Why do people fear social awkwardness?

[skywalker66]

It is funny to see how much social awkwardness inhibits people from going out and trying to achieve their goals.

For example:
Why is it that you can't just tell a girl that is your friend, that she's attractive?
Answer: because then she might think you are interested in her, and that would make things awkward.

or.. Why is it that you can't just ask a girl to go see a movie or something if you dont know her that well? Why is it that the "friends first" approach to dating is the one that society looks upon as 'the best'

in other words, society frowns upon two people meeting together and getting to know each other better, if the primary reason for doing so is that they are looking for a girlfriend/boyfriend.

You have to 'accidently' find each other, or get to know each other. You can't just 'seek' out another mate.


What is it with this? Do people have any clue how much faster you could get to know someone and hook up with someone, or how much easier it would be to find a 'good match' for you, if we just let go of these social inhibitions, and took more steps forward, not letting ourselves become paralyzed by the fear of "social awkwardness?"

 

[zimu]

hahaha i feel there's a story behind this! whats the story with you and this chick?

 

[Siddhartha]

Rejection sucks.

But being rejected is not the worst thing that can happen to someone...

 

[iwearnosox]

By seeking out someone you're implying that you require their validation or involvement to make you complete. This is not interesting to "the game playing" prospective mate.

 

[CaseTragedy]

not sure about your society--but mine doesn't frown upon mate seekage.


-Case

 

[notfred]

You REALLY need to get out of that Christian school you're going to or something. People ask each other out all the time in normal places.

 

[atom]

After making threads like this, I think you should cease trying to give any kind of advice...............

 

[iwearnosox]

Originally posted by: notfred
You REALLY need to get out of that Christian school you're going to or something. People ask each other out all the time in normal places.

Are you coming onto me in a way I can't understand?

 

[TommyVercetti]

You can do all of that and a whole lot more, if you are very good looking. Once you are very good looking, you can ask random girls out, tell them you like them, and tell them you want her to be your girlfriend. And all this will be ok with just about everyone.

 

[boyRacer]

well if my friend was attractive id go for her...

 

[TommyVercetti]

Originally posted by: notfred
You REALLY need to get out of that Christian school you're going to or something. People ask each other out all the time in normal places.

Huh? You mean people are kinda different at Christian schools? I though a Christian college was just a regular college, but with a few mandatory religion classes and some Christian majors.

 

[zimu]

Originally posted by: atom
After making threads like this, I think you should cease trying to give any kind of advice...............

LOLOLOLOLOL!!

NICE FIND!

great how your previous posts can come and nip you in the butt ages later!

 

[Schadenfreude]

But, "social inhibitions" exist for a reason: people are generally skiddish about strangers - there's always the possibility that someone might be something completely different from their first impression, and people like to be sure about something they will have such a personal investment on: people want to have a good time, after all.

Of course, there's always those "one night stands" as well: you're looking at extremes here - there's always a wide variance across the board. I'm just guessing that the certain pesonality type you're attracted to typically correlates with the "get to know someone better before doing anything" rule.

And, as much as I hate to say this, you might just not be attractive in someone else's eyes - but who knows?

And I've told my girl friends, not girlfriends, that they're pretty all the time.

 

[TommyVercetti]

Originally posted by: zimu

Originally posted by: atom
After making threads like this, I think you should cease trying to give any kind of advice...............

LOLOLOLOLOL!!

NICE FIND!

great how your previous posts can come and nip you in the butt ages later!

Also applies to HotorNot profiles. Those can SERIOUSLY come and bite you.

 

[boyRacer]

Man... i'm telling you... you think too much.

 

[Schadenfreude]

Originally posted by: atom
After making threads like this, I think you should cease trying to give any kind of advice...............

I dont' think he's giving out advice: I think he's just complaining/airing out his greivences . . ..

 

[mugs]

She's not interested. Trust me.

 

[skywalker66]

Originally posted by: Sifl
By seeking out someone you're implying that you require their validation or involvement to make you complete. This is not interesting to "the game playing" prospective mate.

I call B/S on this. "To make you complete?" What is this nonsense? I don't need a girl to make me complete, and i dont see why going out and trying to find a girlfriend would give the impression that i feel incomplete.

Why play a game? To play a game is to deny your true feelings, causing a waste of time.

 

[atom]

Originally posted by: Jehovah

Originally posted by: atom
After making threads like this, I think you should cease trying to give any kind of advice...............

I dont' think he's giving out advice: I think he's just complaining/airing out his greivences . . ..

He is, in a roundabout way in the last paragraph. This:

What is it with this? Do people have any clue how much faster you could get to know someone and hook up with someone, or how much easier it would be to find a 'good match' for you, if we just let go of these social inhibitions, and took more steps forward, not letting ourselves become paralyzed by the fear of "social awkwardness?"

is not exactly something I'd take seriously from a guy who posted this (less than a week ago no less):

yea..
like I cannot find the line of when I am being too forward or too socially awkward, how am I supposed to learn this?

 

[skywalker66]

Originally posted by: notfred
You REALLY need to get out of that Christian school you're going to or something. People ask each other out all the time in normal places.

Can I ask out a girl in one of my classes, that I have talked to for only 20 seconds?
Does this have any possible chance of doing me any good?
should I do it if I'm attracted to her?

Even in normal places, in 'normal society' away from the Christian school, I feel that the answer to all three of these questions is "No, No, and No"

 

[skywalker66]

Originally posted by: TommyVercetti

Originally posted by: notfred
You REALLY need to get out of that Christian school you're going to or something. People ask each other out all the time in normal places.

Huh? You mean people are kinda different at Christian schools? I though a Christian college was just a regular college, but with a few mandatory religion classes and some Christian majors.

Things are not that much different. Granted some of us may have different values and everything, but we are still similar to the rest of the world in a lot of ways.

The dating scene is pretty much the same. We aren't looking for sex, and we would want to avoid having that before marriage, but we still are looking for girlfriends.

 

[TommyVercetti]

Let me ask you a question, where are you parents in all of this. Do they not care at all that their son can't talk to girls and is having a really hard time about it? Don't they ever talk to you about it?

 

[iwearnosox]

Originally posted by: skywalker66

Originally posted by: Sifl
By seeking out someone you're implying that you require their validation or involvement to make you complete. This is not interesting to "the game playing" prospective mate.

I call B/S on this. "To make you complete?" What is this nonsense? I don't need a girl to make me complete, and i dont see why going out and trying to find a girlfriend would give the impression that i feel incomplete.

Why play a game? To play a game is to deny your true feelings, causing a waste of time.

That's why I get laid by cute girls all the time and you're posting pathetic social rants here.

 

[skywalker66]

Originally posted by: zimu

Originally posted by: atom
After making threads like this, I think you should cease trying to give any kind of advice...............

LOLOLOLOLOL!!

NICE FIND!

great how your previous posts can come and nip you in the butt ages later!

Naw, they just eliminate the 'judgmental' jerks from replying to any of your future posts, which is fine with me.

Although for some reason people like 'atom' come back and make stupid comments like this, maybe he wants to sway other people over to his opinion. why? I dont know.

 

[skywalker66]

Originally posted by: TommyVercetti
You can do all of that and a whole lot more, if you are very good looking. Once you are very good looking, you can ask random girls out, tell them you like them, and tell them you want her to be your girlfriend. And all this will be ok with just about everyone.

You are very right, looks can do quite a number for you in this world. You need looks to snag a good looking girl.
You will have better odds at snagging anything in general, the more good looking you are. (ignore my vulgar language, im just trying to make a point)

So... if thats the case, we still see many scenarios where guys who aren't so attractive manage to hook up with very beautiful women. How? Because they have other good qualities that she likes in him,
qualitities that cannot just be discovered over night though,

thus which is why in this scenario, the guy must spend much of his time being friends with the girl, so she can get to know him better.
I think there are couples that are together now, where if the guy asked the girl out on a date in the beginning, she would have said "no" because he wasnt attractive, etc.

The problem is: once she has said 'no' once, would you ever have a chance with her after that?
Could you go and try to become friends with her, like you would have if you didnt ask her out, is it still possible to win her, after being friends with her for a long time? Or are her notions to stay away from you, not to become friends with you, because she knew at one point that you were somewhat attracted to her.

My suspicion is that there are some women who will say "no" permenently and forever on, if you asked them out earlier in the scene (because these girls are too close-minded), and that these girls would have said yes perhaps, if you had asked them much later after you had become good friends, etc.

You can gradually wean them into lovingly accepting an ugly man with a great personality, but you couldn't get them to even explore such a notion in the beginning.