Scarpozzi
Lifer
- Jun 13, 2000
- 26,391
- 1,780
- 126
I'm going to say what I think about the situation and you can take it or leave it....
You should never feel as though you are settling because you won't be happy down the road. You may be happy up front, but deep down it'll eat you up if you think you can get something better.
Now...as for the relationship. You need to seriously think about how happy you are NOW compared to how happy you've been past relationships. I look back at past relationships and remember how hard I had to try to make things work and how miserable I was trying to have a conversation with past girlfriends. If you and her are a good match, it's normal for relationships to have ups and downs. Things should just flow from day to day. As long as both of you are financially stable, things might work out.
So my advice? Evaluate your present happiness and try to figure out if you can think of anything that's missing and don't start with the physical attractiveness unless this girl just has a body type that you can't live with. Looks will fade in about 10 years. You need to evaluate how well you two match up and what your life-long goals are and will be in the next 5 years. Find out if you both want kids and when, etc... Once you establish those goals, you will be able to get a glimpse of what the future is going to be like and you'll know whether or not you want to invest in the changes that will ensue when you put your money and skills together to reach those goals. If you don't truly want to help her reach her goals, you don't need to be in the relationship. If you think the chemistry doesn't keep you sexually interested in her and see potential for this to decrease despite the changes in her looks over the next 10-20 years, really consider moving on as well. Not everyone is meant to be married.
If she matches up with your goals, physical attractiveness, general chemistry, personality, etc....then you should be in good shape. But being together 3 years either means you are meant for each other or one of you is comfortable and too lazy to move on.
You should never feel as though you are settling because you won't be happy down the road. You may be happy up front, but deep down it'll eat you up if you think you can get something better.
Now...as for the relationship. You need to seriously think about how happy you are NOW compared to how happy you've been past relationships. I look back at past relationships and remember how hard I had to try to make things work and how miserable I was trying to have a conversation with past girlfriends. If you and her are a good match, it's normal for relationships to have ups and downs. Things should just flow from day to day. As long as both of you are financially stable, things might work out.
So my advice? Evaluate your present happiness and try to figure out if you can think of anything that's missing and don't start with the physical attractiveness unless this girl just has a body type that you can't live with. Looks will fade in about 10 years. You need to evaluate how well you two match up and what your life-long goals are and will be in the next 5 years. Find out if you both want kids and when, etc... Once you establish those goals, you will be able to get a glimpse of what the future is going to be like and you'll know whether or not you want to invest in the changes that will ensue when you put your money and skills together to reach those goals. If you don't truly want to help her reach her goals, you don't need to be in the relationship. If you think the chemistry doesn't keep you sexually interested in her and see potential for this to decrease despite the changes in her looks over the next 10-20 years, really consider moving on as well. Not everyone is meant to be married.
If she matches up with your goals, physical attractiveness, general chemistry, personality, etc....then you should be in good shape. But being together 3 years either means you are meant for each other or one of you is comfortable and too lazy to move on.
I did not read through the entire thread, I just want to ask you a question. Are you in a hurry to proposed, or to get married? If not, then hold the ring until you put your thoughts together. If you show her that something is going on with you, she will press you until she knows what is going on, and then you will be under more pressure to make a decision. I have been happily married for almost 29 years, and I understand you completely when a big decision needs to be made, under any circunstances, I still do. As a matter of fact, I will have to start looking for a job in May, since my IT group is outsourced and I already have butterflies in my stomach, I don't even remember when was my last interviw for a job.
So, relax, calm down, think about and wait until the time is right.
Eltano
So, relax, calm down, think about and wait until the time is right.
Eltano
Cdubneeddeal
Diamond Member
- Oct 22, 2003
- 7,473
- 3
- 81
Take the ring back, think things over as mercan said above. I was in the same exact spot as you. I decided to take things a little slower and keep the relationship fun by going with the flow instead of forcing things along. When the time is right you'll feel it. Until then, like I said before, go with the flow and let your relationship mature natually.
I stand corrected. Apparently year 12 is the iPod anniversary. I hate Apple, is there a better alternative or is iPod just easier?
Saint Nick
Lifer
- Jan 21, 2005
- 17,722
- 6
- 81
I think its a natural feeling. I am sure what you are feeling aren't "regrets" or "doubts", but rather, its simply nervousness. Its a pretty big leap from going from a couple dating to marriage. I am sure that some guys can take it better than others. I will be very excited when I get to ask my girlfriend to marry me, not so much nervous (maybe a little!).
But I am sure what you are feeling is natural, don't sweat it. Show the ring, pop the question, you're in like flint
:beer: Best of luck to you!!!
But I am sure what you are feeling is natural, don't sweat it. Show the ring, pop the question, you're in like flint
:beer: Best of luck to you!!!
IHateMyJob2004
Lifer
- Sep 29, 2004
- 18,656
- 67
- 91
It doesn't matter who you marry. Your life ends with marriage.
Seriously:
Will she make a good mother? THat's the most important thing IMHO.
Seriously:
Will she make a good mother? THat's the most important thing IMHO.
Circlenaut
Platinum Member
- Mar 22, 2001
- 2,175
- 5
- 81
You're a fool. You strike gold and have doubts? Sounds like you want to be with a past love instead.
Just take it easy and make sure you are 100% sure before acting - you don't want to change your mind after you give her a ring.. that'd be really awful for her and probably you.
MotionMan
Lifer
- Jan 11, 2006
- 17,124
- 12
- 81
My wife and I dated for almost 7 years before I asked her to marry me (during our last year of grad school). She even helped design the ring. I KNEW she would say yes.
I was nervous as HELL just picking up the ring and was terribly nervous when I proposed.
We got married 3 days after our 8 year dating anniv. and I was TOTALLY nervous. I think she almost threw up, but that is more of a reflection of me than her
I think it is natural to be nervous, even when she is The One.
Sounds to me like you should continue down the path you started with buying the ring.
MotionMan
I was nervous as HELL just picking up the ring and was terribly nervous when I proposed.
We got married 3 days after our 8 year dating anniv. and I was TOTALLY nervous. I think she almost threw up, but that is more of a reflection of me than her
I think it is natural to be nervous, even when she is The One.
Sounds to me like you should continue down the path you started with buying the ring.
MotionMan
flexy
Diamond Member
- Sep 28, 2001
- 8,464
- 155
- 106
Marriage just fvcking s*cks....and....sorry for being so direct and blunt, your RELATIONSHIP and what it's based on is the important thing and NOT the institution of "marriage". Thats why you algo got cold feet and doubts ONCE you bought the ring.
Noone forces you to marry....and if the thought of marriage (YES ! It means theoretically eternal commitment to that ONE peson frightens you than just postbone the marriage and focus on you TWO first instead of pushing for something which scares you.
Noone forces you to marry....and if the thought of marriage (YES ! It means theoretically eternal commitment to that ONE peson
frightens you than just postbone the marriage and focus on you TWO first instead of pushing for something which scares you.TRENDING THREADS
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