YABT (the first?): Conflicted - who to chose?

[imported_Tomato]

After breaking up with my ex last June/July (and finally cutting off all ties with him recently, as it turns out he just can't be friends because he's too emotionally unstable), I started actively dating again... within the past week, the two guys I've been seeing have both asked to take the relationship to a new level. I haven't even known them that long, and they both have vastly different qualities going for them... I struggled with this last night, and have been asked to make a decision by today.

Gabriel. 22 years old, dating for about two weeks... we met online while I was looking for a "cuddle buddy", and started spending a lot of time together right off the bat. He initially came across as a little shady... really quiet, like he was holding something back. He's a surfer and works as a personal trainer, plays around with turntables, and is very laid back. He also admitted he's cheated on every girlfriend he's ever had - his trend is to be committed for a year or so before cheating. But last night, I discovered a whole new side to him. We were hanging around with some of my high school friends (who I recently found online - they live literally a block away!)... old friends from Physics & Astronomy, Russian, and Internet club. One is now going for his PhD in computer science, the other loves building computers, etc. from scratch... computer geeks to the CORE (it felt so good getting back to my roots!). Gabriel, in turn, "confessed" he felt more comfortable around my nerdy friends than he did around my breakdancing friends... and it turns out he LOVES gaming, D&D, sitting around talking about how WWII could've been won, going over pro wrestling storylines, etc. All this time, I'd thought he was a dumb player... it turns out he's as geeky as I am, and is a LOT smarter than I initially gave him credit for (even though he never finished high school... he's currently enrolled in community college and hopes to transfer to a UC soon). Last night, he told me "if it's on the Internet, I can find it"... and it turns out he'd found my xanga the day after we met and had been keeping up my other "dates". He asked me if I wanted to forget about all that and be his girlfriend... if I could commit to him and only him. I cried about things until I fell asleep, and woke up in the morning to a warm room (he'd turned on the heater he bought for me, because it was freezing in my room before) and a beautiful hand-written note that made me cry... it ended, "...so don't be afraid to be who you are, or you'll never be able to find happiness from within."

Kyle. 18 years old (turning 19 in less than a month)... we met at a coffee shop in Westwood last week, and have been on two dates. He asked me to be his girlfriend on the second... he's a student at UCLA, lives in the dorms, and has a killer smile. He's sweet, smart, funny, and very mature for his age... he performs every week in Westwood (comedy show), and always makes me laugh. Kyle was a ski instructor back home (I LOVE skiing), is open to trying new things (since I've met him, I've introduced him to boba, thai food, etc.), and absolutely adorable. He's incredibly enthusiastic about us, claims to have never cheated on a girlfriend, and loves cuddling. I really like his roommate, and they're just fun, fun guys to be around. We can't do anything 21+, but I suppose there are a million and one other things to do together...

Both guys are very different, and Gabriel's asked me to decide what I want soon (it's not fair to have him waiting around). He knows about Kyle and that respective situation, and won't be around if I continue to see him. I'm sad because he's a really amazing guy, and I'd love to have him as a friend... but I guess it'd be too awkward for him to continue to be friends after all this. *sigh* I'm not quite sure what to do, so I'm asking for your opinion... thank you in advance for any insight you might be able to provide.


What is the difference between this and YAGT?

AnandTech Moderator

 

[Viper GTS]

Remember what happened the last time you posted a thread like this?

Viper GTS

 

[imported_Tomato]

Originally posted by: Viper GTS
Remember what happened the last time you posted a thread like this?

Viper GTS

Yes, but I suppose this one is more "in line" with ATOT tastes.

 

[Maverick]

no offense but I don't think either one is worth it. One's too unstable and the other's too young. The young one might seem fun right now, but that fun will wear off when you realize you can't take him ANYWHERE.

 

[FeathersMcGraw]

Weird, it's YABT, except I don't think I've ever seen another BT.

 

[Spooner]

One guy is under 21. The answer is obvious.

 

[Viper GTS]

Originally posted by: Dezign

Originally posted by: Viper GTS
Remember what happened the last time you posted a thread like this?

Viper GTS

Yes, but I suppose this one is more "in line" with ATOT tastes.

The other one was far more interesting though.



Carry on.

Viper GTS

 

[imported_Tomato]

Originally posted by: Shiva112
no offense but I don't think either one is worth it. One's too unstable and the other's too young. The young one might seem fun right now, but that fun will wear off when you realize you can't take him ANYWHERE.

You're right, one's at an unstable point in his life... he's VERY smart, but extremely lazy and not motivated. He already asked me to spend the holidays with him and his family. The young one has a very high fun factor, and it hasn't worn off quite yet...

 

[imported_Tomato]

Originally posted by: Viper GTS

Originally posted by: Dezign

Originally posted by: Viper GTS
Remember what happened the last time you posted a thread like this?

Viper GTS

Yes, but I suppose this one is more "in line" with ATOT tastes.

The other one was far more interesting though.



Carry on.

Viper GTS

Thanks, Viper. :evil:

 

[isaacmacdonald]

eh, I voted monkey for personal reasons, but I'd go with gabriel. It doesn't sound like you're looking to get married (and thus education level/income/etc shouldn't really matter), so why not go with the more interesting guy?

edit:

actually finished reading the post all the way through. That gabriel guy sounds like he rocks (I'm diggin' the note).

 

[RagingBITCH]

"Once a cheater, always a cheater"

 

[Anubis]

buy kyle a Fake ID and have some fun

 

[imported_Tomato]

Originally posted by: isaacmacdonald
eh, I voted monkey for personal reasons, but I'd go with gabriel. It doesn't sound like you're looking to get married (and thus education level/income/etc shouldn't really matter), so why not go with the more interesting guy?

edit:

actually finished reading the post all the way through. That gabriel guy sounds like he rocks (I'm diggin' the note).

Thanks for the feedback, Isaac. I was actually convinced I was going to go with Kyle until I read the note Gabriel wrote me this morning (he left it on top of my birdcage, which he made sure to cover before he left). The rest of it goes:

"Sometimes things are better written than typed... I only hope that your decision about us, & all the other things going on in your life, will help you feel better about the person you are and will eventually become. Know that whatever you choose, I will still always think of you as a beautiful person inside & out. So don't be afraid to be who you are, or you'll never be able to find happiness from within."

I cried when I read it.

 

[Mathcop]

I also voted for the monkey because I don't really care either way. However, after seeing the results, at this moment the monkey is winning, so dump both guys and get yourself a monkey.

 

[pulse8]

#1 - At this point in your life do you really want to deal with someone who doesn't want do anything with their own?

#2 - At this point in your life do you want to deal with someone who hasn't really begun theirs yet?

 

[isaacmacdonald]

Originally posted by: Dezign

Originally posted by: isaacmacdonald
eh, I voted monkey for personal reasons, but I'd go with gabriel. It doesn't sound like you're looking to get married (and thus education level/income/etc shouldn't really matter), so why not go with the more interesting guy?

edit:

actually finished reading the post all the way through. That gabriel guy sounds like he rocks (I'm diggin' the note).

Thanks for the feedback, Isaac. I was actually convinced I was going to go with Kyle until I read the note Gabriel wrote me this morning (he left it on top of my birdcage, which he made sure to cover before he left). The rest of it goes:

"Sometimes things are better written than typed... I only hope that your decision about us, & all the other things going on in your life, will help you feel better about the person you are and will eventually become. Know that whatever you choose, I will still always think of you as a beautiful person inside & out. So don't be afraid to be who you are, or you'll never be able to find happiness from within."

I cried when I read it.

He sounds passionate, which is a rare quality to find in either sex.

 

[StageLeft]

Pick both and juggle them until you're caught. Should make for some interesting YABTs.

 

[crt1530]

If you pick Gabriel, you will find very little sympathy here when you come crying because he cheated on you.

 

[AbsolutDealage]

Originally posted by: Dezign

Originally posted by: isaacmacdonald
eh, I voted monkey for personal reasons, but I'd go with gabriel. It doesn't sound like you're looking to get married (and thus education level/income/etc shouldn't really matter), so why not go with the more interesting guy?

edit:

actually finished reading the post all the way through. That gabriel guy sounds like he rocks (I'm diggin' the note).

Thanks for the feedback, Isaac. I was actually convinced I was going to go with Kyle until I read the note Gabriel wrote me this morning (he left it on top of my birdcage, which he made sure to cover before he left). The rest of it goes:

"Sometimes things are better written than typed... I only hope that your decision about us, & all the other things going on in your life, will help you feel better about the person you are and will eventually become. Know that whatever you choose, I will still always think of you as a beautiful person inside & out. So don't be afraid to be who you are, or you'll never be able to find happiness from within."

I cried when I read it.

I think you really need to choose Kyle, if you choose one of them at all.

Take a step away from the situation here for a sec.

Gabriel: Has cheated on every single g/f he's ever had. Will he cheat on you? Yes. He answered an ad for a "cuddle buddy", and parlayed the friendship into a possible relationship (that is no accident). In the beginning, if he said that all he wanted from you was a friendship, then he is a liar as well as a cheater.

I know the note was probably very sweet, and God knows I've written some in my day, but this really looks like he is trying to take advantage of you. Looking from the outside-in, Kyle is the better choice.

 

[sillymofo]

<- /jumps up and down fervently

Pick me, me, pick me

 

[imported_Tomato]

Originally posted by: AbsolutDealage

Originally posted by: Dezign

Originally posted by: isaacmacdonald
eh, I voted monkey for personal reasons, but I'd go with gabriel. It doesn't sound like you're looking to get married (and thus education level/income/etc shouldn't really matter), so why not go with the more interesting guy?

edit:

actually finished reading the post all the way through. That gabriel guy sounds like he rocks (I'm diggin' the note).

Thanks for the feedback, Isaac. I was actually convinced I was going to go with Kyle until I read the note Gabriel wrote me this morning (he left it on top of my birdcage, which he made sure to cover before he left). The rest of it goes:

"Sometimes things are better written than typed... I only hope that your decision about us, & all the other things going on in your life, will help you feel better about the person you are and will eventually become. Know that whatever you choose, I will still always think of you as a beautiful person inside & out. So don't be afraid to be who you are, or you'll never be able to find happiness from within."

I cried when I read it.

I think you really need to choose Kyle, if you choose one of them at all.

Take a step away from the situation here for a sec.

Gabriel: Has cheated on every single g/f he's ever had. Will he cheat on you? Yes. He answered an ad for a "cuddle buddy", and parlayed the friendship into a possible relationship (that is no accident). In the beginning, if he said that all he wanted from you was a friendship, then he is a liar as well as a cheater.

I know the note was probably very sweet, and God knows I've written some in my day, but this really looks like he is trying to take advantage of you. Looking from the outside-in, Kyle is the better choice.

I spoke to Gabriel about my concern re: the cheating issue, and he said he felt those times occurred because the girls started to "close in on his space". He said because I give a lot of space, he doesn't think he'll cheat on me, and that he believes he's "grown out of it." But from past experience, I'm aware of the "once a cheater, always a cheater" philosophy.

Thanks for your thoughtful feedback... after thinking about things some more, I'm leaning strongly towards Kyle. Plus, Kyle lives 5-10 minutes away, and Gabriel lives about 40 minutes away.

 

[isaacmacdonald]

Originally posted by: AbsolutDealage

Originally posted by: Dezign

Originally posted by: isaacmacdonald
eh, I voted monkey for personal reasons, but I'd go with gabriel. It doesn't sound like you're looking to get married (and thus education level/income/etc shouldn't really matter), so why not go with the more interesting guy?

edit:

actually finished reading the post all the way through. That gabriel guy sounds like he rocks (I'm diggin' the note).

Thanks for the feedback, Isaac. I was actually convinced I was going to go with Kyle until I read the note Gabriel wrote me this morning (he left it on top of my birdcage, which he made sure to cover before he left). The rest of it goes:

"Sometimes things are better written than typed... I only hope that your decision about us, & all the other things going on in your life, will help you feel better about the person you are and will eventually become. Know that whatever you choose, I will still always think of you as a beautiful person inside & out. So don't be afraid to be who you are, or you'll never be able to find happiness from within."

I cried when I read it.

I think you really need to choose Kyle, if you choose one of them at all.

Take a step away from the situation here for a sec.

Gabriel: Has cheated on every single g/f he's ever had. Will he cheat on you? Yes. He answered an ad for a "cuddle buddy", and parlayed the friendship into a possible relationship (that is no accident). In the beginning, if he said that all he wanted from you was a friendship, then he is a liar as well as a cheater.

I know the note was probably very sweet, and God knows I've written some in my day, but this really looks like he is trying to take advantage of you. Looking from the outside-in, Kyle is the better choice.

I think that's a cyncial POV.

Why does he cheat? Perhaps he has more passion than he knows what to do with? I don't know, but I would bet that a relationship with a 19yr old in the middle of college is going to be equally precarious (whether or not you get left high and dry, or he cheats).

I guess Kyle is the safer bet, but I think the relationship would have substantially less potential.

 

[xirtam]

Go with whichever one buys you chocolate first.

 

[richardycc]

I think what you need is a rich geeky americanized chinese guy!

 

[Booster]

I think you'll choose Gabriel b/c he really cares for you (he even found your site and been following it).

And you wrote about Gabriel at least 2X more, mentined him first and last. So it's obvious you like him more (IMO).

And more... How can you choose like that, and even ask ATOT? LOL. So I think you don't really know whom you want if you need to ask. Maybe you should stay single then (for your own good).