Why would anyone want to get married?

[Pliablemoose]

Originally posted by: MichaelD
I respect quite a few of you guys. Particularly PLIABLEMOOSE. Many a conversation we've had. He's one man I look up to...patience of a saint, calculating mind of the HAL9000...one of the few men that actually WON in spite of the entire damn system being stacked against him...a true rarity.

Marriage is a two-way street....you've gotta be...well...normal, I guess for marriage to work. I'm a quirky character....not quirky THAT WAY, ya damn freaks...just quirky...

I'm just burned out now

I'm planning on taking the LSAT this fall & maybe doing a career change. I've had so much time in family court, I think I'd make a good lawyer. Oldest daughter might go into law too...

 

[Conky]

Nine months is my record relationship with a woman. If I could ever make it past a year with no tears/control issues I might consider it.

I have seen way too many guys marry a woman they really didn't know and end up divorced. The last thing I need is alimony and child support.

Odds are getting low that I will ever marry but, being the eternal optimist, I am always hoping to meet the right woman. I am also hoping to win the lottery and that hasn't happened either.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
IMHO,you marry because your desire to share your life with that person is bigger than all your fears.

Ah...the Idealist Outlook. It's all a pretty picture, babe, until someone loses HIS shirt.

You know what Michael? when my marriage ended I got 3 kids and pretty much 24/7 responsibility for them,including finding ways to pay most of the bills associated with them,not every woman gets to sit on her arse living large post divorce and it's a helluva lot easier to work multiple jobs when it's pretty much only yourself you are responsible for.

All that said,the things I regret most about my divorce have nothing to do with money and more to do with shattered dreams,a broken heart and the feeling of failure associated with not keeping a two parent home for our children.

 

[MichaelD]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
IMHO,you marry because your desire to share your life with that person is bigger than all your fears.

Ah...the Idealist Outlook. It's all a pretty picture, babe, until someone loses HIS shirt.

You know what Michael? when my marriage ended I got 3 kids and pretty much 24/7 responsibility for them,including finding ways to pay most of the bills associated with them,not every woman gets to sit on her arse living large post divorce and it's a helluva lot easier to work multiple jobs when it's pretty much only yourself you are responsible for.

All that said,the things I regret most about my divorce have nothing to do with money and more to do with shattered dreams,a broken heart and the feeling of failure associated with not keeping a two parent home for our children.

Well, that just stinks, doesn't it? However....wait...let me think first.....*thinking*

OK...you are more experienced in the realms of marriage than I...I've never been legally married...but you, more than most, know what I've been thru with Broomhilda.
I'm assuming your ex-husband wanted kids too, since you had not one, but THREE, right? Then your situation is unique...here's what usually happens.

Man and woman meet.
They date.
Sex is great.
They get to know each other.
Really well.
They fall in love.
They don't talk about kids.
They get married.
The woman whines about wanting a family.
The man, not wanting to upset the little lady, but not really giving a good goddamn about kids agrees.
9 months later, Johnny or Janie shows up.
The focus of the marriage shifts from "me and you" to "all about the kids" <--that's usually the woman's doing, BTW. (from what I've seen, anyway.)
Divorce court.
MichaelD works Job#2 with the other two guys that had to get a second job.

Sometimes I wish I could be as ignorant (again, not an insult) how about "carefree?" as most of you....I just am jaded...as in "black inside."

 

[eviltoon]

I've been married for 17 years. Have 3 kids and when I stop to think about it ...I think I'm one of the most fortunate people on earth. I'm still a kid at heart, with some big responsibilities. I'm often immature and selfish, but I get over it.

To me the saddest thing in life would have to be looking back at the previous 60 years or so and taking stock of all the cd's, dvd's, cars you've owned and whatever else guys tend to collect and cherish and realize that the points been missed. Maybe, just maybe, life is not about what you have or aspire to be but more about what you can pass on to others...like a wife and kids and such. I don't know, I could be wrong. I'm still a far cry from 60, but I'm sort of thinking to the future.

 

[bleeb]

You get huge taxe breaks by getting married. heheh

 

[Pliablemoose]

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
IMHO,you marry because your desire to share your life with that person is bigger than all your fears.

Ah...the Idealist Outlook. It's all a pretty picture, babe, until someone loses HIS shirt.

You know what Michael? when my marriage ended I got 3 kids and pretty much 24/7 responsibility for them,including finding ways to pay most of the bills associated with them,not every woman gets to sit on her arse living large post divorce and it's a helluva lot easier to work multiple jobs when it's pretty much only yourself you are responsible for.

All that said,the things I regret most about my divorce have nothing to do with money and more to do with shattered dreams,a broken heart and the feeling of failure associated with not keeping a two parent home for our children.

Well, that just stinks, doesn't it? However....wait...let me think first.....*thinking*

OK...you are more experienced in the realms of marriage than I...I've never been legally married...but you, more than most, know what I've been thru with Broomhilda.
I'm assuming your ex-husband wanted kids too, since you had not one, but THREE, right? Then your situation is unique...here's what usually happens.

Man and woman meet.
They date.
Sex is great.
They get to know each other.
Really well.
They fall in love.
They don't talk about kids.
They get married.
The woman whines about wanting a family.
The man, not wanting to upset the little lady, but not really giving a good goddamn about kids agrees.
9 months later, Johnny or Janie shows up.
The focus of the marriage shifts from "me and you" to "all about the kids" <--that's usually the woman's doing, BTW. (from what I've seen, anyway.)
Divorce court.
MichaelD works Job#2 with the other two guys that had to get a second job.

Sometimes I wish I could be as ignorant (again, not an insult) how about "carefree?" as most of you....I just am jaded...as in "black inside."

Current wife & I hooked up & decided it was all about the kids in the first place

I would not have remarried if it wasn't.

 

[Pliablemoose]

Originally posted by: MichaelD
I respect quite a few of you guys. Particularly PLIABLEMOOSE. Many a conversation we've had. He's one man I look up to...patience of a saint, calculating mind of the HAL9000...one of the few men that actually WON in spite of the entire damn system being stacked against him...a true rarity.

Marriage is a two-way street....you've gotta be...well...normal, I guess for marriage to work. I'm a quirky character....not quirky THAT WAY, ya damn freaks...just quirky...

BTW, thanks MichaelD, made my night.

 

[SCSIfreek]

Originally posted by: bleeb
You get huge taxe breaks by getting married. heheh

no you don't.

--Scsi

 

[Koing]

Marriages work, just that most people go in to them too soon or don't really think it through.

Your parents, your grandparents are living proof of that. (only if they are together).

Most of my friends have parents that are together. Few of them don't but its much more that are married and together then not.

How is this in the states? I live in England so don't know. Your friends with parents together or divorced?

 

[jjones]

Been married for almost 8 years now and it's had its ups and downs but I wouldn't trade it for the single life again. I'm pretty fortunate in that my wife lets me do just about whatever I want. We had great fun before we were married, I had a great single life and so did she, and we still let each other do their own thing when they need to. I go out with my single friends and she goes out with her single friends frequently. We have a kid now so we're not as free as we were, but that's okay now too as she's in her late 30's and I'm in my early 40's, so we've slowed down a little bit on the social life anyway.

 

[drum]

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
IMHO,you marry because your desire to share your life with that person is bigger than all your fears.

Ah...the Idealist Outlook. It's all a pretty picture, babe, until someone loses HIS shirt.

You know what Michael? when my marriage ended I got 3 kids and pretty much 24/7 responsibility for them,including finding ways to pay most of the bills associated with them,not every woman gets to sit on her arse living large post divorce and it's a helluva lot easier to work multiple jobs when it's pretty much only yourself you are responsible for.

All that said,the things I regret most about my divorce have nothing to do with money and more to do with shattered dreams,a broken heart and the feeling of failure associated with not keeping a two parent home for our children.

Well, that just stinks, doesn't it? However....wait...let me think first.....*thinking*

OK...you are more experienced in the realms of marriage than I...I've never been legally married...but you, more than most, know what I've been thru with Broomhilda.
I'm assuming your ex-husband wanted kids too, since you had not one, but THREE, right? Then your situation is unique...here's what usually happens.

Man and woman meet.
They date.
Sex is great.
They get to know each other.
Really well.
They fall in love.
They don't talk about kids.
They get married.
The woman whines about wanting a family.
The man, not wanting to upset the little lady, but not really giving a good goddamn about kids agrees.
9 months later, Johnny or Janie shows up.
The focus of the marriage shifts from "me and you" to "all about the kids" <--that's usually the woman's doing, BTW. (from what I've seen, anyway.)
Divorce court.
MichaelD works Job#2 with the other two guys that had to get a second job.

Sometimes I wish I could be as ignorant (again, not an insult) how about "carefree?" as most of you....I just am jaded...as in "black inside."

Ok. If these people get to know each other, REALLY well as you put it, then they would have TALKED about kids. Probably BEFORE they had this great sex. What happens is a lack of communication and/or misplaced priorities. You expect the marriage to work because they had great sex while they were dating and didn't even bother to get to know each other enough to know if the other wanted kids? Please.

 

[tm37]

I am married and am glad I am married.

Do I worry that my wife could turn to psycobitch and take my stuff? Not really. I trust her, Might I get screwed? Yeah but I would much rather live a short happy life than a long fearful one.

 

[MichaelD]

Originally posted by: drum

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
IMHO,you marry because your desire to share your life with that person is bigger than all your fears.

Ah...the Idealist Outlook. It's all a pretty picture, babe, until someone loses HIS shirt.

You know what Michael? when my marriage ended I got 3 kids and pretty much 24/7 responsibility for them,including finding ways to pay most of the bills associated with them,not every woman gets to sit on her arse living large post divorce and it's a helluva lot easier to work multiple jobs when it's pretty much only yourself you are responsible for.

All that said,the things I regret most about my divorce have nothing to do with money and more to do with shattered dreams,a broken heart and the feeling of failure associated with not keeping a two parent home for our children.

Well, that just stinks, doesn't it? However....wait...let me think first.....*thinking*

OK...you are more experienced in the realms of marriage than I...I've never been legally married...but you, more than most, know what I've been thru with Broomhilda.
I'm assuming your ex-husband wanted kids too, since you had not one, but THREE, right? Then your situation is unique...here's what usually happens.

Man and woman meet.
They date.
Sex is great.
They get to know each other.
Really well.
They fall in love.
They don't talk about kids.
They get married.
The woman whines about wanting a family.
The man, not wanting to upset the little lady, but not really giving a good goddamn about kids agrees.
9 months later, Johnny or Janie shows up.
The focus of the marriage shifts from "me and you" to "all about the kids" <--that's usually the woman's doing, BTW. (from what I've seen, anyway.)
Divorce court.
MichaelD works Job#2 with the other two guys that had to get a second job.

Sometimes I wish I could be as ignorant (again, not an insult) how about "carefree?" as most of you....I just am jaded...as in "black inside."

Ok. If these people get to know each other, REALLY well as you put it, then they would have TALKED about kids. Probably BEFORE they had this great sex. What happens is a lack of communication and/or misplaced priorities. You expect the marriage to work because they had great sex while they were dating and didn't even bother to get to know each other enough to know if the other wanted kids? Please.

You make a very good point. However, in the real world, nobody gets married, let alone dates exclusively without having sex first!!!

Why the hell would a woman want to commit herself to me if she wasn't positive that i could deliver the mail in the sack?

 

[drum]

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: drum

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
IMHO,you marry because your desire to share your life with that person is bigger than all your fears.

Ah...the Idealist Outlook. It's all a pretty picture, babe, until someone loses HIS shirt.

You know what Michael? when my marriage ended I got 3 kids and pretty much 24/7 responsibility for them,including finding ways to pay most of the bills associated with them,not every woman gets to sit on her arse living large post divorce and it's a helluva lot easier to work multiple jobs when it's pretty much only yourself you are responsible for.

All that said,the things I regret most about my divorce have nothing to do with money and more to do with shattered dreams,a broken heart and the feeling of failure associated with not keeping a two parent home for our children.

Well, that just stinks, doesn't it? However....wait...let me think first.....*thinking*

OK...you are more experienced in the realms of marriage than I...I've never been legally married...but you, more than most, know what I've been thru with Broomhilda.
I'm assuming your ex-husband wanted kids too, since you had not one, but THREE, right? Then your situation is unique...here's what usually happens.

Man and woman meet.
They date.
Sex is great.
They get to know each other.
Really well.
They fall in love.
They don't talk about kids.
They get married.
The woman whines about wanting a family.
The man, not wanting to upset the little lady, but not really giving a good goddamn about kids agrees.
9 months later, Johnny or Janie shows up.
The focus of the marriage shifts from "me and you" to "all about the kids" <--that's usually the woman's doing, BTW. (from what I've seen, anyway.)
Divorce court.
MichaelD works Job#2 with the other two guys that had to get a second job.

Sometimes I wish I could be as ignorant (again, not an insult) how about "carefree?" as most of you....I just am jaded...as in "black inside."

Ok. If these people get to know each other, REALLY well as you put it, then they would have TALKED about kids. Probably BEFORE they had this great sex. What happens is a lack of communication and/or misplaced priorities. You expect the marriage to work because they had great sex while they were dating and didn't even bother to get to know each other enough to know if the other wanted kids? Please.

You make a very good point. However, in the real world, nobody gets married, let alone dates exclusively without having sex first!!!

Why the hell would a woman want to commit herself to me if she wasn't positive that i could deliver the mail in the sack?

Well, I think you are probably right there. I have no idea on those stats. IMO, marriages that are based on good sex probably aren't going to last. If it is used to supplement strong non-physical feelings for the partner, then maybe. But who knows. nothing is a guarantee in this life!

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
IMHO,you marry because your desire to share your life with that person is bigger than all your fears.

Ah...the Idealist Outlook. It's all a pretty picture, babe, until someone loses HIS shirt.

You know what Michael? when my marriage ended I got 3 kids and pretty much 24/7 responsibility for them,including finding ways to pay most of the bills associated with them,not every woman gets to sit on her arse living large post divorce and it's a helluva lot easier to work multiple jobs when it's pretty much only yourself you are responsible for.

All that said,the things I regret most about my divorce have nothing to do with money and more to do with shattered dreams,a broken heart and the feeling of failure associated with not keeping a two parent home for our children.

Well, that just stinks, doesn't it? However....wait...let me think first.....*thinking*

OK...you are more experienced in the realms of marriage than I...I've never been legally married...but you, more than most, know what I've been thru with Broomhilda.
I'm assuming your ex-husband wanted kids too, since you had not one, but THREE, right? Then your situation is unique...here's what usually happens.

Man and woman meet.
They date.
Sex is great.
They get to know each other.
Really well.
They fall in love.
They don't talk about kids.
They get married.
The woman whines about wanting a family.
The man, not wanting to upset the little lady, but not really giving a good goddamn about kids agrees.
9 months later, Johnny or Janie shows up.
The focus of the marriage shifts from "me and you" to "all about the kids" <--that's usually the woman's doing, BTW. (from what I've seen, anyway.)
Divorce court.
MichaelD works Job#2 with the other two guys that had to get a second job.

Sometimes I wish I could be as ignorant (again, not an insult) how about "carefree?" as most of you....I just am jaded...as in "black inside."

Some of us don't think taking responsibility for our life choices has left us "jaded " or "black inside"

I still feel that marriage is a good thing,of course it isn't for everyone and it's good that one recognizes that it's not for them.

 

[MichaelD]

Originally posted by: drum

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: drum

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
IMHO,you marry because your desire to share your life with that person is bigger than all your fears.

Ah...the Idealist Outlook. It's all a pretty picture, babe, until someone loses HIS shirt.

You know what Michael? when my marriage ended I got 3 kids and pretty much 24/7 responsibility for them,including finding ways to pay most of the bills associated with them,not every woman gets to sit on her arse living large post divorce and it's a helluva lot easier to work multiple jobs when it's pretty much only yourself you are responsible for.

All that said,the things I regret most about my divorce have nothing to do with money and more to do with shattered dreams,a broken heart and the feeling of failure associated with not keeping a two parent home for our children.

Well, that just stinks, doesn't it? However....wait...let me think first.....*thinking*

OK...you are more experienced in the realms of marriage than I...I've never been legally married...but you, more than most, know what I've been thru with Broomhilda.
I'm assuming your ex-husband wanted kids too, since you had not one, but THREE, right? Then your situation is unique...here's what usually happens.

Man and woman meet.
They date.
Sex is great.
They get to know each other.
Really well.
They fall in love.
They don't talk about kids.
They get married.
The woman whines about wanting a family.
The man, not wanting to upset the little lady, but not really giving a good goddamn about kids agrees.
9 months later, Johnny or Janie shows up.
The focus of the marriage shifts from "me and you" to "all about the kids" <--that's usually the woman's doing, BTW. (from what I've seen, anyway.)
Divorce court.
MichaelD works Job#2 with the other two guys that had to get a second job.

Sometimes I wish I could be as ignorant (again, not an insult) how about "carefree?" as most of you....I just am jaded...as in "black inside."

Ok. If these people get to know each other, REALLY well as you put it, then they would have TALKED about kids. Probably BEFORE they had this great sex. What happens is a lack of communication and/or misplaced priorities. You expect the marriage to work because they had great sex while they were dating and didn't even bother to get to know each other enough to know if the other wanted kids? Please.

You make a very good point. However, in the real world, nobody gets married, let alone dates exclusively without having sex first!!!

Why the hell would a woman want to commit herself to me if she wasn't positive that i could deliver the mail in the sack?

Well, I think you are probably right there. I have no idea on those stats. IMO, marriages that are based on good sex probably aren't going to last. If it is used to supplement strong non-physical feelings for the partner, then maybe. But who knows. nothing is a guarantee in this life!

You are 101% correct; marriages (or relationships, FTM) based on sex don't last. The best sex I've ever had was w/a woman that broke my heart into a milliionbilliontrillion pieces....my GOD...the things she could do....upside down...covered in jelly...in the dark...*smacks face* anyway...

Sex is what keeps you "there" in the beginning. Then oyu get to know her/him as a person. You fall in love with that person.

I UNDERSTAND all that crap. It's the possibility of NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES that intimidates me like a bully in the schoolyard. Been there, done that. Don't want to lose it all again.

I am not a gambling man. Years ago, I lost "this much" <---relatively small amount of stuff. Today, I could lose "THIS FAMCUKING MUCH" <--a whole lot of stuff worth a lot of dough, plus my credit rating.

I am not a gambling man. I guess I'll die alone, old and rich. Oh well. I would like to reserve my 2075 edition of Anna Nicole now, please.

 

[drum]

I still feel that marriage is a good thing,of course it isn't for everyone and it's good that one recognizes that it's not for them.

Well put Geekbabe. MichaelD, you know marriage isn't for you and thats great. Life is full of risks, you took a chance once and got burned. I can understand why you won't let it happen again.

 

[flood]

Originally posted by: VBboy
Ok, I just don't understand why anyone would want to get married. I like my independence, being able to leave the house whenever I like; spending money on the computer (like buying a $350 videocard) without having to explain it to a wife, considering the family budget, etc. I also like going out with my friends whenever I like without being worried about not coming home for the "family dinner".

Seems that a marriage would significantly impair anyone's ability to have fun. Can't you just have a girlfriend/boyfriend, and keep it that way? Why complicate things?

Update: What if it doesn't work out and you have to divorce her? How will you feel then, and what about her getting half of your stuff?

P.S. No, I am not a 16-year old kid who never got laid

You are too young to understand.

 

[dxkj]

Originally posted by: VBboy
Ok, I just don't understand why anyone would want to get married. I like my independence, being able to leave the house whenever I like; spending money on the computer (like buying a $350 videocard) without having to explain it to a wife, considering the family budget, etc. I also like going out with my friends whenever I like without being worried about not coming home for the "family dinner".

Seems that a marriage would significantly impair anyone's ability to have fun. Can't you just have a girlfriend/boyfriend, and keep it that way? Why complicate things?

Update: What if it doesn't work out and you have to divorce her? How will you feel then, and what about her getting half of your stuff?

P.S. No, I am not a 16-year old kid who never got laid

Look at your post and you have your answer..... if your self centered and only derive joy from material goods and having fun regardless of others, then no, you dont DESERVE to be married

 

[dxkj]

Originally posted by: Zombie
well you will save lot money that you would have otherwise spent on hookers

better yet, if she gets a job and you get some of it, its like your getting paid for sex!

 

[StageLeft]

I like it because I married upscale, so now I get to kind of let myself go, gain weight, etc. and mrsskoorb goes through a hell of a lot more to divorce me than break up with me. Thus chances are she won't bother and I get to have a perma-gf without really working for it

 

[Soybomb]

I'm not religious so I feel like I can commit to a person without marriage. Thinking along the same lines as a life-long commitment though I can srill totally understand. $350 video cards will only bring you happiness for so long. A relationship for me can be way more fulfilling. It sounds like you haven't found the right girl yet. Maybe you need to find a girl who likes gaming and enjoying going out with friends. Marrier != boring family dinners. I'm not married, I have no g/f, I'm 21 and don't see myself getting married for probably quite a while but I can understand it thanks to a relationship that I've had in the past.

 

[dxkj]

Originally posted by: VBboy

Originally posted by: Eli

Originally posted by: VBboy
Let's hear some responses from the UNMARRIED, non-war-veteran Anandtech members?

I'm not married, but am pretty much engaged. We will do it when we're ready.

You have some strange views on relationships.. Why would marriage impair ones ability to have fun? Doesen't make any sense.

Because to me having fun is staying up late, watching the TV, talking with my friends and doing stuff on the PC.

so simply find a woman who will do all of that with , or at least pretend to be interested in the PC i know mine is

 

[Zebo]

Why get married, lets see. (i'll leave religious/moral reasons out of the equation)

1. Most good girls (marring material) won't let bone them till you're at least engaged. Sure you could get bar skanks the rest of your life but they arn't the type you form a meaningful and trusting relationship with.
2. You always have someone to talk with and go places with which is comforting at movie theaters, company picknicks, or anytime.
3. When you're down they will lift you're spirits with conversation, massage or just being there.
4. Dual Income is huge for many many things.
5. If the person(s) I care about chooses not to work they are still covered by health insurance.
6. With lower single earner income people you get a tax break.
7. My wife is very cool and lets me buy anything I want under $1000 w/o consultation. Same goes for her.
8. Children, they are the most wonderful thing I have ever expiranced. Love reaches a whole new level and my outlook on life is totally different today. I don't sweet the small stuff and seeing them grow and develope and learn is just awesome.
9. The marrage relationship teaches you about repsonibilities and relationships which I think are difficult to develope on your own...And this helps in every facet of your life. Employment and relations with others.