to work it out. You got married for love and for life.

The b/f and I just came thru a very rough patch. We are not even married, but live together for over five years. He spent the past year being neglectful and hurtful and putting me last. And when I tried to talk to him about it, he got defensive and mean. I could have walked, some say I should have walked. But I decided that I made a commitment. I wrote him a three page letter and he really took it to heart. He has gone back to being the guy I picked as the forever one.

Bottom line is...

If you look at all the people that are married for years and years... the ones that grow old together... and you ask them... they will tell you that it is not always rosey, that there were times that they were not in love, and times when they could not stand each other. But they stuck to the commitment and worked it out.

You don't want to throw away a marriage just cause you were a sh!t, do you? Try to make it right.

Good Luck!
🙂
 
I've been down the "about to get divorced" road a good many times.
I've found that I get out of this marriage as much as I put in. Just about the time I can't stand her, I start doing the things I should be doing and find out she's the same beautiful, wonderful woman I married.
You've got 6 months. If she ever meant anything to you, you've got a hell of a challenge ahead.
Treat her like the woman you married and see if she falls in love again.
There's no reward in divorce. The rewards of having a good woman by your side are many.
I sure hope things work out for you!!!
 
Did either of you ever try to change things? Did she ever tell you that what you were doing was hurting her and the relationship?
After 8 years, you should really give it a second try. Dump the computer. Spend less time at work, and work your ass off to make things better.
I wouldn't throw away a decade on this. If you really care about her and she cares about you, things can change. If you want them to.
 
Originally posted by: KarenMarie
Originally posted by: AdamSnow
I would try and make amends with her... talk to her... cook for her like someone else said... spend time with her... unplug the computer from the wall from the weekend to show her you will dedicate you're time 100% to her... massages, flowers, go for a nice long walk with her... just spend time with her... and see what you guy's can do...
Click to expand...


I agree. Try to work it out. You got married for love and for life.

The b/f and I just came thru a very rough patch. We are not even married, but live together for over five years. He spent the past year being neglectful and hurtful and putting me last. And when I tried to talk to him about it, he got defensive and mean. I could have walked, some say I should have walked. But I decided that I made a commitment. I wrote him a three page letter and he really took it to heart. He has gone back to being the guy I picked as the forever one.

Bottom line is...

If you look at all the people that are married for years and years... the ones that grow old together... and you ask them... they will tell you that it is not always rosey, that there were times that they were not in love, and times when they could not stand each other. But they stuck to the commitment and worked it out.

You don't want to throw away a marriage just cause you were a sh!t, do you? Try to make it right.

Good Luck!
🙂
Click to expand...

Does he have a fear of commitment issue or does he not believe in buying the cow(just an expression) when the rent is free.

5 years is a mighty long time, you are borderline common-law married.
 
if the world were to end tomorrow, would you want to have her by your side? what if you go ahead with the split and realize you have made a big mistake?

we only have a limited time in this life (the earth-bound one, anyway, if you believe that) and you have to treat each day as if it were your last.

i would try to step back as much as possible from the situtation and look at the big picture... if you can honestly place her as an important person in your life then it is not worth letting go. when you have literally stepped back (or out) from the situtation and realize how much she means to you, it may be too late. i'd try to work it out. but i'm a sentimental person, and also a very routined and regimented person. so i don't like change too much... perhaps you do, and perhaps you need it. just try to consider the implications of every decision, and don't do anything rash.

Thank God you don't have kids - my parents went through a nasty divorce after being married for 20 years, and as an adolescent I was in the middle of it all. that was 15-20 years ago. granted, it contributed into making me who i am - and it did make me a much stronger person but for all the wrong reasons. i would have much rather developed the strength through nurture and family togetherness, not hardship and strife.

best of luck 2 u.
 
If she did not cheat on you this whole time...maybe there is something there....then again, I am 21 and still young, so I probably don't undertsand....
 
Meh, Lubbock is a sh1thole, move back to Arlington😀

What kind of work do you do?

BTW, you are a Texan, you're allowed @ least one or two failed starter marriages😉

Been down that road myself (divorce), it can be a bitch, but life can also be great afterwards...
 
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