why is it that married couples hate each other so much these days

[eakers]

my parents don't.

they are always making out and stuff.

its quite disgusting.

 

[bradruth]

Originally posted by: eakers
my parents don't.

they are always making out and stuff.

its quite disgusting.

They don't do the "stuff" in front of you...do they???

 

[Siddhartha]

Originally posted by: dpopiz
more than 60% of marrages end in divorce
the majority of my friends have divorced parents and hate one of them
my parents are worse than being divorced, seeing as how they hate each others guts

it didn't used to be like this in the old days. why?
and why is it that kids always end up hating their dad when their parents get divorced?

The "old days" you refer to never existed.

 

[StageLeft]

Originally posted by: eakers
my parents don't.

they are always making out and stuff.

its quite disgusting.

Parents aren't supposed to "do stuff". PERIOD!!

 

[flxnimprtmscl]

Originally posted by: Eli
"these days"

As if these days are different than any other days?

They aren't. You just have a vary narrow view of time.

The statistics say you lie So does common sense.

 

[rh71]

Originally posted by: AlienCraft

Originally posted by: rh71

Originally posted by: Skoorb

Originally posted by: rh71
cause they didn't make the best of their time and live together BEFORE marriage.

At face value that seems important, and I thought it was too, but the divorce rate is marginally higher in those who lived together before hand.

See, I have to think about that. How the hell does that happen ?! What did THEY do wrong ?

People who would live together go into it with 2 strikes against them. The assumption is that the pairing won't work. Thus they do not truly commit.
People who get married first are taking the risk at face value..... "Join together until death do us part".

Live together as bf/gf... even before engagement. The whole point is to grow together before potentially committing (the engagement). It seems like a natural step to me. There's plenty of bf/gfs living together in an apt... do they think there's 2 strikes against them ? If the shoe fits... consider wearing them forever.

 

[JulesMaximus]

Originally posted by: Skoorb

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus
All the odds are against me. I come from a broken home. My wife also comes from a broken home. We lived together before we married. All those facts make it even more likely that our marriage will end in divorce. Then again, we will have been married for 12 years this September, we have a beautiful baby boy who we both love very much, we both have good jobs and no money problems, we both trust each other, we are happy together and we still make each other laugh. I hope it's this way 10 years from now and 20 years from now.

Don't you have TWO maximas? I mean, if that ain't bliss...

No, just one Maxima. We just sold my wife's BMW and I bought a used low mileage Rodeo from a co-worker for half of what we sold the BMW for. So, the Rodeo is paid for. Still have a few more years to pay on the Maxima but I only paid $22,400 for it with 1.9% financing for 60 months. Killer deal. I gave the Maxima to my wife to drive-I still get to spend quality time with it on the weekends though.

 

[cchen]

Originally posted by: dpopiz
more than 60% of marrages end in divorce
the majority of my friends have divorced parents and hate one of them
my parents are worse than being divorced, seeing as how they hate each others guts

it didn't used to be like this in the old days. why?
and why is it that kids always end up hating their dad when their parents get divorced?

actually, its more like 50% of new marriages, not all marriages

 

[SaintGRW]

society is heading down hill.

 

[Ranger X]

Unhappy back in the days stuck with their husbands because they were financially dependent. Now, women are more educated and earn a living that can pay for themselves.

 

[spidey07]

Originally posted by: rh71

Originally posted by: AlienCraft

Originally posted by: rh71

Originally posted by: Skoorb

Originally posted by: rh71
cause they didn't make the best of their time and live together BEFORE marriage.

At face value that seems important, and I thought it was too, but the divorce rate is marginally higher in those who lived together before hand.

See, I have to think about that. How the hell does that happen ?! What did THEY do wrong ?

People who would live together go into it with 2 strikes against them. The assumption is that the pairing won't work. Thus they do not truly commit.
People who get married first are taking the risk at face value..... "Join together until death do us part".

Live together as bf/gf... even before engagement. The whole point is to grow together before potentially committing (the engagement). It seems like a natural step to me. There's plenty of bf/gfs living together in an apt... do they think there's 2 strikes against them ? If the shoe fits... consider wearing them forever.

RH71,

We've already been thru this. Living together before marriage is a bad idea. Studies show it, counselors agree and so does any relationship professional. This is a lesson you should learn now while you're young instead of making it later in your life where you live with a girl, wind up marrying and then divorcing.

 

[MaxDepth]

I hate my ex-fiance and we didn't get married.

 

[tkdkid]

Because they haven't read the book 'Getting the love you want' by Harville Hendrix. Nobody teaches you how to have a successful marriage, the book explains all the problems people have and how to solve them.

I'd link it, but I can't figure out if the amazon link has a session id or not.

 

[iwearnosox]

Originally posted by: tkdkid
Because they haven't read the book 'Getting the love you want' by Harville Hendrix. Nobody teaches you how to have a successful marriage, the book explains all the problems people have and how to solve them.

I'd link it, but I can't figure out if the amazon link has a session id or not.

Amazon doesn't have session ID's that get compromised by sharing.

Link to the book.

 

[xboxist]

Because marriage is an absurd concept, and outdated by the progression of human nature over time.

*puts on opinion shield*

 

[nan0bug]

People are less happy in marriage because they get married for the wrong reasons. Used to be, people got married, a parent stayed home to raise the children and another brought home the money. Now, two working people get married, they both stress out all day at work, come home and bring all that stress with them. Then they argue about money, whos paying for what, child care, and everything else, because they live high stress lives.

Oh, and the kids usually end up hating their dad because moms always win custody cases and even though most parents say "I don't say anything bad about the other", most of the time that isn't the case. Parents are only human, and the frustration that comes from being a single parent has to boil over sometimes, unfortunately it happens in front of the kids.

 

[bozack]

Originally posted by: AlienCraft People who would live together go into it with 2 strikes against them. The assumption is that the pairing won't work. Thus they do not truly commit.
People who get married first are taking the risk at face value..... "Join together until death do us part".

We've already been thru this. Living together before marriage is a bad idea. Studies show it, counselors agree and so does any relationship professional. This is a lesson you should learn now while you're young instead of making it later in your life where you live with a girl, wind up marrying and then divorcing.

Neither of these statements are entirely correct and to some degree they are taken out of context....studies have shown that a majority of couples who lived together for two years or less are more prone to divorce than those who have never lived together at all....however couples that have lived together for two years or more are less likely to divorce than either couples living for less than two years or never at all....then there is the factor that one has to question the moral/relgious background of those who do not live together before marriage, generally they are from a background/belief that frowns upon divorce and they are more likely to stick it out rather than add to the statistic...sure there is the "renters" agreement on marriage, where people who live together and get married don't go though the same change in lifestyle as a couple who never lived together before, and they just bail instead of trying to work it out, but remember that really only applies to couples with two or less years together, over two the percentage drastically decreases.

With re. marriage/divorce today, I think many see it as an easy way out...for example I knew a friend of my wife's who dated a guy in college, she went to a nice school he didn't bother, all she did was complain about him...how he did drugs without her there and that was selfish, how he had a small penis and didn't please her in bed...so she ends up dumping him and going out with a guy who supposedly is John Holmes in the bedroom...he ends up cheating on her with his cousin, she goes back to small penis guy...she gets pregnant supposedly by accident but we think on purpose, they get a shotgun wedding, married two years and then she decides to pork her boss because the small penis guy doesn't have enough ambition for her and well has a small penis...he finds out she is banging the boss and then she decides to get a divorce...they are springer material but I know so many couples that go though a similar situation that it isn't even funny....

I still think they should totally seperate benefits and such from marriage, have it so you can live together and share benefits, then I think we would see only couples who want to get married actually get married....

My parents stayed together for the kids and it was awful, not only did they fight all the time but also when they did get divorced (when I was 21) it was IMHO harder than if my mother would have done it earlier, now my father has screwed her out of any money, she is broke and there isn't much I can do to help as I have bills of my own....if she had done it sooner then she could have still worked and saved money instead of turning it over to my deadbeat dad....

 

[EmperorIQ]

Originally posted by: dpopiz
more than 60% of marrages end in divorce
and why is it that kids always end up hating their dad when their parents get divorced?

I was spooked out by this when i read it in my psych class, but here i go.

"Boys will tend to hate their fathers more because they view their fathers as competition for their mothers, romantically"

 

[Greyd]

Originally posted by: bozack

Originally posted by: AlienCraft People who would live together go into it with 2 strikes against them. The assumption is that the pairing won't work. Thus they do not truly commit.
People who get married first are taking the risk at face value..... "Join together until death do us part".

We've already been thru this. Living together before marriage is a bad idea. Studies show it, counselors agree and so does any relationship professional. This is a lesson you should learn now while you're young instead of making it later in your life where you live with a girl, wind up marrying and then divorcing.

Neither of these statements are entirely correct and to some degree they are taken out of context....studies have shown that a majority of couples who lived together for two years or less are more prone to divorce than those who have never lived together at all....however couples that have lived together for two years or more are less likely to divorce than either couples living for less than two years or never at all....then there is the factor that one has to question the moral/relgious background of those who do not live together before marriage, generally they are from a background/belief that frowns upon divorce and they are more likely to stick it out rather than add to the statistic...sure there is the "renters" agreement on marriage, where people who live together and get married don't go though the same change in lifestyle as a couple who never lived together before, and they just bail instead of trying to work it out, but remember that really only applies to couples with two or less years together, over two the percentage drastically decreases.

With re. marriage/divorce today, I think many see it as an easy way out...for example I knew a friend of my wife's who dated a guy in college, she went to a nice school he didn't bother, all she did was complain about him...how he did drugs without her there and that was selfish, how he had a small penis and didn't please her in bed...so she ends up dumping him and going out with a guy who supposedly is John Holmes in the bedroom...he ends up cheating on her with his cousin, she goes back to small penis guy...she gets pregnant supposedly by accident but we think on purpose, they get a shotgun wedding, married two years and then she decides to pork her boss because the small penis guy doesn't have enough ambition for her and well has a small penis...he finds out she is banging the boss and then she decides to get a divorce...they are springer material but I know so many couples that go though a similar situation that it isn't even funny....

I still think they should totally seperate benefits and such from marriage, have it so you can live together and share benefits, then I think we would see only couples who want to get married actually get married....

My parents stayed together for the kids and it was awful, not only did they fight all the time but also when they did get divorced (when I was 21) it was IMHO harder than if my mother would have done it earlier, now my father has screwed her out of any money, she is broke and there isn't much I can do to help as I have bills of my own....if she had done it sooner then she could have still worked and saved money instead of turning it over to my deadbeat dad....

link or references to studies showing the whole living before marriage thing?

IMO people are just selfish and its the all "about me" attitude that kills marriages.

 

[TwinkleToes77]

My parents divorced last year after 27 years of marriage.. they are still very ammicable toward one another infact my dad even gave my mom a v-day present this year.. and to top that.. they still live in the same household. (No they dont share a bedroom)

I, on the otherhand, moved in with my husband after he proposed. Because of the situation surrounding our relationship ( I had to go through immigration), we decided live together before committing to going through a very costly procedure of immigrating and a wedding. I think its worked out well. I don't take marriage less seriously because we lived together before we were married. I don't plan to just walk away when something doesnt work out the way I want. I realise that marriage take work. I also believe that some people who say marriages should be 50-50, I hope that doesnt mean 50%. I give 100% to my marriage and I'd expect anyone else to do the same. Sure there are compromises and arguments over things. But those are the bumps you'll hit along the way. I don't have a false sense of reality when it comes to marriage. Not every moment of marriage life is full of bliss.

Edit: I wasnt born out of wedlock ( i originally had 25 years for my parents.. im only 26 )

 

[spidey07]

Originally posted by: Greyd

Originally posted by: bozack

Originally posted by: AlienCraft People who would live together go into it with 2 strikes against them. The assumption is that the pairing won't work. Thus they do not truly commit.
People who get married first are taking the risk at face value..... "Join together until death do us part".

We've already been thru this. Living together before marriage is a bad idea. Studies show it, counselors agree and so does any relationship professional. This is a lesson you should learn now while you're young instead of making it later in your life where you live with a girl, wind up marrying and then divorcing.

Neither of these statements are entirely correct and to some degree they are taken out of context....studies have shown that a majority of couples who lived together for two years or less are more prone to divorce than those who have never lived together at all....however couples that have lived together for two years or more are less likely to divorce than either couples living for less than two years or never at all....then there is the factor that one has to question the moral/relgious background of those who do not live together before marriage, generally they are from a background/belief that frowns upon divorce and they are more likely to stick it out rather than add to the statistic...sure there is the "renters" agreement on marriage, where people who live together and get married don't go though the same change in lifestyle as a couple who never lived together before, and they just bail instead of trying to work it out, but remember that really only applies to couples with two or less years together, over two the percentage drastically decreases.

With re. marriage/divorce today, I think many see it as an easy way out...for example I knew a friend of my wife's who dated a guy in college, she went to a nice school he didn't bother, all she did was complain about him...how he did drugs without her there and that was selfish, how he had a small penis and didn't please her in bed...so she ends up dumping him and going out with a guy who supposedly is John Holmes in the bedroom...he ends up cheating on her with his cousin, she goes back to small penis guy...she gets pregnant supposedly by accident but we think on purpose, they get a shotgun wedding, married two years and then she decides to pork her boss because the small penis guy doesn't have enough ambition for her and well has a small penis...he finds out she is banging the boss and then she decides to get a divorce...they are springer material but I know so many couples that go though a similar situation that it isn't even funny....

I still think they should totally seperate benefits and such from marriage, have it so you can live together and share benefits, then I think we would see only couples who want to get married actually get married....

My parents stayed together for the kids and it was awful, not only did they fight all the time but also when they did get divorced (when I was 21) it was IMHO harder than if my mother would have done it earlier, now my father has screwed her out of any money, she is broke and there isn't much I can do to help as I have bills of my own....if she had done it sooner then she could have still worked and saved money instead of turning it over to my deadbeat dad....

link or references to studies showing the whole living before marriage thing?

IMO people are just selfish and its the all "about me" attitude that kills marriages.

http://www.smartmarriages.com/cohabit.html

any search on cohibiation AND divorce will turn up all you need to know.
-edit- sorry to hijack the thread but this is something I'm VERY familiar with.

 

[MikeyIs4Dcats]

I thinka lot of it is that it is much more accepted today to be divorced. Also, women are more empowered an able to support themselves and a family if need be.

 

[bozack]

Originally posted by: TwinkleToes77
My parents divorced last year after 25 years of marriage.. they are still very ammicable toward one another infact my dad even gave my mom a v-day present this year.. and to top that.. they still live in the same household. (No they dont share a bedroom)

I, on the otherhand, moved in with my husband after he proposed. Because of the situation surrounding our relationship ( I had to go through immigration), we decided live together before committing to going through a very costly procedure of immigrating and a wedding. I think its worked out well. I don't take marriage less seriously because we lived together before we were married. I don't plan to just walk away when something doesnt work out the way I want. I realise that marriage take work. I also believe that some people who say marriages should be 50-50, I hope that doesnt mean 50%. I give 100% to my marriage and I'd expect anyone else to do the same. Sure there are compromises and arguments over things. But those are the bumps you'll hit along the way. I don't have a false sense of reality when it comes to marriage. Not every moment of marriage life is full of bliss.

Hey Twinkle,

your situation is different because you moved in with your SO under the premise of marriage, in other words you acted like a married couple from the get go, the actual ceremony and such was just a formality....

The research that shows couples who live together generally fail usually focuses on couples that were merly dating and living together, or that really had no intent of getting married they just decided to since they had been together so long...

 

[CPA]

Well, I have to admit that my wife and I.....


don't hate each other, we still very much love each other after 9 years of marriage. Sure, things are not always rosy, but we talk, we talk alot about problems, concerns and we tell each other exactly what we like and what we don't. Too many times couples split because they don't communicate or are to afraid to really say what they feel for fear of the other person is going to get mad. They then keep their feelings inside and use the fact that they "can't communicate" as an excuse for divorce. My feeling: just say what's on your friggen' mind. If your spouse loves you they'll listen, they may not like it, but they'll listen. And sometimes that's all that is needed.

 

[Bleep]

There are 3 ways a marriage fails, Finincial problems, Bedroom problems. Inlaw problems. in that order.
When I was young many years ago the saying was try on a pair of pants before you buy them but dont shet in them so you cannot take them back. Also the saying was, how can you tell that a woman has had all the sex that she ever wants in life? the answer was "they get married"
" Because marriage is an absurd concept, and outdated by the progression of human nature over time"
That is correct! never make a commitment to anyone for anything, you will end up with 3 kids from 3 different women and broke for life because of child support.

Bleep