Why do people fear social awkwardness?

[Cuda1447]

Originally posted by: Dr Smooth
Rejection sucks.

But being rejected is not the worst thing that can happen to someone...

Not so bad if you'll never see the person again...

 

[skywalker66]

Originally posted by: atom

Originally posted by: Jehovah

Originally posted by: atom
After making threads like this, I think you should cease trying to give any kind of advice...............

I dont' think he's giving out advice: I think he's just complaining/airing out his greivences . . ..

He is, in a roundabout way in the last paragraph. This:

What is it with this? Do people have any clue how much faster you could get to know someone and hook up with someone, or how much easier it would be to find a 'good match' for you, if we just let go of these social inhibitions, and took more steps forward, not letting ourselves become paralyzed by the fear of "social awkwardness?"

is not exactly something I'd take seriously from a guy who posted this (less than a week ago no less):

yea..
like I cannot find the line of when I am being too forward or too socially awkward, how am I supposed to learn this?

why not take it seriously? People reject me... and I want to fit in.. by not being too socially awkward with them,

but at the same time I wonder why do we live by these social rules in the first place?

 

[TommyVercetti]

Let's see some pics. No seriously.

 

[skywalker66]

so...

Do you guys think that by asking a girl out too early, you might ruin your chances of ever being able to get with her?

 

[bigrash]

Originally posted by: skywalker66

Originally posted by: notfred
You REALLY need to get out of that Christian school you're going to or something. People ask each other out all the time in normal places.

Can I ask out a girl in one of my classes, that I have talked to for only 20 seconds?
Does this have any possible chance of doing me any good?
should I do it if I'm attracted to her?

Even in normal places, in 'normal society' away from the Christian school, I feel that the answer to all three of these questions is "No, No, and No"

Since you directed those 3 questions at yourself, I'd have to say that you're right: the answers are no, no and no. But trust me, I've asked out girls from my classes that I've spoken to maybe 5 minutes and then went out with them. Did I get rejected by any of the girls? of course. But it all depends on how they see you. If they think you're attractive or you know how to really talk your way, then the answer might me yes. if you seem like a weirdo, then the answer will definelty be no (unless they have some sort of weirdo fetish)🙂

 

[flexy]

Originally posted by: skywalker66

Originally posted by: notfred
You REALLY need to get out of that Christian school you're going to or something. People ask each other out all the time in normal places.

Can I ask out a girl in one of my classes, that I have talked to for only 20 seconds?
Does this have any possible chance of doing me any good?
should I do it if I'm attracted to her?

Even in normal places, in 'normal society' away from the Christian school, I feel that the answer to all three of these questions is "No, No, and No"

i dont agree at all especially with your first posting.

you THINK it's society which doctirinates you something - in reality its NOT. It only you, you and only you who experience a 'awkwardness' in social situations. And btw, this can be learned and overcome. (Best by practice). And, in case you already dont know - it IS actuallly the ones who ask without hesitations and come up as self-confident who 'score' faster than the ones hesitating and worrying about 'how the society looks upon you'.

>>>
Why is it that you can't just tell a girl that is your friend, that she's attractive?
Answer: because then she might think you are interested in her, and that would make things awkward.
>>>
lets put it the other way round...if you'd PLAN to score with her then there's nothing wrong with it that she thinks that you think she's attractive 🙂
Its basic relationship-stuff that people (usually) 'tell each other they're attracted

>>>
or.. Why is it that you can't just ask a girl to go see a movie or something if you dont know her that well?
Why is it that the "friends first" approach to dating is the one that society looks upon as 'the best'
>>>
Who says you cant just ask a a girl out for something - even if you dont know her that well ???

Stop caring about the 'society' stuff because thats what makes you insecure. Grow some balls, personality and self confidence.

 

[skywalker66]

So if you ask a hot girl out in a class,

and she says no,


Do you have any chance of getting with her in the future?


And if not... would have you, if you didnt ask her out in the first place?

 

[skywalker66]

Okay, I will create a new thread about my last question if I have to, in order to get some replies,

because it has huge implications on how I will run my life from here on out

 

[FuZoR]

are you talking about yourself?

Would reading a book help me out in learning how to get a girl
Am I ever going to learn how to socially interact with people?
Do guts help when it comes to getting girls?
YAGT: What does it take to get a hot girlfriend?
Sometimes girls annoy me
Friends vs. Girlfriends, time spent

 

[skywalker66]

Originally posted by: FuZioN
are you talking about yourself?

Would reading a book help me out in learning how to get a girl
Am I ever going to learn how to socially interact with people?
Do guts help when it comes to getting girls?
YAGT: What does it take to get a hot girlfriend?
Sometimes girls annoy me
Friends vs. Girlfriends, time spent

I'm talking about anyone out there who shares the passion of one day getting a beautiful woman,
and hopefully sooner than later.

I dont see whats wrong with that.

A girl is a wonderful thing, so I don't find anything wrong with obsessing about them as much as I do.

 

[flexy]

Originally posted by: skywalker66
So if you ask a hot girl out in a class,

and she says no,
Do you have any chance of getting with her in the future?
And if not... would have you, if you didnt ask her out in the first place?

SLIM chance...almost zero i'd say.

Getting even slimmer and smaller the more you try to pursue when she already said no. (SEE: 'stalker', 'loser')
Growing some balls also means that you can take a rejection well.

Btw. i think you see that all from a much too stressed level and you expect too much. If you start asking out people..then SOME will say yes, some will say no, some will not know...whatever. It's the normal way of things. I guess you wouldnt say 'YES' to *ANY* girl coming along and asking YOU out ? See it from this perspective....

And....then if you're REALLY afraid of asking someone....then think of other means to know/meet someone...eg. first try to impress by actions/appearace..whatever...or go somewhere where there's a chance to meet other people without any expectations. Eg. a party...or club...or i dont know. If you then (after a while) know some people better its easier to get things on like 'asking out' than it would be if you ask someone you never talked before to really. Because then you just expect too much and might be insecure - while otherwise the whole thing could be much more relaxed because you know the people already a bit better. And many relationships (IMHO) are NOT created with a finger-snip or the gamble 'to ask someone out' and whether she says yes or no...my $0.2

 

[flexy]

I'm talking about anyone out there who shares the passion of one day getting a beautiful woman,
and hopefully sooner than later.

ok....'getting a beautiful woman'...then ask you what are you *doing* that this could happen ?
The key is you have to be social..because they wont come knocking on your door..however, i dont know how you're spending your daily life.

* You can (even) be quasi-social on the internet (eg. chatrooms/IMs etc.) . But i dont recommend it in the way of 'living a personality' on the internet in comparison to what you do in real life. But you can use the internet to make dates and meet people for going out etc....or find people with the same interests in your area


Edit:
The day you actually *say* to a girl "hey, you know what ? I think you are very attractive!"(or another compliment) [instead of just staring at her and thinking how cool it would be to get it on with her] is the day where you actually make a huge step forward...
And i think the benefits (she will be BAFFLED maybe, and flattered and she might be impressed by your self confidence) totally outweighs the chance that one or the other girl might see it as 'awkward'. In my opinion the majority (ok, ALL !!! 🙂 ) of girls totally dig when you tell 'em how good they look etc...most of them actually cant get enough of hearing that stuff 🙂 The 'art' now is to show interest and give compliments and ask girls out without seeming to be obnoxious or a desperate loser.