YAGT: bought the ring, but having doubts...wtf?

[Conky]

Pre-nup.

 

[JS80]

Originally posted by: swtethan

Originally posted by: HomeAppraiser
WISE to create another user name before posting any YAGT or YAET!!!

I had the same feelings three months before my wedding. Women are emotional and go with the whole big wedding dream. Guys tend to be more logical and think of marrage as flying an airplane for the first time. "Did I forget anything? Is this going to stay up in the air?" etc. You need to run a pre-flight check list.

So to calm yourself ask "Do you you love her? Does she love you? Are you the type of person that could make a lifetime commitment? Is she the same type of person?" You'll be fine.

<--Married 12 years this month. Oh sh!t, what is the 12 year anniversary present?

1st - First - Paper
2nd - Second - Cotton
3rd - Third - Leather
4th - Fourth - Fruit/Flowers
5th - Fifth - Wood
6th - Sixth - Candy/Iron
7th - Seventh - Wool/Copper
8th - Eighth - Bronze/Pottery
9th - Ninth - Pottery/Willow
10th - Tenth - Tin/Aluminium
11th - Eleventh - Steel
12th - Twelfth - Silk/Linen
13th - Thirteenth - Lace
14th - Fourteenth - Ivory
15th - Fifteenth - Crystal
20th - Twentieth - China
25th - Twenty-Fifth - Silver
30th - Thirtieth - Pearl
35th - Thirty-Fifth - Coral
40th - Fortieth - Ruby
45th - Forty-Fifth - Sapphire
50th - Fiftieth - Gold
55th - Fifty-fifth - Emerald
60th - Sixtieth - Diamond

haha i like the way you think

 

[Nutdotnet]

Originally posted by: doiloveher

Originally posted by: MaxDepth

Originally posted by: Patt
Shame on you for creating another user. My advice is to be honest with yourself. Everyone gets cold feet, but if it is more than that, listen to yourself.

I thought mulitple aliases were a non-no. Just look what happened to Jennifer garner. It took 4 or fives seasons but they eventually caught her...

i addressed that in my first post. i actually said i know it is against the rules, but thanks.

If it's against the rules then...

BAN!!!

Seriously, just because this is "important" doesn't give you reason to break a rule that others have been banned for.

That being said...there's absolutley nothing wrong with holding off until you can cure your "cold feet". This is the rest of your life that you're talking about don't you want to be as sure about this as you possible can?

 

[theknight571]

This is a big decision and I think you're probably playing the what if game...
- What if she says no?
- What if she says yes?
- What if she's not the right one?
- What if "something better" comes along?
- etc.

This happens to me before every big decision. I literally got sick, before I proposed, before the wedding, before buying my house, before changing jobs, etc.

I'd say stick with your initial plan. I think once it's over (the proposal) and she says yes... all will be well.

Then you can start getting sick over the price of the wedding. lol

 

[imthebadguy]

RUN!!!!!!! ITS A DEATHTTRAP

 

[doiloveher]

Originally posted by: Nutdotnet

Originally posted by: doiloveher

Originally posted by: MaxDepth

Originally posted by: Patt
Shame on you for creating another user. My advice is to be honest with yourself. Everyone gets cold feet, but if it is more than that, listen to yourself.

I thought mulitple aliases were a non-no. Just look what happened to Jennifer garner. It took 4 or fives seasons but they eventually caught her...

i addressed that in my first post. i actually said i know it is against the rules, but thanks.

If it's against the rules then...

BAN!!!

Seriously, just because this is "important" doesn't give you reason to break a rule that others have been banned for.

That being said...there's absolutley nothing wrong with holding off until you can cure your "cold feet". This is the rest of your life that you're talking about don't you want to be as sure about this as you possible can?

i never said i shouldnt be banned for it...but im willing to take that risk in order to get the input from several experienced people here. im not asking for special treatment...just wishful thinking that they will see i am in dire need of advice and maybe let me have this topic open long enough to get some of that before they ban me.

i agree about the cold feet thing. thanks.

 

[CollectiveUnconscious]

Rate each 1-9, 1 being "not at all" and 9 being "extremely." Post the score, and I will post my response.

____1.I am actively supportive of _________'s wellbeing.

____2.I have a warm relationhip with _________.

____3.I am able to count on __________ in times of need.

____4._________ is able to count on me in times of need.

____5.I am willing to share myself and my possessions with ___________.

____6.I receive considerable emotional support from ___________.

____7.I give considerable emotional support to _______.

____8.I communicate well with ___________.

____9.I value _________ greatly in my life.

____10.I feel close to ______.

____11.I have a comfortable relationship with ______.

____12.I feel that I really understand ___________.

____13.I feel that _________ really understands me.

____14.I feel that I can really trust ___________.

____15.I share deeply personal information about myself with __________.

____16.Just seeing ________ excites me.

____17.I find myself thinking about __________ frequently during the day.

____18.My relationship with ___________ is very romantic.

____19.I find ________ to be very personally attractive.

____20.I idealize _________.

____21.I cannot imagine another person making me as happy as _______ does.

____22.I would rather be with _________ than with anyone else.

____23.There is nothing more important to me than my relationship with ______.

____24.I especially like physical contact with ______.

____25.There is something almost "magical" about my relationship with ______.

____26.I adore _________.

____27.I cannot imagine life without _________.

____28.My relationship with _________ is passionate.

____29.When I see romantic movies and read romantic books I think of _______.

____30.I fantasize about _______.

____31.I know that I care about _________.

____32.I am committed to maintaining my relationship with _________.

____33.Because of my commitment to ________, I would not let other people come between us.

____34.I have confidence in the stability of my relationship with ________.

____35.I could not let anything get in the way of my commitment to ________.

____36.I expect my love for ________ to last for the rest of my life.

____37.I will always feel a strong responsibility for ______.

____38.I view my commitment to ________ as a solid one.

____39.I cannot imagine ending my relationship with _________.

____40.I am certain of my love for ________.

____41.I view my relationship with _________ as permanent.

____42.I view my relationship with ________ as a good decision.

____43.I feel a sense of responsibility toward ________.

____44.I plan to continue my relationship with ______.

____45.Even when ________ is hard to deal with, I remain committed to our relationship.

 

[doiloveher]

Originally posted by: shimsham
make sure youre settled before you propose. nothing wrong with being nervous, but if youre second guessing yourself, then you better wait until you have no doubts. dont waste everyones time and emotions by proposing if youre not 110% sure it the right decision for you.

the only thing you should be nervous about before your wedding is making sure you dont goof up and look stupid. if youre still sweating whether you should make that type of commitment, you shouldnt have proposed in the first place.

if shes all those things to you, then i dont see what youre freaking out about. thats what you should be looking for, and you found it, so what are you supposed to do? unless you just dont want to get married at all.

that is some of the reason i decided to ask here what to do. i dont want to waste peoples time and money if it ends up being wrong, but my gut is pulling me both directions while my heart is definitely telling me to do it. she is those things to me, but often times these unexplained and indescribable feelings are accurate and i didnt want to overlook it just because i thought i was making the right choice.

 

[HomeAppraiser]

1st - First - Paper
2nd - Second - Cotton
3rd - Third - Leather
4th - Fourth - Fruit/Flowers
5th - Fifth - Wood
6th - Sixth - Candy/Iron
7th - Seventh - Wool/Copper
8th - Eighth - Bronze/Pottery
9th - Ninth - Pottery/Willow
10th - Tenth - Tin/Aluminium
11th - Eleventh - Steel
12th - Twelfth - Silk/Linen

Thanks. So a sexy silk nighty and some new bed sheets, cool. That should make up for the six pack of Budwieser tall cans I got her for the tenth year

 

[doiloveher]

Originally posted by: CollectiveUnconscious
Rate each 1-9, 1 being "not at all" and 9 being "extremely." Post the score, and I will post my response.

__8__1.I am actively supportive of _________'s wellbeing.

__9__2.I have a warm relationhip with _________.

__9__3.I am able to count on __________ in times of need.

__7__4._________ is able to count on me in times of need.

__9__5.I am willing to share myself and my possessions with ___________.

__9__6.I receive considerable emotional support from ___________.

__8__7.I give considerable emotional support to _______.

__7__8.I communicate well with ___________.

__9__9.I value _________ greatly in my life.

__9__10.I feel close to ______.

__9__11.I have a comfortable relationship with ______.

__9__12.I feel that I really understand ___________.

__9__13.I feel that _________ really understands me.

__9__14.I feel that I can really trust ___________.

__9__15.I share deeply personal information about myself with __________.

__8__16.Just seeing ________ excites me.

__6__17.I find myself thinking about __________ frequently during the day.

__5__18.My relationship with ___________ is very romantic.

__9__19.I find ________ to be very personally attractive.

__7.5__20.I idealize _________.

__9__21.I cannot imagine another person making me as happy as _______ does.

__9__22.I would rather be with _________ than with anyone else.

__7__23.There is nothing more important to me than my relationship with ______.

__10__24.I especially like physical contact with ______.

__8__25.There is something almost "magical" about my relationship with ______.

__9__26.I adore _________.

__8__27.I cannot imagine life without _________.

__9__28.My relationship with _________ is passionate.

__7__29.When I see romantic movies and read romantic books I think of _______.

__9__30.I fantasize about _______.

__9__31.I know that I care about _________.

__9__32.I am committed to maintaining my relationship with _________.

__9__33.Because of my commitment to ________, I would not let other people come between us.

__9__34.I have confidence in the stability of my relationship with ________.

__6__35.I could not let anything get in the way of my commitment to ________.

__9__36.I expect my love for ________ to last for the rest of my life.

__9__37.I will always feel a strong responsibility for ______.

__9__38.I view my commitment to ________ as a solid one.

__8__39.I cannot imagine ending my relationship with _________.

__4__40.I am certain of my love for ________.

__8__41.I view my relationship with _________ as permanent.

__9__42.I view my relationship with ________ as a good decision.

__9__43.I feel a sense of responsibility toward ________.

__5__44.I plan to continue my relationship with ______.

__9__45.Even when ________ is hard to deal with, I remain committed to our relationship.

wow...that was like a mini-therapy session

 

[Zaitsevs]

Originally posted by: swtethan
who the heck doesnt have jitters before anything?

quoted for truth,


just be honest with yourself, if this is something you want then go for it.


just DO IT.

 

[LtPage1]

Move in together for a few years before you decide she's the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. If you've got any doubts, what better way to dispell or prove them?

 

[Hoober]

Are you sure she'll say 'yes?'

 

[spidey07]

I'm honestly thinking if you have any doubts, you shouldn't be getting engaged/married.

"the one" means you have no doubts whatsoever nor could you even imagine having doubt.

 

[doiloveher]

Originally posted by: LtPage1
Move in together for a few years before you decide she's the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. If you've got any doubts, what better way to dispell or prove them?

i dont see any advantage in that practice from a religious or non-religious point of view (we are both christian). ive studied it in sociology and seen the effects personally through friends. moving in with someone, but not having a commitment, can lead to problems that may break up an otherwise healthy relationship IMO. i see your point, but that isnt really an option for us.

 

[HeroOfPellinor]

I didn't get jitters. If you are, then something is wrong......there should be zero doubt in this decision.

 

[doiloveher]

Originally posted by: Hoober
Are you sure she'll say 'yes?'

100%

Originally posted by: spidey07
I'm honestly thinking if you have any doubts, you shouldn't be getting engaged/married.

"the one" means you have no doubts whatsoever nor could you even imagine having doubt.

i hear you but at times i honestly do feel like that. this "other" feeling though is what caused my concern, and labelling it as jitters would really make me feel better. this really sucks because normally i would talk to her about something like this and work it out, but since i want to surprise her i cant.

maybe i could just do it and then talk to her about my feelings? that seems like a big gamble and like im playing with fire, but she would be able to connect with me emotionally and know what was going on. thoughts?

Originally posted by: HeroOfPellinor
I didn't get jitters. If you are, then something is wrong......there should be zero doubt in this decision.

but can you really say that is applicable to everyones situation? maybe some people just get nervous before big decisions. i usually dont, but ive never made this big of a decision before.

 

[CollectiveUnconscious]

How old are you?

 

[Koing]

Originally posted by: doiloveher

Originally posted by: LtPage1
Move in together for a few years before you decide she's the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. If you've got any doubts, what better way to dispell or prove them?

i dont see any advantage in that practice from a religious or non-religious point of view (we are both christian). ive studied it in sociology and seen the effects personally through friends. moving in with someone, but not having a commitment, can lead to problems that may break up an otherwise healthy relationship IMO. i see your point, but that isnt really an option for us.

And getting married and then backing out later isn't going to break up your relationship? I say if you can't live together then what chance do you guys have of marriage?

Koing

 

[Koing]

Originally posted by: doiloveher

Originally posted by: Hoober
Are you sure she'll say 'yes?'

100%

Originally posted by: spidey07
I'm honestly thinking if you have any doubts, you shouldn't be getting engaged/married.

"the one" means you have no doubts whatsoever nor could you even imagine having doubt.

i hear you but at times i honestly do feel like that. this "other" feeling though is what caused my concern, and labelling it as jitters would really make me feel better. this really sucks because normally i would talk to her about something like this and work it out, but since i want to surprise her i cant.

maybe i could just do it and then talk to her about my feelings? that seems like a big gamble and like im playing with fire, but she would be able to connect with me emotionally and know what was going on. thoughts?

I would say talking to her would be a good thing. It is make or break time for your relationship. If she can't talk about it and see that you have some jitters or something then you guys aren't meant to be. I'm sure she would be thinking of marriage also and you guys have talked about marriage before right?

What do your other real life friends think?

Koing

 

[Bryophyte]

Originally posted by: HomeAppraiser
<--Married 12 years this month. Oh sh!t, what is the 12 year anniversary present?

Heh, we hit 12 years last month. We got ourselves some furniture (new bed, new leather chair, etc.)

 

[HeroOfPellinor]

Originally posted by: doiloveher

Originally posted by: HeroOfPellinor
I didn't get jitters. If you are, then something is wrong......there should be zero doubt in this decision.

but can you really say that is applicable to everyones situation? maybe some people just get nervous before big decisions. i usually dont, but ive never made this big of a decision before.

When it comes to making huge decisions....yes.

When we were looking for a house, we'd spent 6 months looking and finally found a house that was everything we wanted....3 bed 2 bath, decent yard, great location, etc. But there was some uneasiness I felt about it.......we got to the realtor's office to sign the bid and then I asked her to wait for us to think about it and get back to her......my wife quickly jumped in with "yeah" and took a deep breath. Turns out she felt the same thing. A few weeks later we found a house.....same thing, 3 bed, 2 bath, decent yard, great location.......but this was IT. I told her to come check it out, but I knew how she'd feel and sure enough she loved it 100% and we excitedly submitted a bid within an hour.

So I know about feeling uneasy before making a big decision and I know about trusting that and what it feels like to make a right decision.

 

[Mermaidman]

Is this your first serious relationship?
If not, how do your feelings for this woman compare to your feelings for others?

And would you dump your woman for Jessica Alba?

 

[jagec]

Too late, you already bought the ring. You're stuck, there's no going back.

Originally posted by: swtethan
1st - First - Paper and sex
2nd - Second - Cotton and sex
3rd - Third - Leather and kinky sex
4th - Fourth - Fruit/Flowers
5th - Fifth - Wood and sex
6th - Sixth - Candy/Iron and sex
7th - Seventh - Wool/Copper and sex
8th - Eighth - Bronze/Pottery and sex
9th - Ninth - Pottery/Willow and sex
10th - Tenth - Tin/Aluminium and sex
11th - Eleventh - Steel and sex
12th - Twelfth - Silk/Linen and sex
13th - Thirteenth - Lace and sex
14th - Fourteenth ...

fixed.

 

[HomeAppraiser]

Originally posted by: Bryophyte

Originally posted by: HomeAppraiser
<--Married 12 years this month. Oh sh!t, what is the 12 year anniversary present?

Heh, we hit 12 years last month. We got ourselves some furniture (new bed, new leather chair, etc.)

Leather was third year. Oh yea, good times, good times. Actually she got me a gas BBQ for our three year anniversary.

A new couch would be nice though. Thanks for the idea.