Why would anyone want to get married?

[LordMaul]

Originally posted by: Zenmervolt

Originally posted by: VBboy
Ok, I just don't understand why anyone would want to get married. I like my independence, being able to leave the house whenever I like; spending money on the computer (like buying a $350 videocard) without having to explain it to a wife, considering the family budget, etc. I also like going out with my friends whenever I like without being worried about not coming home for the "family dinner".

Seems that a marriage would significantly impair anyone's ability to have fun. Can't you just have a girlfriend/boyfriend, and keep it that way? Why complicate things?

P.S. No, I am not a 16-year old kid who never got laid

You do realise that you are not describing a girlfriend/boyfriend, but rather a device for masturbation that just happens to be alive.

ZV

Sweet!

Er...

 

[HomeBrewerDude]

There are somethings in life that you can't get unless you give something up.

No matter what path your life takes, you will be gaining certain things while giving up others.


Marriage (or any similar relationship) will give you a chance for intimacy, love, family, on a day in day out basis all with an innumerable benefits.

 

[rh71]

Originally posted by: VBboy
Let's hear some responses from the UNMARRIED, non-war-veteran Anandtech members?

Ok. I'm unmarried but engaged when I was 24. All I have to say is that you'll be no older than around 22 when you decide marriage ain't such a bad idea...

 

[BD231]

I hear some people say it's worth it because of the bond you feel between you and the other person. Don't ask a question you don't have the ability of seeing from all sides, many people get married, so obviously there's a reason. What seems like complete logic to you is simply a missunderstanding that you have to figure out on your own, believe it or not people don't get involved with eachother just to be phuck buddies.

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: MichaelD
AND I'LL BET EVERY DAMN SINGLE ONE OF YOU MARRIED GUYS WILL SAY:

Oh, my wife LOVES me...she'd NEVER do that.

Thumper LOVES me...she'd NEVER do that.

Why? Because the marriage vows say, "till death do us part".

Ok, that's not the real reason... The real reason is we'll have a pre-nup that excludes income transfer (almony) and states that if we have children, we'll share 50/50 joint custody. None of this every other weekend stuff...

Of course no one expects to get divorced, but it might happen, you can't predict the future.

You are ALL ignorant.

Nope, just well prepared. I love Thumper totally and completely, but that doesn't mean we won't have a pre-nup. Anyone who doesn't get one is indeed ignorant.

: ) Hopper

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: MichaelD
EVERYBODY GETS MARRIED B/C OF LOVE!!!! Duh. When it goes bad, the COURT<--court is GOD! sides w/the woman all the time. God help you if you have kids....just apply at McDonalds now....

You didn't have a pre-nup, did you?

: ) Hopper

 

[VBboy]

Originally posted by: rh71

Originally posted by: VBboy
Let's hear some responses from the UNMARRIED, non-war-veteran Anandtech members?

Ok. I'm unmarried but engaged when I was 24. All I have to say is that you'll be no older than around 22 when you decide marriage ain't such a bad idea...

I am 25, dammit

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
IMHO,you marry because your desire to share your life with that person is bigger than all your fears.

Sig material...

You're a very wise woman... I can't tell you how much respect I have for your thoughts and insights into relationships.

*hug*

: ) Hopper

 

[Zenmervolt]

You make a very good point. However, in the real world, nobody gets married, let alone dates exclusively without having sex first!!!

Seems that I don't live in the real world then. Glad I found this out.

(I'm not married, but I have "dated exclusively" without sex ever having been involved.) I'm curious as to why anyone would feel the need to be so redundant as to say "date exclusively". Dating is by its nature exclusive. If you're not exclusive, then you're not dating, you're just playing the field.

Sex is what keeps you "there" in the beginning. Then you get to know her/him as a person. You fall in love with that person.

You have the sex on the wrong end of that timeline. Which would explain a lot.

ZV

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: Grasshopper27

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
IMHO,you marry because your desire to share your life with that person is bigger than all your fears.

Sig material...

You're a very wise woman... I can't tell you how much respect I have for your thoughts and insights into relationships.

*hug*

: ) Hopper

Sometimes all the negatvity I read here throws me into utter despair,such young people with so much going for them who are more afraid and bitter than people twice their age,it saddens me because if you do not risk your heart will never know the thrill of being so in love with somebody else that you'd give up everything for them,including laying down your life if need be.If your heart cannot feel,if you will yourself to the land of the numb well,you might as well be dead in my book.

 

[amnesiac]

Originally posted by: VBboy

Originally posted by: rh71

Originally posted by: VBboy
Let's hear some responses from the UNMARRIED, non-war-veteran Anandtech members?

Ok. I'm unmarried but engaged when I was 24. All I have to say is that you'll be no older than around 22 when you decide marriage ain't such a bad idea...

I am 25, dammit

We mean mentally.

You may have been on this earth for 25 years but apparently you're still a kid.

When you grow up for real and have real, grown-up experiences, like meeting the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with, then you'll understand.

In the meanwhile, continue on with your solitary computer geek existance.

 

[MichaelD]

Originally posted by: Grasshopper27

Originally posted by: MichaelD
AND I'LL BET EVERY DAMN SINGLE ONE OF YOU MARRIED GUYS WILL SAY:

Oh, my wife LOVES me...she'd NEVER do that.

Thumper LOVES me...she'd NEVER do that.

Why? Because the marriage vows say, "till death do us part".

Ok, that's not the real reason... The real reason is we'll have a pre-nup that excludes income transfer (almony) and states that if we have children, we'll share 50/50 joint custody. None of this every other weekend stuff...

Of course no one expects to get divorced, but it might happen, you can't predict the future.

You are ALL ignorant.

Nope, just well prepared. I love Thumper totally and completely, but that doesn't mean we won't have a pre-nup. Anyone who doesn't get one is indeed ignorant.

: ) Hopper

I can honestly say that I am very surprised by your response. You don't seem like a "prenup kinda guy." Really, you don't. I don't necessarily agree w/all the ass-kissing you do (Baffled2 in particular..do you know who that is, BTW?) but I must say that I'm surprised by your answer

A prenup is the way to go. It protects all involved.

 

[Siddhartha]

Children

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: Grasshopper27

Originally posted by: MichaelD
AND I'LL BET EVERY DAMN SINGLE ONE OF YOU MARRIED GUYS WILL SAY:

Oh, my wife LOVES me...she'd NEVER do that.

Thumper LOVES me...she'd NEVER do that.

Why? Because the marriage vows say, "till death do us part".

Ok, that's not the real reason... The real reason is we'll have a pre-nup that excludes income transfer (almony) and states that if we have children, we'll share 50/50 joint custody. None of this every other weekend stuff...

Of course no one expects to get divorced, but it might happen, you can't predict the future.

You are ALL ignorant.

Nope, just well prepared. I love Thumper totally and completely, but that doesn't mean we won't have a pre-nup. Anyone who doesn't get one is indeed ignorant.

: ) Hopper

I can honestly say that I am very surprised by your response. You don't seem like a "prenup kinda guy." Really, you don't. I don't necessarily agree w/all the ass-kissing you do (Baffled2 in particular..do you know who that is, BTW?) but I must say that I'm surprised by your answer

A prenup is the way to go. It protects all involved.

Be quiet Michaeld, ass kissers are far,far better than ass kickers!!!

 

[MichaelD]

Originally posted by: Zenmervolt

You make a very good point. However, in the real world, nobody gets married, let alone dates exclusively without having sex first!!!

Seems that I don't live in the real world then. Glad I found this out.

(I'm not married, but I have dated "exclusively" without sex ever having been involved.)

Sex is what keeps you "there" in the beginning. Then you get to know her/him as a person. You fall in love with that person.

You have the sex on the wrong end of that timeline. Which would explain a lot.

ZV

Yep, it would explain your monastic-like existence for all those years.

Got news for 'ya, Mormon-boy; the world revolves around two things; money and sex...in that order.

Unless you're extremely religious (like you, and in the minority, I must add) all that "no milk before cow purchase" crap is just that; CRAP.

You got married at what age? 12, right?

 

[tk149]

Originally posted by: RagingBITCH
So you're a 17-year old kid whose never gotten laid?

It's about sharing your love and your life with the one person in the world who makes you happy and that won't mind making sacrifices for. Obviously you're neither old enough nor mature enough to grasp that concept yet.

Your username fits so well. It's people like you who make people like VBboy wonder why the hell would anyone get married.

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Sometimes all the negatvity I read here throws me into utter despair,such young people with so much going for them who are more afraid and bitter than people twice their age,it saddens me because if you do not risk your heart will never know the thrill of being so in love with somebody else that you'd give up everything for them,including laying down your life if need be.If your heart cannot feel,if you will yourself to the land of the numb well,you might as well be dead in my book.

Ok, I've typed, edited, and retyped this several times now... I'm struggling to find the right words here...

You're right, without risk there is usually no reward. The wonderful benefits of sharing your life with someone you love far outweigh the benefits of staying single.

To whomever it is that you're dating, if you're reading this... You are a very lucky man, you have found yourself a very wise and intelligent woman in her.

*picks up the telephone to call Thumper at work to tell her I love her and am thinking about her*

: ) Hopper

 

[Zenmervolt]

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: Zenmervolt

You make a very good point. However, in the real world, nobody gets married, let alone dates exclusively without having sex first!!!

Seems that I don't live in the real world then. Glad I found this out.

(I'm not married, but I have dated "exclusively" without sex ever having been involved.)

Sex is what keeps you "there" in the beginning. Then you get to know her/him as a person. You fall in love with that person.

You have the sex on the wrong end of that timeline. Which would explain a lot.

ZV

Yep, it would explain your monastic-like existence for all those years.

Got news for 'ya, Mormon-boy; the world revolves around two things; money and sex...in that order.

Unless you're extremely religious (like you, and in the minority, I must add) all that "no milk before cow purchase" crap is just that; CRAP.

You got married at what age? 12, right?

I'm 20. And I'm single. And I'm agnostic. Care to take another shot at stereotyping me?

I have only my own observations to back me on this, but I have never once see a person who puts sex first on the relationship timeline manage a healthy relationships. It's simply self-destructive on a pratical level to operate that way.

I recognise that the material world runs on money and sex (actually, I think it runs more on the perception of sex and the possibility of sex than sex itself), and I can play that game when I want to. It's useful sometimes, but it is always just a game. A game cannot fulfill, it can only distract. Life spent in a game may indeed be pleasureable, but in the end that game is only a distraction from emptiness in other areas.

As for that "monastic existance", I'm not missing a thing.

ZV

 

[Zebo]

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: Zenmervolt

You make a very good point. However, in the real world, nobody gets married, let alone dates exclusively without having sex first!!!

Seems that I don't live in the real world then. Glad I found this out.

(I'm not married, but I have dated "exclusively" without sex ever having been involved.)

Sex is what keeps you "there" in the beginning. Then you get to know her/him as a person. You fall in love with that person.

You have the sex on the wrong end of that timeline. Which would explain a lot.

ZV

Yep, it would explain your monastic-like existence for all those years.

Got news for 'ya, Mormon-boy; the world revolves around two things; money and sex...in that order.

Unless you're extremely religious (like you, and in the minority, I must add) all that "no milk before cow purchase" crap is just that; CRAP.

You got married at what age? 12, right?

Easy to see why you're 34 and single. Does it ever bother you people think you're gay instead of just an asshole.

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: MichaelD
I can honestly say that I am very surprised by your response. You don't seem like a "prenup kinda guy." Really, you don't.

It is hard to get an accurate picture of someone from a text based message forum.

I am totally and completely devoted to Thumper. With very few exceptions, I'd bend over backwards to deliver the world to her.

But there are exceptions. I won't give up my flying for example, that is too imporant to me. I wouldn't make similar type demands of her. We are getting married, but we are still people who have to make certain choices in life for ourselves. My flying for me, her work for her.

I want her to quit her second job that keeps her away from me. I've offered to give her money to cover her expenses, but there are reasons why she doesn't want that.

I respect her feelings and would never even try to put my foot down on stuff like that. That is her choice alone to make.

I don't necessarily agree w/all the ass-kissing you do (Baffled2 in particular..do you know who that is, BTW?)

It isn't ass-kissing, it really isn't. I care about Jean (Baffled2/Geekbabe), she is a good person who has helped me with my own issues with marriage and Thumper). More conversation goes on here than just what you see on the forum, some of it is private.

I also care about Amanda as I'm sure you know. She may not have Jean's life experience, but she has one of the biggest hearts of anyone I know. Her "the glass is three quarters full" attitude is wonderful. She always has a kind thing to say and also has been a good sounding board for my fears and concerns about marriage.

I've talked privately with several of the other women here, asking questions and getting advice from those who have their experience to offer. Rather than naming names (because some of them are less public about), let me just say thanks here. You know who you are.

If anything happened to any of them tomorrow, I'd be very upset (crying would be involved). I consider them my friends.

*gives Amanda and Jean a hug*

: ) Hopper

 

[tk149]

I've never been married, although at times, I wanted to be. Never panned out right. I'm 34.

I have several friends around my age who are married. I don't think any of them are really happy. One is in the middle of a divorce/child custody. One was about to get a divorce, but then his wife got pregnant. One has flat out told me he'd like to get a divorce, but he doesn't want to lose the kids. One of my previous bosses is paying more in alimony/child support than I make (gross pay!)! I don't think he's making much more than twice what I am.

I've spent some time working on divorce law in a law firm. It IS a woman's world in divorce court.

I often wonder, "The divorce rate is around 50%. What makes me think that I am different from the guys I know in my generation? Can I make a marriage work until death do us part?" I've never been able to satisfactorily answer that question. I would love to find the ideal woman for me, and spend the rest of my life with her. But I wonder about the odds.

 

[MichaelD]

Originally posted by: Carbonyl

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: Zenmervolt

You make a very good point. However, in the real world, nobody gets married, let alone dates exclusively without having sex first!!!

Seems that I don't live in the real world then. Glad I found this out.

(I'm not married, but I have dated "exclusively" without sex ever having been involved.)

Sex is what keeps you "there" in the beginning. Then you get to know her/him as a person. You fall in love with that person.

You have the sex on the wrong end of that timeline. Which would explain a lot.

ZV

Yep, it would explain your monastic-like existence for all those years.

Got news for 'ya, Mormon-boy; the world revolves around two things; money and sex...in that order.

Unless you're extremely religious (like you, and in the minority, I must add) all that "no milk before cow purchase" crap is just that; CRAP.

You got married at what age? 12, right?

Easy to see why you're 34 and single. Does it ever bother you people think you're gay instead of just an asshole.

Is that the best you can do? Heh.
That's funny. I've had more physical contact with women than you've even seen pictures off, lube-boy. I am single by CHOICE. I have been engaged twice. I broke it off both times. I have no regrets.

Oh, don't you have to get off the internet now? You're wife wants to check out womensvaginalhealth.com.

 

[Soybomb]

Unless you're extremely religious (like you, and in the minority, I must add) all that "no milk before cow purchase" crap is just that; CRAP.
(and later)
That's funny. I've had more physical contact with women than you've even seen pictures off, lube-boy

I understand why your experience would leave you bitter, but it also doesn't reflect the way all relationships are either. I got in a car wreck once that could have easily killed me but I still drive quite frequently. Bad things happen in anything and sadly that includes marriage. Don't give up on the concept of something because of those bad experiences. I'm not religious but I've had my share of relationships that last for a considerable length of time without sex, and some that go on for a while and end even before sex! I see nothing wrong with premarital sex but if you're basing relationships off sex you're usually asking for it to happen. Your penis doesn't usually choose the best partner, make an emotional connection with someone before you worry about the physical. Your last comment just gives this feeling like its such an important thing for you.

I suspect you won't agree with a word I've said either and as long as you're happy with your life it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. To me though I have to develop a personal bond with someone before I would consider it a real and good relationship.

 

[HeroOfPellinor]

IMO, nobody should seek to get married. You get married when you meet a woman you love more than yourself...a woman you want to devote your life to making happy...and a woman with whom you want to share every part of the rest of your life. If you don't meet a woman like this, then getting married is stupid. If you do meet a woman like this, going out with friends whenever you want and buying expensive computer parts will suddenly seem trivial in comparison to seeing her smile.

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: HeroOfPellinor
IMO, nobody should seek to get married. You get married when you meet a woman you love more than yourself...a woman you want to devote your life to making happy...and a woman with whom you want to share every part of the rest of your life. If you don't meet a woman like this, then getting married is stupid. If you do meet a woman like this, going out with friends whenever you want and buying expensive computer parts will suddenly seem trivial in comparison to seeing her smile.

Well said...