YAGT: Dating a less ambitious girl

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slackerinabox

Lifer
Mar 15, 2003
12,668
103
106
Keep in mind, this is not about screwing less ambitious girls - I've done that quite a few times and have no problem doing so. There's this girl I've been hanging out with, platonically, for a few weeks now. She's fun to hang out with and I enjoy her company, but things have gotten a bit "heavy" due to long lasting, late night conversations so I've finally asked her out on a date. I do worry about getting too involved because she seems to be at a very different place in her life than I'm at. This sounds snooty but I'm 2 years younger than her (24) and am already an associate editor at a publishing firm while she's a secretary. Her making less isn't what bothers me, the fact that she has no idea what she wants out of life bugs me quite a bit. She still lives with her mom (which normally isn't a huge deal since lots of kids born in NYC still live at home, though 26 is a stretch) and doesn't really know what she's into. I find myself busting my butt to make sure that I have a career and live a responsible life while she's a bit of a slacker. She's cute, yes, and I get along with her - but is my worrying about her lack of long term goals trivial on my side or is it a genuine red flag being raised?

Again, she is a bit of a friend and not just "some girl." I'd go into a date and not really worry about all of this is that was the case.

edit: don't currently have any digital pics... I'll try to snap one of her tomorrow or ask her to send me one
 
SP33Demon

SP33Demon

Lifer
Jun 22, 2001
27,928
142
106
Dude, if you enjoy her company and you two hit it off, who really cares what she does in life? As long as she's semi intelligent, it shouldn't matter.
 
Kadarin

Kadarin

Lifer
Nov 23, 2001
44,296
15
81
Sometimes people don't know what they want out of life, even at age 26.
 
V

Viper GTS

Lifer
Oct 13, 1999
38,107
433
136
Ambition is not always a good thing. Sometimes people should know when to quit.

Speaking of the devil, how is your movie making going?

Viper GTS
 
Nikamichi

Nikamichi

Diamond Member
Nov 21, 2003
7,759
0
0
Originally posted by: SP33Demon
Dude, if you enjoy her company and you two hit it off, who really cares what she does in life? As long as she's semi intelligent, it shouldn't matter.
Click to expand...

 
pontifex

pontifex

Lifer
Dec 5, 2000
43,804
46
91
why is she a secretary? did she not go to college or some other type of school? i don't think it should be that big of a deal if she's happy with her job or hasn't had any education past HS.

living with parents isn't that big of a deal either. maybe she can't afford her own place on the salary she makes.

need more info dude. also, if you like her, why should it really matter what anyone else thinks?
 
S

slackerinabox

Lifer
Mar 15, 2003
12,668
103
106
Originally posted by: Viper GTS
Speaking of the devil, how is your movie making going?

Viper GTS
Click to expand...

Going very well, actually - just got screened at a few festivals ;) Though I hate talking film, don't drag me into this!
 
H

HBalzer

Golden Member
Jul 17, 2005
1,259
1
0
Originally posted by: BriGy86
stick with it, worry abou it when it becomes a genuine problem
Click to expand...

Yea like when you have 2 kids no money and she won't do a damn thing.
 
J

J Heartless Slick

Golden Member
Nov 11, 1999
1,330
0
0
Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212
Keep in mind, this is not about screwing less ambitious girls - I've done that quite a few times and have no problem doing so. There's this girl I've been hanging out with, platonically, for a few weeks now. She's fun to hang out with and I enjoy her company, but things have gotten a bit "heavy" due to long lasting, late night conversations so I've finally asked her out on a date. I do worry about getting too involved because she seems to be at a very different place in her life than I'm at. This sounds snooty but I'm 2 years younger than her (24) and am already an associate editor at a publishing firm while she's a secretary. Her making less isn't what bothers me, the fact that she has no idea what she wants out of life bugs me quite a bit. She still lives with her mom (which normally isn't a huge deal since lots of kids born in NYC still live at home, though 26 is a stretch) and doesn't really know what she's into. I find myself busting my butt to make sure that I have a career and live a responsible life while she's a bit of a slacker. She's cute, yes, and I get along with her - but is my worrying about her lack of long term goals trivial on my side or is it a genuine red flag being raised?

Again, she is a bit of a friend and not just "some girl." I'd go into a date and not really worry about all of this is that was the case.

edit: don't currently have any digital pics... I'll try to snap one of her tomorrow or ask her to send me one
Click to expand...

Your posts reads like you have issues with her. Don't waste her time by dating her.
 
S

slackerinabox

Lifer
Mar 15, 2003
12,668
103
106
Originally posted by: pontifex
why is she a secretary? did she not go to college or some other type of school? i don't think it should be that big of a deal if she's happy with her job or hasn't had any education past HS.

living with parents isn't that big of a deal either. maybe she can't afford her own place on the salary she makes.

need more info dude. also, if you like her, why should it really matter what anyone else thinks?
Click to expand...

a) She graduated from a 4 year college. She claims that's the first company that gave her an offer so she accepted. It doesn't bother me that she's a secretary - I've dated waitresses before, but all had that one dream that kept them going. "I want to write." "I want to act, this is my day job." "I want to go back to college and get my masters in X" - I asked her what she eventually wants to do and she has no idea.

b) Parents - yeah, it doesn't bother me that she lives with her parents, but a+b makes me a little owrried

c) I don't care what other people think, I just think that this could lead to a major clash in the future.

A similar thing happened with me and my ex. I was always a slacker and kinda snapped in college - I became a hard worked with clear goals who worked for them while she stayed a slacker. We broke up 2 months into my change, as I was always working and didn't spend as much time with her as she'd like. there was also the fact that it bugged me that she wasn't using her time productively and living up to her potential. That was a 6 1/2 year relationship and I'm only now taking this new girl out on a date so that's not a fair comparrison...
 
FoBoT

FoBoT

No Lifer
Apr 30, 2001
63,082
12
76
fobot.com
red flag, that is how she is and will be if you stay with her

if you don't want a slacker , then bypass this chick
 
D1gger

D1gger

Diamond Member
Oct 3, 2004
5,411
2
76
She's probably just looking to get her M.R.S. degree so she can retire.
 
B

BriGy86

Diamond Member
Sep 10, 2004
4,537
1
91
Originally posted by: HBalzer
Originally posted by: BriGy86
stick with it, worry abou it when it becomes a genuine problem
Click to expand...

Yea like when you have 2 kids no money and she won't do a damn thing.
Click to expand...

in a more extreme case, yes

although i would suggest doing something about it BEFORE the kids and no money ;)
 
S

slackerinabox

Lifer
Mar 15, 2003
12,668
103
106
Originally posted by: gigapet
you of all ppl cannot afford to be that picky at this stage. yor only dating.
Click to expand...

well, things occur that I don't post about - I'm really not as desperate as I was, though I would like to move away from hooking up into relationship territory... But I hear what you're saying, I'm probably being a bit too harsh here.
 
A

Argo

Lifer
Apr 8, 2000
10,045
0
0
I'm familiar with your situation, but I don't really know what to say. Personally, I do find it a slight turn off, although I can deal with it. How serious are you about her? Personally, I think things like this could become a problem in a long run.
 
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