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YAGT: Boy that was an awkward phone call

her209

her209

No Lifer
BACKSTORY: I was chasing this chick for a couple months last year. We met through a mutual friend. I wouldn't call the mutual friend a real friend, more like an acquaintance. But anyhow, we hit it off pretty well. Good conversation and whatnot. Got her phone number and e-mail and started exchanging phone calls and e-mails. Went out and ran errands together. Nothing official.

Everything was going good. In February of this year, I decided it was time to ask her out on her out on our first date. She gave the "I think of you as a friend" line. Slowly over the next two months, I slowed down communications and finally cut all communication at two months.

FAST FORWARD TO TODAY: I get a phone call from her. She seemed upset why I haven't been calling like I used to. Being the "nice" guy that I am, I told her I've been busy with work and whatnot. She kept pushing the issue.

Finally, I flat out told her, "I'm looking for a girlfriend... not a friend." It got quiet for about a minute. No words were exchanged in this time. This was followed by about half a minute of forced awkward conversation. I ended the conversation by saying "I was busy" and hung up.

I don't think I'll be hearing from her anymore... at least not for a while.
 
Originally posted by: altonb1
Friends with benefits wasn't an option?
Click to expand...
FWB will always ultimately fail when one party goes in wanting more than the just "the benefits".
 
:beer: Nicely Done. This reminds me of my ex-girlfried getting pissed at me when I decided we couldn't be friends and told her this then
stopped calling...
 
Good job. I would have probably said something like "I think you and I are in different places in our lives" and left it at that.
 
Originally posted by: her209
Originally posted by: altonb1
Friends with benefits wasn't an option?
Click to expand...
FWB will always ultimately fail when one party goes in wanting more than the just "the benefits".
Click to expand...

as long as you're not the one wanting for more, you're all set. 😉
 
I've been through something similiar...I've learned to be upfront and not try to start the "friends" thing if I want anything more in the future.
 
You're a jackass. You lost a friend because you couldn't handle being in the friend zone. Maybe she could have hooked you up with someone hotter.
 
Good for you...you know what you wanted, what you didn't and you weren't hesitant to tell her. On to the next one!
 
Originally posted by: Horus
You're a jackass. You lost a friend because you couldn't handle being in the friend zone. Maybe she could have hooked you up with someone hotter.
Click to expand...

How can you call someone a jackass for being honest? If anything, he was the better man because he saved this girl any pain that she might have felt later down the road, PLUS he saved himself the emotions of always wondering if he had a shot.
 
Originally posted by: Horus
You're a jackass. You lost a friend because you couldn't handle being in the friend zone. Maybe she could have hooked you up with someone hotter.
Click to expand...

Dude seriously. Sometimes you have too many friends and it hard to keep in contact with everyone. Sometimes you want some female friends around to hook up with their friends etc. Just different periods in ones life.

OP you did the right thing.

Koing
 
It's good to be honest, but it's not clear to me why the phone call or conversation had to be awkward. It could be stated as a simple fact on your side that you wanted more than just a friendship and that put the ball in her court. She wasn't interested, so you moved on...

Obviously, she has your number if her situation changes.


Telling her that you were busy and whatnot wasn't required.
 
Awesome stuff! Same situation happened with me, took me some time to wise up but when I did, it was a big goodbye and warning to some of my friends to stay away from the biatch.
 
This reminds me slightly of my old days on MSN.
People would add me, (was in a band that was quite successful locally) you'd chat away, and get on like a house on fire, then she'd send you a picture.
OH GOD
*Block

Your way was much nicer though, you're a real humanitarian 😀
 
Originally posted by: letdown427
This reminds me slightly of my old days on MSN.
People would add me, (was in a band that was quite successful locally) you'd chat away, and get on like a house on fire, then she'd send you a picture.
OH GOD
*Block

Your way was much nicer though, you're a real humanitarian 😀
Click to expand...

you hooked up with girls through a messenger.....wow. just wow.
 
Dude, how do you know that she say to a hot friend of hers, "I have this guy friend who I'm not that into, but he's your type. Haven't talked to him in a while, let me call him." You screwed up!

j/k
 
Originally posted by: her209
BACKSTORY: I was chasing this chick for a couple months last year. We met through a mutual friend. I wouldn't call the mutual friend a real friend, more like an acquaintance. But anyhow, we hit it off pretty well. Good conversation and whatnot. Got her phone number and e-mail and started exchanging phone calls and e-mails. Went out and ran errands together. Nothing official.

Everything was going good. In February of this year, I decided it was time to ask her out on her out on our first date. She gave the "I think of you as a friend" line. Slowly over the next two months, I slowed down communications and finally cut all communication at two months.

FAST FORWARD TO TODAY: I get a phone call from her. She seemed upset why I haven't been calling like I used to. Being the "nice" guy that I am, I told her I've been busy with work and whatnot. She kept pushing the issue.

Finally, I flat out told her, "I'm looking for a girlfriend... not a friend." It got quiet for about a minute. No words were exchanged in this time. This was followed by about half a minute of forced awkward conversation. I ended the conversation by saying "I was busy" and hung up.

I don't think I'll be hearing from her anymore... at least not for a while.
Click to expand...

I think you did the right thing. You were forward and direct, and didn't get strung along for years like a chump would.

If this girl changes her mind and is ready for what you want, she'll call you back. If she decides that it isn't what she wants, she won't waste your time.

The one downside that I see is that you're cut off from her friend network now. Who knows, you might have eventually hooked up with one of her friends.

 
Yeah, that's awkward, but not as awkward as it would have been if you kept seeing eachother and you started getting creepy and pushing for a real relationship.
 
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