YAGT: Dating a less ambitious girl

[gigapet]

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212

Originally posted by: gigapet
you of all ppl cannot afford to be that picky at this stage. yor only dating.

well, things occur that I don't post about - I'm really not as desperate as I was, though I would like to move away from hooking up into relationship territory... But I hear what you're saying, I'm probably being a bit too harsh here.

If you think you deserve a higher value woman then find one. Only you can know.

 

[Mermaidman]

Is she one of your hot slutty female roommates? 😛

 

[raystorm]

Originally posted by: Astaroth33
Sometimes people don't know what they want out of life, even at age 26.

Which is why people change careers in their 20's, 30's, 40's and beyond. Some people may know what they want in life early on but most don't other than having certain things, good health, good friends and being in a good relationship.

She's a secretary now but maybe in her 30's she'll do something else. In fact, if she has a degree in Social Work why isnt she a social worker working with kids and stuff? I'm sure she studied for that degree for a reason. That can be a rewarding career if she wants it to be. There's gotta be some city agency or school that have some positions available.

Also, why not just talk to her about it and give her a little nudge in the right direction? Sometimes a little nudge and encouragement is all a person needs. I don't what the problem is anyways as long as she doesnt turn into a lazy bum. If she does then move on, if she works and contributes to the relationship (emotionally and financial) then who cares.

 

[habib89]

as long as she can hold a conversation, then who cares what she does... do you think that if you two get together, she'll end up mooching off you? if you two do get together, and she keeps her job, and tries to help out as much as possible, then there should be no issue.. she's not dumb, she just doesn't know what she wants to do

 

[theLION]

Originally posted by: FoBoT
red flag, that is how she is and will be if you stay with her

if you don't want a slacker , then bypass this chick

i kinda agree with FoBoT...except yes, she probably is unsure now and MIGHT be in the future.....however i say you have to be ready and willing to accept the fact that she can stay like this (slacker basically) forever....if you can't deal with that, then like what FoBoT says, "bypass this chick"

 

[BrokenVisage]

Stop playing these girls like a fiddle freedomsbeat, WTF is this, like your 5th different YAGT in a year with pretty much the same stuff and just another girl?

 

[DaShen]

She probably wants to be a stay at home mom. A lot of career ladies end up doing that after marriage as well, if the money allows it because for many girls that is something they want to do later in life (i.e. - take care of a family and kids).

 

[mrrman]

I personally would like the gal that I see have some goals or motivation to suceed in something

 

[Shftup]

It seems that you care, and that she does as well. Late night talks go both ways!

That being said, sometimes it take that someone to kick you in azz to kick it into high gear - maybe u r that someone. Call her on it - tell her that you see so much more and what stopping her? Maybe there's something behind it. Being encouraging and maybe that will create some drive in her. As the saying goes, what you put in, is what you get out of it. Pretty sappy, but truth to some degree.

 

[JS80]

I think since I've joined AT you've had like 10 different girls

 

[archiloco]

ofcourse this is a turn off.. but to what degree she's unambitious. i was just in a relationship where the girl i was dating told me that i did not spend enough time with her. i was like whoa!! what are you talking about i spend every free moment with you. she told me "well you work too much, and you want to be rich right? that's your goal in life?" i said that maybe if she wanted a dead beat boyfriend without a job and no future, and ofcourse i want to make money i don't just want a 9 to 5 job and get my 30k a year and live off that forever. conversation ended, and our relationship too. i can't believe she would ask this. by the way most of her boyfriends where deadbeats who spent every waking moment with her. so she was not used to a real realtionship where the other person is a responsible adult. (by the way i am not a workaholic, i work a good 60hrs. a week, she wanted me to cut it down to 30 or 40hrs.)

 

[Alienwho]

I don't care if the girls I date are unambitious in their jobs, as long as they are ambitious at SOMETHING. I hate girls who don't do anything. If she's a secretary at her job and doesn't care to be anything higher than that but in her free time she sings/plays piano etc. that's fine with me.

I once dated a 19 year old girl who worked at a grocery store, barely graduated high school, had no desire to go to college, didn't do anything, had absolutely no extra curricular activities, no talents, she even turned down the opportunity to go nanny for an extremely wealthy family in europe for a few years who offered to pay her well and pay for all of her college education. That last one was the kicker, I dropped her like a bad habit. I originally started dating her because she was extremely cute and happy and a lot of fun. Well all that was just a show.

I'm now dating a talented girl 2 years older than me that just got her bachelors and is applying for law school. Man what a difference.

 

[BrianH1]

RULE #1.

 

[ggnl]

Originally posted by: archiloco
ofcourse this is a turn off.. but to what degree she's unambitious. i was just in a relationship where the girl i was dating told me that i did not spend enough time with her. i was like whoa!! what are you talking about i spend every free moment with you. she told me "well you work too much, and you want to be rich right? that's your goal in life?" i said that maybe if she wanted a dead beat boyfriend without a job and no future, and ofcourse i want to make money i don't just want a 9 to 5 job and get my 30k a year and live off that forever. conversation ended, and our relationship too. i can't believe she would ask this. by the way most of her boyfriends where deadbeats who spent every waking moment with her. so she was not used to a real realtionship where the other person is a responsible adult. (by the way i am not a workaholic, i work a good 60hrs. a week, she wanted me to cut it down to 30 or 40hrs.)

So if your goal in life isn't to get rich you're a deadbeat? 😕😕

It's great that you have your priorities so sorted out, but there's no need to insult people that are looking for something different in life.

 

[archiloco]

Originally posted by: ggnl

Originally posted by: archiloco
ofcourse this is a turn off.. but to what degree she's unambitious. i was just in a relationship where the girl i was dating told me that i did not spend enough time with her. i was like whoa!! what are you talking about i spend every free moment with you. she told me "well you work too much, and you want to be rich right? that's your goal in life?" i said that maybe if she wanted a dead beat boyfriend without a job and no future, and ofcourse i want to make money i don't just want a 9 to 5 job and get my 30k a year and live off that forever. conversation ended, and our relationship too. i can't believe she would ask this. by the way most of her boyfriends where deadbeats who spent every waking moment with her. so she was not used to a real realtionship where the other person is a responsible adult. (by the way i am not a workaholic, i work a good 60hrs. a week, she wanted me to cut it down to 30 or 40hrs.)

So if your goal in life isn't to get rich you're a deadbeat? 😕😕

It's great that you have your priorities so sorted out, but there's no need to insult people that are looking for something different in life.

you are right, i am sorry, i did not mean to insult anybody.

what she meant of being rich is work hard towards a goal (anything, being rich was just her example, it could of been get a phd and become a proffessor, or anything that takes more than 8hrs. a day out of your life.) she just wanted to get by in life and just be. no ambition. i understand that sometimes somebody wants to focus more on teaching, or some other selfless proffession that is very rewarding, but does not return monetary gains. i was kinda insensitive when i wrote this. still a little pissy about the whole thing.

 

[ggnl]

Originally posted by: archiloco

Originally posted by: ggnl

Originally posted by: archiloco
ofcourse this is a turn off.. but to what degree she's unambitious. i was just in a relationship where the girl i was dating told me that i did not spend enough time with her. i was like whoa!! what are you talking about i spend every free moment with you. she told me "well you work too much, and you want to be rich right? that's your goal in life?" i said that maybe if she wanted a dead beat boyfriend without a job and no future, and ofcourse i want to make money i don't just want a 9 to 5 job and get my 30k a year and live off that forever. conversation ended, and our relationship too. i can't believe she would ask this. by the way most of her boyfriends where deadbeats who spent every waking moment with her. so she was not used to a real realtionship where the other person is a responsible adult. (by the way i am not a workaholic, i work a good 60hrs. a week, she wanted me to cut it down to 30 or 40hrs.)

So if your goal in life isn't to get rich you're a deadbeat? 😕😕

It's great that you have your priorities so sorted out, but there's no need to insult people that are looking for something different in life.

you are right, i am sorry, i did not mean to insult anybody.

what she meant of being rich is work hard towards a goal (anything, being rich was just her example, it could of been get a phd and become a proffessor, or anything that takes more than 8hrs. a day out of your life.) she just wanted to get by in life and just be. no ambition. i understand that sometimes somebody wants to focus more on teaching, or some other selfless proffession that is very rewarding, but does not return monetary gains. i was kinda insensitive when i wrote this. still a little pissy about the whole thing.

No offense taken. And I understand completely what you mean as I've been in similar situations before.

 

[SampSon]

You're going to be surprised when your live takes a huge turn and you're still so set on your life going as you planned it. No one truly knows what they want out of life at any stage in their life. Thoes who think they do are just kidding themselves and setting themselves up for disappointment.

Being into a SO because of their ambitions in careers is stereotypical and shallow, there is much more to life than work and money. Unfortunatly most people realize this much too late in life.

My opinion is that you should just let your ego sheild down and go with the flow, or else you will probably end up a very lonely (and possibly rich) man.

 

[Baked]

It's not about the money.

 

[Lizardman]

i wouldnt worry about it, its not like she is a crack head or anything. You are good to go! :thumbsup:

 

[Saint Nick]

do you have a new girlfriend every three weeks?

 

[yowolabi]

Probably the most important thing i've learned about relationships is not to enter them thinking the girl is going to be anything other than what she is at the moment, you're only screwing yourself. Sure something might change in her life, but it will only come if she decided it's important, not because of any pressure from you. So if her lack of ambition bothers you now, assume it's always going to be like this, and decide if that's something you want to be a part of.

That being said, i'm willing to bet her ambition is to be a stay at home mom, which is why she doesn't have many professional goals. You should ask her.